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Hello -- I'm Becky. I am here for you, to help you with anything you need help with. I'll try my hardest to answer your questions. It may not always be what you want to here, but know that I always put my time and effort into each answer. I'm not here to gain points from you, when you rate my advice... I don't long for a 5 as my rating. All I care about is helping you. It's ridiculous how people basically go on this website to see if what they is justified and right, and if advice columnists state otherwise, they rate your advice low. For example, a 13 year old girl asking how to give oral sex. First of all, it's not bad if someone warns you to put what you're doing into deep thought and consideration. They are just trying to give you their opinion on the situation. Isn't that the whole point of this website? Exactly. Anywhoooo, I'm 15 years old. Yes, 15. Too young? No! I'm very mature for my age. If you dont want to get advice from a 15 year old, then don't listen to it... However, I'm still going to give you my opinion :)
Florida -- Yes the hot sun, all the variety of people, and the beaches is all here. I love Miami, I've been here all my life and I dont intend on leaving any time soon. I've actually had no choice, since I've never even left the state :0 But that will chance this summer. :) Hmmm... (And it did!)
I go to High School and I am a Freshman. :0
What else? Well, I play the guitar and I have been playing since I was in 4th grade. I love everything about music -- it's my life. Seriously, I either have my iPod to jamm to, iHome, computer... I basically need music anywhere I go, because I really can't live without it. I mean I could, but it would be a very depressing and boring life 0.o
I've gone through so much drama the past few years of my life and I'm not even in highschool. Each time I go through a horrible situation, I learn from it for the next one. It's hard, but that's life. Everyone has drama in their life. Everyone has been betrayed. Everyone is going through or has gone through these stages of seeing who your true friends really are in the end. It's a hard journey, and I'm no where near done with it. But everyone goes through it. And if you have any problems or questions a long the way, I am here to help. :D
advice
I have regular fights with my best friend and she really annoys me most of the time. She's just not really me if you know what i men anyway she was typing some mean thing in an im box and she wasn't gonna send it but i sent it and now that guy got mad at her, and DUH she's mad at me. But secretly like I said I've been wanting to do something so bad to her alot worse than that and wat she was doing then was fine its just payback for every single time she hurt me or made me hate her. I really wish she just wouldn't be my friend.
But the problem is called spheres of influence. She's one of those really popular girls and I already have rumors (fake rumors) and fake gossip about me with her as an enemy she will spread more stuff and honestly i would have no friends. none. and although for me it's fine i don't like anyone thats in her group, but her group is basically the school. and it will be a problem when im back just walking from class to class no talking. Im sorry this is long my life is just messed up right now and I need to start making right decisions on stuff andif u read this hope fully you can help me.
It's obvious you dont want to be best friends with her. SO DONT BE. The thing is, she could start rumors about you blah blah blah SO? Like you said, you dont even like her friend but it's completely understandable that you dont want to be alone. You were saying that you wanted to do something bad to her in order for her to get mad at you so you will stop being friends? Eh... Dont do that. I mean, you could WANT to do it, but dont do it. She could tell everybody and it wouldnt be a rumor since it's actually true, you know? If you stay friends with her, it's for all the wrong reasons. I advice you not to. She will use her being popular and being able to manipulate your whole social life to her advantage. What I mean is, don't tipy toe around her just because she's popular. Be you. The simplest way to stop being friends with her is to avoid her and when she talks to you, try to get out of the conversation, you know? Become atleast acquiantances, NOT enemies. Good luck with everything.
ok so heres how it went.
my bff is kind of spoiled and high strung. she has mega high expectations for guys.
anyways..she was going out with this guy thats sooo nice and cute and just the perfect bf for her cause he was nice and she was a bitch and they "completed eachother".
but then she broke up with him because she said he was to clingy. like a week after that me and her ex started talking and i told him i was sorry about what my bff did to him and we just started to talk and now i really like him and im pretty sure he likes me too.
so is it ok to date him? my bff doesnt know we've been talking to eachother. what should i do should i act on it or just break it off? should i tell my bff?
any answers great.
thankyou
I hate it when girls treat their boyfriends like crap that treated them so well, and claim them as still theirs after SHE breaking up with him. It's not wrong what you're doing. It IS ok to date him but your friend might have a problem, pretend she doesnt care and actually do, or not care at all. You should talk to her. If she has a problem with it, you should ask her if she still has feelings for him and if she didnt there is no reason for him to be "off limits." She IS your bff so you should listen to her and how she feels unless you want to lose her. I mean, do you really want to be a part of a whole love triangle? First see if it's all worth it, and THEN do whatever you want and feel is right.
14/f and he's 15/m and we're both in 9th grade. This is really immature and childish but can you just read and answer for me, please?
So, there is this guy [let's call him Scott]. He's bi/gay and he's a major drama queen [no pun intended]. He'll get mad over the slightest thing. For instance, he got mad at my bffl because he always wore the same jacket. He got mad and started yelling at me b/c I didn't bring a cookie b/c I forgot. He drags me to the lunch line every other day and basically orders me to buy him food with my money.
Well, about a week ago, he suddenly called on Monday after school and said he was going to come over right that instant. I said no because I had homework and a violin lesson later that night. Then he said that all I did was homework and that I needed to get a life and be a teenager. Well, we went back and forth saying yes, no, yes, no. Well, about two days ago, my other friend and I were going down the hallways and I jokingly said that I was going to come to his house one day and he said that I already lost my chance? I was like okay then...but then he seriously went into full drama mode and said "If you don't hang out after school, I'm not going to talk to you." Or something like that. So I finally snapped and got so pissed off because he was getting mad at me for controlling my own life. So I told him that if he wanted to be a b*tch then he could be a b*tch and walked off.
Well, I don't really care that he's mad at me and I'm glad that I'm free from his drama because frankly, I was sick of tolerating him making me buy him food, yelling at me, and getting mad at me for stupid things. Right now, he's going around saying that I'm being a b*tch and overreacting and making a scene...when I'm ignoring everything. So, my question is am I overreacting? Is it reasonable for me to be mad at him?
Sorry this was so long.
You're definately right because this kid has no right to tell you what to do and be mad at someone for wearing something a lot? That's ridicolous. Compared to me, you're a really patient person because I seriously would not tolerate that kid for like one day lol. Anyway, I know that feeling where you like feel good to finally have someone out of your life that's all about drama that you dont want to deal with, trust me. You're not overreacting. Hopefully, he'll mature one day and stop acting like a drama queen. Dont feel guilty for finally telling him how you feel. It was the right thing to do, to let him know how you feel. If hes mad, so be it. You're way better offffffff.
Ok. so my friend she is going out with my ex, and like she is telling my best friend that she kind likes him when he is over here saying he loves her and she is perfect. He is over here saying she is his world, and that he would die with out her. She is just in the relationship just to go out with him longer then i did. i really want to tell him whats going on because he is my best friend and i dont want to see him hurt again. so please help i really want to tell him but i dont want her to be mad at me!!
What your friend is doing is wrong! She is basically competing with you that she can go out with your exboyfriend longer. How childish!
That isnt right at all and you owe it to him to tell him the truth, like you said he is your best friend. It's really low that she's using him and is going out with him for all the wrong reasons and you need to let him know that because he seems to be crazy about her, right?
If she finds out and gets mad at you, oh well. What she did is wrong and she needs to be told straight. Be a good friend to your best friend and tell him the truth. As for your other friend, she doesnt deserve him anyway. And what goes around... comes around, someday.
Tell him! Tell him! Tell him!
I wish you the best of luck :D
im a fifteen year old female..and i have this friend, her names jessica. shes not a horrible freind but she is very dramatic and she lies and likes to gossip..alot. well the other day i didnt feel like talking on the phone so i didnt answer her call but she kept calling, it went from the house phone to my cell phone back and fourth for almost and hour. i got sick of it and finally answered and she got mad at me and said that i was ignoring her. i told her that i just didnt feel like talking, and she got mad. now im a really nice person and i need help coming up with something to tell her so she can leave me alone already, i mean its nice to talk sometimes but im not a "talking on the phone" type of person. so i just need a way of telling her to kind of back off without coming across as being ignorant. thanks =]
Let me get this straight -- She's dramatic, lies, gossips, and calls you 100,000 times a day?
Like you said, she isnt a horrible friend but she isnt a good one either. I would, tell her to stop calling you because you just dont like to talk on the phone. That isnt being a mean person, you're being honest. If she doesnt understand that and gets mad at you, big deal. It's better off since you dont have to deal with her drama anymore. And it's easier since you dont have to be TOO mean about it. If you even end up staying friends with her, try and get her to stop being so dramatic, and talking gossip is a huge no-no. There really is no point of gossiping, everyone does it but there is a limit, you know? It always ends up hurting people in the end and I would explain that to her. If explaining this, and going through all this trouble to try and change someone that might never change is a hassle, just let her go. She doesnt seem like a very good friend in the first place, so it's not like you're missing out and a great friendship.
my best friend maria and i are in the biggest fight of our history of fights.....she even told me that she didnt want to be my friend...now i fell guilty for what i said...i said that she annoys me. all she ever talks about is her boyfriend, soccer, and how much she loves this guy seth and how much she hates these girls madison and adriane. i really want to be her friend cause she is the best friend i have ever had....i even said that i dont think her boyfriend is real and she wrote me this note saying that she dosent want to be my friend. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!! I AM SO AFRAID TO TELL HER THAT I AM SORRY CAUSE I AM AFRAID THAT SHE WILL SAY THAT SHE HATES ME OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!
First of all, if it just happened she's obviously going to be upset. However, you told her the truth and just because it wasnt something she didnt want to hear, it shouldnt ruin a good friendship. If you are acting like this with her, showing her that you REALLY need her as a friend and that you're afraid to apologize because you dont want her not to be your friend, she might use this against you by doing exactly what you dont want to happen, just for the hell of it and to hurt you just like you hurt her. If you guys become friends again, good, but you cant tipy toe around her even if you want to stay friends. It's good that you told her how you felt and dont regret that for a minute. Just give her time, and take some time yourself to re-evaluate the situation. You might think YOU and only YOU are wrong in this, but she is overreacting. If that's how she is with everything, then you deserve better friends and you should find someone out there that treats you right! Good luck! :)
My best friend since 1st grade hates my b/f of one year. and vice versa. It's so bad that they literally can't be around each other for more then 5 seconds w/out getting in a big fight. My friend gets mad and wants me to dump him but my b/f is usually very sweet and I'm crazy about him. I hate that they fight and don't know what to do because sometimes he is at fault and other times it's her. I've basically stopped defending either of them and neither are happy about it but I'm so confused. My friend is strong and idependant so she never stops but my b/f is an idiot on this issue and doesn't listen when I tell him to back off. What do I do?!
Your friend shouldnt be telling you to break up with your boyfriend just because SHE doesnt like him. Since you are crazy about him and he's is sweet to you, then don't break up with him or anything along those lines. You need to explain to her that she is messing up your friendship each time she tells you these things because she's putting you in an uncomfortable position that you dont need to be in. A real friend should learn to let you be with who you want to be, and the only reason you should break up with him is because he treats you bad and stuff like that, and since he doesnt do that, there is no reason to break up with him, and make sure you tell your friend that you dont plan on doing that so she better stop telling you to. Good luck!
14/f;I've got this friend, im naming her "ashley", well i've known her since kindergarten. And she & i have been fighting a lot lately, bcuz we've changed and stuff.well i found she talks about me behind my back a little bit. well she wrote me a letter telling me that i dont care about our friendship and that we are no longer friends. Well she cries about it a lot and sometimes she cuts herself.her and my b/f dont get a long, so it makes it hard for me to spend time with them;plus i have a job. wut do i do? cuz she can b really really bitchy and mean, but then again i love her to death!but shes threatend to stop being my friend before... & shes trying to make me choose between her & my b/f.
point is wut she i do just stop being friends with her?Or try to work things out?
P.S. if you have any questions write it in an answer and ill post additional info.
Thanx in advance!
~remember i love u~
If you care about her a lot, I would give her another chance but explain to her that what she is doing trying to make you choose between her and your bf is wrong and isnt making things any better, that she is making things worse.
However, it's strange how she is saying that your friendship isnt imporant to her. Like you said, people change and she has changed, so maybe you love the girl that you were friends with during elementary school, but she has changed and you have to. People move on and make better friends and meet new people. There are very lucky ones that stay with their friends from childhood until forever. Do you want to fight for your friendship? And if you do, do you think that "Ashley" will to? It's your call. I can't tell you to stop being friends with her because she might need you, since she cuts herself and stuff. You should really think about it. Good luck with everything! :)
okay so me and jamie have been friends since kindergarden. but this year shes been hanging out with this girl stacey and me and stacey were pretty close before stacey and jamie HUGE friendship. and jamie like hangs out with stacey like 24/7 and im NOT even kidding. its so annoying. they leave me out of EVERYTHING. and bacically they do it on PURPOSE(i think) they dont even BOTHER to talk to me like alone. III have to go to them. then at the auction thing stacey and her friend olivia(are in a fight and now stacey was going to tell her off)so she was like jamie come with me to tell her off but jamie didnt want to..yadda yadda...and then while olivia and stacey were talking things out, jamie i guess realized stacey really wasnt her friend so she came to me and she was like im sorry ..yadda yadda your my real friend..yadda yadda.
then the next day, she DID the opposite of what she told me! she hung out with stacey like NOTHING happened!! and then today i was sitting by like jamie and stacey and some of my other friends and they went into the hall(w/o telling me)so i went too! and now my friend alex tells me that they were talking about how i was FOLLOWING THEM??!?!?!??! uhh what do i do?
Get better friends! They are treating your horrible, I seriously hate people that do that and you dont deserve to be treated like that. Even if you have known her since kindergarden, she isnt the same person as she was before. People change! And.. she changed into an awful friend. You need to ditch them, even if they dont care (they're going to act like they dont trust me, but they do) and make better friends that treat you as their equal and not some puppy that follows them like they were saying when they were talking bad about you. You dont deserve it so dont tolerate that anymore! Good luck :)
P.S. You are way better then them, so it will probably be easy for you to make better friends!
ok i have 3 best friends....and they are so annoying!!!! i dont even know why im friends with them....i guess because i dont have anyone else to hang out with....maria is to quiet and all she talks about is her boyfriend and how he cheated on her and how much she hates this girl madison and it gets so annoying. and molly and tabbi belive in witchcraft and are always telling me that we live in different demensions and that in the past i was a player and that i had sex with everyone in the castle. i dont belive it but they do. and molly is always worrying about her boyfriend and she says she is tired of some of the stuff that i do. we get into fights all the time and then we make back up. im about to tryout for cheerleading and if i make it it will make me more popular and i will get more friends to hang out with. HELP ME!!!! WHAT DO I DO WITH MY FRIENDS???
Hey, witchcraft? Little weird. Really weird!
Trying out for cheerleading is a great idea, whether you make it or not, try and meet and become friends with the people trying out with you because you guys have something in common. Friends with boyfriends can be annoying, tell them how you feel if you want to keep the friendship or if you're basically so sick of them that you cant even stand to look at them, make new friends and it'll all be good. Remember it doesnt have to be the cheerleaders, just because they are popular, but you outgrew your friends and there is nothing wrong with that. So just go out there and make new ones. ;] Good luck!
Well I have a great bf, and I love him a ton. My best friend keeps saying that I never talk to him, and she says I know nothing about him. I talk to him on the phone every night, and in school we sit next to eachother. So today walking out of a class my best friend is like ask him how he did on the test, cuz u guys never talk. And I told her that I didn't need her help talking to my bf!! And she should stay out of it. She kind of got annoyed but we both let it go. But she keeps doing it!!! She says she talks to him more than I do. I guess they talk a lot too. But I talked to my bf about it and he was like well yah me and her do kind of talk more, but I talk to you enough. And then he said I guess me and her talk more because I don't have to worry about what to say when I am talking to her. And I Dont know what he meant by that!!! Do you guys think that I was being too harsh on my best friend?? And what did my bf mean by what he said!???
Thanks a ton.
I don't think you were too harsh with your best friend. I mean, it was getting to the point that she was telling you how and what to do with your boyfriend and she should stay out of it. You did the right thing about telling her how you feel and also telling your boyfriend about the situation. When he said that he talks more to her because he doesnt have to worry about what to say, he meant that with you, since he likes you so much he doesnt want to say something stupid that will get you upset at him, you know? Like, he just cares about you more and doesnt want to lose you, and there's nothing wrong with that! :)
How can you tell if someone is being a good friend? and what does exacly "being there for them" means?
If you're friend is there for you no matter what, stands by you with every good intention, doesnt talk bad about you, doesnt hurt you in anyway, then that is a good friend. You can obviously tell the difference from that with a bad friend, someone who ditches you and talks bad about you and you know... that stuff shows that they arent good friends.
Someone who is there for you is by your side in conflicts. The person is like a phone call away from any advice or help you need. That is being there for you! When you need someone and they are there with no if's, and's, or but's. They are just there!
okay so here's the deal. I'm 16/f and my best friend is a guy. He's attractive but i've never really like thought about doing anything sexual with him. He used to date one of my other friends, and now he's asking me to do stuff with him. I'm sure if I should. I'd feel bad because of my friend, but I want to at the same time because I haven't been with anyone in along time. Considering i've only been with 2 other guys. What should I do? Am i bad person for even considering it?
Do you honestly like him? It sounds like you are considering him for the wrong reasons. That is wrong. But do you really want to risk your friendship with the girl he went out with who is your friend? Make sure you actually like this guy before you do anything you might regret.
hope i helped. =]
-beckss
14/f
my parents and i are going on a camping trip this weekend and they said i could invite one friend with us. well, this is really hard for me, because i can only invite one person, and i have two best friends. we always hang out together, but sometimes i do things with just each of them alone. i already mentioned the trip when we were all hanging out together and they both said they want to come. well, that was before my parents told me i could only bring one person, and i don't know who i should pick. one of them, hayley, said she might not be able to go because her parents are really overprotective and wouldn't want her to go for the entire weekend. my other friend, rachel, could probably go, but at this point it seems like it's a 50/50 chance that either of them could go for sure. i like both of them the same, and i have the same amount of fun with each of them. does anyone know what i should do or which i should pick?
First, you should find out whether hayley can go for sure. If she cant, then obviously pick Rachel. If she can, then tell both of them you can only pick one and you dont want to make the decision, so let them do it. It'll probaly work out fine so dont worry just talk to both of them.
what is desperate means? and is that bad? cause people say im desperate and i dont know what that means
im from japan.
Desperate isnt really a good thing to be called. It means that you are willing to go out with any guy/girl that likes you, no matter what.
I have no friends i sit at home day after day doing nothing...i cant make anyfriends because there is literally nobody to make friends becasue i live in a extremely small town with an extremly small school and they all already have there own clicks and wont allow anyone in:S and all my people i hang out with are rude and take advantage of me...what should i do!
Have your tried talking to the people in there "clicks". If you havent, go for it. If you have, keep trying. Seriously, there has to be atleast ONE person who isnt a stuck-up jerk. Some people are open-minded, hopefully youll find people like that and become the best of friends. You may not have to come to this but you can tell your parents that you want to switch school because youre unhappy but lets hope it doesnt come to that ;) i wish you the best.
-beckss
Here's the story. I'm 13/F and I am like the only girl in my school who isn't obsessed with guys. Like, I get crushes and things but I'm not obsessed with guy watching or finding a boyfriend, or getting my first kiss. I feel like it's better to let things just happen instead of pressuring yourself to have it happen because then you might go after just about anyone. I'm also not into make-up and clothes. I don't wear any make-up, except cover up under my eyes to cover dark circles. And don't get me wrong, I like shopping, but I don't love it, and I think talking about clothes and make-up is pretty frivolous and unimportant, and a bit annoying. My weight is the next problem. Alot of my friends are always concerened about their weight and they talk about weight issues alot also. I don't have any problems with my weight though. My friends and I are pretty skinny but they still like count carbs and watch how much they eat, not to be healthy, just skinny and I don't.
My main problem is it makes me feel so different and unattached to my friends. I feel like I have nothing to talk about when they bring up guys and make-up and clothes and weight. I feel like I have nothing to say and I just sit to the side listening to them and wondering how they can be so.. I don't know, they aren't exactly shallow, but sometimes that's how they seem.
Don't get me wrong, that's not all they talk about, and when they don't I love hanging out and talking to them. But when they do I just don't know what to do.
Any help would be appreciated and I'm SO sorry it's so long!!
Its perfectly normal not being like that. I was and pretty much still am like that too. The weight thing, you have to confront them and tell them they arent fat, and its not healthy to eat little, tell them that! The make-up and boys thing... either tell them that you dont want to talk about it and you rather talk about something else, or change the subject. Talk to them. If they are your TRUE friends they will understand and respect the fact that you dont enjoy talking about those things. Take care ;)
-beckss
I've gone to a public school my whole life. Now 7th grade is ending and im going on to 8th grade. My brother goes to a private school and i want to go there. But I'm afraid of leaving behind my friends. I have a much better chance of getting accepted because my brother goes, but my brother doesn't talk to his old friends much. One of my friends who switches school a lot told me that I should do whats best for me, not for my friends. But I'm not sure whats best for me. I want to go to private school to help me with college, but I dont want to stop being able to see my other friends cause i love them so much.
I'll rate high if you try to help me with my decison
Switch schools. You seem like you really want to go to the school, so go for it. If these friends of yours are your TRUE friends then they will keep in touch and dont worry. Just because your brother doesnt talk to his old friends that much doesnt mean you will; you wont. This school looks like its good for you, it helps you with college, your friends should be happy for you and not ditch you but if they do, they arent your true friends. good luck =D
-beckss
Hey I am really jealous of my best friend and recently I have become quite depressed about it and cutting out bits of skin and crying on a night. Her we go:
*We have similar personalities but its like whatever she says goes more than what I say
* She has a big immaculate house, a perfect family and generous parents and she doesn't act a bit spoilt at all but shes always complaing about her life to us.
* she can afford to go to posh gyms and restaurants and buy whatever she wants
* Shes really pretty, even though people say Im prettier, and she looks gorgeous in the simplest of outfits because she's born with a perfect tan and the perfect body.
* its all happening for her: boyfriend( that i fancy n could have had but was too shy to go for it wen she started likin him), partys, money, moving house, more friends
* shes buying all the clothes i want but she doesnt know it and i get depressed because people will think im copying her.
i could go on forever. Everyone likes me just as much as her its just its like she has more to offer and i know i seem like a depressed teenager but i need something to overcome this jealousy before i snap. luv rach xxx
Rach,
You shouldnt be naming all the things your friend may seem has "better" than you. Stop comparing yourself to her. You even said people think youre prettier, they like you both the same.. and im sure you have alot of things going for you. You shouldnt be depressed though, im sure people feel jealous of you too. Everyone does at one time or another. Also, you probaly already know this but someone is always going to be richer, prettier, smarter, sportier.. you name it. Dont let that get to you. Be happy with what you have, be grateful, be you. Oh and you said that people think you copy her, screw them! You shouldnt care what people say or think ;)
hope i helped.
-beckss
well i just seem to feel more comfortable and easier to be friends with guys then girls. (by the way im a girl) i just feel like so shy when i try to be friends with girls and make friends with new girls and i dont know what to say. but it's so weird because most of my best friends are boys. like when i was little their was like 4 guys on my street and like one girl my age and i always wanted to play with the boys cause it seemed easieer. its just hard to be myself around girls. i'm definitely not a tomboy. i'm a typical teenage girl. i'm not talking about my sister or cousins, i mean just girls at school and stuff. what's my problem?
You dont have a problem. Its perfectyly normal that you feel more comfortable with guys. Girls are more bitchy and less trustworthy, most guys are good friends. But dont think that you cant be friends with girls too, you just have to be yourself and try to make new friends who are girls. good luck ;)
-beckss