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Trouble in marriage-land
My wife and I have had 2 miscarriages in the past 18 months. She informed me yesterday that she does not ever want to have sex again and would rather be partners than lovers. we have had sex 3 times since the last miscarriage, which was well over 3 months ago. For some reason neither of us feel that spark that we used to. What should I do?
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Relationship counseling for both of you and therapy for her. The refusal to have sex ever again and wanting to be "partners not lovers" is not going to fly unless you want to be miserable.
Miscarriages are traumatic. She needs to see a professional because developing avoidant behaviors for something like sex is going to be severely scarring in the long run.
Understand that this could take years to work out. Understand that if she refuses to ever have sex again that is likely going to be the death of your relationship. Relationship counseling might help you fix the relationship, or it might help you realize and accept that things are over. Do the best you can, but point blank it is not your job to accept and live with irrational emotional decisions like this, even when made for genuinely traumatic reasons.
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You should go get counseling right away. If your wife won't go with you, go alone. The miscarriages and the "missing spark" are most DEFINITELY related, even if you think they aren't. A professional can help you sort through all the trauma and emotions of the past 18 months and help the two of you make an informed and honest decision about where to go next. Good luck.
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Ask her to seek therapy. Alone, for her grief and with you, for your marriage.
She lost two pregnancies. That is absolutely crushing for her. Her reaction is understandable, however, it doesn't sound like her plan is what you signed up for when you got married. That needs to be addressed in a safe, honest space. Better than letting grief and disappointment destroy your partnership as well as your sex life, tell her it's time to seek professional help and guidance to handle the trauma your marriage has wheather in the past years.
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