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i am going crazy.
okay, so me and my boyfriend were seeing eachother for a month and a half-two months and then have been offically dating for a little over two months now. well, we spent alot of time together over these past four months and grew extermely close to eachother and about a week ago, we had sex. my first time, not his. after when i went home, he texted me asking if i was okay and how i felt about it and that he felt it was really right and is "super about me all day", which i thought was really sweet to say.
but then after that, i stayed over for like, four days and the first couple were fine but then he started seeming a little distant. he didn't greet me his usual good morning or give me a kiss, didn't hold my hand at all, just didnt' do the little things he used to do. he still calls me "dear" and things, though. just not AS much.
i don't know if this is jsut me being paranoid, i always heard after your first time with someone, you're going to get very emotionally attached to them which i know has happened. but is this all just in my head? cause then i started thinknig well maybe because of the fact we have sex now, he feels like he doesn't have to be as romantic verbally or anything (though i think he should still be).
i'm just asking for opinions on this situation, what would you do? and i feel like i want to talk to him about it, but i'm worried i'm going to come off like this demanding naggnig girl or somethnig.
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You almost definitely being paranoid – and a bit unfair.
You spent four days in a row with him! Of course he became less demonstrative - you started to blend in with the furniture.
It's great to be comfortable with someone, but blending two lives together must come with the realization that there is a LOT more to life than just each other. You haven’t been dating all that long. Trying to merge your lives together already is bound to cause some confusion.
I doubt sex has much to do with it – and there is no nice or respectful way to accuse your boyfriend of valuing you less now that you are having sex. If you really think he would feel like that, you shouldn’t be dating him! Your relationship is simply normalizing. The honeymoon is slowly ending and although those romantic and endearing elements should still be there some of the time, they will probably not be as intense and consistent as before. You are going to fart and burp rather freely in each other presence now. That’s just life.
If you do talk about your boyfriend, talk about YOUR confusion and insecurity. It’s not his job to ‘do better’. He’s not doing anything wrong. But if you need a bit more support, ask for in a honest way, not by talking to him like he’s in trouble, but by saying “Hey Dude, I’m feeling extra needy and anxious. Talk through this with me and tell me I’m just being paranoid.”
Expecting your relationship to always feel the same is insane. Asking for a bit of extra support when you are feeling a bit insane is the better way to go.
It's only nagging when you keep bugging him, and don't accept the reassurance he offers, and trust him when he says it’s all good.
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You should not confront him. You would be nagging and demanding.
Welcome to the end of the honeymoon phase and the beginning of "comfort". He likely doesn't feel like he needs to go to all efforts to win you over. You're already won. If you're having sex you should grow up enough to realize that before sex guys feel like they're on an evaluation table (two days of comfort causing you to feel like you're missing something you deserve and wanting to talk about it with him being an example of why we feel that way) and after the fact that you like us starts to really sink in and we relax.
This is how dating works. What you don't realize is that the point you're seeking is that comfort. Spending four days around someone you get used to them. You relax around them. You don't feel like you need to impress them, and instead just try to enjoy yourself around them.
And you killed it by feeling like he's required to be more verbally demonstrative whether he feels it that moment or not. People do not spend their lives wandering around like lovestruck idiots. You should grow up a little bit and realize that no guy is going to spend all his time around you turning to emotional mush.
You have an entitlement problem. It was two days and you feel like you need to confront him. Obviously a young relationship, if two days is a significant enough time period to feel like a small change in behavior warrants a confrontation. Chill out. Talk to him more. Realize that he's human, and that over the course of four days he's got the right to calm down and not be "trying to win you over" every second he's around you after he should have already won you over.
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