NinjaNeer's advice column

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Q: well im normally giving advice but i needed it to so i thought i should ask well anyway i no a lot of people think hickeys/love bites are stupid or old etc but i dont and my bf wants to give me on my neck and stuff i want one but i just wanted to no if it hurts some people say it does som say it dont i just want the truth please tell me thankies!!

It will not hurt, but they are a little tacky... sometimes they can be fun though :) Just make sure he gives it to you in an easy-to-cover place, because it is not fun trying to explain them to parents, friends, and other people!

Q: Okay so me and this guy just started going out and I was wondering guys what your girlfriends do that make you want them. Like I want him to want me. Like things that will drive him crazy.. I hope that makes sense. Lol. Thanks thho for any ideas. Girls if you know what im talking about what do you do to get your boyfriends all excited and crazy over you? Thanks.

Try being yourself. Be interesting, be unique. No guy wants a ditzy girl who goes along with everything he says! Show a personality, show opinion.

Don't go playing hard to get, and don't be a drama queen or a princess. Just be normal :)

Q: I have really dark brown hair, its almost black.
What color should I consider dying it?
Not blonde, I'm asian, & I really blah dont think thatd look too neat.
thanks.

You're right, blonde asians don't look too good...

You could always try doing it black with either a purple or blue tint to it... or just plain black with some funky coloured chunks in it, like blonde, pink, red or something.

Q: I have strep throat, a pretty bad case of it too cause I waited a while before I got meds for it. I haven't eaten much in days simply because my throat hurts to bad to swollow anything more then my own spit. I've had countless bottles of water trying to sooth the pain and keep my throat moist however I'm still in great pain.
Is there a good drink ( besides like Tea, it's really sensitive to heat right now, I tried tea already) that will help sooth the pain enough so I can talk and eat temporarily? Thanks! :)

I get strep at least once a year... try eating popsicles or freezies, cold feels amazing! Applesauce also works wonders.

Q: Okay, I see this guy once a week, (and I enjoy it :) but I always get so nervous because it always seems like he's always watching me, and so I try to look calm & cool, but I always mess up around him, tripping, or whatever. My face gets all hot and everything, and I hate it! Is there even anything I could do to prevent feeling like this around him?
Thanks a lot in advance.

Remember that he is a human being like you! We all look stupid sometimes, but being able to laugh it off is one of the coolest things you could possibly do. You will come off as looking at ease with yourself and confident, with a great sense of humour.

Q: I was just wondering if sensors ((on clothes)) make any noise when you cut them off or whatever to get/take them off. My friends and I usually steal but we cut around the sensor and end up with big holes in our clothes. I know the sensors make noise if you take them out of the stoiree but what about when you're like in the dressing room or whatever? Thanks in advance.

Please don't do that. It's surprising that you even announced that you do this and expect people to advise you on something illegal.

I worked in retail all throughout high school, and the people who get hurt by shoplifters are the employees, working for minimum wage trying to prevent people like you from stealing.

I am thoroughly disgusted by this question.

Q: heyy! soo i was wondering which would kill my hair less..like not giving it more split ends and making it unhealthy?! putting gel in it..as in scrunching it lol or straightening it? because i either have to do one of those each day and im TRYING to keep my hair as healthy as possible..because it just doesnt seem to grow and i am tryin to get it long! well thanks :]
i will rate anyone who answers 5!

Well, your hair will grow at the same rate, whether you straighten it or scrunch it or not. Once your hair has left the root, it is not a living tissue, and so anything you do to it will have no impact on speed of growth.

Straightening is terrible for split ends, but scrunching should be fine :)

Q: Im getting a tattoo in less than 2 months and i need to find my initials in chinese which are S N T if you can find these for me i will rate u a 5 no exception but it has to be a free website

Try to get a Chinese friend to check it out for you before you get it; it's very common for people to get Chinese tattoos, only to find out that there is another, funny meaning.

Good luck :)

Q: i`m 14/f. i don't wear a "real" bra. i wear camosals with the built in bras. they seem to work good for me but i was wondering if you think i need a real bra. and if you could, state a reason why. thanks.

It really all depends on your size. If a built-in is comfortable for you and supports you fully, then go for it! It's one less article of clothing to wear.

If you're above a 36B/34C, then you likely should wear a bra, just to prevent sagging.

Q: Hi!

What obvious signs should I look for to find out whether my co-worker/friend is interested in me or not?

Well, he hangs out in my cubicle more lately and takes time to chat with me at work. He even wants me to accompany him at his workstation a couple of times before.

But he never invited me to go out with him on a date. We went out a few times but always in groups. My intuition tells me that he likes me but ain't sure about that.

He kissed me twice on the forehead during special occasions but do you think it means something or he's just being friendly? We spend a lot of time together at work during breaks and lunch hour. But how would I know? What clues/hints must I look for to find out whether we share the same feeling towards each other.

Please help me! Thanks a lot!

Well, if he is showing all the signs of interest that you say he is, then he might possibly be interested.

First, check out your office's policy on intraoffice dating, because you don't want to put your career on the line.

Then, try asking him to spend time with you socially outside of work... like dinner out. If he accepts, then he doesn't just consider you to be a work friend.

Good luck!

Q: Yet, I still find myself caring.

I used to go to language school early last year with this guy I met there and we spoke a bit then I left and we spoke sometimes on MSN. Well tonight we were talking and he basically joked "What's a hot sexy girl like you doing alone" and I asked if he really meant that, and he said then I wasn't hot and sexy at all, and I would be if I wore a bit more makeup. I felt very upset by this comment and got mad at him and called him a whole lot of names, and said I was only nice to him because I felt sorry for him, blah blah blah. I didn't mean a word I said.
Well he just emailed me, not apologizing or anything, but saying he was upset by what I said, and that its true i wasn't the most attractive girl there, everyone else was prettier but he doesn't try and sugarcoat things. Then he went on to say he feels horrible he wasted effort and breath on me when i was only being nice to him because i felt sorry. He said this cut him pretty badly because he thought we could've been friends.

Should I apologize to him? I have absolutely zero interest in him, but I feel guilty now. He did hurt me pretty badly though. I don't take comments about my appearance too well. Then again two wrongs don't make a right. I did insult him pretty badly. So what do I do? Sorry this is so long.

You should apologize for saying anything you didn't mean, but if he doesn't sugarcoat things, neither should you!

A lot of guys don't understand that girls are more sensitive about certain things. I've had guy friends make negative comments on my appearances that really hurt, but it was just them not realizing that it was a hurtful comment, because it was the truth.

Try to be friends with him :)

Q: well i had this friend lets call her L for a long time and she really used to be my best friend untill this other girl lets call her G came along! then she became my best friend cause L left me for a nother girl lets call her S anyways and why should i be all alone then? and me and L still were friends but she started lieing to me all the time like once i had this crush on a guy named M and than L told me that M told her something about me that she cant tell me! and now 2 years later she told me she was just kidding! and then she told me a guy named H told her he loved me and that was also a lie and she told me that 2 month later! and then there is this other guy named J and L told me that he was looking at me all the time when he was looking at her and she also told me that yet and all that happend about a half year ago! and now there is this other guy named K and she told me there going out together even though she has a boyfriend and then me and K got into this big fight and everything because of that cause i thought that L was cheating on her bf and all that was also a lie! she was never together with K there not even friends! K told me that yesterday and i was sooo angry at L cause she lied to me alot anyways but that was just to much!!! and like once i had this crush on a guy named D and she told me i should call him and stuff like that i never wanted to well and i didnt vut she was like really getting on my nervs she was online and she was like: CALL HIM CALL HIM NOW!! so my question is : is she really a friend?? what should i do ignore her from now on??? G likes L and were also kinda fighting about that but the thing is that L hates G and i really dont wanna loose my best friend G cause she does like L and she dosnt like it when i tell her bad things about L! so what should i do??? i really need some advice and sorry this is so long!! I'll rate!

Well, it looks to me like you need new friends! Too much drama in this little group.

Real friends don't talk behind each others' backs or play mean jokes.

Here's the best thing to do; go on letting G think that L likes her still, because telling one friend that another person doesn't like them doesn't go over well.

But yes, try to distance yourself from the drama as best as you can, because it's not worth the time and effort you end up putting into it, and in the end (think 5 years from now) it won't matter at all!

Q: Hi when I and my fiancée indulge in foreplay, while doing this her vagina lips starts swelling and turns red is it normal or not, while I masturbation for her she reaches climax but the problem is that she does not let it out (discharge),then she complain of stomach pain is it because she does not discharge???
And while doing this act there is colorless sticky liquid from my penis is it sperm or not please let me know.
Please reply me back thanks bye

(Note from DN: This user is from India. Please consider this when answering.)

If your wife is reaching climax, then there should be no stomach pain. Not all women 'discharge' when they climax, so there should be no problems there. As for her vaginal lips swelling and turning red, if it is uncomfortable for her, try using lubrication. It will make things more comfortable for her.

The colourless sticky liquid may contain sperm, but it is not as much as there is in semen.

:)

Q: i am a 13 year old female and my parents have divorced but unlick many who live with their moms i live with my dad. but anyway he has gotten a new girlfriend and shes always over at our house and hanging out and stuff its not that i dont like her its just my dad treats my different around her like yelling at my over really stupid stuff and i dont know how to tell him without getting yelled at *i've already tryed and got grounded for two days cause he made me so mad i started yelling* how should i talk to him?

Here's the thing... hard as it is, try NOT yelling. I know it's hard to restrain yourself when you're being attacked verbally, but if you stay calm, use a quiet, calm voice, then he has no reason to yell. I used to get in yelling matches with my parents all the time, and I learned in time that if I was more quiet, they would actually listen to me, because they knew I was being rational.

Good luck!

Q: I know this girl who asked someone out..but he said no. She got all mad and started telling lies about him. When we asked her why she did that she said she was jk but we all new she was lying. she told almost EVERYONE. None of us no what to do about her..And when we try to talk to her..she ignores us then walks away and doesnt talk to us. what should we doo!??

You let her go. People like that are not worth any time or energy. If she loses all of her friends, then it's her own fault! She will realize in time that spreading rumours is not a good way to get what you want, and she might even start to be a nicer person.

Q: 14/f
I am in love. I know your probably thinking "A fourteen year old can't be in love!", but i am. Last night it all became clear to me. This is what happened:

There was a dance. I was kinda pissed at my friends for something so I hung around my guy friend who I used to like instead. Of course, we danced and stuff. We slow danced to two songs and grinded to one. As I said before, I used to like him, and then I realized something: I still did. I started liking the person I liked before last night just to get over the one I was dancing with. But the truth is I can't. I feel hot and cold at the same time when I'm with him, happy and sad. When he holds me in his arms I feel safe, like nothing in thee world could possibly happen to me. I want him more than I want anything else.

Now the problem: as far as he has told me, he likes my friend. He told me last night before we got really close. I think he still does. Now everyone, even teachers, think we are/should go out. And I want to but I don't know if he does. What do I do? Sorry, this was long.

I hate to burst your bubble, but you're not in love. You're infatuated, but not in love.

Love is something that develops over time, it's a mature feeling. I know it's hard to believe, but you just don't grow it in a day or two!

There is always potential though. Tell him you're interested in him, see if he feels the same way. Don't tell him you love him, because that'll just send him running! If he is interested, date for a while, and see what happens :)

Q: I have had this friend for 6 yrs. She told me that she had started smoking and asked me to also. What should I do to help my friend

No I did not start smoking.

I had a few of my close friends take up smoking during exams... I know they found this incredibly irritating, but I'm severely allergic to cigarette smoke, so I couldn't be around them while they were smoking, and I annoyed them out of the habit, odd as that sounds.

At every available opportunity, I'd start reading the warnings on cigarette packs, pointing out the pictures if they were gruesome ones (I don't know if they have this everywhere, but in Ontario we have pictures and warnings on cigarette packs, like "Smoking causes lung cancer" accompanied by a picture of cancer). I'd also leave every time they started to light up.

I don't know if it'll help at all, but it worked for me!

Q: hmm okay this might seem kinda confusing, but i need some advice.
so im 15/f in 9th grade. all of my friends (and i mean pretty much ALL) get guys all the time and have boyfriends and what not. most of them are also really sexually experienced and arent virgins.
i never get guys and ive never even been kissed or had a boyfriend! its NOT that i just want to go out and hook up with guys and stuff cause thats kinda shallow. and im not just trying to compare myself to my friends either. but what i want is to meet guys, and possibly start a relationship. the only thing is im not really interested in dating any of the guys in my school (its a small school, about 200-250 kids). well i dont really know where to go to meet some nice guys or even how to approach them. everytime im someplace like the mall or anything and see a cute guy im always too shy to actually go up and talk to them because i dont know them.
sorry this is so long, but thanks for reading it. hope you can help. =)

Well, my advice is to try joining an interest group or club, that way those "cute guys" have more than just appearance, and you have a reason to talk to them, and something to talk to them about.

Don't stress abou tbeing inexperienced, because it's better to not rush into things... just think about it as you having so much more to look forward to in life than them!

Q: i was thinking about geting a haircut where i have side swept bangs(already have them + love them) and really short, sort of spikish hair in the back. does anyone have any ideas of whether this would look good on someone with a chubby face(kinda round, chubby cheeks)

ALL PICTURES OF HAIRCUT STYLES ARE GORGEOUS MODELS WITH PRETTY FACES...EEEW!

thanks in advance everyone!

I know this is a little late... but I just got my hair cut like that, and I love it! I'm a heavier girl, and it looks fine :)

Here's a pic of mine...

http://photos-492.facebook.com/images/profile2/1815/90/n72600492_28412.jpg

Q: I'm 14 & a girl in the 8th grade. And like this year i've lost A TON of my friendships w/ the girls in my grade. I get like excluded out of alot of things.. but i kind of did it to myself. Last year all the girls in my grade annoyed me SO MUCH i couldnt take it, i started becoming good friends w/ the guys, and the kids in the grade above me. If i needed any help in school or in anything i would call my guy friends, and if i wanted to hang out w/ someone i would call the girls in the grade above me. over the summer i barly hung out w/ the girls in my grade. i lost all of their trust after they started talking behind my back and stuff the year before. So i kind of didnt care. Then this year. I was even more annoyed w/ them & hung out w/ the guys in my grade more then ever. One of them became my BEST FRIEND and would come over after school and crap all the time. Then me and him kind of got in a fight and stopped being friends all together. and the girls above me sort of leave me out of some things & i regret alot of it. instead of like changing groups w/ the girls that i didnt like, which i should of done, i just decided to not like any of the girls in my grade at all, when really the other group of girls were ALOT nicer and it would of been so much better. And now the freshman girls think i'm like becoming best friends w/ girls i use to hate, and like the guys and me have sort of drifted apart, and their all going to different highschool. And i'm gunna be stuck w/ those same girls and like the girls above me, who one of them i LOVE TO DEATH but the other can think she's too cool now cause she's in highschool and stuff. and it really bothers me.. one of my friends, in my grade (girl) said that i'm mean to all the girls in my grade and that the only reason their even nice to me is because i'm really close to the guys and i'm super popular. And other ppl call me a slut because of how close i am to the guys in my grade. But all i do is talk to them. and i feel like i kind of just threw away my life, and i cry about it all the time. i have no clue what to do. PLease help. OH and i've started doing horrible in school, C's in like every class. if not lower. And i'm gaining wait. it's spring break and i havent hung out w/ anyone the whole time. i just sit at home and eat and watch tv and stuff. WHICH IS HORRIBLE. i think i've gained like 10lbs no joke, and you can tell. :[ please help me

You see, this is exactly why I'm friends with a lot of guys. Girls are catty and backstabbing, and I tend to not get along with them either.

You don't have to be friends with girls! It shouldn't matter what sex your friends are, as long as they're nice people. You did make a mistake by deciding not to be friends with ANY girls, because there are a lot of nice ones out there... but that's okay. Your life isn't over! Trust me, in 5 years when you're off at university or college, it won't matter at all.

Good news is that you're going to high school soon, so you'll have opportunities to make lots of new friends! Be friendly and outgoing, and try to stick to the nice people for friendship; it doesn't matter if they're a little weird, or total dorks, as long as they're good people.

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My Personal Forum

My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

In my last 8 years with Advicenators, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.

Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier. I credit Advicenators with saving my life back when I was a teenager, which is a big part of why I'm still here.

I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.