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My past bothers him
The fact that I slept with two guys before my current boyfriend bothers him. It bothered him before, and he accepted it. But now, it's starting to pop up in his head and he can't help but imagine it. Now he's trying to accept it again.
I would change the fact that I did if I could. But I can't... It's the past. I lost my virginity in the first place because of an abusive boyfriend. He knows that.
I told him the past is makes me who I am, and if there wasn't a past... I wouldn't have met him in the first place. I told him I hurts me that it bothers him, and that I said the present is the only time that matters now. Because we both love each other, and the past was the past.
I understand why it would bother him though, knowing the fact that your significant other had past loves hurts. But what can I say or do to have him accept it again and forget about it?
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You already did what you thought was best. You've been so honest for telling him your past and he should accept that because of love. Past is past and you cannot bring it back to correct it. He must love you as who you are. If he's bothered about what happened in your past, you will always have a continues argument until you get married.
You need to have someone who will accept everything about you and your past.
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As a man who has been in this situation, I'd like to offer some advice.
My wife and I both had wild youths and had sex with many partners before we found each other.
That she had sex with other men before me doesn't bother me... though I admit the irrational part of my brain was always comparing myself to them.
The rational part of me understood that her past was just that... her past, and had nothing to do with who she was with me.
She thought no more about her past boyfriends than I did my past girlfriends.
But there is little that is rational when it comes to love.
My personal situation is more complicated, but I have some suggestions that may help for your situation.
As a man in love with a woman, we want to feel special, that to the woman we love, we matter more than any other man.
We are constantly questioning both our virility (no matter how well we perform) and our emotional worth as well.
How special is sex with me if she so freely gave herself to him or them?
Remind him how your past experience is not even on your mind when you are with him and how when you are having sex, you are only thinking about him just as he is not thinking about anyone else.
We men are insecure.
Open your eyes and look at him during sex.
Say his name when you're looking at him.
Even if he isn't conciously aware of it, it will let him know that it's only him you're thinking of.
Try different things you've never done or that at least he doesn't know you've ever done.
When we care about the woman we're with, we can't help but compare ourselves to the other men she's been with.
Trying something new not only takes away the insecurity of comparing ourselves to previous lovers, but also makes us feel special.
When you try something new, let him know that it's something new and that it's something you never wanted to do with someone else because you were saving it for someone special.
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I had the same problem. Except I was with my boyfriend and we made out. He got upset because he realized that he wasn't the only guy I've ever made out with before. So same problem, different situation.
You've told him about your past. He knows about it and he needs to know the past is the past. It's ok that it bothers him at first but you are with him. I'm assuming that you told him how you felt and that you are with him and not with those guys anymore. Just talk to him one last time. You guys know about each others past. Just let him know, one more time, that he is the one you are with and you only want him and love him. He seems insecure. He will probably never completely forget about it but he needs accept it and let it go. You can't make him, it's all on him. You told him what you should already. It's all on him now.
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Just tell him he has nothing to worry about because he's with you not them. Tell him that you simply don't care about the past because you only care about him. If you remind him of how special he is and that you are his only one he should forget about your past lovers. He doesn't need to keep hearing about them either. Just try to focus on what's happening right now because that's what's really important. Try to make him feel better because right now he probably isn't feeling so good inside. He should forgive and forget about it soon.
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Stop talking about it so much.
If he wants a relationship with you, then it's his job to accept and move past the details of your romantic history.
If you've been honest with him, and clear about your feelings then your job is done. It's now his job to address his inappropriate thinking and judgment that is causing problems in your relationship.
Give him space to do this. It's not something you can do for him.
What you might want to consider talking about, is whatever caused this to 'pop up' again. Was there a period of stress? Of distance? What made him start to feel insecure recently? That is something as his partner you might be able to address and support him with, but his problem with your past needs to be his problem to solve.
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It sounds like you've said everything you could.
The past is the past, and if you weren't with your current boyfriend at the time of the matter, then it honestly shouldn't matter to him. You have expressed you love him, and if you are faithful to him, I don't understand why it continues to bother him. Tell him that it's getting you down that it bothers him. And that you have nothing to do with those guys, and no feelings left for them, and that hes the one you love and want to be with. Good luck.
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