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My boyfriend hit me!!!!!
Hey there,
I hate the fact that the only place I have for comfort is the net, lol! I am afraid to tell anyone else! I am a 21 year old gay guy and my bf is 18, we have been dating for 8 monthes now and have had a mass of high and lows.
He has the worst temper and shouts at me for the silliest things, and threatens me with breaking up, killing himself,not loving me, hating me when we argue.
Last nite we got into an argument, things got heated, and he pushed me, so I decided to walk away to let him calm down, then he came runing up behind me and stuck his fingers into my arms, it was the most hurtful thing! I tried tyo walk away and he wouldnt let me, so I end up beatinghim upo basically, in self defence, I wasnt gonna be shouted at and physically hurt for no reason! Again I tried to walk away and he grabbedme, wouldnt let me go, my arm wasin agony, and he was screaming at me in the middle of town, so I turned round punched him a few times, and kicked him when he was on the ground. He was scaring me, I am not a violent person, but he was hurting me and wouldnt let me go.
Then he screamed "I AM GONNA KILL MYSELF!!!!"
After I cooled down, regardless of what he did to me, I went back to him, he spat in myface and started beating me up, to which I didnt do anything back, then started screaming he was sorry for hurting me before!
What am I meant to do? Was I wrong in defending myself? How canlove be like this? Idont wanna leave him, but how can things get sorted?
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Leave him... Don't feel guilt for defending yourself. There is no excuse that he can give that justifies him putting his hands on you. It is easy for me to say leave him and it will be hard but you also have to think is it going to get worse. If you love him and want to make this work insist that he get counseling, and offer to go with him as support. If you are too nervous to suggest that than it is time to leave. No one should walk on egg shells in fear especialy for someone that is suppose to love you and protect you.
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im sory to have to tell you this but dump him, or ask him if he has some problems he should talk 2 you bout, maybe he's just realy depressed try talkin 2 him and if that doesnt help find urself an older guy...you sound like you deserve better
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Everyones advice to you is great. From an outside third persons point of view it does appear that you do need to move on. But you also say towards the end of your question that you do not want to leave him. So, whatever you decide to do its important that you learn from your mistakes first because history always repeats itself.
Ask yourself a few questions. Why did you fall for him in the first place? Did you like him because he needed you? Is there something about him that makes you feel better about yourself? Honestly, write down all the ways that he improves your life and all the ways he hampers your improvement as a human being, for that is your constant goal. Make sure that you want to stay with him for all the right reasons. Lastly, ask yourself if you feel sorry for him right now or worry about what will happen to him after you leave? Most people can spot a person weaknesses within a few minutes of being with them. Chances are he is using your thoughfulness and sentimentality as a guilt trip to get you to change for him. Relationships arn't about getting the other to change for you. He changes because he wants to change himself because with you he is a better man. You can do nothing but worry about your own self. If he does not want to be the better man, let him go be someone elses burden. I don't buy the whole "he is too young, he is too immature" arguement because I know plenty of middle aged men who blame others for their misdeeds rather than work hard on their own character. Our prisons are full of these men.
You need to protect yourself. Have the two of you talked since the fight? How did the fight end? If you live in a large urban community there are plenty of low cost, if not free, counselling services available to you, especially within the gay community centers. Please check these out, even if just for yourself.
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Maybe with your next boyfriend ( If you are smart and dump his immature ass), you could find someone at least your age or older. Contrary to what anyone thinks, younger guys are immature. Not all, but most. The minute he threatened suicide, you should have left. You sound like a smart guy, you need to get yourself a smart, mature guy who has his head on straight and his hands to himself, unless it's in a good way.
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He has no right to hurt you in any way, emotional or physical. You need to leave him before something worse can happen. If you feel guilty about, ignore it. It's pretty much a trap. He shouldn't be hurting you like that and he's using you for anger issues. I personally, from the sounds of it, think he needs counseling or you both could get couple counseling. I hope everything works out for you both. Remember he doesn't deserve you. You're better than him, and never tell yourself less than that. Good Luck. ;)
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You were NOT wrong in what you did, and you MUST leave him. Not necessarily forever, but until he sorts out his emotional issues.
He is abusing you not only physically, but mentally; threatening to kill himself (and implying that it would be your fault) is also abusive, and cowardly besides.
Who knows where his issues come from, but he needs to recognize they exist and try to resolve them. If he promises to do this and asks for your help, I would give him ONE more chance. If he won't promise that, or if he blows that chance, then LEAVE - no matter what he threatens. For you to stick around at that point would make you an Enabler, one who supports his bad habits.
You have every right to defend yourself when you must, but also the responsibility to walk away when you can. If you decide later to go back, then you will need to stay on your guard. Abusers go through a pattern of abuse, followed by kindness and remorse, followed by further abuse. Don't be fooled by this pattern; look for REAL change in his attitudes before you trust him again.
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This isn't an okay relationship. A healthy relationship does not involve violence in either direction, let alone from both people.
A good relationship sorts problems out by talking and communicating in a postive, supportive way. Of course every relationship has ups and downs - and arguments - but spitting, kicking, punching, pushing, threatening suicide...? This isn't a good situation for either of you.
If you want to stick together, can I suggest couples counselling? Or at least each of you getting individual counselling?
My honest advice, to BOTH of you, would be to get out of this. It's not going anywhere good, and has been someplace pretty bad. If you want a happy future, think carefully about the choices you are making.
I wish you the best.
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It makes no difference if you are male or female, straight or gay, violence is violence! Both of you are being violent with one another and in a very destructive relationship. Self-defense is not kicking someone when they are down, so you need to own up to your part in this, even if you did not start the fight. You need to severe this relationship like you would a foot with gangrene. If you don't, it will continue to destroy you in numerous ways. This is NOT LOVE. You may have had feelings of love in the beginning, but chances are that there were things you overlooked that now have become painfully clear. Cut your losses now! Love yourself, and real love will find you.
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Okay first of all sweetheart,
you are twentyone, you are older then him.
Not that, thats a BIG issue, but it sounds like hes being really imature.
Its not healthy to be in a relationship with someone who threatens and physically hurts you. He shoudldnt have a temper with you. You need to talk to him about it. And if he wont listen, which he probably wont, if he has a temper, be extreamley careful.
Do everything you can, be on your best behavior, be yourself, and if problems still arise that cant seem to be fixed. Break up with him.
People that threaten to kill themselves, usually dont do it. I mean its always a serious matter, but I just have my doubts that he will. Tell him you care about him, but that he has hurt you and you cant stand being in this kind of relationship, and that its VERY unhealthy. Emotionally and physically.
And the thing about giving him a taste of his own medicine, be the bigger person. Dont let him hurt you and dont let him act like he has control of you. You are your own person and you are simply amazing, you are a human being, and NO one deserves to be hit or treated if they are lower than that.
Violence in a relationship is NOT tolerable one bit. Its horrible, and you need to get out of this relationship ASAP. Get help from friends, back up, anything you need to get out of this situation.
I hope things go great hun.
<3
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