|
| |
I’m looking for opinions on a pretty serious subject: Free Speech.
So here is the deal, I’m sure many people don’t know, but a group called Wesboro Babtist Church tried to enter Canada on Thursday, after expressing publically their intention to protest two plays (both pro-homosexual in nature, one a comedy and one drama) and to demonstrate at the funeral of a man brutally murdered in Winnipeg carrying signs like ‘God hates Canada/Fags’ and the such.
The church believes that things like this murder, are God’s way of punishing Canada for legalizing gay marriage...
Anyways, Canada didn’t let them in. Stopped them at the boarder and denied them entry.
Legally, Canada had every right to deny them, but a lot of people are crying foul, saying we should respect free-speech enough to allow them in to protest. Others are saying it’s perfectly right, since what they were intending to do was hate speech and they aren’t even our citizens anyways.
So that’s the question: Does the ideal of freedom of speech mean Canada ought to allow foreign visitors' entrance after they have expressed their intention to disrupt and possibly engage in hate speech at a funeral and two theatre festivals? (link)
|
Here in Los Angeles, something similar happened.
As you probably know by now, the proposition givin to the people to vote on dealing with the legalization of same sex marriage passed in California and same sex marriage is officially illegal, as voted on by the people of my state.
Proposition 8.
I was passionately against this bill and wanted gay marriage legalized.
After the election, the "gay militia", as I call them, united in rage against those that supported and financially assisted the heterosexual-only marriage side (Yes on 8). Financial donors were publicized and if they were in any way attached to any businesses these businesses were boycotted. Good right? United in protest, right? Well in some aspects I feel this is NOT right, and I am a supporter of gay marriage.
For instance, at a restaurant here in Los Angeles which first opened its doors in the early 20th century, a 23 year employee donated $100 to the straights only marriage cause. An employee. After the election the restaurant was posted as a supporter of Prop 8, picketed daily by an angry mob and the mob shamed away all the patrons! Many of the employees, coincidentally many of them gay, had to be laid off because business was slow. Now this historical restaurant will close soon all because an employee, not the management or the ownership, donated $100 to the Yes on Prop 8 side. This employee, I feel, had this right to believe what she wanted to believe. No one should bully her into a contrary ideal. This aggressive tactic was, in my opinion, uncalled for.
Democracy is about freedom. I value differences of opinion, especially when that opinion is indepently and thoughtfully attained without the coercion of others. I love that at every political convention in the US there are areas of protest set aside so people can safely display their dissenting point of view. This is probably the solution I would of accepted in your story, assuming these people had legal papers to enter your country. Plus, it is the Canadian authorities responsibility to protect the civil rights of their citizens, so as long as nobody is harmed, protesting should occur, regardless of how you feel towards the cause.
Second, I've been to a funeral for an AIDS patient where people were protesting his gay lifestyle. They called his death right and just, and God's condemnation for his atrocious ways. I saw the faces of his mother and father who buried their gay son, and I appreciate their strength for staying in the moment. I was appalled and ashamed, but in hindsight, this only makes me stronger. Imagine a TV show without a dilemma, a movie without a villain, a book without a cause. It won't stand on contentment alone. There has to be a nemesis or the story is dull, the story will not Be. The nemesis' of the world keep us prepared. You and I and everyone in the world have a Right To Be. THAT is democracy.
|
hey there.... i have a very stupid kind of question which is in my mind for 2-3 years.....
i go to gym almost regularly and have been listening to people there saying that if you really wanna improve your performance at gym then u should completely stop masturbating.. i try to control myself a lot of times but still end up doing it atleast once a week (oops)... so can anybody tell me what is the real truth and is there some special time when we should never do it relevent to gym activities.
P.S.- m a male of 19 and m considered as a bit more then average in aspect of gym capabilities and am going to gym since i was 16 ... so its like 4 years. (link)
|
I was a two sport All-American in college. Both sports very aggressive, very masculine. One coach actually "strongly encouraged" us to not masturbate or have sex with anyone. He would delicately stress how ejaculating decreases our stamina and aggressiveness. True story.
I can honestly say that this abstinence had no effect, and actually had a much more of a negative countereffect. All we could ever think about was sex, sex, and more sex. Not our sport, not our education, not anything but sex and anything to have sex with. We were already naturally horny creatures, and our coach made situations much worse. We weren't more aggressive, we did not have more stamina. And I and my friends were completely devoted to this coaches program.
So officially the answer is NO.
|
hi, 26 m virgin....i am quite addicted to masturbation
is it normal to masturbate 2-3 times a day, how many times is it advisable?
i just get turned on by seeing panty & bras...is this normal?
will abstinence from masturbation help before getting to sex?
will masturbation effect my sexual drive?
honest suggestions required, please help. (link)
|
Just like any other addiction masturbation only becomes a problem when it gets in the way of your responsibilities in life. At 26 you have many, or should.
Abstinence from masturbation will not help before getting to sex, but rather masturbation and a good knowledge of your partners sexual "buttons" will help you during sex.
And masturbation will probably heighten your sex drive, except for most, during those immediate minutes after you have ejaculated.
Good luck.
|
I'm 17/m
at the beginning of this semester we got this new guy in our class. he calls himself and emo and wears skinny jeans and even eyeliner. he doesnt have many friends. I started talking to him and hes actually really nice and i think i'm starting to get feelings for him?! i think about him all the time when im not with him and when i am i sometimes just feel like kissing him and taking him into my arms. i just dont know how to handle this. I'm pretty much the only person he talks to but i dont think he's gay coz he always checks out girls. ive never had feelings for a guy before so im not used to this. ive never had a real girlfriend and never had deep feelings for anyone except for him? hes not really manly and seems like he often needs protection. hes also pretty like a girl. so do i feel attracted to him because of that? i think im falling in love here.
im really scared to tell him how i feel coz it might ruin our friendship. im his only friend and hes always happy to see me i mean he never smiles except for when hes talking to me. does that means something?
i dont even CARE about what others might think. hes just more important
i need advice FAST (link)
|
Actually, I think you might be putting too much pressure on yourself to determine whether you are gay or not, as time may have already told you.
I think it is really endearing to see how sensitive and protective you are with him. It sounds as if you enjoy being around him, so just be. Your relationship will evolve to what it is meant to be, whether close friendship, just acquaintances, or a much more intimate relationship.
I believe people are put in our lives for a reason, and it sounds like this relationship is something that you both can learn from. Keep on being his friend, he will help you with your boundaries, be patient, keep on not caring what others think (I am sure he thinks this is your best quality), and you will learn a great deal about yourself.
And please don't fear being gay, fear not being you.
|
OKay, me and my best friend got in this really big fight over the one thing we said we would never fight on, which is BOYS.
Well she has a boyfriend, and I don't and I could careless because this kids a fag. Literally.. he likes it up the poophole! Well when she asks me for ym advice and I tell her yehh he would probably bend over for a man she started telling me how he said he loves her. and how she hasn't said it. And somehow we got in a fight about me being right all the time.
AND I AM!
Is it my fault noo.. and shes telling me to stay out of her relationship hmm well if she didnt place it in my hands I wouldnt have to. but she came to me for help! and I toldher what I thought. and she gets mad at me... well she takes my word as gold. And im the same age as her. Im like her frkn role model!!! I dont wanna be.
So I told her this... she didnt appreciate it.
What do I do?
[[its alot more complicated then this but fuck it.]] (link)
|
I pity you LITTLE GIRL.
You have a whole lot to learn.
You are a child and already know it all.
You should be humbly asking advice rather than trying to gather support for your bullying.
Grow up.
|
So my boyfriend plans to come over to my house and I guess meet my parents...but see, the thing is, they don't know I have a boyfriend.
I think that they suspect it because I've never brought guys to my house before, because I've never wanted to have to deal with it.
Anyways, I want to tell them he's gay, so they think that I just have a gay friend so he can come over all the time.
And it would be totaly believable that he's gay, cuz he is kinda metro haha. (link)
|
First off, forgive me, but from your question I can't tell if you are a girl or a guy with a boyfriend meeting your parents.
If you are a guy, I have some great advice for you... If you are a girl, sorry.
I lied to my parents about my boyfriend for 6 years!! I, too, told them that my friend was gay, and when they asked if I was gay I was like "No, GAAAHHDD", kinda like what Napolean Dynamite would say. At the time I imagined that this scenerio would be much better than dealing with my parents reaction to hearing that I am gay, not to mention accepting the fact myself. I threw my boyfriend under the bus but he didn't mind because we were (and still) in love. But my mom felt that there was some "guilt with association" and being that she was a complete homophobe, she thought that just by being friends with a gay person I must like gays, "others" would think I am gay, and I would soon be converted to "the dark side", using my words not hers.
Those 6 years were very tense. My relationship with my parents got much more worse because I felt it was them that kept me from sharing the most beautiful, exciting thing in my young adult life which was my love for my boyfriend. My older sister got divorced twice from complete losers during those six years and she recieved complete support, both emotional and financial, from my parents. This made me even more angry and resentful. My man is not a loser and I am in Love with him and Love is incredible, why should it matter who you fall in love with? Why can't they accept me? Why do they force me to lie? This is bullshit! But, and this is big, my boyfriend helped me to see, that my lies to my parents were just catching up to me. I didn't give my parents a chance to accept me because I didn't want to deal. They didn't force me to lie, I was forced to lie to cover up the lies that I chose to lie about. My parents were completely in the dark, and I was making them out to be the bad guys, even though they were both homophobes.
You see, when I came out of the closet, I took the ethical high road. The road was VERY bumpy because I had lied to them for so long. At first my mom felt vendicated because she predicted that "this guy would convert me", but I had to explain over and over that I was born gay. I finally took responsibility and I felt much better for it. I finally gave them the opportunity to react and made them responsible for their behaviors and their biggotry and their narrow mindedness. You see, in my situation, both my parents and I had to face some very bad parts of our characters. I delayed this face off for 6 years because at the time I thought this was the best thing to do, not to mention that at 18 I wasn't anywhere near emotionally mature as I was at 24. I protected my parents as I protected myself. I didn't count on falling deeply in love, I didn't count on growing resentful and angry.
Now, life is incredible.
I probably wouldn't of been able to come out of the closet when I was 18. I didn't properly accept it myself. Being raised by homophobes gave me a really bitter taste in my mouth in regards to other gays. I was a homophobic homosexual, and I was ashamed to tell my parents this. Having a relationship made it easier to confront my parents albeit 6 years later, but I had to confront my own feelings head on, with my boyfriend aside out of the picture. Just me dealing with my own identity. This is a very hard thing to do when you are 18 years old and everything around you is telling you that who you are is disgusting and even worse when you do fit in with the bad stereotypes.
I don't want to sound too corny or even preachy, but growing older is about becoming a better person. You can live day to day, living in bliss with your boyfriend. This is completely within your rights. But sometime you will have to deal. You'll be alright.
|
|
Im in love with my best friend Danny. But the thing is...hes gay and he obviously doesnt like me, but hes so sweet and I really love him with all my heart. And i asked my friend Dylana to talk about it with him. he said he is uncomfortable with the fact that hes gay, and im his best BEST friend and we have known each other for years.But i cant help it. he knows i like him and hes avoiding me latly. Hes home schooled but i will call him and he says hes too busy to talk, but when dylana talks to him, he is never busy. please help me. I want danny to talk to me again! (link)
| |
You need to watch a whole lot of Will and Grace and learn how to be a good friend without getting emotionally attached. Life goes on, you will find many other guys out there with many of Danny's good qualities, and Danny will be there giving you advice on the guys perspective. Look towards the future rather than being stuck on what is not going to happen in the present.
|
|
I have a confusing problem, I don't know if I'm Gay or now. When ever I masturbate, I have sexual fantasies of other guys (I am a guy) but when I look at guys in real life, I just don't have any, emotional feelings for them, like a guy does when he has a crush on a girl. So I have sexual feelings for guys, but when i look at girls, I get the butterflies and goose bumps, and I always have these day dreams of asking this one girl I really like out. But I've never had any sexual fantasies about them. So now I'm just confused as to why I have sexual feelings about guys, but the average crush like feelings for girls, but not the sexual feelings that I sometimes have for guys. (link)
|
Right now, I would have to say, don't worry about it.
Do what makes you feel good. You don't state your age, but if you are still young (meaning in your teens and not considered an adult yet) its important to just live your life. All this added stress you put on yourself can lead to bad things.
Does it bother you that you might be gay? Or does it bother you that you don't have any crushes on another guy?
As to why you have sexual feelings about guys, I think it could be many reasons. Some guys have sexual dreams about other guys when they feel that they don't have good friendships with other men; sex is very intimate and creates a close bond. Some guys have sexual dreams about other guys when they have control issues, either being dominate and in control or the opposite, having the need to be controlled and dominated. My point is, these guys don't necessarily have to be gay. Our dreams and fantascies help us understand what are consciences are telling us we need and what makes us feel good or better. The cause could be completely pyschological. Really work on your male friendships. If you are a teen, make that "what is my sexuality" decision later on when you have less to focus on. In the meantime, do what feels good, imagine whatever you want.
|
Do you think that people choose to be gay?
or does it just happen?
I think that it isn`t a choice, and you can`t control it. I just want to see other peoples opinions.
(link)
|
YES! I do believe people choose to be gay.
And in order to believe this, I must also believe that the opposite is true; People also choose NOT to be gay.
These statements might sound confusing but I have seem many examples of both cases.
In this world you always have a choice; to live as you want to live, to live as you know you ought to live, to live as others think you should live. You, too, have this choice. Myself, I have choosen all of these. I chose, and some may say selfishly, to live a gay life. But I could of just as easily chosen not to, like many have for one reason or another. I chose to try very hard to live my life as a considerate, empathetic, good person because I believe there are good and bad people in every social group and in every race and gender. I know that there are many people who have been taught wrong information about my lifestyle, so for their benefit I chose to live the life of a role model despelling all their preconceived notions as to how I should act, speak, and live. And lastly, I chose to live as a created being -- which is the actual point of your question. Yes, I believe I was born gay, but this belief brings me no comfort. Being gay is just another one of my physical characteristics, a part of who I am. It is not for me to know whether God made me gay, and I could honestly spend my entire life wasting time pondering whether or not I was biologically born gay. If the search for this answer helps you in any way please persue your goal. But for me, I don't need an explaination. If anything brings me discomfort, if anything in this world lowers my self esteem, its not the Christian spiritual belief that I am a selfish sinner, that I chose to be gay and that my soul is going to Hell. I feel sorry for the religious zealots who, to quote Jesus on the cross, "who know not what they do". They are just being spoonfed their beliefs rather than doing the gruntwork by validating their own independent beliefs. (To correct one of these poor souls who chose to respond to your question - its "Adam and Steve", not "Steve and Eve") No, what brings me shame and discomfort is the way I am treated by other gays. Day to day, I am judged more ruthlessly by bigoted, egotistical, bitter, depressed gay people than any other social group. This is the world I chose to live in, this is the reason I try to be a good person, this is my disclaimer to those that judge us.
|
34/f
I have a silly problem. It's my mother and her insipid e-mails. She forwards me all of this junk. I don't really care about the cute, cuddly pictures of kitties and bunnies. It's the political stuff that annoys me. We do not have the same political views and she is WELL aware of this. She sends me e-mails (the ones that say if you agree that communists are inviting Castro to take over the Supreme Court, forward this to 500 people immediately and if you don't, you
don't love Jesus and you need to move to France with the whole A.C.L.U.) touting political, social, and religious views I vehemently disagree with and which provoke argumentative feelings in me. I'd really love to reply to them and tell her
why it's just [baloney]. I have tried using it as a start to a serious, but civil discussion. She gets offended. I have repeatedly asked her to stop sending me this stuff. Her reply is that I can just delete them and that I should just do the "Christian" thing and ignore them. Well, it's about a weekly occurrence that I get something from her that sets me on fire, even though I have
told her point-blank that it offends me.
It's to the point where I feel like replying to each with a baudy snippet from a gay sex columnist or an article from The Onion or even a page from NARAL (abortion rights) just so she can see what it's like to be irritated by this stuff. I feel like she doesn't care or doesn't respect who I am when she does this. Another thing I've thought of is just simply blocking her e-mails. Maybe I should just chill out because she's the only mother I'll ever have and I do love her. It's just hard because I've never felt like I belonged in my family (I like to joke that I'm a white sheep in a flock of black ones) and these e-mails seem to emphasize the point.
Any advice? Thanks.
(link)
|
Use your delete button before you even open the email. She thinks its delivered, you remain unflustered.
This is just your mom's way of transitioning her relationship with you from authority figure to adult friend. The issue is hers, don't make it yours.
|
My mother gave both my partner and myself a $100 check for Christmas, as she did for her kids, inlaws and grandchildren.
Being the third and last child and being gay I have always felt forgotten, and not treated too well.
For example, two years ago for her birthday I called two weeks in advance and asked if I could take her out for dinner. "Stay home and send me a card" was her response. The day before her birthday she called to say my brother had asked her out and asked if I wanted to come.
Last year she wanted the family to help with her party. We all had to wear name tags and my partner's said "friend" where everyone elses said "son in law," "daughter" etc. Both he and I were always there for her, when she broke her ankle, when my dad passes away etc.
So I don't want her stinking money but I don't want to offend her either.
She called today and left a message about why the check didnt' clear. My partner said to use the "my dog ate it," but I'd just like to say I don't want her money. A card with a sincere message would mean a lot more than a $100 check.
(link)
|
Hello.
First off I'd like to say that I too am the youngest in my family of three kids and gay, completely committed in a long term relationship. I can easily put myself into your shoes.
That being said, from what you wrote I get the feeling that you might be a bit hypersensitive (not to mention competitive with your brother) in regards to your mother, unless there is much more information about her blatant abuse that you weren't able to fully explain in your question.
I am extremely empathetic towards parents of gay children. We are in an amazing time of unprecedence. Homosexuality is being accepted and tolerated unlike any other time in history. Being gay is almost blase in some American cities. And just like any other time of social change it takes a while for the "older generations" to catch up with the tolerance levels of the "younger generations" who know no other way to live. Thirty years ago, within my lifetime, gay men and women were routinely committed to mental hospitals by their parents to receive electroshock therapy to cure their homosexuality. Nowadays we live in a time where parents like my redneck, retired, construction working father has to put much thought and contiplation into how to address my boyfriend of 18 years as either son-in-law or "my son's special friend" because we can't legally get married so technically he is not a son-in-law to my father like my sister's loser husband who has been married to her for a little over 5 years. Whew...long sentence...sorry. But do you understand? My father admitted to me during a particulary long visit with him how he has even loss sleep wondering how to be sensitive towards my situation. I appreciate such candor. How can he possibly know how to be politically correct in his treatment of me?
I don't think you want any preferential treatment from you mother, nor do I from my father. You just want equality. From what you wrote, I think she is trying. Its not easy for her, so lay off a bit, have many heart to heart conversations, and teach her how to love the new you. If you have to, get her ivolved with PFLAG. Do you understand how lucky you really are to have a mother that accepts you being gay. I know at least 20 people who's parents have disowned them completely!! Count you blessings. And lastly, for God's sake, cash that check, hundred dollars is a hundred dollars. If you feel its dirty money donate it to your local gay teen help center and take the tax write off.
Good luck.
|
This is going to be long.
My name is Alex.
So first off.. I've been going out with this really nice girl for about 9 months, and I really really like her. We've kissed, at least once a day (just a peck on the lips), and we've held hands whenever we're together. She tells me she loves me everyday, and I respond with the same. But I'm not sure if I really mean it as much as I did when I asked her out. See, before we started going out, I liked her for about 3 months (so about this time last year).
I'm afraid that this is foreshadowing my future love life. I'm afraid that I won't be able to make a commitment for when I go to get engaged and get married. I want sooooo bad to have kids, a wife, and a happy future, but I don't think that's going to happen. Please don't say that everything's going to be okay, I need some significant advice.
Also, unfortunately, I think I might be gay. Recently I've looked at gay porn, and I find it addicting. I don't want this for my life. In addition, I have youth group every monday night, and there's this guy in it named James, who is always touching my hands and caressing my arms and legs. When he's doing this, I always act like I don't like it, but when I get home, I wish that I hadn't gotten him off of me. I actually want him to touch me, and I think I love him. He's a really nice guy and I find him very attractive, along with other people in my school (RHS).
Do I just think I love him because of my testosterone, or do I love him for his personality? Along with him, I find myself attracted to a lot of guys at my school (as I said), and I imagine myself being sexually active with them.
The real problem is that I want to remain faithful to my girlfriend of 9 months, to God, and my family, who is very homophobic.
I really don't know what to do! Please help!
Thank you very much. (link)
|
Hey Alex,
Man, when you write I can really feel your heavy emotions about all of this. This is really burdening you, I hope I can give you temporary comfort at its least. I have gone through similar burdens. My decisions on how to relieve my burdens were my decisions and by no means will I encourage you to take the same steps, for everyones situation is different. I, for instance, did not have religion in the mix.
So let me tell you what I went through and what I did...
I throughout Jr. high and high school had a few girlfriends. In all of them we were the cutest couple in school. In all but two of them we were sexually active. At this point, my expectations for my distant future were perfect wife, perfect kids (I dated pretty girls who would make pretty children), a good job, a nice house, nice car, and many quaint Christmases. Captain America with the American dream.
But, when no one was around, I had a secret. I didn't know how to define it, I didn't know how to confront it, I didn't how to even look at my secret. But I did know it made me feel good. Much better than the way I felt on stage to the world trying to attain the perfect life. Yes, you know what my secret is. It started out with me trying to steal a peak at my older brother naked. He was so different than me "down there". I was young and every young guy is curious. I nervously looked in Playgirl magazines at stores. I would cautiously check guys out in the showers in gym class. I jerked off a lot thinking of guys. But nobody knew. Except James.
I, too, had a James. James was bisexual. Only his close friends knew it. He was bigger and stronger than all of us, so none of us ever dared to spread his secret for fear of getting pummeled. James had caught me checking him out in the shower. I was 16, a sophomore. After school he called me out on it, and of course I denied it and claimed ignorance. Just like you did with your James. But he and I became friends, and through our friendship we became even closer friends. He was my first sexual experience with a guy, and I was his third. (On a side note, when I tell this story to friends, they normally ask me at this point if either he or I was molested when we were younger. The answer is a definite no for me and as far as I know it is no for James as well.) We just occasionally did what felt good. We both had girlfriends. I was happy with our secret, but extremely confused. How did this apply to my future? What was my future? Are James and I in a gay relationship? I am a jock, not a flamboyant, dress wearing pervert. Keep in mind I was still having very pleasurable sex with my girlfriends, and actually thinking of them, not James or any other guy for that matter. What is bisexuality? Its either gay or straight, right? I even lost one of my girlfriends because she didn't like how close James and I were. She didn't even know the half of how close we were. Picture Brokeback Mountain. But James was/is so mature. He felt that we didn't have to define what we had to ourselves or to anyone. Just live in the moment. "The only opinion you have to worry about is your own" he would say. But that IS the opinion I was worried about. I was falling in love with someone I wasn't supposed to love.
But then I thought about it. There are many worse things in this world than Love. And through that logic I also look at sex. As long as sex never got in the way with my day to day responsibilities, and as long as I wasn't breaking the law, what is wrong with a little pleasure? I really should be hard on myself. I was at a stage in my life where I needed to really look at my future, and was I going to live my life for my parents, for God, for society? My life is my life. My American dream was for all of them, not for me.
After high school, James went to college and we stayed in touch. I stayed home and helped take care of my mother who was very ill. We stayed in touch and we still talk once in a while. I learned about Life in the real world with my eyes wide open and not fooling myself into wanting the perfect family. At that point I could of went any direction, but I met an amazing guy from another high school, that coincidentally knew James also, but not it that "special" way, and we have been together ever since, over 15 years.
So, take my James' advice and live in the moment. Only persons opinion you need is your own. Not your parents, dare I say not Gods. Get to know your James as a friend first before you do anything. You might not be very compatible. Take it step by step. Don't punish yourself for having these thoughts. Don't try to define them. Just be.
Please update me and if you need anymore help let me know and we can exchange info.
good luck.
|
16/female.
Let me just start out by saying that I am a STRONG believer of gay marriage, and I have absolutely NO problem with homosexuals in the slightest.
One of my friends is a lesbian, and I love her because she's amazing, she really is. But, lately she's been really touchy feely. She writes me notes saying, "I know you're in denial, I know you're conservative & straight, but you should atleast experiment & give it a try." I AM straight, I was born it, so I can't just change and be a lesbian, that's what I think & feel. I'm not attracted to her at all.
She'll like come up to me in the halls at school, and hug me and kiss my neck and shove me up against a locker, and it seriously is beginning to look like I'm a lesbian.
When she does this, I just say, "Nooo! STOP IT" Like, I don't know if she takes it seriously or not, but when I say stop she does. So, today on AIM, we were talking, and this was our conversation:
Her: I'm going to look hot tomorrow in school.
Me: Ahah, Whyy??
Her: I got new clothes.
Her: Kiss me?
Her: :)
Me: Ahh, that's nice! :)
Me: lol, No thanks.
Her: No thanks, what the fuck?
Her: Why did you say that?
Me: To the whole "kiss me" thing.
Her: Whatever.
Me: HEY! don't!!
Her: Don't what?
Me: Be mean. :(
Her: You did this yourself.
Her: It's your fault.
* BLOCKS ME *
Ahhh, so. I just would like to know if this is any of my fault at all. I'm not LEADING her on, I wouldn't even know how to do that. I'm dating a guy & I'm really attracted to him & she knows that. But she'll always say that I need to experiment with her & stuff, and it's just really weird for me.
Thanks in advance. :]
(link)
|
Sounds like someone has a crush on you!!
If this was a boy with an aggressive crush on you, a boy that you liked in a friendship-only kind of way, what would you do?
Chances are, if you are like most women, you would say something along the lines of "_____, I don't like you like that. I think you are a great guy and like spending time with you, but I don't have any romantic feelings about you." Most guys then, would get the hint, and if they didn't there are other steps you can take like getting others (school administrators, friends, and/or parents) involved. But the friendship would certainly be lost.
These steps should be no different for this aggressive girl. Are you prepared to lose your friendship with her if she keeps carrying on like this? She has to see how serious this is to you, so tell her.
Now, as to if you are leading her on, only you would know. It sounds like she thinks you are. She may be really young too, and she may be misreading any signals you maybe giving her.
So, my advice to you is to stick to your guns. Just be confident in knowing what you really want from her. If you like her as a friend only make sure you are certain about that and tell her. If she can't accept that, move on. She is not the only dynamic person in this world.
Good luck
|
Where do I even begin? My name is Shawn and I am seventeen years old. I first realized that I was gay in middle school but have been in denial about it until my sophomore year in high school. Only recently have I been contemplating coming out to my friends and family. I first set aside October 1, 2006 to come out, but it has not happened. I know there are a lot of friends I would lose if they knew the truth. I also have no idea how my parents will react. I think I respect a lot of my friends and family too much to let them down like this. Earlier in the month, I tried coming out to my mother. I virtually broke down in tears in front of her but could not work up the nerve to do so. I eventually ended the conversation with some bogus story about stress at school. I am also pretty much terrified of talking to my father about anything, let alone coming out to him that I am a homosexual.
I find myself bringing up this kind of topic in various conversations with my friends and family. My mother and I began talking about the topic of gay people coming out and she said something very discouraging to me. “I do not see why people come out that they are gay. There is no black and white. Coming out that you are gay causes people to only know you for that.” When I countered this statement, she asked me, “You’re not gay, are you?” I replied, “No,” and I have regretted it everyday since then. I always ask myself how easy it would have been to just have answered, “Yes, mom. I am gay.”
Everyone around me seems to know that something is wrong. People have pointed out that I am not eating and there is lack of emotion in my voice. My mother specifically said that she is only getting one-worded answers from me and feels that we are growing apart. I do not really know what kind of help I am asking for. I just really wish I knew what to do or to know that someone cared, which is impossible since I have not confined this information to anyone. Any suggestions or opinions are welcome. Thank you. (link)
|
Hey Shawn,
Just before I was going to give you some amazing, personal incite to comfort you with your problem, I read the advice given to you by Razhie and she stole ALL of my thunder. I agree full heartedly with her and place a large ditto on her advice. The time might not be right for you to tell your friends and family about you being gay seeing that you might need to spend more time getting more "comfortable in your skin".
When someone "comes out of the closet" I feel that it is extremely important that they are comfortable and confident in their acceptance of their lifestyle and their promise of a happy future. I did not necessarily get that from you in your question. You might be confident that you are gay, but you don't appear too comfortable yet. Its not a handicap, you must believe that being gay is just apart of who you are like the color of your hair or the build of your body. And, depending on what state you live in, there should be nothing restricted to you that isn't already restricted to hetero's.
Also, coming out isn't so much about validation and acceptance for some, but rather its about being honest with those you love. I think this is what is really going on in your heart. You want to be honest, you don't want to live your life in secret and in lies. But, find for me an instance where you really have to live that deceitful life? Is it necessary for heterosexual teens to tell their parents who they plan on dating before they even date them? And keep in mind that you will meet many gay people in your life who did not need to "come out" at all. They took a "well, yeah I am, so?" attitude about coming out.
In high school I was prom/homecoming king. I was a decorated athlete in three sports. I was like by the popular and the unpopular alike. And I was completely in the closet about my homosexuality. I wanted to tell my friends and family, but my fears of being typecast as just that was greater than my need for honesty. My senior year, I met my boyfriend and we been together now for 17 years. Do I regret my decision to not come out then, not at all. Six year after high school I felt the need to tell my family about the man I love more than anything. I, like you, feared their reaction. But I was confident and comfortable, but still very chicken shit. I wrote a letter to my parents, fearing my mothers violence. I played my hand, they didn't talk to me for a few months. I cried every night. But I had to allow them to deal. Not everyone reacts the same way, not everyone reacts the way you think they would.
So, my advice to you is to LIVE YOUR LIFE!! Make the bigots "come out of the closet" and deal with their homophobia. The burden is theirs not yours. Make the most of your life. Become special. Be a good person. You came out to yourself a while ago, don't second guess it just because others might not like you for it. Deal.
Good luck, let me know how it turns out. Call the help lines that Razhie gave you.
|
|
So I'm gay not like flaming gay, but gay none the less... Last night was our homecoming dance and I brought a date which was a guy... I slow danced with him and everything and apparently everyone was looking at us because my friends warned me that I might get some shit on monday about it... what should I do? (link)
|
Please follow up with your question. Did you get a lot of shit on monday?
Its funny, strange not haha, that you asked what you should do because in my opinion, you already did it. Now what? You just be.
Were you out before all this? How many people knew before? Did your family know or was this news to them also?
Now, as someone who is an older gay man and as someone who was just like you in high school, I want to address one more point with you. Be careful in the way you perceive what others think of you. I say this because you felt the need to start your question with a disclaimer that "you are gay, not like flaming gay, but gay none the less". While I applaud with a fully extended standing ovation that you are so assure of yourself and level headed enough to bring a male date to your homecoming dance, I just want to make sure that you don't stand in judgement of other gay males who might be "flaming" gay. I am in my early 30's, was an All-American is 2 sports in college and in high school, and gay, but I didn't fully deal with my personal life until my athletic career was over. I am not "flaming" in any way. BUT, I hope you are still able to appreciate other gay people who are not like you. Just like the rest of the world, the gay world is made up of many shapes, colors, and styles. I know first hand that some of the people who give advice on this website can be brutal, bigotted pigs, but still it wasn't necessary to start your question this way. Just say that you are a gay male and last night you brought a guy to your homecoming dance.
Lastly, remember that moment of dancing slowly with this guy. Remember the song. Remember the touching. Remember his name. If you were really worried about the shit you might get come next Monday, you would of been watching all of them watching you. Instead you were in your moment, enjoying it. You didn't give a shit then, so why give a shit now?
You are a very courageous young man that followed in the footsteps of many courageous gay men and women. You owe your pride to all of them, so respect them by living a respectful life. You ask what you should do, you should take your lifestyle this seriously. Just Be.
|
Hey there,
I hate the fact that the only place I have for comfort is the net, lol! I am afraid to tell anyone else! I am a 21 year old gay guy and my bf is 18, we have been dating for 8 monthes now and have had a mass of high and lows.
He has the worst temper and shouts at me for the silliest things, and threatens me with breaking up, killing himself,not loving me, hating me when we argue.
Last nite we got into an argument, things got heated, and he pushed me, so I decided to walk away to let him calm down, then he came runing up behind me and stuck his fingers into my arms, it was the most hurtful thing! I tried tyo walk away and he wouldnt let me, so I end up beatinghim upo basically, in self defence, I wasnt gonna be shouted at and physically hurt for no reason! Again I tried to walk away and he grabbedme, wouldnt let me go, my arm wasin agony, and he was screaming at me in the middle of town, so I turned round punched him a few times, and kicked him when he was on the ground. He was scaring me, I am not a violent person, but he was hurting me and wouldnt let me go.
Then he screamed "I AM GONNA KILL MYSELF!!!!"
After I cooled down, regardless of what he did to me, I went back to him, he spat in myface and started beating me up, to which I didnt do anything back, then started screaming he was sorry for hurting me before!
What am I meant to do? Was I wrong in defending myself? How canlove be like this? Idont wanna leave him, but how can things get sorted? (link)
|
Everyones advice to you is great. From an outside third persons point of view it does appear that you do need to move on. But you also say towards the end of your question that you do not want to leave him. So, whatever you decide to do its important that you learn from your mistakes first because history always repeats itself.
Ask yourself a few questions. Why did you fall for him in the first place? Did you like him because he needed you? Is there something about him that makes you feel better about yourself? Honestly, write down all the ways that he improves your life and all the ways he hampers your improvement as a human being, for that is your constant goal. Make sure that you want to stay with him for all the right reasons. Lastly, ask yourself if you feel sorry for him right now or worry about what will happen to him after you leave? Most people can spot a person weaknesses within a few minutes of being with them. Chances are he is using your thoughfulness and sentimentality as a guilt trip to get you to change for him. Relationships arn't about getting the other to change for you. He changes because he wants to change himself because with you he is a better man. You can do nothing but worry about your own self. If he does not want to be the better man, let him go be someone elses burden. I don't buy the whole "he is too young, he is too immature" arguement because I know plenty of middle aged men who blame others for their misdeeds rather than work hard on their own character. Our prisons are full of these men.
You need to protect yourself. Have the two of you talked since the fight? How did the fight end? If you live in a large urban community there are plenty of low cost, if not free, counselling services available to you, especially within the gay community centers. Please check these out, even if just for yourself.
|
|
im a lesbian, i know it. i always fantasize abou girls and i hate it because the country i live in is really strict and girls dont do this kinda thing, but i wanna be with a girl so badi dont know wat 2 do (link)
| |
If you are old enough to move away from that country, please do. If you are not old enough, be patient and dream of your amazing, wonderful open life somewhere where you are free to be yourself.
|
|
Here's the sitch. We went on a date 2 weeks ago with this guy I met online. We went to the park talked a little, mostly my fault because I was so shy, and then went to Starbucks. We had frappucinos and become more lively. Then we went back to the park, hung out talked some more and we laid on the bench looking into each other's eyes. He asked me what I was thinking... and me being really shy, I was like uhmm nothing hehe. He said, well to be honest, I'm thinking about sex. And don't get me wrong, it was coursing through my head as well. Then we kissed he initiated, and then we just made out for a while. After like 30 minutes of making out, we decide to go to my car and well mess around. So we're messing around and blah blah, we end early because well i was feeling uncomfortable not because of him but because well the car was small, so we decide to just call it a night. I take him home we talk a little and he says, "I don't want to leave because the second I get out of this car, the rest of my night is going to be boring..." So I was like awhh then don't haha, but then you know he had to leave so then he left his shirt in my car and I was like wait, you left your shirt. He was like well... maybe I should leave it in there just so that I know that we can go on a 2nd date I was like awwhhh okay. So then I drive home and call him and tell him that I made it home safe and yadada. Then I ask him how he thought the date went, because truth be told it was his first date with another guy. Yes, i'm gay. Anyway, He was like it was really fun and blah blah, I really think he was lying. Well anyway, it got all serious and he was like, what are you looking for? I said, well i'm looking for a relationship to be honest.. and it doesn't have to be a strict relationship, like it can be open (I was lying because I didn't want to like freak him out). So then he said, yeah I'm looking for an open relationship as well because you know, i'm 18 and my sex/social life has only just begun, he's a senior in high school and i'm a junior. So anyway I was like yeah... coool.... Well a couple days later, we're talking on the phone, the reason why is because he lives 45 minutes away. Anyway I call him sometime later and ask him to go to homecoming with me, and he was really excited and was like "yes!@!@" So i'm all happy floating on clouds and what not. Then I call him the Friday after our first date, and wanted to see what's up? Well, some other guy picked up and said, "Michael's busy right now, he'll call you later *hangup*" Now, haha this transitions to any type of relationship... but I thought he was cheating on me and I know that we're not official and that we're not going out, but a couple days before he said that he "liked me." So I felt like shit and that I was being cheated on... I'm with my friends and decide well hmmm let's see if he's just trying to ignore me. So I use their phones and call him, no response so i'm like okay well maybe he really is busy... well for the rest of the night i'm with my friends... and it happens. He calls all of their cell phones back, except for mine. This seems to be a BIG indicator that something is wrong... So a day goes by and i'm pissed at him... I call him and ask him what he was doing on that Friday and he told me that he was at a birthday party and that everyone was getting drunk and blah blah so I buy the story and am like okay fine i'll take that... I ask him if he wants to hang out the next weekend and he's like sure. So then the week goes by, he doesn't talk to me or call me like he used to he rarely text messages me and never responds when I respond so then i'm thinking... well you know what I'm going to ignore him and see if you know he ends up calling me and all that stuff. So then the weekend comes by and I call him to see if I can come and pick him up, well on the day that I called him he's like Oh yeah sure it'll be lots of fun. Then I call him the day we planned to go out and he was like, "I REALLLY want to hang out with you.... but can I take a raincheck?" So then I ask, "well why?" And he goes, " well I just don't really want to leave town right now... so i'm like well that's fine i'll just come over and hang out in your town then... he's like naw... I don't want you to drive all the way out here..." I'm like hmm... then he asks, "are you mad at me?" I go, "no, i'm just really disappointed because you seemed enthusiastic about it yesterday." He goes, "well I promise i'll make it up to you!" I was like... "fine... talk to you later." then a couple days go by and I really decide to just not call him or text him or anything just to see if he you know longs for me or something. So after two days, he texts me saying "good morning, how are you?" I text him back and of course he never texts me back until the later afternoon saying, "What's up?" so I mean I'm really confused... I don't know what is his problem I mean he has a myspace, and i'm his number one, but when I look at his gay friends myspaces, I see that he comments them all the time saying things like, "Why haven't you called me?? Are you ignorning my calls???" and these are guys that live far far away but he sees them once a year and all. So I mean I know i'm probably over reacting and am acting REALLY Clingy, but I just think he's avoiding me and doesn't really see me as anything else but maybe a simple booty call... and I know I haven't asked him directly what is going on between us, but I figure... If you like someone, wouldn't you call them all the time, or at least get on AIM and have an IM conversation as much as you could?? I just need some help as to what I should do... I mean my birthday is this Friday, and I figure if he doesn't at least call me on my birthday, then it's a big indicator that he doesn't like me as much as he said he does. and I have told him it's my birthday. I know this is a REALLLLLY long question but the background info really helps when trying to help me out... and Please give good thorough advice. (link)
|
You will find, from time to time, people with issues much more deeper than yours. People not as secure as you. People who play mind games with secure people like you.
While I understand how it hurts to invest in someone who does not invest in you, I also understand how your "friend" can feel nourished by all this attention he receives from others. I could tell by all the player lines he gave you while on your date that you are not the first and not the last to feel used but still addicted to him.
You must fully believe that you deserve better. You showed glimpses of that when you decided to stop calling/texting him and wait for him to make the next move. He depends on guys like you to build his own self esteem. And I am sure he is a very good looking guy.
Please, avoid the manipulators of the world. A manipulator is often superficial, insecure, and fake, and as they get older they get better at hiding their insecurities with extreme confidence. But no matter how sexy they appear to you, they WILL hurt you. It always appears that there are many manipulators in the world, but this is not so. Manipulators are often just the most blatant, most vocal, and most beautiful. But in actuality they are often the most insecure.
My advice is to rid this guy from all your lines of communication. Take his name off your phone and computer pages. He sounds like trouble.
Its ok to be cautious, but in the future don't fear trusting someone just because this guy manipulated you into obsessing over him.
If you are looking for a relationship start interviewing guys for the job. You will get better at spotting the bullshiting manipulator. Don't judge someone based on looks, financial situations, or by their personal interests. Good people come in many shapes.
I hope you have an amazing birthday Friday. Spend it with the friends that really like you.
Good luck.
|
How do I go about asking my bf if he is bisexual? I've seen a lot of signs that he could be and I am curious to know. It wouldn't change anything between us and I think it could strengthen our relationship especially since I am bisexual. He was picked on A LOT when he was younger for being gay (which he definitely isn't). I really don't want to hurt his feelings. If I ask him if he is bisexual he'll probably get really worked up and defensive. He's a very emotionally run person. When I ask him questions he's embarassed about he avoids them for as long as possible. When he finally answers he goes ballistic. I don't want him to feel like I'm accusing him of anything or that I believe that he is bisexual. I really have no idea if he is or not. I am going to have to ask at some point if he doesn't tell me and I want it to go as smoothly as possible. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
20/f, 21/m (link)
|
hello - good question.
I'll offer you my guys point of view.
First off - It would help if you explain more about WHY you think he might be sexually attracted to men. Your question comes off as you having this assumption, then you are afraid to accuse him, then you worry about how ballistic he will get if your accusation is incorrect. He must have done something that makes you think he might be bi.
Now, it is my experience that guys are much more secretive than women when it comes to their sexuality...even when they are in loving relationships. What is interesting is that sometimes the guy is secretive even to himself. Almost like he does not want to admit it. I have heard some people describe it as some sort of Jekyll and Hyde where these men keep their homosexual attractions secret to protect their otherwise perfect normal lives. Perhaps, he is whats called awfulizing the situation and thinking if he actually has these thoughts his life might be much, much more worse than the very comfortable situation that he has currently with you. Keep in mind these MIGHT be his thoughts.
Even though he helped you get over your insecurities about your bisexuality, if you are correct in your thinking, he possibly will have to get over much more than just a few insecurities when it comes to himself. If he has these sexual thoughts this might be difficult for him to deal with. I know you are thinking, "well, thats what I am here for, I want to be there for him, I want to help him just as he helped me", but thats not how men work. This might be hard for you to understand, men often prefer to deal with their problems on their own, processing their issues in their mind, often while actively participating in something else, while women prefer to discuss almost everything with those that are close to them. Women treat "girl talk" like an emotional release valve. Just like you said, "It's very hard for me to keep secrets and not be completely and totally open and honest... I want to make him feel as good as I can sexually, but if he's not going to be open with me and talk about it, how can I?" Why would men do it this way, it sounds horrible, to be alone punishing yourself with these problematic thoughts. its not that easy. They, we, do this to protect ourselves and those around us. But sometimes, actually most of the time, by keeping secrets to ourselves we actually HURT those around us. Your boyfriend is young, and he hasn't quite learned this life lesson yet. Men tend to learn this after many experiences of burning others. Understand, if he is bi, and even though your "Door of Acceptance" is standing wide open, he still may be protecting you, you relationship, and first and foremost, himself.
Its funny, strange funny not haha funny, that you say that he is never going to tell you because he has, in your opinion, no logical reason to. The blatant logical reason I see is the future of your relationship. If you feel he is worthy of your investment, you need to change your thinking and actually expect more from him.
So here is my advice. Take the back door and plant a seed in his head. Lay off the accusations, and focus on all the positive aspects of him. Really focus! Slowly lay your cards down on the table. Say something like, "I feel really comfortable around you. Thanks. If there is ever anything you want to talk about, I am here for you. Whatever you have to say won't change my opinion of you". Don't lecture, or use a harsh tone. Just relax, and in time he will come to you. While he has time to really think about things, there you are, the fallback plan. And you do more of what he does, preoccupy yourself with something to keep you from wondering about him. You know when you are alone with your thoughts and your thoughts get more and more bad because you don't have any answers? Well, forget about your boyfriend for a little bit and do what you love. He will come to you when you stop pressuring him.
good luck.
|
Okay this is directed to Republicans/those who support President Bush (Don't take this as my attempt to bash anybody or any political group, I'm merely curious...also dont take this as me generalizing, I'm not saying EVERY SINGLE REPUBLICAN believes all these)
1. Do you honestly, truly believe that in the short term the Iraq War's main purpose is to liberate Iraquis, or to preserve a stable oil supply from the Middle East?
2. How can you say that it is completely and utterly unethical to allow a woman to have control over her body and have an abortion, while at the same time supporting that the state does away with prisoners with the Death Penalty?
3. Do you think homosexuals were born inferior to heterosexuals and do not deserve the same rights as them simply because of whom they choose to love?
4. Why do you believe that responding to terrorism by reducing the freedom of Americans is anything other than giving the terrorists exactly what they want?
5. Why are antiwar protesters deemed unpatriotic, but pro-war people praised?
Again, my goal is not to offend anybody. I just want honest opinions.
(link)
| |
Why do you assume all Bush supporters feel that way? You are being told what to think. Think for yourself - then ask a question.
|
|
