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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
20-f
I recently just started talking to this guy ...well about 2 months ago. He is very nice, respectful and genuine but one thing that I can't get over is every time I see him he has bad breath :( I hate getting close to him or even cuddling with him because of his breath it makes me want to gag, sometimes I hold my breath so I don't have to smell it...it's so sad. He wanted to make out with me and I was freaking out because he had bad breath. We started making out and I was chewing gum and he was like "can I have your gum?" so while we were making out he ended up getting my gum that was in my mouth and oh my gosh did it smell so much better then! I don't know what to do though! I can't tell him he has bad breath, and I feel like if I offer him gum everytime he will get the hint but what if he doesn't want the gum? I don't know what to do! And I know he chews smokeless tobacco. He hasn't done it around me but I'm pretty sure he does before he sees me. I don't know if this could make his breath smell bad.
Any ideas of what I could do? Thanks!
The Answer
Just tell him.
Last week my boyfriend, who quit smoking about two months ago, turned to me and said "Wow, smoking really smells doesn't it?" and I almost lost my mind laughing.
Smokers, and chewers, don't get it. They can't smell it and they are too used to it. They don't know how bad it smells. They don't realize that their non-tobacco consuming partners can smell it and taste it on them for hours and hours afterward.
They genuinely don't know. They need to be told.
So you have to tell him. Kindly and gently, but clearly. "Look hun, I'm really into you, and I don't know what it is, maybe the chew, but your breath smells bad. I want to make out with you, but you need to brush your teeth, or I brought gum and mints."
If he gets offended by you telling him that you want to make out with him, but he needs to do you the basic kindness of not smelling repugnant, then he is not a very nice guy. If he can’t do that then he doesn’t want to make out with you all that much.
You are not asking for anything that your partner shouldn’t be happy to do. Although it's embarrassing in the moment, it's easier to get it out of the way then to have it haunting you both for months and then popping out at the worst moment.
Take control. Ask for what you need.
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The Question
I'm a fifteen year old girl, sophomore. So the other night I was at a party (a little tipsy, definitely not drunk) a guy (junior, 17) kept trying to give me drinks but this guy has always been really creepy so I was avoiding him all night. Long story short, he wouldn't leave me alone, followed me to the bathroom and basically attacked me. Trying to kiss me and feel me up but I was able to get out of the bathroom and I ran outside. Almost everyone at the party was drinking so I called this guy I've kind of been dating (junior, 17) who wasn't feeling well and didn't go to the party. I told him I needed him to come get mr he asked why but I said I just needed him to come and he came to pick me up. Is it bad that I didn't tell him what happened?? I mean it's not like the other guy actually diddd anything. Well he did but I mean it's not like he got his hands into anything or that we made out, it lasted like five seconds and the guy that I'm kind of seeing and I are not actually official... I just dont want himto freak out cause I know he already hated the kid that tried to get on me. Should I tell him or is it really just better to leave it alone...?
The Answer
You were assaulted. What that boy did to you was a crime, it was assault, pure and simple.
You don't owe to the guy you are sorta seeing to telling him what happened, but you do owe it to yourself to go talk to a counselor or a teacher, someone you can trust.
You don't need to be embarrassed, or worry about the guy you are seeing finding out. You don't need to hide it from him. You have to trust that he can behave responsibly with this information, and not to anything stupid. You can be angry, very angry, and you can bring this to the attention of an adult, hopefully someone who can talk some sense into the guy who assaulted you at least.
Better you bring it to adult's attention now, and this guy finds out how not okay what he did you was, then this guy tries to hurt another girl, or worse, does hurt someone.
I know it feels like a big deal what your love interest might think or feel, but it's really a much bigger deal that you take care of yourself, get the support you need, and that someone at least informs that jackass that he could go to jail for pulling that shit. It's totally up to you if you want to confide in the guy you are seeing or not, but you should talk to an adult and make sure you get the support you need to deal with this experience.
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The Question
so don't tell me not to do this because i'm really determined. i know it may be bad but i really need to do this
i need to hack onto someones facebook account. does anybody know a good website or even a person who will help me? also, i'm looking for a FREE source. i dont want to pay. i know that paying will help me better chances but i'm not willing to pay.
please dont go through the trouble to stop me because i really have to figure this out. i know its bad and i dont want to go into full detail why i'm doing this, but i'm just looking to see if anybody knows a person who is good at it, or a source that can help me? or at least instructions how to do it. THANK YOU SO MUCH!
also, if facebook hacking is too hard. i do know the persons email. so maybe try hacking into their email? they have hotmail. thank you so much!
The Answer
We HAVE to tell you not to do it. It's illegal.
On Advicenators, columnists who advise people to break the law, get banned.
If you really determined to this illegal, immoral thing, you'll need to find one of the many places online where people accept that and are willing to help you. Advicenators is not one of those places.
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The Question
17/F , sorry if this is so long. Well my boyfriend who is 20 have been dating for 3 months now, and I met him because his sister was one of my really good friends from dance in school. I ended up meeting him, and immediately we fell for each other. He treats me like a princess, tells me I'm beautiful at least 10 times a day, tells me I'm amazing in bed,
Has gone on family trips with me, and has introduced me to his WHOLE family. We rarely talk about his past but what I do know is he dated this girl Ashley for 4 years and they broke up because she cheated, and I know he loved her.. Obviously. They broke up during the summer, and me and him met in october. So it wasn't that long ago. The other day I was at his house and decided to be nosey and look through his history. I had found he was going on her facebook page almost everyday and looking at her pictures and seeing her statuses, when all he does is claim to me how much he hates her guts and how he could care less about the bitch. I confronted him about it and he said he was " just curious " I was heartbroken. I don't know what to do, I love him and care about him so much but I don't want to get my heart broken if he still cares about her. What should I do?
The Answer
Is it concerning? Sure, a little bit.
Does it mean he still has romantic interest in her? Not by a long shot.
In a world before MySpace and Facebook, after a bad break up people would make sidelong comments, or gentle inquiries to find out what their ex up too. It’s a natural curiosity; the online world just gives us new and obsessive ways to feed that monster. If he is otherwise a good, respectful partner, than he likely was 'just curious'.
He spent four years of his life with her, and now he probably doesn't speak a word to her. That's a startling change, and even if he doesn’t want to ever speak to her again, it's perfectly normal to be curious what she is doing and what direction her life is taking her and the people around her who he also doesn’t speak to anymore. Obviously, he is angry and hurt, and angry is a feeling. He doesn't 'care less'. He still cares a great deal, and that is okay. That doesn't mean he is going to leave you. It just means he has 'feelings', not rommantic interest, just a bunch of 'feelings' towards her and the situation.
Right now, the way he is expressing all those mixed up feelings about the past and his ex is through Facebook stalking. It's not a good way to handle it, but it doesn't mean he still likes her. It doesn't mean that at all.
If he says he doesn't want to speak to her and has no rommantic interest in her anymore, trust him.
Obviously tell him the Facebook stalking worries you (and it is something he should try to stop – it’s not healthy to obsess like that over anyone) and then just let it go. Between being embarrassed and naturally moving on with his life, the behaviour will probably stop on its own over time.
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The Question
The fact that I slept with two guys before my current boyfriend bothers him. It bothered him before, and he accepted it. But now, it's starting to pop up in his head and he can't help but imagine it. Now he's trying to accept it again.
I would change the fact that I did if I could. But I can't... It's the past. I lost my virginity in the first place because of an abusive boyfriend. He knows that.
I told him the past is makes me who I am, and if there wasn't a past... I wouldn't have met him in the first place. I told him I hurts me that it bothers him, and that I said the present is the only time that matters now. Because we both love each other, and the past was the past.
I understand why it would bother him though, knowing the fact that your significant other had past loves hurts. But what can I say or do to have him accept it again and forget about it?
The Answer
Stop talking about it so much.
If he wants a relationship with you, then it's his job to accept and move past the details of your romantic history.
If you've been honest with him, and clear about your feelings then your job is done. It's now his job to address his inappropriate thinking and judgment that is causing problems in your relationship.
Give him space to do this. It's not something you can do for him.
What you might want to consider talking about, is whatever caused this to 'pop up' again. Was there a period of stress? Of distance? What made him start to feel insecure recently? That is something as his partner you might be able to address and support him with, but his problem with your past needs to be his problem to solve.
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The Question
OK I find this odd..a few weeks ago I said to my before I wanted some time to myself to get situated on a new job. This wasn't meant to be a break up, just suggested time and that she stay at his familys house. I am a single mom of 2 and the breadwinner. He took care the kids, and just refused to work.
Anyways a week later he suggested time to himself...so I ignored him and a few days later he contacted me on a oddity...and chatted through text. He watched my daughter also so I could go to a meeting.
to sum it up...Ihad another event and and he was watching my daughter I was trying to see if there was hope to fix our relationship..he siad it was fixable but had no plans to move back..
basically there is no sort of future, so I decided to be strong and I left.
He texted me saying I left a jewelry of mine there..then texted if I got home. The way I see it not to be mean..if you don't want anything to do with me WHY bother. I know he was being considerate asking if I got home..
The following morning he texted me several times and had a sibling text me as well...
basically finding out where I am...
my friend told me he's been trying to play the "cool" card..saying he doesn't want a relationship..
Yet it bothers him if he didn't hear from me...whats the deal?
He basically wasn't giving me any future promise with us in a relationship...even if he was worried about me WHY bother? He wouldn't know what's going on with me anyways if he didn't want to be bothered and "do nothing"
I havent responded back in 3 days he is still texting me, why? I thought he didnt want anything to do with me or whatever?
The Answer
There could be a lot of reasons.
He could be feeling guilty, and wanting to make sure you aren't an emotional wreak.
He could be bored, and just seeking drama to entertain himself.
He could just be so deeply confused that he doesn't know what he is doing or why.
Stop worrying about what he thinking or feeling. You know what you are thinking and feeling. This was a bad match, and you don't wish to speak to him anymore. Right?
So ignore the texts. If you need to send him one message asking him to stop texting you. Just that "Please stop texting me." and then get back to the business of living your life regardless of his current brand of crazy.
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The Question
Alright I'm a 19 year old male,and I've known this girl for a lot of my life. In the past two years we've realized that we have feelings for each other. Due to a series of complicated events she's actually been dating another guy for almost two years living with him for more than one.
Their relationship has always been tenious at best as he is abusive and controlling (she told me herself I've had to take her in to the hospital for the damage he's done) Unfortunately whenever we do get together (I've been living in another city for a while now) we end up kissing, telling each other how much we love each other, I've never had sexual relations as I won't condone cheating more than we have. Sorry for the long story, just on new year's I finally told her that we should be together but due to the vast distance and her lack of place to live if she leaves her boyfriend the only option is for her to live with me in a new city, basically should I ask her to move in with me? Thank you in advance for your help.
The Answer
Probably not.
As a last resort - as the only way she can escape an abusive relationship - okay.
But moving in with you is probably not the best choice for either of you to help create a healthy, mature relationship between equals.
Which means your first course of action should be to support her in taking to therapist, even a free counselor for woman who have been or are in abusive relationships. They can advise her on care centers who can help her get on her feet, on how to separate her fiances and set her on the right track.
A friend's support is always needed and precious, but for expert support on how to get out of an abusive relationships there is probably better places to go. Places that give her support - even if she 'relapses' and goes back to him - in a way you'll never quite be able too.
Moving in with a guy where there is huge romantic tension isn't a great way to escape an abusive relationship. It reinforces the idea of needing a male to care for her, and it is very likely to add to the kinds of insecurities that have her accept abuse in the first place.
If it's truly the only way she can get out, and she is game, fine. But first look up abuse hot lines or support services in your area and call them. Ask them what a friend should tell someone in her situation, help her connect with professional support and abuse survivors. Don't cast yourself in the role of her only support. That spells doom for your friendship in the long term.
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The Question
So my last relationship was crazy and I really liked this girl. She seemed to be completely truthful and honest. Her friends were not the best though and towards the end of my relationship it turned out that her friends led her to cheating on me with 3 different guys within one month. One of the guy's sisters was the one who finally told me the truth. So me and her had our long time dispute and I finally told her I regretted it all. I know you can say that it wasn't her fault, that her friends made her or talked her into it, but I'm pretty sure they didn't put a weapon up to her and forced her. She has a mind of her own and can decide herself. I thought she was different. Well after I told her I did not want to be friends anymore and that I no longer wanted to hear from me, she still texts me and tries calling me and keeps telling me how she misses me. I sang and recorded a song for her once and she says she has it as her ring tone. Sometimes i reply and ask her if its because she still has feelings for me but then thats when she goes on and tells me she doesnt feel anything for me and is glad she ripped my heart into pieces. Its so immature and confusing. I seriously dont want to deal with her anymore. I graduated and she was one year under. I havnt seen her since the day of the breakup, but im going back to the school with some friends soon just to see how my old teachers are doing and I know for sure that if she sees me shes going to try and talk to me. I seriously do not want to talk to her and have told her millions of times. How should i deal with the situation if she does come up to me or tries to say something to me?
The Answer
Its totally okay to not want to talk to an ex. It's completely fair to cut them out of your life, and ignore there messages. (It would be better if you ignored all messages, instead of feeding the monster by replying sometimes. Replying sends mixed messages, no matter what you say.)
But you can't make an ex stop existing.
You are planning to go to her school, someplace she can't help but be at. If you want to go there, you are going to have to accept that she has a right to be present there.
You don't have to be friendly. You can tell her "Hi. I really don't want to talk to you." You can walk away. She might keep trying. She might use her friends to get at you. She might be all sorts of nasty, immature things, but unless she crossing a line to threatening or harassing you, then she's allowed to be there.
Just walk away. Tell her you don't want to talk to her, and walk away. She might give you a hard time (because you keep on talking to her, and because you came to a place where knew she was gonna be, she is going to interpret this as a chance to talk to you.)
If you really can't stand the confrontation, and telling her again to leave you alone, then you sort of need to stay away from her school. She can't help that she is there. You can choose to stay away.
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The Question
I have a huge problem. I'm in 10th grade and the school wants me to pick what I want to be when I "grow up" and go to college. What I REALLY want to be is a stay at home mom who raises kids and takes care of a husband. I know most girls don't want that any more and they want to be out there in the workforce but it just isn't what I want for myself.
The school wants me to choose a "real" job though. We have an occupation list we can choose from with some ideas and nothing on there says what I want. I tried to explain that I don't want to go to college and become a brain surgeon. They told me I HAVE to choose something. I think it's GREAT other girls want to do those types of things, spend all of that time in college, and earn great degrees...but that ain't me.
What do I do? I don't plan to go to college for anything other than to take a couple of classes just to have that experience. I figure after I get out of high school I'd work as a cashier or in a daycare or something until I end up getting married and settling down with someone. The school won't listen and tells me it's nonsense.
So, what do I do? I mean, what should I choose, if anything? I feel like I'm backed into a corner here. What ever happened to being able to grow up to be whatever you want to be? I told my mom and my dad and they're both kind of mad that the teachers won't acknowledge what I want to be. Nothing else really interests me as something I want to do for the rest of my life. I just want to get married, have babies, and take care of my husband, children, and home. What do I do?
The Answer
On one hand, I feel bad for you because it's perfectly fair to want to be a housewife.
On the other hand, becoming a housewife is dependent on a bunch of factors outside of your control, which why when the assignment is to 'Make a Plan' you can't do that. Becoming a housewife is contingent on finding a mate, one who can support you if you choose to stay at home, it's contingent to a degree on the fertility of both of you, and on the success of your marriage in the long-term (not something that should be taken for granted in this day and age, it's very easy to say "I have a goal of not divorcing" but almost 50% of people do divorce and I doubt many of them would have said that was thier goal.)
So the school insisting for the sake of this project you make a plan, one that you have greater control over and can help you structure goals, is not quite as unfair as it seems at first. It's understandable that they would want to encourage you just to be able to think in those terms, even if you do get exactly what you want. Your goals aren't 'nonsense' but they are 'not applicable to this assignment', and it's not unfair to have to do the assignment anyways. I'm sure there are a good number of people in your class who are going to sit on their asses after high school and smoke pot. They can't write a completely honest response to this project either, but they still need to do so in order to be graded (although, they might not all care that much about their grade I suppose...)
I'm a little surprised you didn't immediately gravitate towards something like doing a degree in early childhood education, or nursing. There are certificate programs that can make you able to run in-home daycare centres (which can be a very good source of income for a stay-at-home mom if she needs it). The amount you'd be able to charge for childcare would increase substantially if you also held a degree or certificate in early childhood development, education or nursing.
Finally, remember this is just an assignment. It would probably be perfectly possible to write the assignment pretending that you wanted to be female entertainment wrestler or champion pole dancer. Sometimes our education does actually just require us to jump through the appropriate hoops in order to satisfy the learning requirements. It can be annoying but it's not really worth turning into an ethical dilemma. No one is going to hold you to whatever you wrote down in a 10th grade assignment. You aren't being asked to lie, you are being asked to think in a very specific way. You just have to prove that you can use your brain to write logically about a possible career path. No one is saying it MUST be the one you follow. The curriculum is only trying to make sure that you can establish long term goals, and completely short term projects that help you work towards those larger goals in regards to a profession. It's a good thing to know how to do, even though it doesn't feel particularly relevant to who you are or what you want right at this moment.
It's a bit like those math problems where you are asked when two trains will pass eachother based on how fast they are traveling and how far they have to go. You'll NEVER have to solve that problem in your real life with trains. Ever. But there are similar, simplier problems that understanding those equations means you are capable of solving. It's important you learn to think that way, even if the praticular situation is not something that will ever happen to you.
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The Question
I've been out as a lesbian for the past 12+ years. I'm 33 and I've dated my share of women. I've had serious relationships and not so serious relationships. I've never dated a man, not even for a short period of time as a teenager, and have never even had a desire to have sex with a man.
I haven't had a relationship since I broke up with my ex-girlfriend in the spring. Not even a one night stand with a woman. I've been happy since then though. Until this guy, this MAN, came along.
I started a new job after the break up and it's something that requires two people to work together often. I work with this guy, Steven, and we've been working together for a few months now. At first, when I very first met him, I thought the feelings I felt were me being envious of him being so incredibly masculine (I've always been kind of butch) because I was so intrigued by it. It was almost fascinating. Now I'm pretty sure it's more than that.
I've come to realize that I actually like him more than just as a person or friend or coworker. He has a wonderful personality and is quite the attractive man. The crush has developed so that I'm now questioning my sexuality after all of this time, and it's really confusing. From time to time I have these dreams of him that are very sexual in nature even. I feel so twisted up. I have these intense feelings for him and I've never felt this way about any woman.
He's a very masculine man, just like I said. I know he's single. I told him when we started working together that I'm a lesbian, and he was perfectly fine with that and hasn't ever said anything to me about it since. Now the problem is that I'd like to date him and see where things go.
I haven't purposely done it but lately I find myself being a little less butch and a little more feminine around him. I'm more concerned with looking "pretty" now. It isn't like me at all, but it's really strange because I feel happy with him being a "manly" man. I think we might actually make a good pair.
Enough of my rambling. Do you think I'm a lesbian or what? I never thought I was straight but this has me questioning everything about me. And should I say something to him? Do I make a move? Do I just go with the flow and hope he catches on that I'm interested? Do I pretend these feelings don't exist?
The Answer
We can't exactly all just take a vote, and determine your sexuality that way... No one can determine you sexuality for you based on the way you look, or the way you’ve behaved in the past. Some people marry partners, raise families and live ‘straight’ lives, but always know in their hearts they are homosexuals. No one else can access that knowledge. It’s a completely personal thing.
You are experiencing something new, and that's cool and great. In my life, I've met quite a few gay men and lesbians who have said something like "Yeah, there is this ONE person of the opposite sex that does it for me." And admitting that doesn't make them less gay, just more honest.
I've met some woman I'd happily leap into bed with, and I have had sexual and romantic relationships with woman. That doesn't mean I desire my boyfriend any less, and it doesn't make me a lesbian. I don’t much like being called a bisexual – I don’t think that term represents me very well and maybe you don’t like it either since you didn’t even bring up using it to help label your new experiences – but I’m certainly not black or white, straight or gay. My sexuality, and the way I have expressed it in my life, falls in a gray zone.
It's allowed to be more complicated than that. You don’t have to pick A or B.
Honestly, more than worrying about labelling yourself right at this moment, I think you should decide IF you can anything about this particular crush. After all, you are co-workers.
Are there any rules at your work against dating a co-worker? A
Are you feeling confident enough to tell this man you would like to go on a date or two, and to respectful answer his questions as well as you can?
Do you feel you can be respectful of him as a partner and respectful of your own developing ideas at the same time, or are you on a path you need to explore a bit more alone before it can be shared?
What do you do if it doesn’t work out? If he rejects your offer of a romantic connection? What will that mean for your work?
If I were you, I wouldn’t focus so much on the label right now; but take a good hard look at what it is I want to actually DO. What actions do I want to undertake. What are the possible consequences for those actions.
Think of it like an art movement. No one called the Renaissance, the Renaissance until decades after it was over. No one called the Dark Ages, the Dark Ages until centuries later. Sometimes things can only be clearly labelled after they have been lived through and explored. So go explore, honestly and respectfully, maybe with this man, or maybe by yourself.
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The Question
I'm a very energetic person and likes to hang out around friends, but I find myself randomly distant to my friends who are close to me at times, I spend time with myself and others equally, but when I'm distant with people I tend to cry at night about why I'm distant with my friends, knowing if I keep doing what I'm doing I will lose people who are close to me,that I'm being distant, yet I still do it even if they reach out to me at times, I don't have the guts to tell them why I'm being distant around them, and I don't want this affecting my relationship with people, it happens to me at times. What should I do?
The Answer
Well, why are you be distant?
Are you tired? Stresed? Do you need a bit more alone time then you've been getting?
Sometimes all you have to with good friends and turn to them and say "Look, I love you but I really need to be alone right now."
The best thing you can do is pay attention to yourself, so that you know when those times when you'll start to wear out and be distant are coming, and you can polietely excuse yourself.
Nobody is keen and enegretic all the time. The trick isn't ALWAYS being close and perfect. The trick is just being honest and letting people know what you are doing so it doens't surprise them or hurt them.
It is very important to be able to take care of yourself. The better you are at that, the better you'll become at taking care of others around you.
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The Question
My ex boyfriend put on his facebook last night 'praying that you miss me'
That's obviously about me (who else would be missing him) I know he's not seeing/dating anyone else because I'm good friends with his friends and they told me he's not (I didn't ask them)
Btw he broke up with me 3 months ago. For the first 2 months I contacted him but the past month I haven't.
The Answer
He is probably writing it because he wants you to sit around thinking about him and asking yourself "Why is he writing that?"
If it is about you, then he just wants attention.
If you are happy not speaking to him anymore, then don't give in to his ploy. Keep on not speaking to him. You don't owe him a response if he whines in his status. If he really wants to speak to you, he should do the polite, respectful thing and contact you directly, then you'd have an obligation to respond to him. Broadcasting that kind of passive agressive comment on Facebook is not something you have to repond to if you don't want too.
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The Question
I recieved a large bottle of vodka for christmas but I don't like it straight. I want to know some things I can mix with it and make shots out of it and to make it a little less harsh. Thanks so much and have a good new year.
The Answer
I think you'll enjoy vodka martinis more than shots, or some other sort of cocktail, if something girly and fun is what you are looking for.
Shots, but definition, are pretty much just a mix of one or more straight spirits. They often don’t have any non-alcoholic ingredients in them.
You might be able to get some pre-mixed (just add ice and vodka) cocktail mixes at a grocery or liquor store. And although having a martini shaker is nice, there is nothing wrong with stirring martinis or throwing everything into a plastic container that seals well and giving it a shake when you are a cheap young person (like me!). Give those a try.
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The Question
Okay we'll my boyfriend told me that one of his friend who was really good with computers and things did him a favor and somehow got on the internet and tapped into my phone and had all my calls by a certain person forwarded to his house phone that way when they called he could pick up and listen in. I want to know if this is actually possible and if so how do I stop it. Also he said my tetxs were sent to his email. I know he sounds crazy. But I'm just curious to know if this is possible.
The Answer
The ONLY way this is possible is if there is software installed on your phone that is allowing this guy's friend access.
I'm not an expert on this by any stretch, but I'm pretty damn confident about this. Even when the FBI hacks computers and phone, they do so by installing a spyware program on them either through known security weaknesses or support from the service provider.
That's it. That is the only way this can happen. You would also HAVE TO have a smart phone with a data plan for them to use more spy software.
Has your boyfriend or his friend had a chance, since he got angry with you to install something like this on you phone? If he hasn't, then he is just lying.
If you do have a smart phone with a data plan, and you have let either of these guys use it since your boyfriend went nuts, take it into a store of your service provider or call your service provider and ask them what you should do if you think you have spyware on your phone.
If you don't have a smart phone, your boyfriend is a piece of shit liar.
Even if you do have a smart phone, your boyfriend is probably still a peice of shit liar.
You should forward any e-mails he sent you claiming he could do this, or chat transcripts where he said he was spying on to your local police. If he is really doing what he says he is, then he and his friend are committing a felony crime and could be fined, or even do jail time for it. Feel free to tell them that. Even if he just lying, what he is doing is harassment and it's all right for you to report harassment to your local police.
And BREAK UP WITH HIM ALREADY.
He's behaving like a lying, abusive, controlling piece of shit. There is no reason, none, ever in the history of the universe, why you should have to stay with someone who harasses and terrorizes you like this.
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The Question
Hey how did you do your layout? I want to do mine like yours because I just got a paid account.
The Answer
I actually just tweeked a free wordpress layout with the variables used on advice collumns.
I wish I could say it a bit better than that and give you a sort of walk-through, but I really just stumbled through the code of the wordpress layout, stripping out the extra things I couldn't use on my advice column, and replacing the elements I wanted with the variables for the advice column until I got what I liked.
A whole lot of trial and error for the girl who only sorta knows html and css.
Go for you getting a paid account! I do wish I could be more help. If you know html and css well, editing your layout under the Column Settings tab on the right will be easy. If you don't, I'd suggest using some simple free templates for wordpress and just playing around with inserting your information until you get what you want.
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The Question
So, here's the thing...
I am 18 years old and I am trying to FIND myself SEXUALLY.
I have been attracted to both sexes since... i dont even remember when.
I think the only way to find out if i am TRULY BI SEXUAL is if i actually sleep with a girl since i have already had experience with guys before.
What do you think?
I just need advice on what anyone on here thinks.
AND PLEASE NO RUDE FEEDBACK.
&
**it would be really nice to have feedback from someone who has gone through the same thing, or knows someone that has gone through the same thing.**
Thanks
xoxo.
The Answer
I think you are truly bisexual if you know you are bisexual. You don't need to sleep with a girl to know it or to prove it to yourself or anyone else, in my opinion.
There are many people on this planet who KNOW they are homosexual, but for religious reasons choose never to act on it. It doesn't change the fact they do what attracts them.
If you'd never slept with a boy, you'd still know you were attracted to males, right?
I think it's just fine for you to desire an experience with a woman! And you should certainly try and find one if that is what you want to do. But don't trump it up in your head as though "I Gotta do this or I'll never KNOW!"
What you know right now, is what you know, and that is okay. Sexuality can be confusing, but being confused doesn't mean you don't know. Being confused isn't a problem: It's normal if you are being honest with yourself to not have all the answers all the time. You'll always be learning new things about your sexuality, from new things that turn you on to new things that turn you off, and all the other things that come up in sexual relationships.
Stop beating yourself up. I've been with women, and I've been with men. I've learned things in all my relationships no matter what form they took. I've learned labeling my sexuality and trying to completely understand it all the time is the best way to make myself crazy. Give yourself some permission to just feel what you feel. So long as you are treating others with honesty and respect, that is all you need to do.
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The Question
Me and this guy I know have know each other for a couple of years, and we started dating a couple of months ago (about 8), but two weeks ago I lost my virginity to him. I didn't regret it and it was one of the best moments of my life, and he didn't push me or anything. The thing is (yes I know I'm going to get bashed a lot now) is he's 19 and I'm 15. I know you are going to say it was wrong but it felt right to us. The real problem is I told my best friend about me losing my virginity to him and she totally flipped. When me and him started dating, she was really wary and told me it wasn't a good Idea and he was only using me, but now 8 months on we're still together and he never pressured me once. He,obviously being a boy was ready, but we only had sex after I told him I was ready. Anyway after I told my friend about losing my virginity, she basically shouted at me for about 20mins straight calling me a b**** and some other charming words, and then said that if I ever get pregnant or if my boyfriend dumps me, she wants nothing to do with it, and she will only say I told you so.
I don't know what to do now I feel like a worthless piece of crap after what she said, and know that if anything was to happen, my own best friend wouldn't help me?
What should I do? I don't want to lose wither of them.
The Answer
Honestly, you should just let it go a bit.
You are happy with your decision. (I'm going to assume you were smart about, and checked the statutory rape laws in your state, and used protection correctly and consistently, right?)
If you are comfortable with your choice, she isn't, and that is okay
It's okay for friends to disagree, even about big things.
If I were you, I would tell my best friend that I was happy, that I made my choice and even though something might go wrong in the future, I know that and I still choose to have sex. Obviously, she can have her opinion, and that's okay and I can respect that. But I'd also tell her that I still love her and want her as my friend, even if we disagree about this.
I’d tell her I hope we can still be friends, and love and respect and support each other, even if we don’t always agree.
Your friend was shocked and angry, but don't take it quite so personally. She's afriad for you. Even if she didn't express it very well. Instead of feeling like shit, stand up for yourself and reasure her - without putting her down. Tell her you were safe and responsible and are happy with your choice, even though you can respect her opinion, you don't share it.
If you want to keep her friendship, respect her opinion, but stand by your own choices. It’s a tough balance to strike, but there is no reason you have to choose between them. You just have to be totally honest and confident when you share what you want.
She might choose not to be your friend anymore over this, but if you have let her have her say, and she has heard you be honest and secure in your choice, than that is the choice she made, not you choosing between them.
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The Question
canyou still do it when you have a yeast infection
The Answer
No one will die if you choose too, but it’s not a good idea.
It is possible for a man to develop a yeast infection if his female partner is suffering from one, although it's unlikely. It's curable, but a real pain and difficult to treat in men, so you don’t want to put him at risk for it.
Also, it's just probably not very comfortable. You should never expect yourself to have vaginal intercourse when it's painful or uncomfortable, and your partner shouldn't expect it either. If you have scratched or are inflamed from the infection, almost any contact will sting and burn. The rawness also leaves you at a greater risk of STDs or other random infections. No one wants any of that.
Condoms offer a good deal of protection against the spread of the yeast infection to the male, but the addition of the plastic and lubricants/spermicide can add to the female's discomfort. Semen, can also add to the bacterial imbalance the female is experiencing, and make it worse.
So, having sex when you have a yeast infection isn't going to kill anyone, but it's a rather bad idea.
If you have a yeast infection, get it treated, and wait until it's cleared up entirely before you have vaginal intercourse. Lord knows there are other fun things you can do in the meantime. with a partner.
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The Question
So this guy always tells me im hot, beautiful, pretty and cute. But hes waiting for me to get off my period so we can have sex but I've only known him for about 9 days or so. me and him only were aware that we each exsisted but never talked and nine days ago we started talking and hanging out. but he is nice to my parents and very polite and hugs my mom hello and good bye. And than last night he was talking to my friend Whitney about drinking and smoking and how they should go do it. do you think he could be putting on an act for my parents and things and really just wanting to have sex and using me, or actually have interest in me? i know thats prob not enough info. so ill say a little more, he also doesnt mind kissing me or anything infront of my cousin brittney or my cousin brianna, and i think his friends know that we have a thing going on cuz i read his text the other day and it said "so your with nina right?" (yes my name is nina) so its not a complete secret. But if you can help me distinguish what he wants from me that would be great..
The Answer
We don't have enough info, and neither do you.
Nine days is not long enough to know if someone is putting on an act or not. That is why someone you've only known for nine days is REALLY high risk to have sex with.
It only makes me worry more when you say you are waiting for your period to end. Does that mean you two were planning to have sex after knowing eachother for less than a week, but got trumped by your monthly visitor?
He might be a geunine guy who really likes you (and who also has different ideas then you about what is okay behavoir with smoking and drinking, which can also be okay). Or he might be a total user.
Being with someone almost always means taking a bit of a risk, but the way you minimize that risk is by spending time with them and learning thier opinions, beliefs and actions.
If you sense a risk, minimize it by not jumping into bed with him right away.
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The Question
im taking the pill, but my new boyfriend wont cum in me
The Answer
If he uncomfortable, he shouldn't do it.
Just like when a girl says she doesn't want to engage in a specific sex act, a boy gets to say no, and it means no.
Respect his choice.
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