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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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As a Wiccan myself, it annoys me. I haven't told anyone about my religion and because I'm young I'm forced to pretend to be catholic. We pagans are called satanists, evil, demon worshipers, etc but non pagans are edgy if they wear it. I see this one girl who dislikes religion and is an atheist wearing a pentagram. What? I see people who don't know it's true meaning wearing it. It is very meaningful to us! They wear it because they are dumb emo teenagers and will grow out of it when it's not edgy for them anymore. But our faith in the God and Godess won't fade! I'm not a Muslim, so I won't wear a hijab. I'm not a Christian so I won't wear a crucifix. I'm not a hindu so I won't wear a bindi. Why do non pagans do this?
As Razhie said, this isn't an issue common only to Pagans and pentagrams. I used to be CHristian fully. But although Jesus is still a key character/God in my life, I now recognize him as the Lord/God half of the Lord and Lady and the holy spirt as the Lady or Goddess. So I have been a witness to many wearing crosses who were not Christian and many wearing Pentagrams for whom it has no meaning either. To me, its as dumb as wearing a T shirt that says I am a Republican or I am a Democrat simply cus you liked the color and design of it, even if you didn't side with that political party. Its a matter of people going for looks, not the meaning behind something. There's nothing you can do to change it. But here's what I do when I come up across a stranger in a group, like lets say at a party or a friend introduces you to another friend you don't know who is wearing a cross or pentagram. I don't push my spiritual views upon others and will adjuct how I speak to seem to Christians to believe all the doctrine and dogma of the Church, meeting them at a level of belieff that they can handle for now, for I once was there myself, mindless, just letting an organization tell me what to believe and whats ok and whats taboo, instead of thinking for myself. I ask several questions of person to determine where they are at. Just a while back, a senior at a Sr. ctr asked me what I did in this advice column and from past talks I thought she was at least open minded. I gave her examples of the types of questions that come through, like dating help, problems with boss or coworkers and questions on sexuality based issues. She then asked if I got qusetions from people who were gay. I said I did and her response, I hope you told them they are wrong and going against the way God made them. So I said nothing to her about how I support ALL various sexual or gender ID's. Unfortunately, you can't find common ground in convo's neither would you enjoy the company of someone whom you believe so opposite of. I have even at times under the guise of being Christian for a few, not always, explained when they brought up witches or pagans and put satanist or devil worshippers in the same phrase and set out to straighten their misconceptions. Theres always a right and a wrong way.
I am proud of you that you for one at a young age are learning to think for yourself but keep quiet for the most part to keep the peace. Don't think it means you are embarrassed for your beliefs. When you are an adult and can share with others what you believe, you will come to find that there are way more secretive pagans than you could imagine. Or if not fully pagan, sure a heck are leaning that way which I find encouraging.
My favorite necklace as of recently wasn't a pentegram but a crocheted choker with a pendant of the nude female symbol for Goddess, female/Gaia but it fell on the floor and the pendant broke. Still looking for a replacement. I can say that even wearing something like that got several pagans to ask me why I chose this necklace design and then I could truly answer it symbolizes the Goddess to me, all that is feminine, the creating force.
I know it may be very irritating but don't let it get to you, spend your time figuring out how to find out from strangers you dont know whether its a design they just thought cute or nice or a gift they were given and expected to weaar or whether it has any meaning for them.
I have a favorite story of the time I went to visit my sister in another state. She introduced me to all her church friends at a Christmas party. She is pagan too but feels God wanted her in the church to be ready to help people as they started searching for more or had questions come up in their spiritual life. And so it happens that her pastor mentioned his daughter was dating a man of some religion background family wise other than Christian and asked for prayers of the congregation. My sister spoke to him after and said, you told me about the Christian she dated who treated her terrible. This young man you mention has agreed to allow her to follow her own faith and any children would be taught both to make their own choice later. So the question is, would you rather have your daughter married to a CHristian who abuses her, or a non Christian who actually treats her as Jesus would and really loves her. He admitted he wanted her happy.
This is the pastor I met and talked to after he voiced a concern over what clergy is allowed to go see dying patients in hospitals, something he did. He didn't think Pagan priests or priestesses should be allowed because they are satanists. Well, I had a talk with him after to tell him what I know about pagans from those I know as friends real well. I had the inkling he's be more open to hearing me If I didnt mention I was also pagan and I will use this just to get the truth to those I sense may be ready to hear what I have to say. If you ever misguess and speak with someone who really reacts negatively and comes down on you, either never associate with them again or if you have to see them on a regular basis, say what you have to to get them to calm down and I translate that as saying, Hey, I was just pulling your leg and you fell for it. THis I do to lessen the chance of having some Christian become a stalker out to pester me. Its the same thing I beleive lots of gays do, even if having come out of the closet, just picking and choosing your battles carefully as far as teaching and informing people. I hope this all helps and encourages you dear.
I'm wondering if I have pica and if so is there a specific name for it. Also wondering if this is common. I have been chewing rubber mostly bands for over a decade.
I've heard of this disorder but never knew the name of it, so thanks. I looked it up, Wikepedia:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pica_%28disorder%29
I did not see anything listed there that talks about chewing but not swallowing non edible subjects. Pica is listed as consuming, and that means eating, so it goes into the stomach.
There may be a name and a branch off disorder with a name for chewing items that are not edible.
Well, at least things other than chewing gum or chewing ones fingernails. The concern would be any chemicals used in the making of the rubber which can leach into your bodys system after so much time of chewing on rubber. Yes, even solid objects can leach harmful chemicals into the body. Take the incidences of bisphenil A in all plastics and the side effects which although not that worrying are though crucial to avoid in developing babies thus baby bottles no longer have this ingrediant. http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/plastic-not-fantastic-with-bisphenol-a/
Since you wonder if it is common, lets put the questions this way, how many people do you know who chew rubber bands? I have known hundreds of people in my life either ones I saw daily like in school or work, church or family or friends, or those whom I see often in a service based business and Tho I have come across plenty people with alternative sexual lifestyles from the more common hetero and monogamous and they are still in the minority yet even so, I've met many. HOw about deaf or blind people, its not every day you run into someone like that and I figure that to be rare too. But I have never known anyone with any kind of pica nor anyone who chewed rubber bands. I'd have to say its extremely rare.
So it you really want more info on your situation, I'd ask your doctor to check out whom you should talk to, a specialist who does study this phenomenon and whether there are any things you need to be aware of. People with pica can be enemic from not getting enough vitamins, minerals and proteins so I'd say its worth checking on. If it is a form of Pica, any such thing lasting over a month according to wiki, is considered a for sure case of Pica...so time wise at least, you'd qualify. Sorry but there are no doctors on here so if you are concerned about it affecting long term health in the future, then talk to your Dr.
I need help, I have 2 BFFS, and they are really really great!! I love them like a sister! Okay I don't want to use their REAL names, so im going to use their first letter of their first name, H & F. (they are both girls) So we all went to the same elementary school until H moved in 2nd grade... it's always been F, me, and other friends... until middle school, ever since then I think F likes H more than me.. like F never seems to NOTICE me when H is around... but when she is gone, F starts complaining like,"Where is H?" Also whenever F sees H she runs up and hugs her, she never done that to me... Not only that.... F hangs out with me and all, but I just don't know why, but I don't feel like she's my friend anymore. But the thing is I don't want to break this friendship up.... or get into an argument.. or am I just jealous? please help.
One friend can't be exactly the same as the other. LIfe would be boring and we'd all be like robots...predictable. Its the differences that make life easy. I will say that it seems to be part of human nature to assume the worst when a person doesnt acknowledge us or hug, greet, or treat one the same as the other. I have done it too, and its called letting negative thoughts get the better of us. You have a right to wonder about why you dont get a hug too but when you continue to dwell on the issue in your mind, your own mind will create more negative possibilities as you try to figure it out and blow it so out of proportion worse than the actual reality that you can easily become sad, mad, jealous, or depressed. The trick is to get as much info as possible so your mind isn't left to wonder too much along negative lines and get you depressed, and the other thing, once you do know the truth is to reinforce feeling good about yourself for every one action of someone else that makes you feel bad or left out. It takes much more positive intake to wipe out one negative action or action you took negatively. So this is very important.
Now here's somes idea's of mine that could explain away whats happening.
1. We change and grow a lot from elementary school to middle school and also from middle to HS and also college. These changes are neither good nor bad but may influence the type of people we prefer to hang out with. She may have changed enough that tho theres nothing wrong with you, she just doesnt feel you click with her the same as H does with you. So its not a matter of how much time two people have spent together.
2. Middle school is the time when almost all girls are guaranteed to be experiencing puberty and with puberty our emotions get whacked out by the amount of hormones released to create the needed changes in ones body. Fortunately, the emotional changes only last for the duration of puberty and into later teens if a late bloomer. Unfortunately, its mostly the negative emotions that end up on a hair trigger and can be touched off by just about anything. So sadness and constant crying can come up just because of a run in a favorite pair of stockings, or easily irritated to the point of angry outbursts and unreasonable behavior is another. All I can say is that since females are most set off by other females they see on a constant basis like family or friends, its one of those unlucky ones who may get picked on. So far, its just ignoring but not getting angry with you for no reason. However, subconsciously she may be feeling irritated, all due to hormones, not your fault, only when around you, not H. So it wouldn't be surprising to act this way.
3. She may know or be exploring her sexuality as far as bi feelings or gay. She may be having romantic crush on H who may not be aware of it, nor you either but this could cause F to have a greater desire to be in H's presence.
And there could be other reasons. But I want you to see that with what I've listed, it never boils down to you being the cause of her actions. What she chooses to say or do is all her own choices and don't reflect on you. SO lastly, best thing is to not take things so personally.
he is 41 and I am 32.....I dunno if he is dating anyone, hell he could be engaged or married and just told me he was single......but even if he is, the way he is acting towards me is wrong and unnecessary especially if he has no feelings towards me at all...if you reject my date offer and don't like me like that then why act all jealous hearted and yet touchy feely...I know some men lie, but I dunno about this one......
Well, he's certainly old enough to have had a chance to grow up, act mature and stop playing the games that kids in HS sometimes do. If he's acting like a kid, even if he were single, do you want to have to be the only adult in a relationship if by chanced he did want to date you? Its best not to think on this guy any further. Ordinary people can't figure out the reasonings of a mind like his and a psychologist may need several years to figure him out so don't feel bad that you were fooled by him. Theres many like that out there and for all you know, there may be no halfway logical reason for his actions simply cus he has some mental illness. My first husband did but i didn't discover that until a recent friend who used to be a counselor in the army said he should go get checked and sure enough, mental illness.
my close guy friend always gives me short but deep shoulder massages just smiling at me...now he doesn't like me like that, it has been established we are just friends, nothing more...well I asked him why does he do that whenever he sees me, he said I dunno and stared at me with seriousness.....
I liked him as more than a friend and asked him out about a year ago, and he just wanted to stay friends and I agreed and now when we are out and about he gets jealous if other men talk to me or give me any type of attention...I reminded him that he wanted to stay friends and he said that's all we are, i said yes this is what you wanted...and all of a sudden he does the shoulder massages etc....I asked him why does he do that and he said nothing but stared at me with seriousness....can anyone help me out? thanks
If he truly is not in love with you, then he should at least be treating you better under the title of friend cus a friend wouldn' t act possessive and jealous of you being around other men.
From what you describe, he sounds like a guy in love with you but very confused about it. There may be other reasons he feels he can't allow himself to have a normal relationship with you and his twisted thoughts are what causes his strange behavior.
You didnt give ages, so you may be teens but even so, people other than his own feelings and convictions inside can be at play. It could be familys social and wealth position and their expectations for him there, or if bigoted, they may have drilled into him to date and marry in the same religion/belief system or race, or whatever other reasons he has been given. Many people cave in to demands of family for fear of losing their family forever or being banned from the family and that kind of mental tactic can and will play a big role in a girl or guy coming across as two faced...doing stuff that clearly shows they have more than a friend interest but then stating they can't date you anymore or that you can only be a friend.
If you believe any of this is going on, you might want to bring up the subject and see what he says. But be careful because this guy isn't showing enough backbone to control his own life and decisions if family is the root cause of problem. He's giving them control over making decisions in his life and even if he did get together with you, interfering parents, whether you're married or not may be butting in to attempt to control you.
Then also regarding his character, trust is important in a relationship, even at friendship level. You may not have been together long enough for trust to have grown yet. It comes with time when both have proven themselves consistant to be kind, loving and supportive in ALL situations. If he is willing to talk and share the truth finally, then great. If not, you'll have to decide how much its worth to you to keep a friend who acts like a 'dick' as has already been mentioned, and gets jealous and possessive, not allowing you to date other guys. You deserve to move on with your life. He's not acting like he's allowing either choice, to be in relationship with him nor to have one with any other guy. And that girl, is prison. You only end up in that prison if you agree to his terms being continueing to keep him as a so called friend if he doesnt change his ways.
There's a guy at my work place who I had a crush on who seemed to like me too. Most of my coworkers pointed it out and has been talking about it for weeks. He would flirt with me, playfully push or tease me and go out of his way to talk to me which gave me the idea that he was interested. Anyway he has a long distance gf and I guess things aren't that solid between them because apparently he was talking to this other girl from his second job. So yesterday I heard from someone I work with that he basically told my coworkers that I told him that I like him and how I can't help myself but to like him and I'm throwing myself at him when he's not interested and said in a subtle way that I was ugly or unattractive. I was extremely upset by all of this because most of what he said was a lie, I would never jeopardize my job by telling my coworker I like him and I feel humiliated. Especially since I was so kind to him in the past by giving him rides to his second(I'm just a genuinely nice person) like there was no bad blood there. Why would he diss me like that?
There is no answer to why because I can't get into his mind. Even if I did know and could tell you, it still won't help change your situation or him. The only person you really have control over to change or better, is yourself. The best thing is to avoid being in any kind of relationship with someone like that and this would mean choosing such a person as a friend or for a romantic relationship. As a co worker, you must work with him but you don't have to be friends or encourage him. Unfortunately, since you had a crush on him, you did nothing to stop his flirting with you.
But you can give him a warning that you want nothing to do with him other than your job calls for and that excludes his flirting, teasing, playfully touching you and going out of his way to chat with you. Since he could not be civil and made up lies about you, his game playing is no longer welcome. If he tries again, you will report him to the boss or HR as unwanted sexual harassment. But I leave it up to you whether to go straight to your boss and say something first in case you feel his rumors may be taken seriously by any higher ups and cause you trouble at your job. IN that case, it may be better to go to your boss with what you have told us and make sure the boss understands you are sharing this not to cause waves or get him in trouble, but you want this on record before he makes up more outrageous stuff about you that might jeopardize your job there by people starting to believe him. Afterall, there would seem to be no reason for him to do such a thing to you on purpose so you want to nip this in the bud before rumors become hurtful.
If the boss wants to know if you want to file an official sexual harassment charge against him and yes, flirting can be considered that too depending on whats said, it would be the best to let boss know you want the guy to receive a warning from the boss first.l Then if he doesn't stop, he's already on file as a trouble maker and you have the right to be protected from his harassment and either the police become involved or the company lets him go. With that hanging over his head, he's not likely to try anything more, no matter what his reasons for doing so in the first place.
So lately I have been so tired of just socialising in general. My friends have told me I have changed, claiming that I have lost the spirit I usually had. This is because of many reasons. One of the main causes is meeting with two girls who are extremely clingy. To the point where they message everyday, and keep messaging if I do not reply. The first clingy girl I have met, I had ended my friendship with her completely, because she would bother me non stop and make me feel like shit when I dont talk to her. The second one is still going on to this day. She claims she needs mental support so I'm there for her as a guy friend. But I am also quite fed up with the responsibility of taking care of her when I shouldn't even have anything to do with it in the first place. That may be the main reason but then I have also lost my two best friends, since they are now going out and I am forced to 5th wheel them which is not a pleasant feeling. Another reason why I'm feeling like this because another friend of mine has shared with me all his problems. He says that I am the only person he actually cares about, but I don't care anymore. However, he is not the only one who randomly opened up to me and shared all their problems. I am a horrible person but for some reason, people see me as trustworthy. I am so done with trying to help everyone with their problems, when I can't even share my own. I also just recently realised I like this girl, but I don't even want to be in a relationship. Sigh. I do not know anymore. I don't know where I was going with this and I am so confused about my situation. I guess the previous personality of mine, a person who cared about EVERYONE, is now leaving me bit by bit everyday. And I'm fighting with all my strength to bring this part of me back. But I can't, I am fighting a losing battle and I know in time, I going to be so fed up with this high school life, I am going to stop caring completely. I need something to revive me back to my previous stage, but I know I've changed already and its too late to try go back. I am lost in this world. I'm done with trying to socialise. It has only affected me in a bad way. I was once someone you could see laughing non stop, and always smiling. Now, you can still see it but no one realises how hard it is, to fake all of this 24/7. Im tired. I need a break. Help.
I don't think you're done with friendships and socializing for life. YOu are just burnt out, same as any one eventually reaches who has chosen a vocation that puts them in a position of being in service somehow, whether the service is peacekeeping with the police, keeping the health as medical personnel, a psychologist, even cleaning services, etc.
As you stated, you did not choose to be the one people came to for advice, or to lean on for support because they are not strong enough themselves to stand on their own two feet. It doesnt help that your buds are not available to anyone but their girlfriends. That will change in time but doesnt help you right now.
I do think that one reason so many seek you out for help is the fact that your natural self is friendly open personality, outgoing and full of laughter and enjoying life, a positive person who is always smiling. That isn't rare in adults but is actually rare for the majority of teens. You may have it more together than them, but out of fear or awkwardness to go seek help from an adult or professional, instead of their parents, school counselor or other, they turn to the next seemingly person of possible help, you. You did hit the nail on the head.
For a someone who wanted and loved to help others, burn out doesnt come as easily. But for you who didn't even seek such a position among peers, it has happened quite easily but its not too late and not set in stone. You can return to your former self but some things need to change. I would start with making suggestions to your peers as they approach you whether they have asked and talked to their parents about their issues. Parents are the best place to start. If too embarassed or the parents are squeamish or don't care, then next best is an adult relative who knows them well and cares about them. Or they can always go talk to a school counselor and get some helpful info, a listening ear, maybe even wind up with a solution depending how complicated their issues are. IN extreme cases, professional counseling will be suggested by school counselors to that family. Nothing helps perspective for a teen with issues better than volunteer work and yes teens are accepted for that depending on the type of help needed. I've heard from plenty of teens who found when they did volunteer work, it also helped their self confidence besides giving them some purpose in life. You are likely a 'nice' person, meaning you won't turn anyone away, I've done that in the past, and have a hard time saying no, and so people will continue to come to you until your finally get your mind around it, that it is okay and even better to point others in the right direction...for example, such as on advicenators where we direct people to call their Dr. rather than expect us to diagnose their illness. You might also think of mentioning your issues to your parents if you haven't or a school counselor and see what they recommend. It just may be that you need a mentor, someone older than you, an adult, but not the parents. This is kind of the role that big brothers or sisters take with a younger person. Not that you are a child for much longer but perhaps you can find a mentor in a life coach. You need someone who can get to know you better than the people like me at the other end of an advicecolumn. This isn't bad but you really need someone who can 'be there' for you at a time when it seems your buds arent and for all the others who reach out, its what you can do for them, a onek way thing and without people who want your friendship simply for friendship sake, it can get old real quick. I know most all professional help costs. So the best I can think of is perhaps graduates of college who studied counseling and such and mention on an ad board there that you are looking to be of help as experience for them working with you for free as they are starting out. You may get a few who want to try their skills and you never know but they may come to care about you enough that its no longer a customer/provider or patient/professional level relationship. My own husband got someone like that who took an interest in him of all his siblings because he was far beyond his years in intelligence but no one else seemed to understand him, like family and peers. His parents went for marriage counseling and the Dr. wanted to meet and talk with each child once,eventually to see how it might be affecting them.j Thats how that relationship got started. And it was a two way relationship with the husband as a teen presenting the Dr. with fresh new ideas and perspectives of how he saw world and personal issues which helped to enhance the work of the psychologist.
So you might try that but also find many ways to be busy with new hobbies or other outlets that take your mind off others and lack of male friends, and keep you unavailable as you always need to be somewhere, like a sport team, volunteer work, a part time job, etc. It may sound like dodging the problem by avoiding seeing them but its a start on getting you that break you need. You never know but you may find a relative or parent whom if you confide in them could potentially become that mentor you much need right now, not to fix you cus somethings wrong, just to learn better ways to handle what comes your way daily. Good luck!!
I'm a 12 year old female. Every day I'll have a nice day, come home happy then when she comes home and if I so much as complain because I stubbed my toe or something she'll start talking about me as though I'm not in the room. She then stsrts asking me questions. She'll ask how I am, I'll say good then she'll follow up with 900 more questions. She keeps bringing up a girl I haven't talked to in months. She makes me extremely stressed out to the point I'm about to have a panic attack and I'm hyperventilating. It annoys me, and the worst part is if I try to explain my feelings to her she'll either just pretend to go along with it to shut me up or start talling about the age. Her and my dad are always making fun of me, my interests, my hobbies, my friends, the music I like, the clothes I wear...then wonder why I just stay in my room only talk to my friends not them, listen to music all the time read a bunch and scroll through feminist accounts on instagram. How do I stop her?
I can think of another possibilty, that your personality type is a more quiet, reserved, type and the parents could be the total opposite. I know being so outgoing that
around certain people I have to be with like co workers in the past, theres always going to be people that don't like my personality cus it clashes with theirs. I'm too boisterous for them
This could be part of the problem.
Another could be that you are struggling with the hormonal changes, and body growth isn't the only change, the hormones affect our emotions too. So mom may have easily forgotten how emotional she was during puberty. Usually one is extra easily sad or weepy or irritated or angers over things that really shouldnt do that. Irritated for no good reason. I was once a teen and remembered well and told my daughters, I had 3 who were hormonal at once. They fought each other too easily over absolutely nothing.
It sounds like you have tried at times to give her more information but her reactions or words are what is cutting you off from trying too hard. I can't blame you there. As the other person said, its probably that the parents have forgotten what its like to be a teenager. I would suggest you write all your grievances out and keep rewriting that letter til you can get it to be objective and also not point blame especially if its unintentional on their part, just own your feelings. Such an example would be: When you ask for details and I give it, I feel most the time that your responses to me are what makes me might to hide and not go through this again. I feel ridiculed. I may not know as much as an adult yet but it feels like I am not given any respect. I wonder if another adult was talked to the same way would they feel disrespected? Notice you dont say you make me feel or if you talked this way to an adult, meaning it could be any other person acting this way.
You don't have the same problems with Dad asking too many questions? At least I didnt see that. Perhaps in this case, Mom has been growing distressed with her life, financIAl troubles, marital ones, or perhaps it hasn't been until lately that mental issues if she has any have finnaly become obvious enough to be known. aNY OF THAT could be a reason for how she is acting.
But is it true that parents usually just don't get the interest in current day music, styles, etc and while they dont have to change with the times, they should learn to respect and accept the preferences of younger people, while they choose to live in the past.
I can't say whether they tease in a loving way as lots of families do or whether in hurtful ways. I also used to be real shy/social anxiety as a kid and not as sure of myself so I even took friendly teasing of kids wanting to become friends as ugly bad stuff, thinking they were trying to hurt me on purpose. Either you are that sensitive and part of it is the age as all teens suffer that to some extent, worried about what the other people say to them or about them. Or...it could be that the whole family, parents included could use some basic training in learning the right way to resolve conflict and communicate with people, thing which if they never ever learned them, they wouldn't know how to pass it on to you and teach you. Asking tons of questions and talking at you rather than asking few questions and just listening to you is one of the obvious problems. It also occurs to me that my parents didn't know how difficult things were for me until I told them. Thats why I suggest writing a nice letter explaining to them how certain actions make you feel and theres no exception whether you get that from other people or at home from family. You want home to be the place where you feel safe and supported and built up so thats why you're letting them know. If you want to write a letter and then pass it by me to look over for fine tuning, I'd be glad to help. I mention a written letter because you don't have to be there when they read it and that way, they can't react immediately with knee jerk feelings to what you wrote. They simply maY not be aware of how this all is bothering you. People get too engrossed in their own world and issues to even stop and think of how their actions may be affecting someone else. This is what your letter is for, to let them know its time to think about how it is living life in your shoes. You could also check with a school counsel if all your attempts fail to get good convo going and some changes to happen around home that all of you are okay with. It may be better coming from a school counselor to suggest family counseling than from ones own child. Good luck dear.
So my cycle isn't particularly regular, but it's always between 3.5 to 4.5 weeks
I'm now at 5 weeks with no sign of my period...should I be worried? at what point do i get worried
oh and in case its important i'm 17 and had my period for 3.5 years...
ps there is absolutely no chance of pregnancy
I agree that stress is the greatest factor to delayed periods and yes the delay can be up to that long, as long as tremendous stress continues. The body is under stress also when fighting illness so colds, virus's and flues will also delay a period. Next is the fact that females who spend enough time together on a frequent basis like family, school or work, will find their cycle re-regulating its start time to coincide with that of other females so end result is that they all are on their period at same time. If its a little of all 3, then for sure it could be delayed so long. However, if as said it doesn't start next month, I'd see the Dr. You might want to check with your mother to see if she had any non pregnancy related issues of delayed periods when she was younger. There may be a condition that runs in the family that is treatable.
There's this guy who I find attractive. I see him quite a lot because he works at a fast food place I eat at a lot. I wanna talk to him but everytime I want to i don't because I get scared and don't know how to start the conversation and he's also at work so I don't think it would be appropriate or I would get the response I would like. So I just need some advice because I would eventually like to atleast hangout with him once. But I don't know him at all so I'm confused as to whether I go for it or not. Any questions I should ask or things I should say?
I'm 18/f.
You definitely need to talk before knowing if theres enough interest to want to hang out or date.
The first stage is attraction which you are at and that leads to wanting to talk to see if the interest still holds to learn more about him at which point you move for hanging out or dates. Dating is not a commitment to a person e ven if its the only person you are dating. This is the major discovery area where you learn in depth about each other and if there are no warning signs or bad treatment, then you continue to the commitment state in dating or getting married or you break up. So all this to let you know what to expect and whats normal so you are very early in this process and yes talking is needed next.
Timing is as important as what you say. I dont know if he's a cashier and up front or in back where its harder to get his attention and of course he can't just leave his station. If he works in back, you might. ask another employee, a female perhaps if she knows or can find out when he is going on break cus you'd like to have a chance to talk to him. Or if he does work up front and is in direct contact with customers, you'd want to wait until he is out cleaning tables etc in the lobby or is taking orders cashiering. I work as a cashier at a fast food place myself and tho I do chat with customers, there isn't much time to say but two sentences a piece before I need to help the next customer in line. So catching him out in the dining area cleaning gives him the most lee way to chat long enough to say, I enjoy your friendliness and the little talking we get. I'd like to chat with you more. Have you taken a break yet or when will you have your break. There's likely a half hour lunch/dinner break and ten min breaks during his 8 hr shift. Timing it when theres few customers is all the better and if you want a chance to say something at the front counter, without holding up people, keep watch to see if others get in line behind you and just say, “I haven't decided yet, you go on ahead,” and step to the end of the line and keep doing so until the mini rush time ends. Its always in spurts where 5,6 people ordering come in all at once and then nothing for 10 mins. Just keep watch. If you're seated and almost done when the place becomes quiet and empty, then find an excuse to go up again, getting a refill on a drink or ordering a dessert just to have a chance to talk. The talk really is not the main convo but just to compliment him, about how friendly and fun it is to chitchat with him if you do make little conversation when around him. I would say it is in your favor to find out if he would have time to come sit and talk with you during his next break. I know its scary to make the first step and its more awkward to find out his breaktime from a coworker who may start teasing him or you. Whatever you are more comfortable with, which I would think is asking if he'd like to come sit and chat with you during his next break. He might ask what you need to talk about and thats when you can say the compliment of him being so friendly and easy to chat with at the counter that you were interested in talking more. Just being friendly. If during the talk you find you are even more interested in him or turned off, then act accordingly. Don't let him go before mentioning you enjoyed the c onvo and you'd like a chance to do this again when he isn't working. Give him your phone and ask for his so you can both go over your calenders and schedules unless you already know yours and can ask what he's doing on such and such day at a particular time of day. If he really doesnt find you his type, this happens often when one is interested and the other isn't. But if you don't follow thru, you never know which time the guy is willing to meet and talk with you. Guys are just as shy as girls and fairly relieved when the females takes up some of the burdon of first contact on her own.
my mom flushed the toilet and broke the handle and it has split, there is no chain....of course she blames me but she had a stroke and she doesn't remember like she used too..anyway, is there anyway the handle can be replaced by a nonprofessional without having to replace the entire toilet and overpay a plumber? thanks
THese moving parts of the toilet tend to wear out over time so its not uncommon to have to replace the inner workings in the tank and the handle that moves them. I am sure there are kits to fix that come with and without the handle as its usually the stopper and chain that end up breaking. I'd call my local hardware and explain my situation and what parts I need and ask if they carry it and what the cost is. That way you can call other places nearby and get a good price.
If you have trouble installing it yourself, you can always go knocking on the door of a male neighbor who is a handy man and beg for his help. I did that even thou I had a husband but an extra pair of hands and muscle was needed for 5 minutes and I needed to find a strong guy cus I couldn't help the hubby. People are usually very willing to help if asked.
Before anyone answers, please note that I will ALWAYS be vegan NO MATTER WHAT, so please don't say stuff like "best to go off vegan diet" or any of that. Also, please be well informed on what a vegan lifestyle really is. It differs from being a vegetarian. So I became vegan on January 3 of this year, and since then have not had a period. I used to have them every 2 months. The doctor said that was normal because I don't weigh much and am highly active. I also eat pretty clean (I'm not ortharexic for those who might bring that up). I'm 17 years old (almost 18) and if this just affects childbearing, I'm totally fine with that. I don't plan to have children (at least not biologically). I heard this happens to many and I just want to make sure it's not a vitamin I'm missing that's causing this. I know for some people it can last for over 4 years! Especially if raw. I'm just raw till noon, so it's not like I'm raw a lot of the day really. I can be, just all depending I guess. I also don't weight very much for my height. I'm 5'10 and weight around 130lbs. I also recently started taking a B12 vitamin last week. I may have been low on that, but so are meat eaters. I would eat foods foritfied in it sometimes though, like almond milk or something. Does anyone know if I have anything to worry about? I don't think I do but I want to be sure. Thanks in advance!
As Razhie said, its time to see an expert, she said Dr. and I would have to add a Dietician as they deal with advising on healthy diets. In the regular medical stream of professionals, you may not find a dietician who can answer you based on your chosen diet and what alternatives you have if tests show something crucial lacking in diet that is related to this change for you. So it won't be easy finding the right health professional but checking with us here is even a further stretch away from a proper answer for you.
I would advise seeing a Dr. with a degree in Natural health. They have to go thru the same training as a gen practice Dr but also go through the extra to be a Naturopath. A good doctor will also check other parts of your lifestyle for answers and not just look immediately at diet as suspect although it is a very common culprit. I can safely say that even female athletes who are not vegan or vegetarian can have a period totally disappear for them if they are getting more than the normal needed amount of excerise. I've heard of this in runners, skaters, those who enter all triathelons, or female body builders. The amount of exercise needed to be in top shape for these choices can and often will disrupt a females cycle, not just becoming less but not at all.
My own theory is having heard that in times of war and other stressful periods for the populace in the long ago past, Dr.s have documented that may women had trouble with having regular periods or it stopped totally for a while. It must be something the human body does when it is overstressed beyond its normal needs. And it kinda makes sense to not be pregnant and bringing a child into the world at a time of war for example.
There are different kinds of stress. The stress of too much exercise, stress from lots of major unexpected changes to your life, like job, death in the family etc. that can produce the kind of stress needed to set your body off balance. So it would be smart to get checked out to make sure there is nothing life threatening happening to you that is better found sooner and treated than too late. Good luck.
I'm a 23yr old female.
I kind of feel embarrassed to ask this.
My boyfriend and I have been have unprotected sex for a while now, I haven't had a period since January,
I have done a few tests and both come back as negative but my boyfriend still thinks I could be pregnant. This morning (Sunday 8th may) my dad gave a chocolate bar to celebrate his birthday as I don't like eating cake. 5 mins later I found myself running to throw up I feel completely fine in myself, this has made my boyfriend even more convinced that I am pregnant but I am not so sure.
So I am seeking advice, I am worried if I am pregnant as I'm not entitled to maturity leave as I have only just started a new job
Lets not jump to conclusions and worry about maternity leave until you have this confirmed by a Dr. The home tests can work welll enough for some but if you're having trouble like you are, not having a period for that long and now the throwing up, then you are probably pregnant. But get a Dr. to confirm it as if you are indeed pregnant, he'll be able to give you an idea of when the baby is due to be born, a date to shoot for in being prepared, and will probably give you prenatal vitamins to take.
Once you know for sure if you're pregnant and its not some other medical problem with your sexual organs that is important to treat, then you can start planning what you will do. I don't know what the HR rules are in your company and if benefits don't kick in until you've worked a certain amount of time, but I would restate my question several times with HR to be sure. If you were pregnant at the time you were hired, it may be looked at as a pre-existing condition that is not covered. That happened to me. I discovered I was pregnant with my 2nd at a time husband was unemployed and looking for work. A couple weeks later he got hired but as I was already pregnant and didn't become pregnant during the time he was employed, insurance costs weren't even covered to have the baby. If you don't have insurance thru work, then you might want to check about free womens health clinics in your area and find out if you can qualify to get on Obama-care. You'd also need to plan ahead what you'll do about childcare. Options might be changing jobs to a place that has an on the spot childcare center for employees, if your incomes will all go out in childcare and you really cant pay your bills that way, you may want to consider whether there is any relative who'd care for the child for really cheap or free. There's also a Wic program in every state, stands for Women Infants and Children. Although they had counseling to help with getting some issues handled like baby clothes, but mostly the food assistance, besides any food stamps you may qualify for is a great help and I used that a lot when raising my kids and while pregnant. They want you to be getting a good diet and will give vouchers that cover certaim items for pregnant women, others for babies and more for toddlers and young children.
Another way to cover childcare costs that my daughter tried, is finding a neighbor or someone you meet at an expecting mothers group or birthing group and promising to cover babysitting both your own and theirs while each of you works a different shift. Two the same age might be a handful but if the other woman has a child a year old or close to, that child can entertain itself for short periods of time and finger feed themselves too which helps. I hope all this is helpful and wish you the best.
First off, please don't tell me to get a counselor or a psychiatrist, because they do not help me even in the least bit. All they do is make me angry and I don't know why. It's the more they speak, the more irritated I get. I just hate talking about myself; it's the thing I hate the most to do. Like I'd rather talk continuously good about my worst enemy than ever talk about myself. I've given so many counselors and psychiatrists (been given so many different medications) a chance that I can't even begin to count. I'm so sick of being a guinea pig on all these medications and I'm so sick of constantly repeating my life story to every counselor. Like there's no more counselors that I can go to, to be honest. My father just gave up, he said I'm no longer seeking therapy.
I'm trying so hard to get my life together. I've spent so many painful, lonely years doing absolutely nothing. I've had two jobs in my past, but was fired from both of them due to constant anxiety attacks every day. So I gave up then. I'm 19 years old without even my learner's or a job. I'm so sick and exhausted of sitting on my butt all day feeling pity for myself. I'm sick of wondering if I should just overdose very heavily on my strongest prescription drug. I'm sick of getting angry all the time when my anxiety acts up and everyone's thinking it's anger issues. I honestly don't have anger issues at the least, it just comes from irritation of how painfully my anxiety makes me hurt.
Like I try to build up motivation, because there's SO MUCH I want to do with my life. I want to get my license, be a senior caregiver, volunteer all the time (at soup kitchens, hospitals, nursing homes, walks for cancer, animal shelters), donate all the time (clothes, money, food, blood), but I just don't have the motivation to study for my learner's or study caregiving.
Can someone PLEASE give me advice? I'm desperate here, because I have no idea how much longer I have until I kill myself.
I dont know you well enough to advise what may give you motivation to study for drivers license or to become a caregiver. Perhaps finding a way to become anxiety free will do it for you.
I used to have severe anxiety but then my situation isn't exactly yours. However I did say, used to have, and that means I found a cure. And the cure is CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I've also read a book about this that first let me know about the fact it exists. Unfortunately, you are done with counselors and psychiatrists and dont want to hear about them. I will agree that for the most part, very few people are helped by the traditional methods that have been used.
There are psychologists who are trained in CBT to help work with a patient. The treatments are actually fairly fast and do not involvement continuous visits for years, just the few needed to get at the root of what cognitives/thoughts may be distorted causing your anxieties in the first place. Sometimes we form very distorted thought based on a few bad experiences. For me, the distorted thoughts were just there from as young an age as I can remember and only got worse as I got older. It is crippling of ones life, I do understand. I'll give an example: I tried in grade school to write with pencils that had worn down, were blunt and almost impossible to write with because I had the thought that if I got up to go to the front of the classroom to use the pencil sharpener, that all my classmates would start laughing at me and tease and call me names. I had no reason to beleive this as it had never happened to me. So when going for a cure with CBT, there is an amount of productive talking one needs to do about oneself. Rather than you just beleive me, or being afriad of getting your hopes up only to be dashed again, I would suggest you first check out this website by a psychologist who began to write for the general public to give them hope that they can be cured and lead a normal life. Since this involves your parents also having given up, try this website
Here's the website: https://feelinggood.com/
and the Dr/Authors name is David D. Burns. He has a book devoted just to anxieties called, When Anxiety Attacks. I found it at my local library so I would check there first before seeking it at or ordering it at a bookstore. The process to read it and so the self help is not as easy as you might think. I couldnt do it either but the perspective of an outsider who understands distorted thoughts and can spot them in you and help teach you how to spot them and then do the exercises/experiences needed for you to work through that helps to negate the distorted thoughts. I know its not what you wanted to hear and a Dr. trained in this method may not be near you however if you and your parents decide this is worth giving it a try after reading the book and the website, then you could ask Dr. Burns to research for you for the closest Dr.s to your town because I am sure it will be worth the extra drive if you end up cured after a handful of visits if you cooperate on the excercises you are given. Is it scary? Hell yes! At first fear is what will hold you back and again, fear and negative emotions as well as positive ones are hooked closed to our thought life and that can determine how one person can be angry and upset when stuck in traffic and another instead of afriad of being late, knows nothing can be done about it and just sings happily along to a song on the radio I have no other suggestions dear. But as someone who was previously very anxiety ridden, I felt I had to at least share this. If you are not willing to try and have already given up, then I guess your next call will be to crisis prevention phone line when you think you might be ready to commit suicide.
I was recently hospitalized twice. When I went to the ER they thought it was flu or meningitis. I had rapid heart beat, severe headache, nausea, chills, could barely breathe and a fever of 106.
I almost went into septic shock. They had to put ice under me to get my temperature down. One of the doctors told me it was because I was taking bactrim. The Bactrim was prescribed to me by my dermatologist. I googled "Bactrim and sepsis" and a lot of people had similar cases.
Every persons body is different and what one person might react badly to, another won't. This is why the pharmacist when giving you your prescription will advise you of the most common symptoms and to call your Dr. immediately or go to hospital if certain things occur. However they can't take the time to go over ALL the symptoms and thats why paperwork about the drug comes with each one, even a regular prescription one takes. I read my paper work about symptoms very carefully once I started Blood pressure meds and sure enough, a skin condition that only a few people get, started happening to me so I knew immediately it was the medication and saw Dr. to get a different prescription. Pharmaceuticals make sure to list and instruct the public the best that c an be to avoid getting sued if people suffer symptoms. This is also why all Drs. ask if you are allergic to anything, and that included medicines, not just food or pollens. You could ask a lawyer but I don't think a person can sue unless there is a death. Close death may not qualify either but I am sure that a lawyer who deals with medical claims would be one to know better whether you have a case because this is what they do.
I will say that if Bactrim is fairly new on the market, until there are enough cases of bad allergic reactions in the first people to take this drug, that pharmceuticals don't have that important info to post with any same meds given out. So someone in the right position does need to know so that it can be determined if ALL people have this reaction and it needs to come off the market or if only a slight few may get it and then it goes into the warnings. If a dr in the future doesnt go over the warnings of a drug, make sure to ask and if you forget, you can ask the same questions of a head pharmacist who knows drug interactions better than Dr.s and if all your meds if you take others go thru same pharmacist, they will know what to warn you about.
I'm 14 almost 15 and I love always wanted a pet. When I was 7 I wanted guinea pigs and my parents would not get me one. Thankfully, my aunt brought me two and they were great. My dad would help me change the cage sometimes, but my mom wouldn't even go near them. Eventually they died and now it's need years since I've had a pet and I want a dog. My parents really don't a dog. My dad, again, isn't super against they idea other than the cost, but my mom just hates animals. She says she's not scared of them but I don't know. If she's not scared, do you think there's a way I convince her? Also, do you think it's worth getting a dog if I'm this old, even though I have a 7 year old brother?
I truly feel badly for kids who want pets but the parents won't get one. My parents were against having pets too until one day their best friends little dog had a litter and the woman begged my parents to take one of the dogs. So my suggestion is to have another adult relative rooting for you and ask your parents. If they still say no, pets depending on size and type, can be a big expense in up keep and if ill the cost of vets isn't cheap either. Plus, pets need attention so if one family member is the only one giving it and gets too busy at times with work or school, then that pet goes without love and attention and it isn't fair to an animal to be neglected even in that way.
Getting an animal at any age is fine, theres no such thing as being too old for a pet. There are college kids who get pets of their own once they have their own place.
I don't know how your Mom was raised but I do know of a few people who were raised in totally different circumstances regarding animals in the house. In one, the girlfriends mom would invite me to dinner but after the first time, I refused because their cats were allowed up on kitchen counters, walking around during food prep and I got lots of cat hair in my food. I know another person who was raised in a home where it was taught that having an animal in ones house was uncleanly and so dogs and cats should stay outdoors. As an adult, this man I worked with would gag at the stories the ladies told about our pets and was stunned that we had large dogs in the house. Perhaps Mom was raised that way and instead of having her own reasons for not wanting a pet, is going with what she was taught without questioning why she has the same stance. So again, it may help to have auntie or someone else really talk and discover why she is so against having animals. If that doesnt work, then all you can do is visit relatives often who do have pets and enjoy theirs, or friends pets. I know its not the same but until you become an adult and can then care for one on your own when you have a job and money for it, theres nothing else you can do.
There are white stains on my bed and i don't know how they got there. How do i prevent my parents from seeing them?
What you don't say is if the stains are on bed sheets or on the mattress so I'd have to give 2 answers. Whether you are male or female, if there is some kind of white residue on the sheets, it is most likely from the males nocturnal emissions, and it would be dried cum and same goes for girls if they masturbate in bed, however they also have a natural cleansing system for vagina, its self cleaning but that liquid which comes out at times other than ones period are a liquid that dries whitish to pale yellowish and can mess up panties or bed sheet if sleeping nude but with females, its more likely to get blood stains on sheets during period and that takes a special cleaner to get out blood stains.
If you've gone to change your own sheets and have noticed a whitish powdery mark on the mattress, something may have wet the mattress accidently at that spot and some powdery mildew grew there. If thats the case, the parents still need to know to treat the mildrew and kill it. Sleeping with such a thing untreated can over time cause you to have allergy symptoms, trouble breathing or general cold and sinus symptoms that never go away until the problem is taken care of.
So i met this girl through a friend and we've been friends for months, we talk a lot and sometimes we argue about silly things. I told her I liked her and she said she likes me back but we haven't really talked about what we are right now wheather we are bf and gf...But my problem is if I dont text or call her she won't text or call me, but if i do we talk a lot. Also she doesnt reply to my messages immediately even though she has seen the message, i usually text her with facebook messanger(it shows the message as seen when shes read it). Now i am confused i don't know wheather she really likes me back or she said that to make me happy. To me she's perfect, she's all i need in a girl...and oh did i mention she's perfect...for me
I can not tell you exactly what she's feeling and I don't know your ages but often the younger the couple, the more awkward or embarrassing it is to make the moves to find out how the other feels.
I will post an article I've written that goes over the normal steps to a relationship. Right now you are stuck at the second stage, where you are intrigued enough by the conversation that you want more. And the 'more' in a normal progression would be to date. Its during the investigative process of what we call 'dating' that you will find out more about each other and whether there's enough chemistry to still live her, whether its a love of something(s) about her or whether you are 'in love' with her. In love is different from 'in lust' where theres a big flaming sexual attraction at first meet. I am talking of inlove as something that develops as you learn more and spend more time with your person, where they become so endeared to you that there is no one who could steal you away from her ever, thats being in love and thats the goal. So its a simple process of asking her out, maybe informally first such as "Hey lets set a date on the calendar to hang out together, either we could go for a walk, bike ride, to the beach with a picnic, or hang at each others home and listen to each others favorite music. Do talk about your thoughts, what you wonder, don't guess in your head. Heres the article:
The Normal steps to a Relationship
Attraction: Whether just plain looks or a pheremone attraction. It doesn't mean that either one "Likes" the other yet so it is important to go beyond the staring at stage to conversation.
Conversation: Now you are talking and find that you like the persons sense of humor, how they think, their beliefs or way of living life...this is the teaser...either you decide you want to learn more in depth about the person or you decide you don't have enough interest from the conversation to want to learn any more. Someone not interested stops talking to the other and looks elsewhere. If both want to learn more about the other, you start dating.
Dating: Dating is not all about calendar appointments to go to a movie or out to dinner, or out dancing. It is a time to learn what you like and don't like about the opposite sex. Find out more about the person you have interest in which happens only if you start seeing each other regularly making it a conscious choice. If there are too many dislikes, start over again with someone new. Or take this to the next level. Usually a move to being a steady couple happens automatically without any conscious thought.
Steady relationship: This is meant to be a time where you have plenty of opportunity to spend in each others presence getting to see how they handle themselves 24/7 under all sorts of conditions, their good days, and bad days. Many choose to live together at this time. (for those 18 and older) There isn't much that can be hidden when you live with someone, like their housekeeping habits, what their usual diet is, any mood swings, and by now there should be a good idea of what their normal sexual habits and needs are. You don't want to get matched up with someone who is the opposite libido level of yourself. IF there are no further warning signs and all is wonderful, then the next step is making a conscious decision to commit ones life to the other .
Committed relationship: Here there are vows and oaths made to each other, a professing of mutual love and devotion for each other and it goes beyond words to living it out daily in how one treats their partner. This person will be your life mate with a marriage license or without one.
Hi if you've answered my questions before you know what this is about. I have actually been whacking since 13 and coming since 14 and I love the feel. But the problem I I can't stop. I D it 1-4or 5 times a day. And when I'm not whacking I'm still having sexual thoughts. I need help because I'm an artsy person so I have an active imagination so yes I imagine stuff in class one time in Christian camp😓 I need help but it feels so good.
As all have said, masturbating especially at your age is normal. What you may be comparing yourself to that has you worried is hearing how often other guys do it and its less than you do or more than. Another worry could be the conflict of what your Christian church teaches on masturbating: Most likely to abstain as its evil and can lead to you wanting lots of twisted sexual perversions...and this couldn't be farther from the truth.
I'll go back to how many times a day. Not just as teens but as an adult, there will always be people with varying libido's, the natural instinctual desire for sex and sexual relief. In my first marriage, the husband had a low libido and I had a higher one so we were a mismatch and frustrated. Not so with 2nd husband who had a high libido at a young age and masturbating was crucial for his sanity until he came of age at 18 where he could have sex with whomever was willing to have it with him. ITs different for females in that they may not think upon sex all day but they do also love to masturbate. Also theres a difference to if men don't masturbate vs if women don't. Over a long period of no sex and no masturbating, the females sex drive can go to sleep but can be awakened in the future with the right match as a lover. However, a psychologist told my current husband when hubby was a younger man, to always keep up the masturbating in between female partners because after a time of no masturbating, a mans sex drive can eventually turn off and once off, unlike the females, its almost impossible to get it turned back on. the mans desire might be there in his heart and mind but his sexual organs no longer get in on the act. So if anything, I wouldn't worry about how often you masturbate as long as it doesnt interfere with your ability to do school, but the concern would be more if you didn't masturbate at all during your teens years. And then once you are older, the concern should be that you regularly masturbate to the amount that works for you, even if less than in your teen years.
Since you mentioned Christian camp, let me tell you that as an adult, wife and mother, I suffered guilt from hearing that masturbation was wrong to do. The church has their facts twisted due to fears that come about from distorted thinking. The actions of the church regarding how we dress and sexuality and nudity became more and more outrageous at time went on to the point I finally realized it was nothing more than a bunch of balony. You couldn't go swimming in a bathing suit alone but had to wear a tee shirt of some coverup even if in the water while boys got to wear trunk but didnt have to wear tops or short gowns to cover the bulge of their package like girls had to cover the bulge of their chest. On a teen trip, my daughter reported the leaders calling out the words "Ground check" which meant all teens were to drop their gaze to stare at the ground at their feet to avoid seeing something the leaders thought would sexually pervert the teens. In one case, this warning went out as they were in a park and about to walk past a nude statue. My daugher didn't obey and always searched for what they could probably be so concerned about and she found it to all be a bit crazy, things the church shouldn't be freaking out over. Instead of teaching christian boys that their sex drive is normal and how to handle it the right way and masturbate, they inadvertantly by their actions are saying that males are not cappable of exercising self restraint and refraining from having sex/intercourse with a female, or worse not a willing one but by rape or by trickery and playing mind games to force a girl to give it up. So to tell the truth, I have seen far more messed up people sexually in churches than there should be. If I were you, I wouldn't worry about what the church teaches. Ask God yourself.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years, sex used to be great but recently we just do the ame thing everytime. He wont do anything else and if i ask or make a move he'll ask what im doing or "do i have too". somebody help me out! please :)
i agree that you both need to have a talk a time other than right that moment in bed. Try not to usie words that criticize or lay blame...its hard but instead of you wont do this do that, personalize your grievances with I want and I feel.
The object is not to change each other but find out where each others sexual experimenting limits and boundaries are. It just may be that the excitement of a new relationship is the spice that made sex good for a while and then familiarity and knowing exactly what to expect makes it the same routine and boring. The real relationship isn't going to feel the same as the extra bang of a new relationship energy, nre, it settles down and yes some times it can be the same but for myself now almost 8 yrs with 2nd husband, and we tend to experience some new thing or feeling about once every other month and very often its not doing much different physically but the sexual energy at the time we both feel that is different somehow from usual. So I am just saying its possible to be together a long time and have the sex life be very good and rewarding.
There are two important foundations to any couple relationship, 1. is being best friends and 2. is having the same chemistry sexuality in what both want to try and do and having the same libido. There are board games for couples if you think he might be open to that, whereever you land on the board is another command you follow doing with partner. Perhaps he is open to that.
There are troubles when one partner is just getting stuck in the rut of seeing only to their own satisfaction and sexual needs and not that of their partner. You didn't mention age but generally the younger the male, the more chance he figures a female will come as easily as he does and doesnt realize that it is a more interactive role he needs to play so you could explain it from a physiological way, how a female works and what she needs. For example, a woman is like an iron, takes a long time to heat up but once hot, she stays hot a long time, even after he is done. And its a long time coming back down for her so as long as a guy is willing to work on her, females and have multiple orgasms. If he is the type who just doesnt like the idea of doing oral sex, then introduce a toy and teach him how to use that on your clit. The problem is if he is unwilling. He also will not want to appear ignorant or not knowing on this stuff so watch how you introduce the idea of something "Hey, I was thinking, this toy I got for myself a few days ago, I was wondering if you want to try using that on me, I think that would be great." Women need certain kinds of stimulation, not all touch, but the speech, and the build up of anticipation, seeing his eyes darken with desire, the loving touches through out the day, its all part of the buildup to the final act. So if a female feels loved, she'll be satisfied. If the guy is just having sex, not making love, the woman will feel the difference and it may not be as satisfying after a while. If the man just loves you raither than being in love with you, there can be a difference. I've had sex with guys who said they loved me and it was just sex, not love making to me. Never did I feel like I was being 100% satisfied. With current husband who is in love with me, its a whole new ball park for me. He is more interested in doing whatever it takes to so me fully satisfied first before seeking his release because of the fact that he loves me so much that pleasing me actually ends up making him happy. He's like the little boy at Christmas experiementing with a new toy, pushing this button and throwing that switch to see what responses he gets and loves it.
This is how it should be.
Now I understand you've been with him 2 yrs and in that time have likely gotten to have strong feelings for him. Please give thought to both your needs and whether you really are compatible. Dating is to find out is someone is right for you and if not, you break up and move on. I know it sounds callus but dating is just an exploratory stage, trying on the guy to see if he fits what you need. THink about it, this is like going to the dressing room to try on dresses and you feel you've fallen in love with one and must buy it but when you wear it, the waist is fittied and too tight so the fabric wrinkles looking strained and there are scratchy parts at your neck and under the arms. Are you going to still buy it and wear it after trying it on and finding it isnt even comfortable to wear? Probably not. Men and women need to be trying each other out. He may be meeting your emotional needs--the best friend needs and honestly be a great guy but if the pheremones are missing to have great sexual chemistry, pheremones is something you can't find a substitute or answer for if lacking, it means in the area of sex, two people are not compatible. You said it was great once so perhaps something else is on his mind distracting him. any financial concerns, death in the family, other stressful events or changes for him? It might be as much as just supporting and giving him time.
Lastly I will share how we discovered our astrological charts predictions had somethig to do with us having great sex at first and then by 3rd year, we had 9 mos of both of us not being able to orgasm easily or not at all. IT was so perplexing as we were still madly in love and wanted it to work. Finally it occured to him to check if in his astrology books there was any mention of issues for both our astrological paths and there was! So knowing how much longer it would last and when it would be over was a thing to look forward to and once thru those months, everthing went back to wonderful again.
D remember that it takes both partners to be actively participating in whatever is needed for the relationship, one cant do it all with the other dragging their feet. It must be equal energy both put is as expressed in this quote:
Happily ever after doesnt happen just because you wish it so. It only happens when both parties put in maximum effort to make it so.