Brandi_S's advice column | Page 119

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Gender:

Female

Location:

Kansas

Occupation:

House wife, Mother, Local Loon

Age:

35

Member Since:

July 15, 2006

Answers:

3333

Last Update:

March 11, 2013

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hitler_the_goat

about

I'm a mother of 2 boys who are 13 months apart. Talk about a handful. I'm a wife to the best husband I could have ever dreamed of.
I'm one of the very blessed.

I have Bipolar 1 Disorder. I hate taking all these medications and always going to doctors appointments, but life is too short to let mental illness get the better of me.

Often times life is a challenge, and nobody knows that better than me. I wake up wondering if this is going to be a day my illness overpowers my meds, and either sends me flying like a bat out of hell, or leaves me laying on the couch like a wet dish rag.

Thank all that is good in the world that I have an excellent support system at home.
I'm one of the lucky ones.

I'm honest, and that can either be a perk or s flaw. Depends on how you choose to look at it.
I like to see it as a perk, because it's better to hear the truth than to be told candy coated bullshit.

advice

I'm sorry if I put this in the wrong category but this is important. I really don't know what to do with the situation I am facing right now. My partner I have in Drama class, we both hate eachother. She actually came out and told me this. We have this huge project due where we do duet scenes and if I dont do good on it, I could fail. The teacher paired everyone up. Well anyway, the main issue is the fact that she won't work with me. She is always over talking to her friends and only wants to work when it is convienent for her. She wants me to follow her around like I'm some lost puppy and I don't appreciate it. I don't like to fight so please don't suggest that. And also, I have told the teacher about the issue with this girl. She said, I don't want to hear about it. I don't want to have the reputation for being a rat and I already pretty much have that. Weird thing is, me and this girl use to be friends until she became this really popular cheerleader and became mean to everyone.

My advice? Try to find someone who will help you work on your part in the assignment. A friend, parent, or sibling after school maybe?
Get your part down, and when you do well and she sucks on her end, then you get a good grade and her grade is her own too bad for lolly-gagging around when she should have been doing as she was supposed to.
See how that works?

i dont know.. but i guess i always envy other peoples friends. i mean like you hear about people being the best ever.. but they arent my friends. some of my friends arent even really like me, and i dont know why i hang out with some of them. i mean, some of them are, and i enjoy being around them more. but i also kinda have trouble making new friends, after being around people now for this year and for some even years before.. but we just never talked enough to be like close, or i hardly even talk to them. and i dont know if i want to be popular or not.. i mean i say that i dont really care, but i guess i also judge people by like how they look, and if they dont dress like nicely and atleast put together and somewhat goodlooking, i treat them kinda differently, like i kinda look down on them. im so mad that i do this.. i try to stop. its probably vain and all those other bad things but its just in my mind and i dont want to think that way... but some of my friends seriously are pretty boring, not the way i am so i dont have the most fun around them. its annoying.. i cant just go up to some people i've known this year that i barely talk to and basically are in a diff clique and be like "hey wanna be friends?" im not that outgoing.. well till i get to know you and/or i dont feel that shy around you for some reason. like i see all these people having fun going to their friends houses and stuff and etc and i wanna be like that. i like doing that stuff but like most of my friends arent really into it for some reason.. not that they have to be rich, i mean im not even that rich, but i dont know why some people are so boring. like sometimes i carry the whole conversation and they just arent easygoing and just laugh and act coolish. like theres this girl thats kinda mean, and its prob reall shallow of me and junk but sometimes i want to be her friend.. i dont know why, like once i imagined that like we were both good friends and junk.. cause i just get the feeling that shes either jealous of me, doesnt like me.. or i dont know. i mean im not as popular as her, so i dont know why shes doing it and i dont know why i'd like to be her friend when shes not nicest person ever.. does it mean that i want to be popular???? but people say that the key to be popular is to not care about being popular but.. its so confusing!! i dont know what to think!!! ugh so advicenators, whats my diagnosis? and how can i make new friends easier, stick with the good ones, and other things relating to this. my mind's just jumbled, and normally im an optimistic person, but i just want everything to be clear in my mind, and live a fun life that i wont regret when im older.

13/f

Hmmm... I don't honestly get what is so fabulous about being popular. I started as a loser, and managed to become popular (not of my own choosing) and though I was popular, I still chose to be a loser, and hang out with my beloved loser crowd. Why should I have given the time of day to those who wouldn't do the same for me in the previous year? Those people may have wanted to hang out with me all of the sudden, but they were NOT my friends.

Popularity is for the birds, if you ask me. For one thing, once you enter this wonderful cruel world, nobody cares one iota if you were Miss High School, USA. Once you walk out those doors for good, you leave it behind you, like it or not. That's why so many long for those gone highschool days, instead of enjoying the life placed before them.

Also, if you were to become pals with this popular mean girl, well, you are going to likely act just as mean as she is. Surely you don't want that.

And to want to be her friend isn't shallow, but to choose your friends based on their exterior is. REAL friends don't always look so manicured (not saying that is necessarily what you are saying about their looks, but you get the picture). Miss High School, USA may be the girl everyone desires to be, but she is likely a mean, cold-hearted, backstabbing bitch in some way, shape, or form. Miss High School USA tends to walk on those around her in order to retain her social status.
Nope. Don't sound like a real friend to me.

As for making friends, I'm like you. Shy until I get to know you, then outgoing. You can't just go up and say "let's be friends". But you can start a friendship by just going up and saying "Hey! What's up?" and trying to start a civilized conversation. Yes, true, hard for the shy, but far be it from impossible. Just try to socialize with other people and maybe friendships will happen.

Try not to be hurt or offended by what I say. I'm not being a jerk. I'm speaking from experience and sharing with you the reality.

15f

I know i have the greatest friens out there but i keep doubting myself for the 'cooler' ones.
like i did something stupid that made the 'cool' girls not wanna b my friends and i keep thinking if i had the chance to earase wat i did and start fresh that i would. but those girls r so mean for dumping me in the first place! like i didnt do anything major just an accadent! but i no my freinds r the sweetest, prettiest, and motst loyal peeople ever. why do i want to be their friends? i know there mean biotchess.

My question is the same as yours. Why would you want to be friends with them?
Listen, if your current friends are the greatest, then bravo for you. You are a lucky girl. And, you don't need the 'cool' girls to be your friends, because if they are bitches, then they really aren't so cool as you think, now are they?
Sounds to me like you run with the ultimate cool crowd already.

im a sophomore right now. i plan on joining the army when i turn 17, which is in january, if i can get parental consent. which means i would go to basic training summer '08, come back and graduate, then go to to AIT. then go active duty and go overseas. but i still want to to go to college. my teacher was telling me i should do a ROTC college? how would i go about that?

Just like Tina said- talk to the recruiter. The army will pay your way through college, weather you go to an ROTC college or another.
If I'm thinking correctly, (but don't hold me to it) I think that ROTC schools are best for if you plan to make a career out of the military. But I'm not certain on that. Something you need to ask the recruiter about for sure. Their job is to answer all of your questions about what you are required to do for the army and what the army is required to do for you.

Alright, so, I'm an arachnophobic... Well, I think so.

My mom grabbed clothes from my floor and other things onto my bed and when we were done putting them away, there was a spider there. So, that means the spider must've been on something to get there, because it wasn't there before (unless it WAS? eep) & yea, the point is, she killed it.

But now, I'm afraid of even going near where that spider was, & now I think they could be on my floor, or in my clothes..

And logically, I think, well it's dead. & it was there the whole time and I didnt freak out until I saw it so whats the problem..?

BUT I don't know and I can't get over it! Pleaseee.. I want to be able to sleep in my bed again :( haha.. i know.. sounds very stupid.. but plz.. help?

HA! Me too! LOL
Just keep in mind that it got in your bed because it happened to be crawling about through the clothes, but it's journey was interrupted and it was moved to your bed. There are no spiders in your bed.
Check your clothes before putting them on if you need the reassurance. Check your bed, if you need to.
They don't just generally find a place, like a shirt, and hang out. They hang out on their webs, or in their little spider nests, etc. Also, they tend to like cool and dark places. That's why you tend to see webs and such in barns and the like.
Your bed is not cool and dark. It is no place a spider wants to sit and chill.

i get jealous of people easily, and it's really annoying. i wasn't like this before and nothing really happened to make me jealous of people. if my friends get a cute expensive purse from their parents, or if my friend gets a ring from her boyfriend, i'll get jealous. i'd want to go shopping and find something that nobody else has that i know they'd like. same with looks, if i thikn i girl is prettier than me, i get kind of upset and i wish i were her. it's seriously super pathetic and i dont' know why i'm like that now! how can i stop being jealous?

The only thing I can think of to tell you is that you need to stop and realize that just because somebody has awesome material possessions, you can't buy happiness.
Somebody may be prettier than you now, but she will age like the rest of us, and maybe not as gracefully as you.
I don't know if that helps, but hopefully it does a little.

evanescence's song tourniquet explains me right now. the first line i tried to kill the pain but only brought more. yea i cut im fed up with my life. im cutting dieing screaming praying bleeding crying pretty much going crazy at the moment. i need help from anyone and everyone. just help me give me advice pleeaaaaaaaase soon befor its too late for me. i regret it. its deep

Hi. Yah. I answered your last question.
It sounds like you mostly hate your life because of the opinion of others.

Why cut yourself because other people are jerks?
Like I said, your friend's parents will one day realize that they can't make him stop being your best friend.

Hurting yourself, or ending your life because what other people think about you is silly.
Like I said, why give them the satisfaction of knowing they can get so far under your skin like that?

And know this: You love Evenescence, and their song explains you. Fine. But they didn't put it on the airwaves to make you feel bad about yourself and hurt yourself, now did they?

i cant see my best friend because im gothic i never even realized i was its just the stuff i like how i dress how im deppressed and my personality. i hate it so much. think how it is to only have one person in your life that even cares for you and i can only see him at school in half my classes. my family even my parents make fun of me and say im messed up i usually say then why wont you help me or you should have fixed it along time ago. im gothic i never knew but i dont wear the black pants with the trimppers i wear jeans or skirts or both and tshirts and hoodies but all the chokers and jewelry. i hate my life more than ever when you notice you have only one person that even cares for you that you barely ever see and everyone else hates you and they make it clear to you they do. his parents wont let me see him they all thats wrong with me i just am never right!whats all wrong with me ~me cursing, my music, being gothic, scareing people, my personality, my piczo, how i dress, suicide thoughts, he became gothic so they blame me, i love my guitar, my bff being a guy, hateing life, stereotypeing , the stores i like, i stare to much, ubsession with the mall, cant cry but am severely deppressed, loves explosives, having only one real friend but is a guy, love to evanescence(explains me), i can never ever do anything right, always grounded, takeing my hated life out in violence, and that is what i can think of now..thats all that people told me that i remember. right now im grounded but im on the computer so plz help soon! im grounded for yelling at my dad bc he was going off on me about him all thats wrong with him. im 13/f hes almost 13/m

Ok, so sorry this is long. I just have a lot to say to you. I hope you read it and get some sort of use out of it.
Well, I guess I just don't understand why you hate everything about you that makes you a unique individual. I'm truly baffled.
If you would like you for who you are, you may not find life so depressing and upsetting. I know that you are having problems with your friend, but let me talk about you right now.

Here is what I think is NOT all wrong with you:
Gothic. Yah. I'm 29/f. Back in the day, I was into the whole goth thing. I did dress in all black- even died my hair black. (Even though you don't do the whole black thing.)
Your exterior is exactly that.
I did then, and still do jam to Marilyn Manson, and other goodies like that.

I love explosives too. And violence. I'm not a violent person, but I'm telling you what- I became very well known for my short stories and poetry back in school because I wrote violent stayre. Try it sometime. Even if you aren't good at it. It is really a pretty good way to vent out your frustrations in life and be funny about it. You may just even amuse yourself.
Hell, the first thing I wrote like that was a poem about beating Santa Claus with a stick because I got Cd's for Christmas rather than a machine gun. I was angry because we were given an assignment to write a holiday poem due at the end of class, last day before Christmas break. I turned it in and got an A.

Yah, I scared some people, too.

To me, being goth was not only the way I liked to be, but it was also the only way for me to stand out from the crowd. You know, all of those people who want to look, walk, talk, and dress like each other. To me, that is fake. To be a follower and blend into the crowd is a good way to get lost in it; a good way to forget who you really are. Fake.
Don't cut yourself down for daring to be different. Don't belittle yourself for daring to stand up as your own person, even if your own person is into goth.

What I think you should work on after you accept yourself and actually like being you:
Cursing is no good. It doesn't show your intelligence- it only shows that you, too, can talk like the so-called sailor. (Though, I'm still working on that one, myself...)

Thinking something is wrong with your personality. Why? It's who you are. Be proud of your personality. We all have personality flaws, and we can work on those flaws without hating our entire personality. We can except our flaws and move on, too, because some flaws can't be changed.
It's wrong to be gothic? Why? You choose to be goth for some good reason. What's so wrong about that?

I'm sorry, but I'm not sure what a piczo is...

Stereotyping. No good ever comes from that.

There is nothing wrong with staring too much, the stores you like, loving your guitar, loving the mall, etc.

Don't hate your life, because it is the only thing in this world that you are absolutely, without a shred of doubt, entitled to.

Don't think that everything is wrong about you and you are never right because of who you are. That thinking is what is wrong. Hating your life and having suicidal thoughts because of what others say or think about you is what is wrong. Realizing that, in your personal opinion, you are the coolest, and you like being you no matter what anyone else says or thinks, is right.

I am adamant about saying that I don't honestly give two shits what anyone thinks about me or has to say about me. If they don't like me, then that is their own too bad. I know I'm a good person, and I'm happy liking what I like, no matter who hates me for it. I am a much, much happier person because of that. I REFUSE to allow the opinion of others dictate my level of happiness. Why give them the satisfaction?

As for being grounded all the time, I'm sure you know how to avoid that...

Now. As for your situation with your friend:
You didn't make him become gothic. That was his choice.
What is sad is that his parents sound like a superficial bunch. What is even more sad, they want to push their superficiality onto their child. No good comes from being superficial, either, if you want my opinion on it.

I wish I could tell you how to get his parents to allow him to hang out with you, but I can't. I do know that you don't want him to lie and go behind their backs to see you, because when they find out, you will be to blame, I'm quite sure.

One day, they will realize that they cannot control who he likes to be friends with, and they cannot control the fact that he is your best friend. They will come to learn that they cannot change how your friend feels. Period.

Just keep in mind that no matter what restrictions the put on him, he is still your best friend. You say he is the only one who cares about you? They can't restrict that.

The best thing I can tell you is to spend what time with him you can, as I am quite sure you do. That is about all you can do at this point that I can think of.

Try to keep your head up and remember parents can say and do strange things at times. Also, keep in mind that even though your friend's parents are disallowing him to hang out with you for the wrong reasons, they are only doing it because they are trying to do what they think is in his best interests.

Okay. I wrote this essay. I checked my grade a few days later and noticed I got a zero for it.

I emailed the teacher and asked her why I got a zero... Because I know I turned it in and there's no way I couldn't have gotten any credit for it.

And she said. "I don't know....my mistake? Please show me the essay again so I can reenter your score."

So I printed it again and gave it to her the next day.

And it seems I wasn't being clear because apparently she meant she wanted the [graded] essay back.

But I never did get the first essay back.

I did turn it in on the day it was due. I remember giving it to her and seeing it on a pile on her desk.

So... She must've lost it...?

I told her this today and it doesn't seem like she'll change the grade.

I don't think it's fair at all because I worked very hard on the it.

The original grade was 40/50 but because she seems to think I didn't turn it in the day it was due, it's "late" so the final score is 20/50.

I don't know what to do... I have no proof that I turned it in on that day. The people sitting by me probably didn't pay attention.

Yah. If it were me in your shoes, I would grumble and complain to no end about her losing my essay. And then, I would grumble and complain some more when she said she was only giving me half credit for it being "late." I would settle for no less than full credit. If she didn't want to give me that, I would grumble and complain all the way to the office to do it in the Principal's office until somebody gave me the grade I deserved.

But then again, I get a gold star for my skill at grumbling and complaining.

Why should you have to pay the price for her losing your essay? You shouldn't. And I wouldn't back down on the issue if I were you. You did your part. You completed your essay and turned it in on time. SHE lost it. SHE is at fault. Not you.

My shoulder hurts so badly, from carrying my backpack. It's been like this all year, and it got even worse recently. I think that it might be considered a muscle knot, but I'm not sure.
Besides visiting a doctor, taking advil, and using a different kind of backpack, what can I do to make it feel better?

Try using a muscle cream, like Icy Hot or Theragesic on the sore muscle.

if i eat heathy and do tie bo everyday and gymnastics twice a week how much weight will i lose in about 40 days..thankyou

Nobody can answer this question, considering weight loss is different for everyone.
For example: Say three people follow the same exact diet/exercise plan. One person may lose 20 pounds in 3 months, the next person may lose only 15, and the next person 36. It depends on the individual.

because most of the questions i ask dont fall into the like categories so i like mostly put it in random weirdos in miscallaneous.. i mean this happens alot with other people too, which shows, because the most used category is random weirdos. answer to this if you think that advicenators should get more categories, and which ones you think we should get. unless you dont think so, and state your reasons why.

i have some of my own categories they can add.. there can be lots, so just like brainstorm and stuff, so we can get alot of replies so maybe the advicenators staff can see this and then like add the more categories.

thankyou for your time. =]

You can post any suggestions here if it helps:

http://www.advicenators.com/question.php?u=4

Okay, so I have a Windows XP Laptop [if that helps]. I wanted to play a DVD on my cpu but it wouldn't let me because it was unable to read DVD stuff or something like that. So I was wondering if anyone knew what sites gives you link/allows you to download a FREE DVD player thinger thing to your cpu. It would be better if you have it yourself...thanks very much =)

Are you asking about a program that will play the DVD?
Windows Media player plays DVDs on my computer.

Here is a link to download it from microsoft:

http://www.microsoft.com/windows/windowsmedia/download/AllDownloads.aspx?displang=en&qstechnology=

I hope this is what you are looking for.

my bf went to job corp. before that he was in treatment for his problems with alcohol. he said he is doing this for us. he dropped out of school the year we started dating. his 10 grade year and my 8th grade year. im still in school and want to go to college. when i told him that, i thought he would stay in school but he quit. now im a junior and going to graduate early. he said after 2 years of job corp he can go to college, adn i would love that. im considering going to Norway for college though. i have family there adn it would be a great experience. but how do i leave the guy i've loved for 4 years here. we have our hard times, but through it all we still are great together. my friends don't like him for his past drug use, but they understand my feelings and deal, what i'm saying is he is the one i love, but if he loves me should i make him wait. help, do i go to college and come back for him.

I would go to college. Your education is very important.
He is the one you love, but if you are truly the one he loves, then he will be patient for you.
Your friends' opinion of him is irrelevant in this decision, unless you are thinking to choose to stay with him over higher education.
Go to college. Come back for him after. I'm sure that you will see him on breaks, holidays, and summer.
If he is willing to wait for you, then I would say what better way to prove his devotion?

I'm 13/m There's this girl who I really like, and she likes me, but i don't know how to tak the next step, because I don't want us to break up and end up hating each other. Should I ask her or just let us be friends? need help plz reply

You shouldn't let the fear of breaking up influence your decision. When you are going out with someone, there is always the possibility of breaking up- that's how you learn from relationships to better judge later in life the kind of woman you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Just ask her out- she likes you too, so there should be no worry of rejection.

I'm thinking about getting two birds (probably love birds or parakeets) in a couple months or so. I'm really excited about it and am already starting to think about names for them.
I'm probably going to get a girl and a boy- but can anyone suggest any cute boy/girl pet names? Something in pairs would be great (think Romeo & Juliett, or Bonnie & Clyde sort of thing) Thanks!

Ha! When I was a kid, we had a pair of parakeets named Bonnie and Clyde...

How bout Ozzie and Harriet?

I'm considering getting two pet birds, and wanted to know a couple of things:

a) Which breeds make good pets? I'd like to be able to play with them/take them out of the cage.. something that's relatively easy to care for, but fun to have. OH, and nothing big like a parrot.

b) What are some good tips for caring for different types of pet birds? e.g: what kind of fresh foods can I give different kinds of birds, How can I care for them, in terms of mental/phsyical health ...playing with them, etc..

Thanks!

Cockatiels make good pets. As long as they were hand fed, you can handle them, and they are good at learning to whistle tunes if you work with them.

I'm not sure what all fresh foods you can give them, but I do know that you should never feed them anything that will cause gas, like cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower- birds can't pas gas...

Is there anyone out there with a medical background that could come up with an off the record probable prognosis or at least some educated advice rather than random common sense comments?

Sabine:
http://www.advicenators.com/column.php?u=Sabine

Nallie:
http://www.advicenators.com/column.php?u=Nallie

Younggrandma:
http://www.advicenators.com/column.php?u=younggrandma

I'm sure there are more, but I know these ladies have medical backgrounds.

14/f im going to florida on tuesday and i due for my period and i dont want it while in florida cause im gunna be going in the pool and beach and i dont wanna look all bloated in a bathingsuit so is there something i can do to either get my period like in the next couple of days or something i can do so i dont get my period for a while?

thanks

No. It's just one of those wonderful things your body does all on it's own.

Okay.. Please don't be like "HOLY COW SHES FAT" cause I know thatlol. I'm 14 years old and I weigh about 210lbs. I have a boyfriend who loves me and thinks im beautiful, and lots of friends, but im not comfortable with how I look. I really want to do this for ME. Does anyone have any good advice, diets, or good [low cal] snack foods that would help?? I'd REALLY appreicate it. I am going to try to get down to 120-130 over all [i know, alot]. But for now my goal is 160-170 by the end of July.. I'm pretty sure thats possible, but im going to need helplol. Also, its kinda hard cause I work in my school cafe and get a free lunch ever day.. Tips please?? THANKS!!

In my opinion, you should ask MikeCFT if he doesn't answer you here. CFT stands for Certified Fitness Trainer, and he knows his stuff.

Below is the link to his column.

http://www.advicenators.com/column.php?u=MikeCFT

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