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I have the babybug
when i was 15, i had the babybug. it was almost aching, i wanted to have a baby so bad. it lasted for about 4 months and then disappeared for a while. now i'm 17 and its back, but its much worse. i have a boyfriend and we're active. we use protection sometimes, but most of the time we don't. everytime we dont, i have this instant spark of hope that maybe this might be the time that i finally get pregnant. i know, i'm young. i'm almost in my senior year of highschool and i know it'd completely ruin my life if i had a kid now, but i don't care at all. i'd be a great mother. i'm at the point right now where i don't even want to live anymore unless i have something to live for, and in this case, that something would be a baby. i keep having urges to trick my boyfriend into thinking i'm on the pill, but i love him too much to do that to him. he doesnt want a kid.
why am i like this? any why so young? my friends are all scared for me, my boyfriend, too. i'm starting to worry a little, myself.
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im tired of reading answers where they call you crazy or say that your not ready or give you the most hurtful advice. i know it hurts being called crazy and being treated like your stupid for wanting a baby, im 15 and i had this same problem i thought me and my boyfriend were in love & we were actually going to go for it, trust me after my mom had her last baby & i had to give up 80% of my childhood to help my mom take care of my baby sister ( witch i still do )i noticed that i was not ready at all. . maybe you might feel a different way but think about it you are dealing with school and if you have a baby you and your boyfriend will have to get a job, what if you have no support from your family ? what if everyone looks at you different & your all alone? you have to think aabout everything that can haappen : positive & negative things. live your life now, party, have fun, what if you and your boyfriend dont last forever ? what will happen then, yuour family would be broke, would you want that ? think about it just be a kid for now spend all your time foolishly, and if your boyfriend loves you dont get pregnant on purpose, if he does not want a child maybe its a sign that both of you are not ready. remember im not here to judge you or laugh at you im here to give you advice
need more help or advice ? leave me a message at beautifulLoveex3@gmail.com
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You've already figured out why you are like this. Actually, I think it's fantastic how honest you've been with yourself about how you are feelings and thinking about this...
You don’t know what to do with your life.
You have little or no hope or goals for the future, except eventual motherhood.
Motherhood seems like a pretty simple and immediate thing to achieve. There is no paperwork to fill out. Just don’t use condoms and you’re there.
Don't get me wrong, motherhood is a seriously and fantastic aspiration to have, but if it's your ONLY one you are going set yourself up for misery. It would be like having your ONLY aspiration being climbing Mount Everest. So you go climb that mountain at 25 and then… what?
Also, you won’t be a good mother right now. You know this already.
You won’t be a good mother because, as you said, motherhood would ruin your life right now, and anything which ruins your life is certainly going to have a negative effect on your child as well. The fact the father doesn’t want a child right now would have very negative effect – even if he did step up – and being a parent is a lot more than just getting pregnant. Having a child right now would limit both of your chances at education and your earning potentials. A good mother probably wouldn’t choose that life if she could avoid it.
The larger reason you aren’t equipped to be a good mother right now is because your motivations for having a child are simply wrong.
I don’t think you are a bad person, but I do think you (and many young teens with the babybug) are looking at this from a very bad and very selfish perspective when you start to expect that a child to give your life purpose. Babies don’t have responsibilities. They don’t provide you with anything. You provide them with everything. You CANNOT have a child with even the slightest idea that it means you can hide from the world in a nursery, safe and secure in the knowledge that your family and the government won’t let you starve while you bask in your babies love. That is completely and utterly wrong.
I watched several of my friends choose to get pregnant in their late teens. (One even tricked her boyfriend the way you are considering doing, which caused complete fury in her family and friends for years and eventually killed thier relationship.) These women were bored with work and school, and decide being a mom would be a better. They dropped out, stop working and then spent years complaining to me about how unfair their families where – you know, the families who were supporting them and their child – for expecting them to work, or to parent the way the grandparents thought was best, or clean up, or fight with the father, or not go out and party like a teen…
Now each of them are struggling to accept their child is growing up. Most of have tried desperately to keep it close to them, to keep it dependent on them, and to force their child to be their best friend. That is was can very, very easily happen if you give birth to a new person who you expect will save you and give your life meaning (espcailly after the father and you break up, and you find it almost impossible to date because you have a young child). Because they never found meaning without their children, they now hover and bully those children as they try to find some natural independence and confidence away from their mothers.
You must find some purpose and hope to your life that will still exist even if you were completely infertile. If you can’t do that, you risk making your family and yourself miserable, even if you do wait until a better time to get pregnant.
Talk to a therapist. Also, go volunteer someplace, maybe even with children. Consider some education options after high school, even if college isn’t for you. Job shadow. Look for some place to put this energy that is productive and selfless. And keep using protection, ALWAYS.
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I've had that feeling before. In my school we have a class called exploring childhood. You learn all about babies and then you even get a fake baby. You have to feed it (for like a half hour) change it's diaper, and hold it. It cries in the middle of the night. You should see if your school had this class, do you can see how much work babies are. Or try baby sitting. Try baby sitting young kids. From ages 1-4. Try to do it for a long period of time. Once you see how much work kids are, you won't want one right now. I still can't wait to have kids, but it put things in perspective. What about a puppy? I just got a puppy and even though it's not exactly the same as having a baby, it's close. Don't have a baby right now, you will regret it. You have all your life to be a grown up. You can only be a kid for so long.
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I completely understand where you're coming from.. Trust me. I've been through, and am still fighting the baby bug.
The way I get through it, is just realizing how much better of a mother I could be if I can give my child the things that I was never able to have. The most important thing in a child's life is to have a loving family, but it's also important to be able to finacally and mentally support your child(ren). Think about how much you've changed and grown up since you were 15.. Now think about how much you'll grow up by age 20-25. That's how much more you'll know that you can teach your child(ren).
Hope I helped!
iloveyousomuchxo!
15.f
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I cannot tell you why you are like this. There is a possibility you do not have the relationship with your parents that you desire and thirst for so you want a baby in order to be the parent to your baby that you don't personally have.
You could actually be having hormone fluctuations. If you have, say an elevated estrogen level... you may be feeling that "biological clock ticking" feeling.
I just want to offer you a different way to LOOK at this situation. You say you would be a good mother and this would likely be true. But you said yourself that you are young and this could totally ruin your life. So what would it do to your baby's life? You would have to work extra hard to finish high school/ college. You must go to college if you are going to get a decent paying job. Does your boyfriend want to be a father right now? Is he going to be able to get a great job to support his family? Where would you live (parents are not a great option because YOU are living in THEIR house and would need to follow THEIR rules but would feel that you should be able to live your life the way you want because YOU are the parent of this baby)
If you wait until you are out of high school/college (even having kids in college is not impossible if you REALLY want one that quickly. I have three and am completing my degree as we speak! Now it is very hard... but I have quite a lovely life)... picture the following scenarios:
1. You have 2 months left of high school and you just gave birth. Your boyfriend is resentful because he kinda wants to be a father to his baby but he really wanted to live out the rest of his teen years AS a teen... not have all the responsibilities of a dad. Unfortunately this means he breaks up with you and does what he can to help you but isnt really "into" playing family. You have finals coming up very soon. You have a newborn who needs your constant attention and getting back into school to finish off the year is not going well so you end up taking the test for a GED during the upcoming summer. You are up all night because you are having difficulties getting baby onto a schedule... you ARE a first time parent after all so EVERYTHING is new to you and very overwhelming and you question EVERYTHING hoping you are doing this right because you love this baby SO much that she deserves the world... and you don't know how you are going to give it to her. So the school year passes. All your friends graduated and are about to go off to college. You are studying for your GED. Suddenly your baby comes down with a terrible cough and fever and is diagnosed with RSV. She ends up in the hospital for two weeks because her breathing isnt optimal. Everything turns out ok... but this is a TREMENDOUS amount of stress to deal with along with studying and wanting to get to college in the next semester or two. By the way... where's daddy? He went to college several hours away and hasnt been home to see you or the baby in 4 months. Meanwhile baby is going to have to be spending lots of time with your parents, his parents, various babysitters because you have to work long hours at work... You know there are better days ahead... but this is NOT what you had in mind!!!
2. You have been dying for a baby for several years now. You either stayed with Joe, your high school boyfriend, or else you two broke up but soon after met Bob. Either way you are in a very loving relationship. JoeBob is great. He works hard. You two completed college and got married two months later. You went on your honeymoon and would you believe... you came back pregnant! Thats ok because you and JoeBob could not be happier. He is flipping through the "What to expect" books because he wants to be the best father EVER. He already has a pair of knitted baby booties hanging from his rear view mirror of his car because he just cannot wait to see his new little bundle of love in a few months. The two of you go about your day but in the evening you cuddle on the couch to watch your favorite tv show. Then you turn off the telly and begin making a list of favorite baby names. As it gets closer to the D day you realize you might want to quit work and be a stay at home mom. JoeBob thinks this is great and it is OK because he has such a well paying job... you may have to put off buying the boat you wanted or go on smaller, less lavish vacations for a while. But thats it... you have decided to devote your life and time to this baby. You get to watch her every milestone; holding up her head, rolling over; walking, waving, etc. And at the end of the day once she is tucked safely in her crib, you and JoeBob can cuddle up in bed and realize what a great life you two have made. Wanna make another baby next year?
So it is not exactly my life but scenario 2 comes quite close to my experience. I have known several people go through number 1.
I understand your desire to have a baby. We are actually trying very hard for a 4th!!! But there is a time and a place for everything. You need to understand that having a baby right now would be fun and you would have someone to love... but it is completely unfair to the baby. The best thing for you to do now is to practice being a good mother by being selfLESS, not selfISH. Children deserve a mom and a dad. Children deserve a safe place to live. Children deserve the world!!! And until you are better able to give that to your baby you should wait.
I hope you made it through this long drawn out post... but more importantly, I hope it makes sense and that you are different from all the other teens in that you love your baby so much right NOW (even though it is just a twinkling in your eye) that you are willing to put off her conception until you are able to give her the world... or at the very least a very comfortable life and a loving daddy.
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