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He seemed interested but then he dissed me...why would he do that?


Question Posted Sunday May 8 2016, 3:41 pm

There's a guy at my work place who I had a crush on who seemed to like me too. Most of my coworkers pointed it out and has been talking about it for weeks. He would flirt with me, playfully push or tease me and go out of his way to talk to me which gave me the idea that he was interested. Anyway he has a long distance gf and I guess things aren't that solid between them because apparently he was talking to this other girl from his second job. So yesterday I heard from someone I work with that he basically told my coworkers that I told him that I like him and how I can't help myself but to like him and I'm throwing myself at him when he's not interested and said in a subtle way that I was ugly or unattractive. I was extremely upset by all of this because most of what he said was a lie, I would never jeopardize my job by telling my coworker I like him and I feel humiliated. Especially since I was so kind to him in the past by giving him rides to his second(I'm just a genuinely nice person) like there was no bad blood there. Why would he diss me like that?


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Raychillicious answered Sunday May 15 2016, 3:02 am:
Because he's an ass. This is a good lesson in what types of guys to stay away from.

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Dragonflymagic answered Thursday May 12 2016, 7:44 pm:
There is no answer to why because I can't get into his mind. Even if I did know and could tell you, it still won't help change your situation or him. The only person you really have control over to change or better, is yourself. The best thing is to avoid being in any kind of relationship with someone like that and this would mean choosing such a person as a friend or for a romantic relationship. As a co worker, you must work with him but you don't have to be friends or encourage him. Unfortunately, since you had a crush on him, you did nothing to stop his flirting with you.
But you can give him a warning that you want nothing to do with him other than your job calls for and that excludes his flirting, teasing, playfully touching you and going out of his way to chat with you. Since he could not be civil and made up lies about you, his game playing is no longer welcome. If he tries again, you will report him to the boss or HR as unwanted sexual harassment. But I leave it up to you whether to go straight to your boss and say something first in case you feel his rumors may be taken seriously by any higher ups and cause you trouble at your job. IN that case, it may be better to go to your boss with what you have told us and make sure the boss understands you are sharing this not to cause waves or get him in trouble, but you want this on record before he makes up more outrageous stuff about you that might jeopardize your job there by people starting to believe him. Afterall, there would seem to be no reason for him to do such a thing to you on purpose so you want to nip this in the bud before rumors become hurtful.
If the boss wants to know if you want to file an official sexual harassment charge against him and yes, flirting can be considered that too depending on whats said, it would be the best to let boss know you want the guy to receive a warning from the boss first.l Then if he doesn't stop, he's already on file as a trouble maker and you have the right to be protected from his harassment and either the police become involved or the company lets him go. With that hanging over his head, he's not likely to try anything more, no matter what his reasons for doing so in the first place.

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YouAreLoved answered Monday May 9 2016, 6:11 pm:
Oh well, looks like you have fallen (rather had fallen) for the wrong person. Now that you know what he did, there is no point in thinking why you felt about him what you felt. Don't beat yourself up or judge yourself for being a kind person. It's not your kindness that is an issue, it's about him not being genuine. As far as him lying about you to the coworker, I think you have to take it seriously. First of all make sure that the coworker who told you this about him is a truth, before you take any step! Assuming that he really said what the coworker told you, then depending how you feel about it. Human resources department in any company take any kind of harassment very seriously, especially something of the nature that points to your character or for that matter anything sexual. Talk it out with someone who is close to you and whom you trust at your work and take your decision accordingly.

I don't know what else to tell you. You don't need to think about why he did what he did. Instead take it as a lesson learnt and get over it. You may come across many people like him in your life. Don't judge yourself over other peoples actions ))

Good luck!

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