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Lesbian friend getting WAY too close.
16/female.
Let me just start out by saying that I am a STRONG believer of gay marriage, and I have absolutely NO problem with homosexuals in the slightest.
One of my friends is a lesbian, and I love her because she's amazing, she really is. But, lately she's been really touchy feely. She writes me notes saying, "I know you're in denial, I know you're conservative & straight, but you should atleast experiment & give it a try." I AM straight, I was born it, so I can't just change and be a lesbian, that's what I think & feel. I'm not attracted to her at all.
She'll like come up to me in the halls at school, and hug me and kiss my neck and shove me up against a locker, and it seriously is beginning to look like I'm a lesbian.
When she does this, I just say, "Nooo! STOP IT" Like, I don't know if she takes it seriously or not, but when I say stop she does. So, today on AIM, we were talking, and this was our conversation:
Her: I'm going to look hot tomorrow in school.
Me: Ahah, Whyy??
Her: I got new clothes.
Her: Kiss me?
Her: :)
Me: Ahh, that's nice! :)
Me: lol, No thanks.
Her: No thanks, what the fuck?
Her: Why did you say that?
Me: To the whole "kiss me" thing.
Her: Whatever.
Me: HEY! don't!!
Her: Don't what?
Me: Be mean. :(
Her: You did this yourself.
Her: It's your fault.
* BLOCKS ME *
Ahhh, so. I just would like to know if this is any of my fault at all. I'm not LEADING her on, I wouldn't even know how to do that. I'm dating a guy & I'm really attracted to him & she knows that. But she'll always say that I need to experiment with her & stuff, and it's just really weird for me.
Thanks in advance. :]
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Dear Lesbian Friend,
Thats just a little creepy. I, like you dont have a problem with gay marriage and so on.. but if your friend respects you enough she wouldnt do that to you. That puts you in an awful position, so sit down and tell her straight forward YOUR STRAIGHT and if she cant respect that you cannot be friends any more.
Hope I Helped oxox.
- LYSSAA
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Soooo, maybe you need to talk to your friend about this. If she's really your friend she won't try to push you into something you don't want to do. If you don't want to experiment, tell her so. and don't laugh it off and try to play around when you tell her or she'll think you're joking and not really serious. you need to set her straight and let her know that you ARE completely straight and want to stay that way. She should respect you're honesty and your decision and let it go. You're happily dating someone of the male persuasion, so why rock the boat??
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ok well if you are friends with the girl you should feel comfortable around her but if she is all touchy feely then maybe you shoould come out and explain how you dont feel very comfortable when she does that to you or when she gets all mad for you not being all touchy feely to her. and if you are dating a guy she needs to understand it dont yell at her talk to her throuhly and this wasnt your fault at all its her own actions and its what she feels about her self so yeh just calmy explain it to her
i hope i helped?
i hope the best for you twos friendship<33
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I would say if you want to "experiment" then go ahead but I wouldnt thats just me "I was part lesbian for three to four years and I stopped after that because I knew I would keep doing it and wouldnt get pregnant so I just thought o sex so fun i WILL DO IT TONIght but then I realised it isnt about sex it is about loving another women" so please dont do it unless you want one and only one shot at it and after one shot for about half an hour then deside. HOPE THAT HELPED BUT REMEMBER IT IS YOUR DISESION AND ONLY YOURS.
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its not your fault your not attracted to her and she knows it shes just mad so just tell her that you like her as a friend and nothing more and you dont want to loose her friendship but if she wants to be immature than w/e
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Sounds like someone has a crush on you!!
If this was a boy with an aggressive crush on you, a boy that you liked in a friendship-only kind of way, what would you do?
Chances are, if you are like most women, you would say something along the lines of "_____, I don't like you like that. I think you are a great guy and like spending time with you, but I don't have any romantic feelings about you." Most guys then, would get the hint, and if they didn't there are other steps you can take like getting others (school administrators, friends, and/or parents) involved. But the friendship would certainly be lost.
These steps should be no different for this aggressive girl. Are you prepared to lose your friendship with her if she keeps carrying on like this? She has to see how serious this is to you, so tell her.
Now, as to if you are leading her on, only you would know. It sounds like she thinks you are. She may be really young too, and she may be misreading any signals you maybe giving her.
So, my advice to you is to stick to your guns. Just be confident in knowing what you really want from her. If you like her as a friend only make sure you are certain about that and tell her. If she can't accept that, move on. She is not the only dynamic person in this world.
Good luck
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this is pretty simple. No means NO. now you have to be careful with on line chat since poeple do things there that they dont elsewhere and sarcasm is easily mistaken for meaness. so both of you need to be careful. you totally need to sit down with her in person and set up boundries. I think its possible she has a crush on you, so you should be as nice as you can while still being very firm.. say something like "if i do decide in the future to ever experiment i will find you first but for now i am into boys and my boyfriend in particular."
good luck
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No it's not your fault. If she didn't understand hat you weren't that way then it was her fault. I had the same problem. An dlike you I have no problem with homosexuals.
--Syd
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i know how u feeel she really shouldnt be crossing the line im gay and there is a big list of do's and dont's with friends just kindly let her know shes crossing the line
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When she does get physical with you, place your hand on her should/chest and say No. Say it very distinctly, deeply - like you would discipline a child.
Online, when she does that - you're reply comes of like your making fun of her, once again state something along the lines of 'You need to stop this type of talk with me' and change the subject. If she brings it up again, block her for a little bit or leave the computer.
Next, you need to talk to her. She may be thinking you're easy game since you her friend. Let her know while her friendship is welcome, these advances are not. Let her know that you would like to continue a friendship with her and nothing further.
If she does not respect your enough to stop this behavior, limit your contact with her.
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well i am a few years younger than you(hope you dont mind) but i would like to give this a shot. i think that you should go to skool and tell her to stop getting the rong ideas, you dont like her and you dont want to experiment. if you still want her to be your friend than just tell her that you 2 are just friends b/c your straight. if she doesn't understand it wont matter as long as she leaves you alone.
i hope this works for however you want it to work!!! :)
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No it isn't your fault. You did nothing.
It doesn't matter a persons sexual preference. But you don't keep putting the moves on someone if they don't like it. You wouldn't put up with this for some guy so don't put up with it from her either. Its no different.
You need to sit her down and have a serious talk. Let her know that her behavior is making you uncomfortable and you want it to stop. If she doesn't then you will soon stop hanging around with her. Its to stressful a situation to be put into day after day. You will not now or ever be interested in her as more than a friend.
Tell her you are not a lesbian. You do not want to be treated as one. You want to remain her friend but you will not be sexually assaulted at every turn. Her behavior is immature.
I know it will be hard for you to do but you need to put a stop to it. If you don't she will continue. If she is truly a friend she will accept it and knock it off. Time for her to grow up.
Good luck. :)
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