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I'm 14 I had sex with a 19 year old, and my best friend won't forgive me
Me and this guy I know have know each other for a couple of years, and we started dating a couple of months ago (about 8), but two weeks ago I lost my virginity to him. I didn't regret it and it was one of the best moments of my life, and he didn't push me or anything. The thing is (yes I know I'm going to get bashed a lot now) is he's 19 and I'm 15. I know you are going to say it was wrong but it felt right to us. The real problem is I told my best friend about me losing my virginity to him and she totally flipped. When me and him started dating, she was really wary and told me it wasn't a good Idea and he was only using me, but now 8 months on we're still together and he never pressured me once. He,obviously being a boy was ready, but we only had sex after I told him I was ready. Anyway after I told my friend about losing my virginity, she basically shouted at me for about 20mins straight calling me a b**** and some other charming words, and then said that if I ever get pregnant or if my boyfriend dumps me, she wants nothing to do with it, and she will only say I told you so.
I don't know what to do now I feel like a worthless piece of crap after what she said, and know that if anything was to happen, my own best friend wouldn't help me?
What should I do? I don't want to lose wither of them.
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Your friend either cares about you a great deal and is upset that you've put yourself in what she views as a difficult situation, or she's just jealous and being unkind. Regardless, she has overreacted and making you feel bad was completely unnecessary.
The thing is, although a four year age gap isn't a big deal when you're an adult, at your age it is. You're underage and although I understand that you felt emotionally and physically ready for sex, it's still against the law and your boyfriend was wrong. It's understandable that your friend is concerned about you and doesn't think it's a good idea.
At the same time, it was also wrong of your friend to be rude and unkind to you about this. It's one thing voicing her opinion, but swearing at you and telling you she won't be there for you if it goes wrong is another.
You need to talk to your friend and find out why she's being like this. If you are hell bent on staying with your boyfriend, you might have to accept that your friend wants to stay out of it and doesn't want to hear about it. If your friend refuses to accept it, then unfortunately it's a choice you'll have to make.
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My friends are the same way... and its so frustrating! What i do is just what feels right. They obviously arent your true fried if they judge you for your choices.
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I went through the same thing. My (now) husband is 13 years older than me and my friend found out we were together she called him a pedophile and said he was using me for sex. Ironically we didn't have sex until a year after we started dating. I didn't see my friend for years and now we're talking again. Why? Because she finally realized he wasn't a bad guy. In other words, if YOU are happy and have no regrets, that's all that matters and if your friend is really a friend, she will eventually deal and apologize for what she said.
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To give you a short answer, if you didn't have any doubt about what you did, you will have no regrets about what you did. And as for your friend, I've learned to not take my friends' advice about anything because it's never what YOU really want and they will never know how you really feel about a situation. It was not wrong of you to lose your viginity. Let's face it, it would've happened anyway, right? So why take shit from your friend when the same thing is going to happen to her someday. You're not going to loser your friend. A true, loving friend is an understanding one. If not, your friend doesn't really love you for who you are no matter what. Cheesy, I know. Life is full of cheese.
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Honestly, you should just let it go a bit.
You are happy with your decision. (I'm going to assume you were smart about, and checked the statutory rape laws in your state, and used protection correctly and consistently, right?)
If you are comfortable with your choice, she isn't, and that is okay
It's okay for friends to disagree, even about big things.
If I were you, I would tell my best friend that I was happy, that I made my choice and even though something might go wrong in the future, I know that and I still choose to have sex. Obviously, she can have her opinion, and that's okay and I can respect that. But I'd also tell her that I still love her and want her as my friend, even if we disagree about this.
I’d tell her I hope we can still be friends, and love and respect and support each other, even if we don’t always agree.
Your friend was shocked and angry, but don't take it quite so personally. She's afriad for you. Even if she didn't express it very well. Instead of feeling like shit, stand up for yourself and reasure her - without putting her down. Tell her you were safe and responsible and are happy with your choice, even though you can respect her opinion, you don't share it.
If you want to keep her friendship, respect her opinion, but stand by your own choices. It’s a tough balance to strike, but there is no reason you have to choose between them. You just have to be totally honest and confident when you share what you want.
She might choose not to be your friend anymore over this, but if you have let her have her say, and she has heard you be honest and secure in your choice, than that is the choice she made, not you choosing between them.
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