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Refusing Christmas money
My mother gave both my partner and myself a $100 check for Christmas, as she did for her kids, inlaws and grandchildren.
Being the third and last child and being gay I have always felt forgotten, and not treated too well.
For example, two years ago for her birthday I called two weeks in advance and asked if I could take her out for dinner. "Stay home and send me a card" was her response. The day before her birthday she called to say my brother had asked her out and asked if I wanted to come.
Last year she wanted the family to help with her party. We all had to wear name tags and my partner's said "friend" where everyone elses said "son in law," "daughter" etc. Both he and I were always there for her, when she broke her ankle, when my dad passes away etc.
So I don't want her stinking money but I don't want to offend her either.
She called today and left a message about why the check didnt' clear. My partner said to use the "my dog ate it," but I'd just like to say I don't want her money. A card with a sincere message would mean a lot more than a $100 check.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Look at it this way.
Your mom has been avoiding you because you are gay and she's embarrassed you are gay.
You have a few choices:
-You can accept how your mother acts and keep your relationship with her as it is.
-You can decide you no longer want to associate with her either.
-You can remain celibate for the rest of your life (if you are a Christian, as you celebrate Christmas) because you are gay. Tell your mom you've broken up and see if she changes (assuming she's a Christian).
The important thing to remember is 'she is not going to change' for you. Never. Over the years, she might care less and less about your homosexuality, but there is nothing 'you' can do to make her change. You can either accept it, break your ties with her or keep associating with her as she is.
As far as the money goes, well, I don't know if she sent your brother $100 bucks, but if you don't want the money, you can donate it to charity or tell her you spent it on dildos and such.
However, you need to decide what you are going to do or else there is going to be a lot of drama every time you receive a gift from her.
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Hello.
First off I'd like to say that I too am the youngest in my family of three kids and gay, completely committed in a long term relationship. I can easily put myself into your shoes.
That being said, from what you wrote I get the feeling that you might be a bit hypersensitive (not to mention competitive with your brother) in regards to your mother, unless there is much more information about her blatant abuse that you weren't able to fully explain in your question.
I am extremely empathetic towards parents of gay children. We are in an amazing time of unprecedence. Homosexuality is being accepted and tolerated unlike any other time in history. Being gay is almost blase in some American cities. And just like any other time of social change it takes a while for the "older generations" to catch up with the tolerance levels of the "younger generations" who know no other way to live. Thirty years ago, within my lifetime, gay men and women were routinely committed to mental hospitals by their parents to receive electroshock therapy to cure their homosexuality. Nowadays we live in a time where parents like my redneck, retired, construction working father has to put much thought and contiplation into how to address my boyfriend of 18 years as either son-in-law or "my son's special friend" because we can't legally get married so technically he is not a son-in-law to my father like my sister's loser husband who has been married to her for a little over 5 years. Whew...long sentence...sorry. But do you understand? My father admitted to me during a particulary long visit with him how he has even loss sleep wondering how to be sensitive towards my situation. I appreciate such candor. How can he possibly know how to be politically correct in his treatment of me?
I don't think you want any preferential treatment from you mother, nor do I from my father. You just want equality. From what you wrote, I think she is trying. Its not easy for her, so lay off a bit, have many heart to heart conversations, and teach her how to love the new you. If you have to, get her ivolved with PFLAG. Do you understand how lucky you really are to have a mother that accepts you being gay. I know at least 20 people who's parents have disowned them completely!! Count you blessings. And lastly, for God's sake, cash that check, hundred dollars is a hundred dollars. If you feel its dirty money donate it to your local gay teen help center and take the tax write off.
Good luck.
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You're very polite, being nice to your mother after all she's done for you. But that proves you're the bigger person here.
But you should just tell her your thoughts. If she got offended you can't help it that's the way you feel.
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