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my hated life
i cant see my best friend because im gothic i never even realized i was its just the stuff i like how i dress how im deppressed and my personality. i hate it so much. think how it is to only have one person in your life that even cares for you and i can only see him at school in half my classes. my family even my parents make fun of me and say im messed up i usually say then why wont you help me or you should have fixed it along time ago. im gothic i never knew but i dont wear the black pants with the trimppers i wear jeans or skirts or both and tshirts and hoodies but all the chokers and jewelry. i hate my life more than ever when you notice you have only one person that even cares for you that you barely ever see and everyone else hates you and they make it clear to you they do. his parents wont let me see him they all thats wrong with me i just am never right!whats all wrong with me ~me cursing, my music, being gothic, scareing people, my personality, my piczo, how i dress, suicide thoughts, he became gothic so they blame me, i love my guitar, my bff being a guy, hateing life, stereotypeing , the stores i like, i stare to much, ubsession with the mall, cant cry but am severely deppressed, loves explosives, having only one real friend but is a guy, love to evanescence(explains me), i can never ever do anything right, always grounded, takeing my hated life out in violence, and that is what i can think of now..thats all that people told me that i remember. right now im grounded but im on the computer so plz help soon! im grounded for yelling at my dad bc he was going off on me about him all thats wrong with him. im 13/f hes almost 13/m
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Ok, so sorry this is long. I just have a lot to say to you. I hope you read it and get some sort of use out of it.
Well, I guess I just don't understand why you hate everything about you that makes you a unique individual. I'm truly baffled.
If you would like you for who you are, you may not find life so depressing and upsetting. I know that you are having problems with your friend, but let me talk about you right now.
Here is what I think is NOT all wrong with you:
Gothic. Yah. I'm 29/f. Back in the day, I was into the whole goth thing. I did dress in all black- even died my hair black. (Even though you don't do the whole black thing.)
Your exterior is exactly that.
I did then, and still do jam to Marilyn Manson, and other goodies like that.
I love explosives too. And violence. I'm not a violent person, but I'm telling you what- I became very well known for my short stories and poetry back in school because I wrote violent stayre. Try it sometime. Even if you aren't good at it. It is really a pretty good way to vent out your frustrations in life and be funny about it. You may just even amuse yourself.
Hell, the first thing I wrote like that was a poem about beating Santa Claus with a stick because I got Cd's for Christmas rather than a machine gun. I was angry because we were given an assignment to write a holiday poem due at the end of class, last day before Christmas break. I turned it in and got an A.
Yah, I scared some people, too.
To me, being goth was not only the way I liked to be, but it was also the only way for me to stand out from the crowd. You know, all of those people who want to look, walk, talk, and dress like each other. To me, that is fake. To be a follower and blend into the crowd is a good way to get lost in it; a good way to forget who you really are. Fake.
Don't cut yourself down for daring to be different. Don't belittle yourself for daring to stand up as your own person, even if your own person is into goth.
What I think you should work on after you accept yourself and actually like being you:
Cursing is no good. It doesn't show your intelligence- it only shows that you, too, can talk like the so-called sailor. (Though, I'm still working on that one, myself...)
Thinking something is wrong with your personality. Why? It's who you are. Be proud of your personality. We all have personality flaws, and we can work on those flaws without hating our entire personality. We can except our flaws and move on, too, because some flaws can't be changed.
It's wrong to be gothic? Why? You choose to be goth for some good reason. What's so wrong about that?
I'm sorry, but I'm not sure what a piczo is...
Stereotyping. No good ever comes from that.
There is nothing wrong with staring too much, the stores you like, loving your guitar, loving the mall, etc.
Don't hate your life, because it is the only thing in this world that you are absolutely, without a shred of doubt, entitled to.
Don't think that everything is wrong about you and you are never right because of who you are. That thinking is what is wrong. Hating your life and having suicidal thoughts because of what others say or think about you is what is wrong. Realizing that, in your personal opinion, you are the coolest, and you like being you no matter what anyone else says or thinks, is right.
I am adamant about saying that I don't honestly give two shits what anyone thinks about me or has to say about me. If they don't like me, then that is their own too bad. I know I'm a good person, and I'm happy liking what I like, no matter who hates me for it. I am a much, much happier person because of that. I REFUSE to allow the opinion of others dictate my level of happiness. Why give them the satisfaction?
As for being grounded all the time, I'm sure you know how to avoid that...
Now. As for your situation with your friend:
You didn't make him become gothic. That was his choice.
What is sad is that his parents sound like a superficial bunch. What is even more sad, they want to push their superficiality onto their child. No good comes from being superficial, either, if you want my opinion on it.
I wish I could tell you how to get his parents to allow him to hang out with you, but I can't. I do know that you don't want him to lie and go behind their backs to see you, because when they find out, you will be to blame, I'm quite sure.
One day, they will realize that they cannot control who he likes to be friends with, and they cannot control the fact that he is your best friend. They will come to learn that they cannot change how your friend feels. Period.
Just keep in mind that no matter what restrictions the put on him, he is still your best friend. You say he is the only one who cares about you? They can't restrict that.
The best thing I can tell you is to spend what time with him you can, as I am quite sure you do. That is about all you can do at this point that I can think of.
Try to keep your head up and remember parents can say and do strange things at times. Also, keep in mind that even though your friend's parents are disallowing him to hang out with you for the wrong reasons, they are only doing it because they are trying to do what they think is in his best interests.
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there is nothing wrong being gothic. i have a friend who was like that. she told me she was suidicle. and i wanted to help her right then, i aske her y she was suidicle and she said that she was born with a bad liver and had to get a transplante when she was a baby only 6 months old. all her life was meds after meds and its still now. she had pain every time and she wanted it to go away. her famliy always go to church they wanted her to be just like them and she hated it.
she wanted every one to go away but i didnt. i was there when she was down i told her life sucks to anybody. it sucks for the rich,poor, popular people, gloomy people. ect.
i show her life was great if you stop the worring about what others think. so what they think you are scary HA! the only scary thing about them is that they have to wake up and see there stupid judging fucking face in the mirror everyday.
i think of suidiced myself but i stop and think "i wont just hurt myself i'll hurt my family and my friends who love me" if you want them to feel the your pain how you feel, you should go up to them and tell it to their face. make them know you are some body a person who wants love and care, who wants to feel happy every time even when your down. be strong show your true self. gothic people are not scary dumasses who judge are scary because they are sooo stupid i cant belive they are breathing. i'm not gothic but i'm in love with one who is. she dosnt wear the clothes but inside she is the little devil. (hehehe its a joke between me and her.) anyways one friend no matter i had one friend and she is still my pal, and now i have three great friends that are sisters to me. dont let any one pull you down okay. oh and sorry your grouned, i yell at my parents too everyone dose everyone always make misstakes but you learn from them. i hope i help you. ;)
your friend still care for ya right? find away to see each other thats what i did with my friend (the one who had troble) no body knew but we still got away with it.
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you ask me what does this mean:
are scary because they are sooo stupid i cant belive they are breathing.
it was a joke, people who judge are stupid. and when i said "i cant belive they r breathing" meaning i cant belive they are alive and wasting our time judging us.
sorry that i didnt make it clear for you.
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hunny don't hate your life becuase other poeple don't approve i have plenty of peopel who don't aprove of me eather im to emo or not emo annof orto emotional for life period, if i knew you i would deffinitly befriend you, i know th feeling of being so alone it feels pointeless and the feeling of losing it all being lost hurt forgotten wanting to die it hurts so bad i know, butchange helps the pain move faster change in surroundings and stuff, like schools meeting new people what ever. i hate people who judge people like this im so sorry hope i could help ask me if you need anything
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