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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
so during the summer this guy asked me out and told me to text him with the answer. i told him i was busy and couldn't go, but i'm really sorry. the truth was that i didn't like him. i didn't want to break his heart, so i didn't tell him the truth. but he never replied and didn't talk to me for the rest of summer.
ever since we've been back at school, he's been acting soo weird. he saw me alone waiting for my friend one time, and then starting telling me that i'm depressed and emo and crazy(which i am not). then he stopped talking to me again. but then today i saw him in the hall, and he pretty much told me that I think he's hot and looks good. i was like wtf and walked away.
he's really getting on my nerves, but everytime i try and tell him that he just doesn't listen. what am i supposed to do???
The Answer
Keep walking away. Don't engage with the conversations.
He's just insecure and trying to convince himself that there is something wrong with you if you don't want to date him.
Some guys are just stupid enough to think that if a girl is willing to speak to him, she must be into him.
It's pretty standard, and you probably can't change his mind about it. The best thing you can do is not feed his crazy. Don't laugh or joke with him. Tell him he is dead wrong and walk away. Don't answer questions or get dragged into debates about it. Just tell him no and leave. If you can't leave, silence is better than arguing with him.
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The Question
Im a 37 yr old female whose ex boyfriend recently asked me to start calling him after I initiated a call to him I asked him if he was seeing anyone and he said no. I started leaving messages and he never returned them so on one of the rare instances we connected I asked steve why he had not returned my calls and he said that he was very busy with alot going on i was surprised since he told me to call him, he told me i had a special place in his heart and that I made him laugh, after that phone call he txt messaged me after I had left a voice mail message and he asked me not to call him so often, I left one more message after that and a girl answered and told me steve was busy, i hung up the phone and decided I was not going to call this man again. After that Steve left me three messages the same night I had called and a female had answered and his first voice message was oops I was trying to call someone else. the second message was Hey if your still up and want to talk call me the second was hey its me again I thought you might still be out with the girls and you might want to talk since you called me tonight. WHAT WAS UP WITH THIS GUY ??? the only thing I could come up with was that he was carrying a grudge since i was the one who broke off our relationship the first time around.
The Answer
I don't think it really matters if he is playing head games, or if he is confused, or (and this is my bet) he isn't sure how to tell you that although he thinks fondly of you, he isn't that into the idea of reconnecting.
If you want to stop contacting him now, it doesn't matter what his kind of crazy is. You can just stop contacting him now.
There is a saying that you should never attribute to malice what can be explained by stupidity. You really haven't given an outsider enough information here to make him holding a grudge seem likely. I don't think he is fucking with your mind. He just isn't that into you. Maybe he hasn't even realized he isn't that into you, as a friend or anything else, but he isn't feeling it.
If you feel slighted and you don't want to call him anymore, have the courtesy to send him a quick message that sort of says "Look dude, I'm sorry. I think you are a great guy but all this calling and trying to connect is just not working for me. Please take good care of yourself and if I see you around that's great."
I think you owe it to him to assume the best of him: That he is just a bit clueless. But just because he is innocently daft, doesn't mean you have to keep putting yourself out there. Just be the bigger, more self aware person, and let him know what is going on if you aren't going to contact him anymore.
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The Question
I feel so behind and uninspired. I just cannot make myself get up and go to class. I'm a freshman and three weeks into college. I'm not determined like I usually am. Any advice?
Thanks
The Answer
Drop out.
College is a freakishly expressive thing to be 'not that into'.
Drop out until you are motivated.
Look into when fees are due, and when you need to make decisions in order to save the most money.
I know that sounds a bit cold, but it is a bit cold honestly. No matter if it's your money, or someone else's, the most sensible thing to do figure out when you need to make the decision to stay or to go. If you aren't feeling it by that deadline, drop out.
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The Question
My wife and I have had 2 miscarriages in the past 18 months. She informed me yesterday that she does not ever want to have sex again and would rather be partners than lovers. we have had sex 3 times since the last miscarriage, which was well over 3 months ago. For some reason neither of us feel that spark that we used to. What should I do?
The Answer
Ask her to seek therapy. Alone, for her grief and with you, for your marriage.
She lost two pregnancies. That is absolutely crushing for her. Her reaction is understandable, however, it doesn't sound like her plan is what you signed up for when you got married. That needs to be addressed in a safe, honest space. Better than letting grief and disappointment destroy your partnership as well as your sex life, tell her it's time to seek professional help and guidance to handle the trauma your marriage has wheather in the past years.
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The Question
Just got married not to long ago (3 months ago) anyway my family and I went to our city's local fair and husband ran into his co-worker not a big deal she was at my wedding but when she practically jumped in his arms and he gave her a huge hug I got concerned. Why??? Well because he went out of town for 3 days for work and when he got back I got a "hello babe" and a peck on the lips. okay I didnt think much of it til he gave this woman that kind of hug. Then I started thinking "IM your WIFE" and I get a peck this woman gets a bear hug that I love to get from you.. When she first seen him I thought it was someone he hasnt seen in awhile the way she screamed and ran up and hugged him, when I seen who it was I thought dang you just seen him at work.. He knew it bothered me he could tell by my face.. couple days later he brought it up and I told him yeah I was concerned I even told him it wasnt about the hug it was about the way it was. He told me not to worry and went on his way. Should I be worried and should I persue this more to him. Or just leave well enough alone??
The Answer
Leave the hug alone. I doubt it was really the problem.
The problem is that everyone, ever friend, ever relationship, ever family member, will work in a slightly different way then every other one.
Is there something about the way your relationship with your husband works that you'd like to see change?
It's understandable for it to be a bit galling when you see someone you are very intimate with, share a moment of closeness with someone else. However, you also have to acknowledge that people have closeness with others, and different ways to express it then they might express it with you. That needs to be okay.
If you are feeling an actually lack of closeness between you and your husband - talk to him about that. Maybe with ideas of how to address it, like regular date nights or even movie nights.
It's okay to feel a bit put out sometimes, but you also have to be able to put that feeling in it's place: It's not about her, or the hug. It's about creating the kind of relationship that makes both of you feel taken care of and maintains your special intimacy.
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The Question
I am seeing this woman and she's married. I knew she was married before we started having the affair. At first I didn't feel bad at all since it's her decision to cheat on her husband but now I'm feeling a little weird. She insists on talking about their relationship after our bedroom romp and I don't like it. She's only sex to me and it seems like she doesn't get that. I kind of want to drop her from the scene but to be honest she's really pretty good in the sack. What should I do and how should I handle this sort of thing?
The Answer
You are surprised that a this married women is sort of screwed up, can't take a hint, wants to emotionally connect with a lover and won’t shut up?
I don't have a shred of sympathy for you.
You welcomed this drama into your life, and you keep welcoming it. The price you pay for sex with this 'pretty good in the sack' crazy-self-absorbed-cheating woman, is that you have to be around a crazy-self-absorbed-cheating woman, she gets to be around a selfish jerk who can't go out and find 'just sex' with some other girl who is on the same page as he is (and ideally, not betraying anyone else in the process!)
All cheaters have thier reasons, those reasons are rarely that they are humble, empathetic people who pay attention to the needs and wants of those around them.
If she isn't a good sex partner for you, go find someone who meets your standards. Don't whine if you like putting your dick in someone that doesn’t measure up to your ideal 'fuck and leave' girl. It’s your dick. You get to decide where it goes.
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The Question
okay, so me and my boyfriend were seeing eachother for a month and a half-two months and then have been offically dating for a little over two months now. well, we spent alot of time together over these past four months and grew extermely close to eachother and about a week ago, we had sex. my first time, not his. after when i went home, he texted me asking if i was okay and how i felt about it and that he felt it was really right and is "super about me all day", which i thought was really sweet to say.
but then after that, i stayed over for like, four days and the first couple were fine but then he started seeming a little distant. he didn't greet me his usual good morning or give me a kiss, didn't hold my hand at all, just didnt' do the little things he used to do. he still calls me "dear" and things, though. just not AS much.
i don't know if this is jsut me being paranoid, i always heard after your first time with someone, you're going to get very emotionally attached to them which i know has happened. but is this all just in my head? cause then i started thinknig well maybe because of the fact we have sex now, he feels like he doesn't have to be as romantic verbally or anything (though i think he should still be).
i'm just asking for opinions on this situation, what would you do? and i feel like i want to talk to him about it, but i'm worried i'm going to come off like this demanding naggnig girl or somethnig.
The Answer
You almost definitely being paranoid – and a bit unfair.
You spent four days in a row with him! Of course he became less demonstrative - you started to blend in with the furniture.
It's great to be comfortable with someone, but blending two lives together must come with the realization that there is a LOT more to life than just each other. You haven’t been dating all that long. Trying to merge your lives together already is bound to cause some confusion.
I doubt sex has much to do with it – and there is no nice or respectful way to accuse your boyfriend of valuing you less now that you are having sex. If you really think he would feel like that, you shouldn’t be dating him! Your relationship is simply normalizing. The honeymoon is slowly ending and although those romantic and endearing elements should still be there some of the time, they will probably not be as intense and consistent as before. You are going to fart and burp rather freely in each other presence now. That’s just life.
If you do talk about your boyfriend, talk about YOUR confusion and insecurity. It’s not his job to ‘do better’. He’s not doing anything wrong. But if you need a bit more support, ask for in a honest way, not by talking to him like he’s in trouble, but by saying “Hey Dude, I’m feeling extra needy and anxious. Talk through this with me and tell me I’m just being paranoid.”
Expecting your relationship to always feel the same is insane. Asking for a bit of extra support when you are feeling a bit insane is the better way to go.
It's only nagging when you keep bugging him, and don't accept the reassurance he offers, and trust him when he says it’s all good.
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The Question
Ok me and my boyfriend broke up. I love him a lot, and he says he loves me. Without going into it too much, we sometimes argued about things we shouldn't, because they didn't really matter. I doubted the relationship and it upset him, and he broke up with me. A week earlier he was telling everyone how happy he was with me.
I asked if we could try again with the relationship and he said he wanted to think about it. We spoke on and off during the week, but by the end of it he stuck with the decision to end it. After speaking to him about it, he said he wasn't sure now. He said he loves me and wants me, but he doesn't want me to doubt again.
I have given him more time to think on it as he requested, but am I wasting my time? I'm cautious because a guy I dated over a year ago said to me he wasn't sure how he felt, and that his head was messed up so he didn't know what to feel and that resulted in a break up, so i'm worried this will too. He keeps putting lyrics to our favourite song on his facebook status, it's our song. Is he doing it because he misses me?
The Answer
You've asked a lot of questions about this situation hun, and you aren't going to like what I have to say, but it's the truth of what I see:
You need to let this go now.
Both of you aren't able to commit to a relationship right now: You didn't coomunicate your doubts very well and now he is saying he can't cope with any doubts, which is a lunatic statement. There are always doubts and disagreements in relationships.
All the song means, is that he thinking about you. It doesn't means those thought are going to lead you two back togeather.
At the moment, you'd both be best served by a clean break up. Dragging this out when it's clear that you can't quite overcome togeather over the rough emotions that have been stirred up is only going to hurt you both.
Get off the roller coaster and stop waiting for him. You are broken up right now. Treat it like a break up, grieve and start to work on letting it go.
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The Question
My bf is just turned 24 and I really REALLY like him a whole lot, hes so funny. The thing is I told him I had just turned 18 yrs old. That isn't the truth tho. I'm really almost 15. I guess you could say I developed fast and am mature for my age? haha Anyways, he totally believes I'm 18 and I kind of feel bad because my bff just said it's illegal to date when he's so old and he can go to prison for it. He hasnt ever been to jail. idk what do I do? My mom don't know I'm dating even tho.
The Answer
It depends on your state, but it's mostly likely illegal. It might even be statutory rape for him to have sexual contact with you. In some places, that can just mean kissing.
You MUST stop seeing him. Absolutely MUST. The law doesn't give a damn if it's consensual, or that you lied to him about your age, or that he is your boyfriend. Under the law, it's his job ot know and he could still be sent to jail and labeled him a sex offender - for the rest of his life! He could be banned from certain jobs, from living certain places, and forced to report to the government about his whereabouts for years, all because you lied to him about your age.
You have no right to put him in that position. You have no right to lie to someone and risk ruining the rest of their life. That isn't a loving thing to do, it's not even an okay thing to do.
End it with him immediately. Either come clean about your age, or just break up without telling him the truth. Either way, you must stop seeing him.
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The Question
My boyfriend has this friend we'll call Rob. Rob is really pervy and is always talking about looking at naked girl and trying to get in their pants (or panties as the case may be). Well, today he was standing there talking to my bf and Rob said he watched this girl striptease on her webcam. My bf was like did you pay her? LOL but Rob said he hacked into her computer online and she just happened to be taking off her clothes and stripping for somebody so he got a free show without her ever knowing about it. I'm kind of worried because I did this a few times with my boyfriend where I touched myself on cam a few nights for him and now I'm afraid somebody like Rob saw me and knows about it. I mean, can this really be done? I am thinking it can't be done and if it can't then I should stop worrying but if it can be done then I'm really scared and thinking what if Rob saw me and is just not saying anything so he could keep watching or something? IDK wat to do now
The Answer
It's really unlikely Rob actually 'hacked' anything. He's probably exaggerating, or outright lying.
What he is saying is technically possible... However, it pretty much requires him to install software on your computer. He can't just magically manage get on to your computer. He needs to build himself a bridge and add software that lets him in.
If you've never let him touch your computer, and you have a normal sort of firewall up - it's almost impossible.
Chances are all he did was use one of the dozens of sites where amateurs cam with each other and snuck into someones session somehow (or didn't 'sneak' at all and just watched along with everyone else). There are so many places on the internet to go and watch women strip, it would be stupid of a boy to put the huge amount of time and effort into hacking someone's computer when the content is up there for free.
Rob didn't see you do anything. A loud mouthed little shit like him couldn't have kept his mouth shut if he did.
If he continues to talk smack, you might point out to him that hacking someone's computer is a felony crime and he could go to prison if that is actually what he doing. He'll probably back peddle.
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The Question
I'm shaky and feeling sick. I've been a little perv and I watched porn. A year ago I used to watch a lot of it. I went on a site and had cyber sex a few times.
I feel like a worthless skank and I take back everything I did.
What I did was ridiculously wrong. I'm 14!!
The question is, are my parents going to find out about my mistakes? I erased the history on everything I've ever done on the computer, but is that enough? What else can I do to erase it? I want these awful teenage mistakes behind me so I can move on and never do anything like this again.
Please be honest, but don't be too harsh. I'm already being terribly hard on myself for getting into porn. I'm not a bad person, I'm just being a curious teenager. But I think I got too curious, and I watched a lot.
Trust me, I won't be doing anything like this ever again. I can see how wrong and gross it is.
I'm making myself sick. Please help settle my nerves so I can move on from my terrible mistake!!!!!!!!! I beg you!!!!!
The Answer
You need to calm down.
Many good, decent, loving and wonderful human beings watch pornography. Although there are some problems in the pornography industry about treating performers fairly, the vast majority of porn is made by completely willing and happy people, and watched by completely and healthy, happy and respectful people.
You are not a bad person because you watched porn. There is nothing wrong with you, or what you did.
If it made you uncomfortable and you don't want to watch it anymore, that's okay too!
You are allowed to feel that way and choose not to watch porn. But please, stop beating yourself up.
You are not skanky or worthless or a perv - not even a little bit. You are a human being. You are a young human being who is naturally getting curious about sex. All human beings are sexual creatures. Each person gets to choose how they will express their sexuality. Some perfectly good and kind people might choose to watch some porn in an ethical and responsible way. Some people might do things that are unethical, either with porn or with other people. Porn doesn’t make it wrong. Hurting others or yourself makes it wrong. You can choose to be good (and yes, being good can include porn if you'd like it too).
If your parents haven't found out yet, they probably aren't going too.
Please, forgive yourself. It makes sense not to want your parents to find out. They probably don't want to know anymore about your sexuality than you want to know about theirs! You've taken reasonable persuasions, and now the best thing you can do is remember that lots and lots of people watch porn and it doesn't turn them into sexual nutcases or perverts. If you don't like it, stay away from it, but stop blaming yourself for something that was perfectly natural. Watching porn might be wrong for you, but it’s NOT completely, always, perverted, skanky, wrong – it’s just not for everyone, and not everyone engages with it responsibly.
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The Question
Okay so I'm a 19 year old female. A little history on my situation. There is this guy that is apart of the hip hop company with me in a professional dance company. He has made it very obvious that he has feelings for me and has even told me this. I get creeped out by him because he is so straight forward. He will text me asking what I'm wearing like every night, and he is just a creep. Anyway, last night one of the girls in our dance company had a party. I am usually not a partier but since it was with this group of people I did not see the big deal. I took about 6 shots if not more and needless to say I was very drunk. Everyone knows how much I get creeped out by this guy and regardless of this fact they left me alone with him. I passed out on my friends bed and when I woke up I was on her couch and he was on top of me. We started making out for a long time which I know was stupid on my part but I was so drunk that it didn't even matter. The next thing I know he took off my pants and started fingering me. I am unfortunately not a very outspoken person and I didn't tell him to stop. Before I knew it he was trying to have sex with me. I wasn't sure what was going on until I felt him go inside of me and again I just kind of laid there not knowing what to do. I know that this is all my fault because I didn't say no....... but he knew how drunk I was and I just feel so taken advantage of. To make it worse, this is how I lost my virginity...... I need to talk to him and let him know that that was not okay. I have to see him on a regular basis and I just don't know what I should say to him.... I feel SO stupid about this situation. I am a girl who never gets mixed up in this type of drama. I have talked to many of my friends about it, but I need outside advice.......
The Answer
Although the legal defination differs slightly from state to state, and country to country, in most places you'd be able to press rape charges agianst this man. You were passing out. You were not capable of giving consent.
This was not your fault. You were victimized.
In your situation, if you aren't comfortable getting the law involved, this is what I'd do:
I wouldn't speak to him about this. I'd write a letter or e-mail. I'd tell him very clearly that I thought his behavoir was creepy and did not want to have sex with him. I'd tell him he took advantage of me while I was passing out drunk and it was absolutely wrong of him to do that. I'd tell him to please not speak to me agianst except when absolutely nessicary to for work or school. I would tell him that he is not welcome to call, or text, or try and contact me online.
There are two reasons I'd do this over an e-mail: The first is that he doesn't deserve a face-to-face confrontation, and you don't need to go through the stress or fear of that either. The second is that if he does harass you later on, you'll have the e-mail as evidence of what happened and how you dealt with it at the time.
Also, look into some counseling for yourself. Even if you don't believe you were technically raped, you are going to go through exactly the same emotional struggle as though you were. You deserve the support of a proffesional.
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The Question
My wife and I are the youngest siblings on both sides of our family. We are also the most flamboyant, outspoken, aggressive, open to share our feelings, laid back, happy go lucky, non-opioninated, loving, careing and trusting members of our entire family.
At one time or another we have gone well beyond the call of duty, both financially and emotionally, to provide for or nurture our parents and our siblings. We have invested in their lives in their time of need and we did it willingly and gladly and from the bottom of our heart.
In the last few years my wife and I have been going through some difficult times with our business and have suffered financially. We turned to our family for help and they did for a while. However, they now seem to be using our current situation as a reason to vent alot of pinned up negative emotions they have obviously been harboring for quite some time.
The loving family that we took care of when we could and they could not, is not interested in taking care of us in our time need. In fact they are now going out of their way to hurt us !!!
How could they forget what we did for them and even think about being dceitful and mean spirited.
The Answer
You really don't give enough detail here for anyone to provide you with very specific advice on how to deal with the resentment that is going around.
However, you need to take a deep breath and slip down off the high horse. You supported your family members willingly because that was how you understood and choose to interact with family. Other people are free to understand and choose to interact with family differently. Yes, that can very hurtful and can seem unfair, but it's not unfair - it's the nature of life.
Look for support elsewhere, and remove yourself from any situations with them were the can do you harm.
Whatever the reasons are your families have shown you they are not willing, or maybe just inable, to met your expectations right now. If you keep trying to push them to conform to your standards of behavoir and family-ness, you'll only drive the knife deeper into them, and yourselves.
Stop asking for support or affection that isn't coming.
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The Question
Let me start this off by saying I am 16 and female and the other main person is a boy and he is 16. Alright, we were both on a bus coming back from a football game and on the way there, this girl was being the usual bitch she is and starving for guys attention by making fun of/putting this other boy down. This boy, that is very cute (the sixteen year old that I mentioned) let's call him Frank, was playing along and he was making fun of this boy as well, so later I told Frank that he was being rude and to be quite honest, I was a little upset with him. This was all before the bus ride home. At the game, I told him I was upset and he asked me numerous times with his cute puppy dog eyes why I was mad and I told him that I would tell him later. Now, skipping ahead to the bus ride home, everyone was having a good time, laughing and goofing off with friends. I turned around and realized Frank's bus buddy wasn't sitting with him, so then I turned around to the very back of the bus and saw Frank. I proceeded to ask him if he was okay and that I was still a little upset, just notifying him that things still are not okay. His reply: "if I had a gun right now, I wouldn't be alive" with the straightest, saddest looking face. I turned around, but I felt bad, so I walked to the back of the bus where he was sitting with his legs up and his head in his knees. I asked him what's wrong and the first thing he said was why are you mad at me? and I asked him you care that much, that this is what's upsetting you? and he replied "yea, I mean, I hate when people are mad at me" Then we talked for a while about him and what people think of him and how he doesn't like being labeled and why I was upset with him, he admitted he was stupid, he apologized, it was nice, I feel like we really had a nice heart to heart. We then pulled up to the school, went inside and he still looked sad so I talked to him and he said he was fine, I didn't believe him because he looked so depressed. But I told him I'd see how he is on Tuesday and he said fine. We were outside and I was talking to my best guy friend and Frank walked out so I told my friend to ask him what was wrong and Frank told my friend "she's mad at me" I ran up to him to give him a hug but he walked away. The next day my friend told me that he told her on facebook he was sorry, too.
My friend thinks he likes me because of how much he cared that I was mad. He apologized to her, but he talked to me for a while on the bus. We are even hanging out this coming weekend with a bunch of friends.
Do you think he likes me? Thanks!
The Answer
Can't tell from this if he likes you or not, but he is way, way, WAY over sensitive. It's not fun to be liked, or to be in a relationship, with a person who gets moopy and depressed each time you get a tiny bit, legitimately, upset with them. It might seem cute at first, but trust me, constantly reassuring that sort of person gets old – fast.
It is totally possible he likes you. It’s also possible that he is just disastrously insecure and looking for as much sympathy and reassurance as he could wrangle out of you.
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The Question
I cannot count change at work, i want to be a cahsier and im so embarrased :( whats the fastest and easiest way to learn? i feel so stupid.
The Answer
Practice and grouping.
Practice is just practice. There is nothing to that but time and energy.
But most cashiers I've worked with, use grouping to help makes things faster.
When counting change for a customer, the moment you see the total, take out the dollars and the quarters. When I see, 3.87$ as change. I'm already picking up the 3 dollars, and the 3 quarters in my hand, and as I'm doing that the only change I'm 'figuring out' is the .12$. One dime and 2 pennies.
Just count up from quarters. Even aloud. If you see 7.64. Take your seven dollars and two quarters and say “7.50” and then count aloud the rest of the change: one dime “7.60”, plus four pennies “7.61,62,63… 7.64 total.” Many customers really appreciate hearing their change announced out loud and don’t mind you counting it.
Best thing you can do is not get frazzled.
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The Question
I know, the first answer to this question is going to be, "delete your mom" or "privacy settigs" Well, I finally deleted her, I was tired of all the comments and such, I dont need to be her friend, I see her everyday, but, thats not my issue.
So this boy likes me, and I like him back. I have been in New York for the weekend for my 16th birthday. He writes on my facebook wall saying "bitchhh, you better be having fun in newyork!" but obviously joking. So, my mom sees it and comments on it, yelling at him. I feel horrible, and inboxed the boy and apologized, but he hasn't read it yet, and his phone is broken, so I have no way to apologize before I see him in school Monday. I dont want anything to be awkward between us on Monday. What am I supposed to say, and do you think he will get mad? We have never gotten in a fight, so I dont know if he will even care. I just feel horrible and dont know what to do.
Anything is appreciated! Thanks Everyone
The Answer
You've done the best you can do hun. Sure, if he doesn't get the message it will be a bit awkward for a moment on Monday, but you just apologize and laugh it off. Almost everyone has had thier parents to do something crazy stupid at some point. It's embaressing and it's uncomfortable, but it's normal. You might get a bit teased, but if you a good sport about it, people will probably let it go pretty fast.
Just apologize and assure this guy that your mother will not be comming after him with a hack saw in his sleep. He is more likely to be a bit scarred than mad.
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The Question
so i was just wondering.
if i guy is dating a girl for a long time (8 months) and its the longest he has ever had (others were a month & didnt mean anything), will that guy tend to run away from his emotions?
and if so, will that guy ever realize that he is running from his emotions and just face it or will he just act like nothing happened?
The Answer
The trouble is, you are asking a general question, but you are looking for an answer that is specific to this one guy you want to better understand.
There is no one-size-fits-all answer to the personal feelings of your boyfriend. We can make some guesses, and some generalizations for you, but they might be completely off the mark, and even if they are right, they will only get you so far.
The only way to truly understand him is to ask him about his behaviour and really listen to what he says.
Pychoanalzying or diagnosing our partners with ‘Well, he’s running from his feelings’ isn’t really fair. It’s putting a label on them without asking them if they are okay with that label. Also, labelling them doesn’t help them acknowledge or change the behaviour – If you don’t tell them about the label you gave them, you risk write them off based on your own theory, and if you do tell them, it can just feels like an accusation rather than a discussion.
So talk to the guy about the behaviour that makes you feel he is running from his feelings, but don’t accuse of him doing that. Instead, say things like “Why do you think you do X?” or “How do you deal when things in a relationship feel really intense?” After you’ve heard him a bit, you can share your own theories and feelings in non-judgemental ways and ask him if they make sense. “When you did X, it made me feel like you were running away from the emotions you were feeling…”
Some people are able to look at themselves and recognize why they behave the way they do. Other people learn this later in life. Some people NEVER learn it. You’ll never know which kind of person this guy is until you start a really open conversation about his behaviour and feelings.
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The Question
im 20 yr old male. almost 21
i have some sort of personality disorder. i dont feel like myself. and im always tired... not to mention i dont feel emotions, like emotions dont exist. do you think it is possible for me to fall in love when i cant feel anything... like maybe she changes me. maybe she shows me soo much love that i cant help but to love back... ive been online dated many times and we end up going out for a month or two and then i give up cuz i dont feel anything.. and i end up breaking the girls heart... i dont want to break any my hearts... i dont want to hurt anyone... so what do you think?
u can email me osherman789 on gmail
The Answer
I don't think anyone else can change you.
However, we can change ourselves.
So, if you think you've met someone whose love has 'saved you', I would say you've either saved yourself, or it wont last.
You are experiencing guilt about hurting others, which makes me suspect you aren't completely emotionless. Obviously I can't and won’t diagnose you at all, but it's very possible you are experiencing emotional deadening, and that’s a symptom of a lot of mental illness AND physical illnesses. Many of those can be treated and/or cured.
Please, get yourself checked out by a doctor, and referred to a mental health professional if need be. Although very little can be done for people who truly have no empathy or emotional experience in their brains, there are often ways to support and help people who are suffering from emotional deadening for some reason or another.
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The Question
Ok Husband constantly texting friends of mine setting up coffee dates, etc that i cancel. Through my phone!! he demands i get new "girlfriends all the time. when i dont go on these "dates" i get the silent treatment for a week or two. just yesterday he texted a new frien of mine ( a massage therapist) and set up a massage for me with her without telling me. I just had a massage elsewhere last week and said I felt great! he said "if you love me, you will get it done, it will make me (him) happy. I am now getting the silent treatment and I wish he would just punch me already! this has been going on for 6 years and shows no signs of stopping.he wont let me have unattractive "friends" either. i think it is totally sexually charged. HELP!!!
The Answer
Lock your phone and no longer allow him access to it. He is abusing the generosity in which you've allowed him to access your phone. Your spouse isn't allowed to open your mail legally, they shouldn't be entitled to your personal phone or e-mail accounts either.
Then take him to martial counselling if you want this work. If he won’t go, go by yourself to learn skills to deal with his manipulative behaviour.
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The Question
If a fraternal twin boy and a fraternal twin girl meet somewhere, fall in love, get married, and have kids would they have a chance of having twins, triplets, or quads etc easy five points
The Answer
There is some genetic predisposition toward fraternal twins, but not everyone who has fraternal twins will carry the genes the predispose them to carrying fraternal twins. Some times it is just random chance taking over.
If the female in the marriage received from her mother (or from her father) the genetic predisposition for fraternal twins, she would be more likely to have fraternal twins herself.
If the male in the marriage received from his mother or father the genetic predisposition for fraternal twins he might pass it on to any daughters, and it would be more likely that he will have fraternal twins as grandchildren some day.
There is no genetic predisposition for identical twins - that is a totally random occurance.
No one can pull numbers right out of the air for how likely it would be for a praticular person to have fraternal twins, but if you want to read about the factors that affect the chance, you can find that here:
http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/twins/twin_statistics.html
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