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Boy friend or Best friend?
My best friend since 1st grade hates my b/f of one year. and vice versa. It's so bad that they literally can't be around each other for more then 5 seconds w/out getting in a big fight. My friend gets mad and wants me to dump him but my b/f is usually very sweet and I'm crazy about him. I hate that they fight and don't know what to do because sometimes he is at fault and other times it's her. I've basically stopped defending either of them and neither are happy about it but I'm so confused. My friend is strong and idependant so she never stops but my b/f is an idiot on this issue and doesn't listen when I tell him to back off. What do I do?!
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Hey!
Well this is a tough situation. So heres what you need to do, you need to start with your friend and tell her that you are in love (or whatever) with your boyfriend. Tell her how much he means to you and that you know she doesnt like him, but sometimes in life there are people that we have to deal with that we dont like. Tell her that there is a side of him that she doesnt see. Tell her that you care about what she thinks, and if she has input (such as soething that she feels is important for you to know about him) that she is welcome to give it to you, but she has to be respectful of him and you. Tell her that you love her, and you are never going to let him come between the two of you, and that you will always be friends, its just that you cant deal with what stress she is putting on you. Tell her that both her and him mean a tremendous amount to you, and that you are so troubled by the fact that they cant get along. Tell her that if she really loves you she will try and see what you see, and at least try and make an effort to be kind to the boy you like so much.
Then go to the boy. Tell him that you love him (or if not, that you love being with him or whatever) and that you arent going to breakup with him. Tell him that the two of you just need to talk about the relationship he has with your friend. Tell him that she has her faults but he also has his, and by pointing out her faults to you it just hurts you. Tell him its not funny, and its also not fair. The reason your friend is upset is because (most likely) she fears she is going to lose you to so creepy guy she hates. So by him enforcing that fact it just makes her hurt more. SO tell him that, and tell him that you arent going to choose one or the other, because thats too hard, but instead you want them to see the stress they are putting on you. Tell him that with every mean or negative insult type thing he says about your friend, he is really just stabbing you, of course not directly, but it just hurts you more with every thing he says.
Tell them both that you trust them to be the bigger man, and to take this into their own hands. Then see which one listens. The next time their in a room together, either a) neither of them will do anything, there will just be tension or b) one of them will do something to agrrivate the other. Then call that person aside. Tell them that they disrespected what you asked them to do, and by doing that, they put your relationship in jeopardy. Tell them that you love them, and the only way that your relationship will work, is if THEIR relationship works. Yeah this will probably piss them off, but then you take the other one and leave. Leave the room, leave the party, whatever, just leave. It shows that you care about them, and you thank them for not being the first one to crack. Then later, call the one who inniciated the fight and explain that you left because of their actions, and they have to realize that their actions have consequences now. And yeah there will be times when you will be alone with them, but sometimes there will be times when the three of you have to be together and because you are adult enough to have a boyfriend, you are adult enough to handle situations, therefore, so are they.
You need to know that this is not your fault okay? There is nothing you did to make this situation like this, and I know, because I've been on the best friend side of this situation, actually, I AM on that side of the situation. I really dislike my friends boyfriend, but not long ago I realized that I was really hurting my friend and I still cant be around him because he scares me and stuff, but I still try to be there for her. And eventually they will have revelations too, and realize what they are doing to each other and you. So no matter how hard it is now, it will get better. only time will change things, with a little guidence from you. One thing to remember is, if you're getting pissed off, leave. Theres no point trying to deal with them when you're frustrated you'll just hurt one of them.
Good luck, and I hope I helpped.
Love ya,
Angie91
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Well, you tell them both that if they have any respect for you, they will do their best to get along.
If you are happy with this guy, then your happiness comes first and foremost. If your friend chooses to not respect you enough to get along with your boyfriend, then she isn't a very good friend, now is she?
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Your friend shouldnt be telling you to break up with your boyfriend just because SHE doesnt like him. Since you are crazy about him and he's is sweet to you, then don't break up with him or anything along those lines. You need to explain to her that she is messing up your friendship each time she tells you these things because she's putting you in an uncomfortable position that you dont need to be in. A real friend should learn to let you be with who you want to be, and the only reason you should break up with him is because he treats you bad and stuff like that, and since he doesnt do that, there is no reason to break up with him, and make sure you tell your friend that you dont plan on doing that so she better stop telling you to. Good luck!
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Well this is tough. So this is what I would do...
Tell your friend that she is not very supportive of you guys. And if she says well I don't like him, break up with him, then tell her you don't think that you should be friends anymore. Friends should be supportive of you especially your best friends. Plus if your crazy about your boy friend don't dump him. Its none of her business who you go out with anyways. Don't let your friend run your life.
Nicky x0x0
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