|
my question is about being in a relationship with some1 who still love his dead gf
hey i an from Limpopo.im in a new relationship.me n my bf we a naw datin for 1month n 3days.i love my bf so much n i try to make him happy but dat doesnt hide de fact dat my bf is still inlove wth his ex who has died.wen he need me i go n be wth him.on saturday it was his bdae n i made a suprise party for him n i invited his friends n ada gals.he was very happy n i was happy to see him happy.but dat dae at nyt he said i shuld not leave i shuld sleep ova n i did so.he started talking abt his ex who died n his ex was buried on saturday on his bdae.he told me dat he is over her n he dnt luv her anymore but his actions was telling me another story.he evn cried for his ex infront of me n didnt wt tu du or wat to say.my heart was heavy wen he was kissing me he suddenly stopped n he said he cant.yesterdae he removed de status on watsap he wrote abt me n write dat he love his ex n he change a profile pic n put his ex.i cried alone n my hurt was heavy realising dat im truly,madly n deeply inlove wth him.what do i have to do?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Losing someone very close to you hurt so much.. he is in so much pain now.. so you should give him time.. and love him unconditionally!! he will understand sooner or later..
good luck..
take care..
]
You need to let him grieve. The fact that he is hurt over loosing someone he loves, in no way is a bad thing. It shows compassion and emotional maturity. It would be scary if his gf died and he didn't even care right? Only men that are incapable of feeling love and caring for other people don't care when when their gf dies. Give him some time to be sad about it. If he asks you to stay over and then cries, it's because he wants comfort while he is grieving. If you love him, you should comfort him when he cries. Let him cry on your shoulder and tell him everything will be alright.
Him being sad about loosing his gf in no way stops him from loving you. We all fall in love and sometimes we loose love and we have to find new love. That is how life works. A relationship is a partnership, life partners should be there to support each other when times are hard. Wouldn't you want him to be understanding and supportive if you were suffering the loss of a loved one? If you want to show him you love him, be understanding and be a shoulder to cry on if he needs it.
Good luck honey
]
Hey,
Your boyfriend is going through a grieving process. Mentally he thinks he is fine but emotionally your boyfriend is still grieving. As a person who loves him I think its' great that your supporting him but I think you have to prepare yourself to give him space. You guys can take a break until he is emotionally ready to be a relationship with you. The decision is all yours but its really hard to be in love triangle when one person is dead. Your bf must have loved his past gf a great deal and might have gotten into a new relationship too quick. It's not that your not great because you are. Ultimately, this what your bf needs to deal with and you be there for him but don't forget about yourself!
]
Hi sweetheart,
Please forgive the late response.
Sweetie,please give him time to mourn his loss,this will take time,and as of right now,he needs the time to get over his loss of his ex.Even if this woman was even just his friend,he still needs time to get over the loss.
He may have told you he was over to appease your feelings,sometimes people say things they dont always mean,or he doesnt want you to have an extra worry.
I know you are hurting,and if you really do love him,please understand he needs to take the time to mourn his loss
God bless
]
I am going to be honest. You may not like my answer/advice.
He isn't over her. I personally have experienced grief and it takes a long time for you to "move on" from something like that. He may love you but he is not fully ready to commit to you 100%. You should be there for him but I would suggest not just wait around for him. He will need time before he can fully commit to you.
I would talk to him and tell him that. You want to be with him and you love him, but feel like he still has some feelings for his ex.
I would focus on yourself for now.
Maybe in the future when he is not in love with his ex you can try again. You do not need to fully cut him out of your life but set limits.
You are beautiful and a wonderful girl. You'll be fine with out without him :) I hope I helped in anyway :)
~Hardcore-Band-Geek
]
woah woah woah okay dont give him any grief over his dead girlfriend. hes never gonna stop loving her. its like you losing your grandma your never gonna get over it. maybe hes not ready to date yet just let him know that if he isnt ready you understand and ull be here for him no matter what happens and that you understand what hes going through and youll be there when hes ready to date.
]
Dear...Give him some time.. He needs some time..
]
support him, he will soon wake up to the reality that his gf is gone for life make sure u there when he does
]
Hi! It is really hard to lose someone you love a lot. I think the best thing to do right now is to take a break from each other until your bf is fully recovered because right now your relationship is not healthy at all! You can still be friends until he's ready to move on. Now don't take this the wrong way, but he could be using you to feel love and affection from someone, but that's probably not the real reason why. You also need to understand, and think about his loss too. Imagine losing someone you love dearly, and never getting to see them again, it's hard a difficult. So as of right now the best thing to do is to take a break from each other until he has fully recovered from his loss. I hope I helped you.
-Swimmer133
]
Ok, you say that his ex was buried on Saturday. Does this mean that his ex was actually buried on saturday, or that saturday was the anniversary of the day his ex was buried? I mean - if a man has been to a funeral two days ago, maybe you are expecting a little much?
Actually - it just doesn't matter. This guy is not ready to be in another relationship right now, and that's all that matters. You are madly in love with him? Pfft - get madly in love with someone else.
]
Hey there.
It's hard to beat the competition when she's dead, huh? I say you give him time. Take a break, break up or whatever you like to call it. He's obviously not over her, and if it hurts you so much to see him like that the best thing is to keep your distance. I mean it, block him off everywhere except for your phone so he can text or call in case of an emergency but don't stalk his social media or torture yourself while reading about his ex. Just stay away, do your own thing. In that time apart, he'll have time to get over his ex and maybe realize his feelings for you, and you'll have time to explore your feelings about him and make sure they're true. Remember, if you love something let it go. If it comes back, good, if it doesn't then it wasn't yours to begin with.
Best of luck.
]
Well when you lose someone you love, it's very hard and I don't know how long your boyfriend's ex has been dead- but he's probably still grieving for her like you said. I think that maybe he isn't ready to be in a relationship with someone else, and that you should talk to him. Just tell him that you love him and understand that what he's going through is hard, but it's hard for you when you feel that your boyfriend is still in love with his ex. Just talk to him about it and see what he says. Personally I think that maybe you two should take a step back and wait until your boyfriend is fully ready to commit to a new relationship. Your boyfriend is probably sad and lonely, and will need you for support but maybe a romantic relationship isn't the best idea at this time, despite your feelings for each other- as he obviously isn't ready. I hope things work out.
]
depending on how long ago she had pass...if she had died a while ago then maybe its time for him to move on you know let go. but if this was pretty recent then is say give his some grieving space. sooner or later he will have togo on with his life without her one way or another. try to help him any way you possibly can. try to make him feel less alone. perhaps he hooked up with you shortly after she had passed maybe he just needed someone to be around someone. honestly you should tell him that he needs to get over her a little bit and start focusing on u more. i think it was wrong for him to change his relationship status over and ex death especially if they broke up a while ago. maybe he'll come to the realization that he is gonna lose you if he doesn't stop this. i think he sboukd have told about this asap instead of trying to hide it from till now. i hope that he will get over this but some relationships are only temporary. i hope for the best and i send all my love towards the two of you and good luck, and stay positive.
]
If he is obviously still in love with his ex then you know what you must do. The fact is the the ex is not coming back so.
]
Honestly, if he still loves his ex, the only thing you can do is walk away before you get any more attached and it gets worse. You deserve (like everyone else) to be with someone who loves you back. Maybe in the future he will get over her, and you two can be together, but until then, you need to think of yourself and do what is best for you, which would be moving on and finding the one for you, because clearly at this time it is not him. I know this is probably really hard for you, but you deserve better, and you can't be with someone who doesn't share your feelings in return, nor can you wait around for him for ever. So I think you should move on and find happiness else where.
Hope this helps~
]
its hard to get over of a ex,and its hard to let go of a loved one, if he loves you he will show you he cares. it will take it time for him to know she is gone. and she will want him to be happy too. let him know it bothers you that he talks bout his ex.let the hurt heal if your boyfriend loves you will come back to you and rewrite da status tell your boyfriend you feel about it and talk bout wokin things out .he will 5et over his ex.just let him try get his broken heart heal.
]
He id bereaved. He mourns. So offer what comfort you can in his grief, and no more, and without expectations or obligation. That is your best strategy.
]
He id bereaved. He mourns. So offer what comfort you can in his grief, and no more, and without expectations or obligation. That is your best strategy.
]
Dear Ms Invisible,
Apparently you are in a relationship that you are not even being seen in. The problem here is that your BF seems to be living in his past and can't move on because he never really dealt with the loss. Sometimes we are brought to people's lives to help them see that. If you want to stay in the relationship then help him move forward but if this continues then you need to move on because you cannot be constantly competing against a ghost. It's not fair to you and especially to the future you want to build. Honoring her is one thing but by living as if she were still there is disrespecting you and he cannot move forward with you and you cannot live your life like that. It is up to you about what you want to did here so figure out if he's worth it but also realize that you are as well.
]
Im sorry for the situation your in.
I couldnt understand some of what you were saying because your spelling but im gonna try to help you here anyway.
So did his ex die just recently?? you didnt mention WHEN she actually passed away?? so im not sure how long hes been grieving but if it hasnt been that long i think that you need to take a step back and think about what could be going through his mind right now. She might have been his first serious girlfriend even though they didnt work out, there will always be a mutual caring there but an understanding that they wernt as compatible as a couple then they thought but that doesnt mean that one of them is a bad person, it just means they arent meant to be.
not all couples break up in an angry ugly way that involves fighting and hurting the other person badly. sometimes its a mutual choice and some can even still KNOW each other and keep in contact.
The best thing you can do right now is try to be there for him. Ask him if it helps you will go to the cemetery with him, by his side and put flowers or candles on her grave to show that even though you might not have known her, she was important to HIM at one point and if something is important to him then its important to YOU and you want to show him that your willing to honor anyone that he holds so special. (((this will elevate you in his mind and make him think that you care so deeply for him that your willing to love him through the grief of his last girlfriend see??))) its a very mature thing to do. Try to comfort him and tell him shes in a better place now and that it'll just be like theyve gone a while without seeing each other but that shes always around in spirit and if he was important to her still then she'll look out for him from heaven.
These things happen in life sometimes and we cant choose the cards we are dealt in this life. All we can do is try to make the best of things and honor the ones we've lost. they know your doing it and they will look out for you because you showed them so much love.
chance are if you stick by his side through this tough time then when hes ready he will consider you FIRST as a partner again because you were there for him when he needed it most.
; ) good luck.
]
First off, it's hard to lose someone you deeply care about, or even someone you use to care about. He might need time to get over it. Sometimes when people think they have gotten over it, but truly haven't. I know you deeply care about him, but maybe a breakup for a few months might need to happen. You can still be there for him, but not as a girlfriend. If he doesn't get over it in a few months, talk to a therapist or school counselor for him. I'm a few months, I bet he'll be over it! Hope my advice helped!
]
grief will do strange things to people and all have their own way of grieving. Perhaps, even though she was his ex and they'd already split and decided to go their own ways, there still was some kind of caring for her. If it was not a mutual decision to split up and she left him, then he's likely never got over her. If he is the one that wanted out and broke up with her, he may have cared about her but there were too many differences where they coudnt make a good team so he left. I don't know how long ago his ex died, but if he left her, he may be feeling guilt as well that she is dead, like he could have prevented it somehow if he was still there which is most likely not true at all. Whos to know how his mind is working. Allow him to have his time to grieve. It takes most people varying lengths of time to go through the grief process but after a certain point in time, if they got stuck in that processs and are still not over it, it prevents them from going on with their own life.
Here's a link that might help you understand what he's going through.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
The next link will show you the difference between healthy and unhealthy grief. You may not know him that well, but you might be able to talk to friends or family of his who know him much better to know whether he is going through healthy grief or not. Otherwise, hang in there. But if after a year there is no change, you may not want to hang around longer, considering the two of you are on hold still and he never really got to know you enough to really be drawn to you.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
]
Clearly he loved her very much and is still mourning her death. Maybe he is not ready to be in another relationship yet, that's why he did what he did on watsap. Maybe he thinks its not fair to you to keep you as his girlfriend while he still loves his dead ex and that was his way of telling you without having to actually tell you.
I'd say you should just ask him and tell him you want an honest answer about your relationship. Tell him what you told me. About his watsap status and he says he is over her which clearly, he is not. The truth might hurt, but at least you will know the truth. I think its better to know the truth, than to have to be in the position you are in. Wondering what's going on in his mind and whether he really wants to be in a relationship right now. But you gotta ask. Otherwise he will probably just keep doing what he's been doing.
Or you can choose not to ask him and have to see him like this from time to time and hope that time will heal the wound left behind by her death. (which might be a long time) But you've had a taste of what that is like. Its not fair to you that he is with you, while thinking about someone else.
]
I have no idea of what you should do. Just sit him down and tell him how he's making you feel and don't hold back. Actually,love is eternal. If he says he doesn't love her anymore, either he's lieing or he never loved her to begin wity . I think he's making sacrifices of his own but you may not see it. You need to tell him that it upset you when you saw what he did. Kik me kori_rice if you need anything else but you have to tell me where you know me from. Have a blessed day. God bless you
]
More Questions: |