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I'm a raw and living foodest. For those of you who are unfamiliar with what that is I only eat foods that have not been cooked. I do this because it maintains all of the nutrients and enzymes intact and is much healthier. I'm not here to try to convert anyone. I think you can reach maximum health by eating all kinds of foods fixed all kinds of ways. This is simply my life choice. What I'm here to do is help educate people as to what is happening to thier food. Did you know that the pharmaceutical companies have lobbied to have a law voted on called "Codex Aimentarius" that will take away our freedom to take suppliments? It has already been implemented in Europe. Of course it is still ok for them to put steroids, antiboitics and harmones in our foods. Have you wondered why there is a great influx of people acting aggressively and out of character? I'm here to help guide you through this mess. If you want to eat meat...eat meat...just get chemically free meat. I'm here to help you understand what is happening to you.
advice
I am at breaking point with my mom. She does not accept the woman I love, with whom I have two sons. This problem is damaging the lives of my family as well as my father and brothers. She twists events to the point of complete fiction and twists them in such a way that we are terribly victimizing her. In truth, knowing her condition, we have taken great care into our dealings with her and have always welcomed her in our lives. Somehow, my partner seems to sit in the wrong way, not greet her in such a way as to appease her, not call enough, not come from a nice enough family - the list is infinite. She doesn't believe that our intentions are pure. My partner has continued to try, despite the fact that she will never be accepted and that she will always accidentally do something wrong - but she has reached the point where she has spiritually given up - she can never show her real self to my mother again.
My mom creates massive drama around every important event in life - from the birth of our son, the completion of my PhD, moving into my first home - they have all been spoiled because of her fiction drama. Everyone in the family knows she has lost her mind, but everyone is afraid to confront her - and rightfully so. If you don't agree with what she says, then you are the enemy. So, she creates this fake world, people try to pacify her and we grow more distant. I am at a loss for what to do. I could talk honestly with her - a strategy which has never worked in the past, or I could keep trudging along trying to be nice and to serve as a bridge between the most important people in my life. My last attempt at honesty resulted in her listing off further transgressions on our part and her continued inability to understand any other viewpoint. Unfortunately, I have reached the point where I am too angry and frustrated to continue this much longer. I'm not willing to lose my mother – despite all of this, she is a very loving and good woman. However, I am afraid that I have no reasonable options to pursue! Any advice would be very appreciated.
Male, early thirties
I do feel for you. I have this same problem with my mother. I don't have a signif so she does these exact same things to my sister-in-law. My mother is nicer towards men than she is w/women though. People like yours and my mother are so unhappy that there IS nothing you can do. No matter what you say it will be wrong. They don't want help and actually think it is everyone else who has the problem, not them. Now I'm not diagnosing here, but it sounds like she has something called BPD or Borderline Personality Disorder. This condition is considered incurable primarily because these people don't think there is anything wrong in the first place. If you could ever get them to truly admit there is a problem than something could be done. But that rarely happens. They think, if only others would do something different everything will be ok. Of course it never is. You have to start thinking of you and your family and start taking care of you. There is a great book you can read that will help you cope w/this situation and it is called, Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back when Someone You Care about Has Borderline Personality Disorder, by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger. You can purchase this book on Amazon or at your local bookstore. It will be like reading your life w/one exception. They will tell you the most successful choices to make when your mother is behaving badly. As unbelievable as this may sound they do behave pretty similarly. This book is a good start to help you understand what you should do when you mother does or says certain things. I've also included some websites that have support groups for you to choose from. I belong to two and have found them to be helpful. I wish you the best of luck in this and if you have further questions feel free to contact me. Lots of Luck to You!
http://www.bpdresources.com/supportnons.html
http://www.google.com/Top/Health/Mental_Health/Disorders/Personality/Borderline/Support_Groups/
Namaste!
LULABELLE
well my mom and my brother both smoke marijuana my brother is 22 and i was wondering how iligal is it is it unuff to go to jail and when your high how do you act im just a little scard
Marijuana is illegal w/the exception of certain individuals who are prescribed by a doctor the use of marijuana for medical conditions such as glaucoma or AIDS. Other than this it is illegal. Now if someone is high, but is not in possession of marijuana, they will not be arrested. It is when someone is in possession of marijuana that they will be arrested. Sometimes the police won't arrest someone for that if they have small amounts on them, but then again they can arrest them if they want to. It is the officers choice. Also, if someone is busted in their home for marijuana or any other drugs their home can be taken away from them if the court decides to do so. They can even be renting from someone and the owner's rental property can be taken from them. The government looks at it like the owner should know what is going on in their properties. I personally don't think marijuana is as dangerous as drinking alcohol and if it were up to me I'd legalize marijuana and make alcohol illegal (since they want to make something illegal). Accidents are caused by alcohol not marijuana, though, the news media and police try to infer marijuana is responsible, but if you look you will see that alcohol or some other drug like meth, or heroin is involved and believe me these drugs are always the factor when involved in an accident if they've been used. Marijuana just makes you lazy, stupid, hungry, and laid back. Personally I think people should refrain from all drugs and alcohol but I think it should be their choice, not governmentally forced. We are criminalizing people for making a personal choice albeit not a very wise choice. As long as people don't hurt others I think they should be left alone to do whatever damage they choose to themselves. I, for one, am tired of the government thinking they know what is best for us and it is up to them to take care of us. I'm an adult and know what is best for me and my body. I think w/legalization and truthful education you will have less people using marijuana than you do now. The government is against that because some covert branches of the government support their operations through the distribution of marijuana and other drugs. That gets into a whole other discussion so that is all I will say about that. Your brother and mother really should quit for their health if anything. One joint is like smoking a whole pack of cigarettes and we know the dangers there. I feel for you and I wish I had the answer that would help you. I will say that I don't think it is appropriate for your mother to be smoking w/her son or in front of you. You could go to a councilor or children's services and get them involved, but when they get involved they could take you away from your family until they think your mother is in recovery. There are all kinds of avenues they could go down that you may not like. You could also go to other family members like your grandparents, your mother's brother or sister, your father, and let them know what is going on. They could get involved and do an intervention w/your mother. This could be the least invasive route for you to go. Whatever route you take it will be painful and a lot of work for you and your family. Good luck!
Namaste!
LULABELLE
Hey my name is Rachel and iam 17 years old and I think my 13 year old cousin tiffany might have anorexia and iam really worried.my cousin tiffany weighs 100lbs and is only 5 foot tall and thinks she's fat all of her family including myself try to tell her she's not fat,but she dosn't listen right now she's going on a diet in which she only eats one meal a day and iam really worried is this crash dieting and these meals are mabey like a bowl of soup or something is she anorexic?please help me.my cousin and I are like sisters even if she is only 13 and iam 17 age dosn't matter how do I get her help?
It sounds like she's on the road to anorexia. What I suggest you do is talk w/the family about what you've observed. You need to get your cousin involved in a eating disorder support group. There are lots of them out there and I'm sure there is one near you. If you put anorexia in your search engine you will find a plethora of information that can help guide you. Your cousin needs to be reprogrammed, so to speak. She has programmed herself to believe she is fat when she is not. I am real familiar w/this disorder because I've experienced it myself. I'm 5'5" and at one point I weighed 95 lbs. I tell you this because I want you to see that I have actual experience w/this. She's not going to believe anything that her family has to say. That's why you have to get her involved in some kind of outside therapy. You have to get it quickly. If you don't address this issue right away she could be on the road of no return. Do not hesitate. As a family unit, do not give her a choice in this (though this disorder is about control). Good luck and my prayers will be with you.
Namaste!
LULABELLE
okay..
Basicly my mom has anger problems..
Her anger is causing many problems, and her relationships with the family are at stake.
She has LOTS of anger and I think the anger management classes would be a waste for her, because she needs to know whats bothering her. If i try to tell her, she'll start yelling and slamming things around saying why do you think i'm crazy..i don't need those fucking therapists telling me whats wrong..blahblahblah.
Are there any ways to MAKE her go to therapy?
so maybe someone could help me out?
i'm pretty tired of living with this.
I know how you feel. My mother, father, X...all are like this. What I've learned from this (and I know you don't want to hear this) is there is absolutely nothing you can do to make her do anything. She probably doesn't think there IS really anything wrong w/her. It is my guess that she thinks it's everyone else who is creating the difficulties that SHE is experiencing and if everyone would just do everything the way she wants than everything would be perfict. My mother said the same exact thing when therapy was suggested. Of course what they think isn't true, but your mother doesn't want to face the fact that she has a problem. She sounds like she has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). IF that is the case here than there may not be an incident in her life which is causing the anger. These people can be born w/the disorder. Then there are those who are created by a parent who has the disorder. From birth we learn how to react to situations in life from our parents. They are all we have when we as young ones to mimic. If we have a parent that doesn't respond well to stress then we may mimic the inappropriate behavior and it will appear as though we have the disorder when it is actually learned behavior. Whatever the situation your mother falls into there is nothing you can do. Your mother has to want to make the changes for herself and the more you nag her the more she won't do anything. Again I know this from experience. What I suggest for you is to work on yourself. You need coping skills. You can't change your mother, but you can change how you react to her and it will make your life easier. There is an exceptional book that would be excellent for you to read on this subject. The book is, "Stop Waling on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder". You can get this book in any bookstore, or Amazon, etc. It has everything you need to know about this disorder and plans of action. I've also included a support group website. It's a great interactive site. Everyone there is dealing w/the same situation you are and you can ask any question you want about this disorder and you will have tons of replies. People will share their experiences w/you and share what has worked for them when they were in your situation. It can be a relief for you to be able to communicate w/people who are experiencing the same thing that you are. I know this is difficult for you and it weighs on you greatly. Don't worry about her anymore because she isn't worrying about you, this is a particularly difficult disorder to crack. Some say it is incurable and some doctors don't even bother treating these people other than druging them. I personally don't think they are incurable, but the only way that they can be cured is if they admit their problem and seek help, which in most cases doesn't happen. This is why I say to you that what you need to do is work on your coping skills and learn how to deal w/it. Now what I'm saying to you is not "Deal with it" or accept your circumstances. What I'm saying to you is learn how to talk to her differently and learn different approaches to potentially emotional situations and achieve a potentially less stressful end. It won't always work, but you can minimize the incidents. A great place to start is the book I suggested and the support group. If you have more questions feel free to contact me. Good luck to you and I wish you the best.
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/WelcomeToOz2/
Namaste!
LULABELLE
This question may seem a bit strange to ask in June, but I'm planning an army themed birthday party for my nephew in August. I remember seeing plastic camouflage easter eggs around Easter and I thought of an excellent party game. The kids could have an Easter egg hunt, except I wouldn't call it an Easter egg hunt because it's August. I want to section off an area of the yard with caution tape and put up Caution: Mine Field Signs. The kids can look for the eggs/mines. My question is does anyone have any idea where I can find these eggs? I've already searched on-line with no luck. The only place that I've found is on e-bay, it's $5 for 6. That's too expensive because I need a bunch of them. Around Easter I could have gotten 8 of them for $1.49 at Wal-Mart. So if anyone could help me find them or if you have another idea of something that I could use instead of the Easter eggs. Thanks!
I have found a website for you that have what you are looking for. They have the camouflage Easter eggs in a variety of colors as well as fatigue colors. Just scroll down the page and you will see them. You might contact the company and see if you can't get them all in your fatigue colors. They may be willing to accommodate you since this is the off season for Easter eggs. If this doesn't work out for you for some reason why not contact Walmart and see if they can't special order them for you from the company they purchased them from. I find a lot of stores are willing to do that if they don't have to make a huge purchase (more than you are willing to purchase or be stuck with). Walmart also may have some stored away somewhere. Again, sometimes companies are willing to make exceptions when they want to clear their warehouses of excess merchandise and it is in the off season. So, you have nothing to loose. If Walmart has them stored somewhere you could contact their headquarters and special order it and they'll ship it to you. There are all kinds of ways to do it. Good luck in your search and I wish you the best of luck.
www.sexybloomers.com/EasterCart/EasterEggs.htm
Namaste!
LULABELLE
Do you guys think it's weird that my parents grounded my brother who's 21(I actually think it's funny)?
He's staying with us for a few weeks and he got a $300 citation for punching a guy on the beach yesterday. My dad didn't actually say the words "you are grounded" but he won't let him do anything. I mean he is an adult and everything haha.
My dad and brother have been arguing all morning because of it and I don't think my dad is right because my brother would have paid for it on his own. I want to say something but I just wanted a few opinions before I do so.
That's funny. I remember when I was 23 and home for a visit. I went out w/my girlfriends partying. We were out past bar closing so we went someplace to have breakfast. I didn't get home until 4:00 am. My mother tried to take my car keys away from me. I was the one making the car payments and made the down payment. I wasn't living at home anymore, just home for a visit. I simply walked out of the house and drove away. I stayed w/a friend for the rest of my visit. She wasn't too pleased, but she had no control of me at this point. The funny thing was, while I lived at home I never had a curfew, but now all of a sudden when I live on my own and I come for a visit I do? Parents can be funny sometimes. I wish your brother luck!
Namaste!
LULABELLE
13/f, my grandmother used to be okay, never used to get into my way, always feeding us, and helping us. I went to this award banquet, and she didn't like what I was wearing. When she described what I should wear, it was a wedding dress. I explained that for this occasion, you just wear simple things, but she didn't listen. I went the way I looked anyhow. Everyone who passed us, she would say, you see how that person has that... and other what nonsense. She said how my breasts were sticking out. Bra or no bra, of course it would show, I have breasts, wouldn't the shape and size of it show? Now for graduation, she's forcing to dress up in some wedding gown thing. My mom had to tell her no. My grandmother thinks that I'm dressing the wrong way. What's her problem?
Answer to second question at the bottom.
When I was your age you had to (if a girl) dress up wearing a girddle w/stockings, your best dress shoes and a dress w/ white gloves just to go into the downtown area. I remember the first time I saw someone wearing a pair of blue jeans in the downtown area I thought how strange they looked. Things are definately different now for better or worse. I sometimes think people take things a little far, but I also am a believer in personal expression. Just because I don't think it looks all that great doesn't mean it doesn't. Your grandmother is just remembering a time when people dressed for certain occassions. To be honest it was fun at the time and I think she doesn't want you to miss out on this. It's ashame she is so closed minded in this area though. I don't see the harm in her suggesting them, but she should be understanding if you don't choose her suggestions. Sometimes people can't get out of their heads. What I do when my mother is like this is ignore her. I let her say whatever she wants and I nod my head, say ok alot, and then go ahead and do whatever I want. Don't argue w/her, let your mother do that. It only causes stress for you and her to argue w/her. As long as your mother doesn't have a problem w/how you dress I wouldn't worry about her. Your grandmother doesn't really have any power over you, just your mother and father. They are the ones who make the decisions that affect your life. But to keep peace, let your grandmother say whatever she wants, keep quiet,do whatever you want, and enjoy life. Don't let these insignificant little glitches bogg you down. Good luck and happy life!
Namaste!
LULABELLE
In answer to your question as to if I'm Hindu or not:
In a way I am. I follow the teachings of Paramahansa Yogananda. In his teachings he also incorporates the teachings of Jesus Christ as a great Yogi and Master. I go to his temple here in Atlanta. I have most of his writings and have read his most famous book, "Autobiography of a Yogi", if you ever have a chance to read it I think you'll find it facinating. I believe all religions are manificatations of ONE, who was simply trying to reach us all through our many cultures, which is why there are so many views on how to reach the same goal. I believe all the religions of the world are right and I believe all of the religions of the world are wrong. Yin and Yang. Now if only we could join forces rather than seperate ourselves we would be able to accomplish things more beautiful than we could ever imagine.
Namaste!
LULABELLE
Hello,
I was just wondering if anyone can give me some good vacation ideas? OK, we live in Latrobe, Pa. We only want to go for a weekend. It will be me, my husband & our 2 kids, (3 & 6). We would like it to be somewhat cheap & close by. Even in the Ohio, West Virginia range would be fine. As long as it is in driving distance. So, if anyone had any experiences with any place fun & inexpensive or has any ideas in general it would be greatly appriciated. We can also go to places offering military discounts. Thankyou.
Why not take the family camping in the Poconos? Y'all can go hiking and have cookouts tell, ghost stories around the camp fire, roast those marshmellows. It will be a fun adventure for the kids and definately cost effective, but if that just isn't your cup of tea I've included a website that has vacation spots near you. You can research and find something that fits your needs. Good luck and I hope y'all have fun!
http://pennsylvania.2havefun.com/
Namaste!
LULABELLE
okayy. i've been going through alot right now becasue i've lost people in my lives and getting bad grades and shit. i need help here to get happy. well now i just found out that my boyfriends parents are getting a divorce right now and im really upset for justin (my boyfriend) and i don't wanna lose him because of this i love him so much and i have no idea how to get him help and i know it might take a while and i just have to just be there for him whenever i talk to him how im i supposed to say?? i need help here
my life and this year have been tough yearr i need to get things out of my way!!
Thanks lauren
I can completely understand where you are coming from. My dad died when I was 14 and well, my grades? Forget about it. Anyway, this is about your boyfriend and you. One thing people don't realize is that being there for someone does not have to mean that you come up with the verbal answer that will make someone feel better. Words are hollow. It's our actions that are most remembered. The best way, I've found, to help someone is to keep them busy. Go to the movies, parties, hiking, swimming, or simply hanging out at the favorite spot. Let him be in control of the subjects y'all talked about and you don't always have to be talking either. Sometimes the most intimate moments are those when two people can just be together w/o saying anything at all. It's their presence that is most important to us. If he doesn't feel like hanging at times don't take it to heart. Sometimes people need their space during times like this. Simply tell him you will be there if he needs you. If he doesn't call you for a day or 2, don't get angry. Respond w/how are YOU doing? I've been concerned about you. That kind of thing. He'll get that you are coming from a true place of concern and love. The fact that you back off and let him be what he needs to be will carry a whole lot of weight. I wish you luck in all of this. I know how tough this has to be for you. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you on your journey, whatever happens, no matter how bad it may appear at this time, these things that have happened lately will help you become a stronger, smarter, and more insightful person. Just don't let yourself loose the love. Become aware that Love is all around you, all of the time, coming for more people that any of us are willing to see. Open yourself up to that love and take notice of other kinds of love you can draw upon to help you through this dark period of your life. Good Luck!
Namaste!
LULABELLE
I was wondering if anyone can give me advice on activities to do with my 8 year old daughter this summer. All she seems interested in is watching TV or playing with her cousin, who is 10. We read together at night but usually she falls asleep right away. I've tried to get her interested in cooking, but I'm not much of a cook myself. Can anyone give me some ideas?
When I was young my mother signed me up at the "Y" and they have all kinds of activities all summer long. I first learned to swim (they have great swimming classes) and went on to become state champion in butterfly. I was also 3rd in diving. In the summer they have day camp where I learned basket weaving (I make hats now) and painting. Children also go canoeing, hiking, playing softball, tennis, basketball, and more. You can also look in your local paper each week for weekend events coming up that would be of interest for your daughter. You can round up a group of neighborhood kids and ask another parent to go with you as a chaperone. This will help your daughter develop friendships in your neighborhood and other kids will know of other activities that she will enjoy. At some point you may find yourself with too much for her to do. My mother use to say she felt like a taxi driver, but she also traded off with other mothers and had a lot of free time. I hope this helps stir those creative juices.
Namaste!
LULABELLE
KEEP IN MIND THIS IN TEXAS. my girl ("wiwi") got kicked out the house by her momma than she change her mind all of a sudden. "wiwi" was kind of happy for her momma kicking her out the house because she has been CHILD ABUSE by her for a long period of time to the point the family had to get counciling, social worker, and a check up on momma. last year wiwi got beaten up by her momma to were she had a sissor. she got beaten up so bad and it left her in not so good conditions. this year it starting to begin so she wants to stay out the house. she's 17 and 6 months year old. my question is that if her momma were to kick out the house and she left can the law do any thing to wiwi? is it true that once u are 17 and 6 months year old the police can't force u back home is your decion from than on (once momma kicked her out)? is there any law that can help her out not to return home? NOW KEEP IN MIND THIS IS IN TEXAS. how can i help her???
Well, that depends on which country you are in. If you are in the United States then she is old enough to stay out of the house if she wants to. She can petition the court and have herself emancipated. She's so close to being 18 that they will probably grant it. Going this legal route will not get her mother into trouble and will free your friend to do whatever she wants as far as living arrangements are concerned. Also, you might help your friend find some group that she can go to that will be support for her like Alanon. These people have usually suffered the same sort of abuse your friend has. They will be able to be some support for her in the emotional since. Good luck to you and your friend.
Namaste!
LULABELLE
hey
hey every one well my dad always hits me for no reasona sif imh is step daughter he always makes me cry and if i tell him not to he will hit i dont know what to do he makes me feel as if im not part of the family :(
If your mother or other family members don't want to do anything about this I'd go to the authorities. This is child abuse and is not allowed by law. You can go to a teacher, school councilor, or even the police. My suggestion to you is that if he does this again before you get to someone I'd 911 it. This bully needs to be taught a lesson and jail is the perfect place for him. If your mother is doing nothing about it because she doesn't want to loose him, or afraid, then you are doing her a favor for reporting him as well. She may not see it at first but once the authorities get involved she will. Sometimes women fall into a mental trap because of their fear of being alone. Don't let this deter you from saving yourself. Good luck to you.
Namaste!
LULABELLE
Sorry if this was the wrong category to choose...
Recently my boyfriend's aunt died from cancer. They knew she was sick for a while but they thought she was doing pretty good until a couple days ago. He was very close to his aunt and he is devastated. Every night i talk on the phone to him and he is just so depressed and he misses her so much. I have never lost someone really except all my grandparents but i was too young to really understand. When he talks to me i have no idea what to say. I know i can't make him feel better and its still going to hurt but i have no idea what to say. any advice appreciated
I have been a bereavement councilor in the past. What I find that works best in these situations is simply be there to listen. Let him talk all he wants about how he feels and don't be in judgment about it. Hug him, hold him if you can see he needs it. Simply be loving and kind to him. If he gets snippet don't let it bother you. Let it roll off. This is part of grieving. You don't really have to say anything about his aunt; it's your being there for him that counts. You can keep reminding him how much you care about him and how special he is to you. This weekend see if you can't engage him in some activity like going to the movies or getting together with friends. Activity takes a grieving persons mind off of the death temporarily. I know this is a difficult time for you. Just be your loving and caring self and it will all work out. When they say, "it takes time" just realize it is true. I wish you the best of luck in this and my heartfelt sympathy for this difficult time. If I could wave that magic wand I would do just that.
Namaste!
LULABELLE
Well last night my mom and I had a fight and she said well if your dads so great go live with them so I started to cry, I sent a text message to my dad and step mom and I was like well if it comes down to it can I live with you. They havent replied and so I sent them another one about a hour ago. Still no answer my mom has been a real bitch lately and I dont know what to do somtimes I want to go live with my dad but I really dont like my mom just its my friends and the skit we are doing for the variety show that makes me want to stay. Please help.
♥ Tiff
I know how it is...I've been there myself. Something you may want to keep in mind in the interest of getting along with your mother is she may have a lot of stress factors going on that she is not be sharing with you. Sometimes parents try to protect their children from things because they don't want to stress their children out. It sounds to me like something stressful is going on in some aspect of her life, such as, work, relationships, friendships, the PTA...It sounds to me like you may have said or done something that lead her to believe that you don't appreciate the things she does do for you. It doesn't mean it is true. It just means that she's not thinking clearly and she isn’t seeing your appreciation. That is evident in her statement that you could go ahead and live with your father if you wanted. I don't think she really meant that. She's exasperated. She needs some patience from you for some reason right now. Take a step back and look at what is going on for your mother. Be open to what is going on for her right now. Maybe there is something you can do to help her. This would greatly help the two of you in your communication. It will also soften her up to whatever it is you need from her.
Namaste!
LULABELLE
Hello thanks for your nice advice... My mum and my step dad fought quiet a lot because my stepdad is super strict, i mean, he doesn't want us to watch mtv, he only wants discovery channel and something like that... But hello??? I'm 18 and my sis is 15, ofcourse we need something that are for teenagers.. And he's really thrifty, he doesn't give my mum money, she still had no work when we were still in Holland because she was still learning Dutch.. I was studying in school as well as my sister.. We already learned Dutch.. No we're not yet Dutch citizen, it will take 5 years.. and we only stayed there for 1 year and 3 months.. My sister and he were not also in good terms, but my sis promised him that he would do everything and she'll try her best to be kind to him just to bring us back in Holland.. But he's just saying that we'll just go there for vacation, only that.. and he could only bring us back there if he's already a millionaire.. I don't know.. I think it's hopeless.. we really wanna go back there but I don't really know in which way, he's really a difficult man, it's really hard to convince him.. What should we do? Thanks in advance..
I wish I could give the brilliant answer that would help you achieve your goal in an instant. You seem like such a sweet person who is deserving of the opportunity to go wherever you want to go. It sounds to me like he is just fed up with arguing. How he reacted is typical of how the males of our species react to arguing with women. They don't seem to understand that for us, what we are doing, is not arguing but discussing an issue. We (females) are usually very passionate and animate in our manner of expression. Males are matter of fact. He didn't want to hear any more discussion on the matters. Once a guy is done with the discussion he is done. There are certain things he wants done in his home, that he his paying for, and he doesn't want to discuss it anymore. If your not willing to comply with that then you can go someplace where you can do whatever you want and live. Yes, your right, you are 18 and of age to make decisions concerning what you watch or don't watch on TV. The problem here, again, is that he has the right to say what he wants on the TV's he is paying for. You see, for some reason he has been driven to a really ridged position. He felt cornnered. If you and your sister had been patient with him you could have ended up with everything you wanted. When he first brought you and your family back to Holland I'm sure it was a pretty scary thing for him. Here he is newly married with a ready-made family. People don't like change and this already was a lot for him to handle. Then, being the human beings that you and your sister are, you know, thinking and having ideas that conflicted his, it was just too much for him. What I suggest you and your sister do is take him up on the vacation idea. You may have to do this several times. You have to show him that you will change the way you say you will. People like to be shown. They don't want to hear about it. You have to be reeeeal patient for him now. It's going to be even slower than it would have been before, when you first moved there. Take baby steps with him. So that you can open up to what is going on for him a little I will touch on one reason he has to have such control over everything. He is filled with fear. It could be anything and everything such as the new family, his work, his family and friends. Any one of these, all of them combined or something else. He needs to feel comfortable with you in his world the way he is most comfortable first before he can merge your world into his. So, go on those vacations and show him how you can merge yourself into his world. Of course you can mention how you would love to stay, but don't make the trip theme be about that. Make the theme of the trip how much you respect him and his wishes. If he doesn't want to talk about something it should be respectfully dropped (to be brought up again at a better time). Timing is everything. You need to observe his manner. As with all people there are times that we are more open to discuss controversial issues. This is when we are in certain moods or states of mind. While in the other states of mind don't you can't come near us, but there is always one state or mood that we are more open. This is what you look for in him. When you see he is in one of these states/moods that is when you bring something up. Starting off with baby steps remember, basically just one thing at a time and give him time to think about it if he asks it. Drop it if he says he will think about it. Change the subject and talk about something else. Remember, baby steps. Also, while your visiting him you can also see your friends there and while you're in their home watch whatever you can't at home. I can see his point; television really doesn't have much worthwhile on it. But, I don't understand such a restriction though. That's really hard. Is he an easygoing guy on other levels? Well, I wish you the best of luck with this. I know this must be hard on you. Keep in mind...if all else fails, you can figure out a way to get yourself there all on your own. Be independent. I hope everything you wish for comes true.
Namaste,
LULABELLE
Helow.... I'm a 18 year old girl and I live now in the Philippines and I used to live in Holland because my mum married a Dutch man and he brought us there.. After few months there, I made lots of nice friends.. I didn't have homesick anymore because people there are always nice to me.. I really enjoyed my life there.. But my father thought that we should go back in the Philippines.. But he stayed there because of his work.. My problem is ... I wanna go back in Holland.. I miss my friends, and I really enjoyed my 1 year and 3 months of staying there.. I convinced my dad to go back there, also my sister convinced him but he doesn't want to because of financial problem (he said), but we don't ask money to him.. we don't spend much money, we're contented on allowance that he used to give to us, besides we're only four in the house.. So i don't think that it's the problem.. and besides he's not a poor guy.., he's just afraid to lose his money i think.. Please help me, how would i convince him to go back in Holland?
I have to ask you this question only to make you think of other reasons besides "money" as an issue for your not being able to return to Holland. My question may have nothing to do with the real reason either. Just open your mind to other reasons besides "money". People use "money" all the time as a cover up for something they don't want to do. Find THAT reason. But, my question to you is this: How were your parents getting along before your return to the Philippines? If they weren't getting along it could be that he feels you younger members of the family are better off with your mother. I have an idea. You are now 18 years old. Since you lived in Holland for over a year are you a Dutch citizen? Are you planning on going to school? Or, are you considering going to work. Either way you ask your father if you could come to Holland and stay with him on a temporary basis. If you want to go to school tell him that you want to find a good school and you will live on campus. If you want to go to work you can ask him if you can stay with him long enough to find a job and place to live. Last, but not least, you could, on your own, go to Holland and find your own place, maybe stay with a friend for a while. Then get yourself a job or into school on your own. There are all kind of ways to get back to Holland with or without him. Just open yourself up to other possibilities. Talk to friends, shop, clerks, policemen, or anyone (including your father)you can in the Philippines. Get the energy out there that you want to go back to Holland. Once you do that you will find that ideas and alternate routes will be coming to you. You can make this happen all on your own. I wish you the best of luck in your quest!
Namaste,
LULABELLE
15, almost 16, female.
Little brother is 12 almost13.
we fight all the time. I try so hard to be nice. and most of the time I am nice. I am always sharing, and even if I getsomething new, I always share it, and I am tollerent of our different taste in music. He likes heavy rap and metal, and those are the two I despise. Although I enjoy love songs, they are not my favorite, he despises them tho.
I want to be a good big sister. I want him to come to me when he has a girlfriend, or when he has girl trouble, or something good to tell me. I want him to be able to come to me. Now when he needs to be driven to a friends house or somewhere with a friend, he despises when I drive, ( I have my permit) but, I know I need the practice so I can get my liscense, and My parents, of course, are with me, and they are okay with me driving my brother and his friends. But I will be getting my liscence in 5months, and I want him to want me to drive him. I want him to look up to me, and like it when I drive him or pick him up from places. I do try to set a good example too!!
Any tips? Is he just going through a stage? How can I be more tollerent when he is bad??
thank you so much in advance!!
-Kelsey-
k2204
It sounds as if you and your brother are in a bit of a "round robin" situation. You need to stop and get off the whirlwind. Catch your breath. Take yourself to a quiet comfortable place (where no one will disturb you) and breath in slowly to the count of 8, then breath out slowly to the count of 8. Do this for as long as you can (at least 10 minuets at a time). Notice how you feel while you are doing this. Feel each breath as it goes in and out. Notice what parts of your body are tense for some reason. Then, start to release the tension in these areas one area at a time. At least try to get your entire body relaxed before moving on. The object here is to get your body into a relaxed state for as long as you possibly can before restlessness sets in. While you are in these states you can cocentrate on goals, your faith or anything you feel you want growth and accomplishment in. You can do this sitting or lying down. Take some time to disentangle the mess you have found yourself in. Answers won't come to you at first, but if you do this every time you feel overwhelmed and out of sorts you will begin to understand for yourself what is going on and how to handle it. I would wager that you already have an inkling about how to make things better. You're just not ready to perceive (acknowledge) it and that's OK. All good things come to us when we are ready. Do this little exercise I gave you as often as you can. You will soon find you are better able to handle that little brother of yours.
Something else that works for me is this. Ignore your brother. Don't listen to him. What I'm saying is don't let him get to you. I know, there are times where he will get to that button and maliciously grind away. At first this won't work, but keep practicing it. Eventually it will become second nature. I do that relaxing exercise, I explained earlier, in my head. If someone is yammering at me.....I start slowing down my breath. I still listen to them, but I start relaxing the parts of the body that happen to be tense. Once I feel relaxed I will respond. An interesting side note; the conversation in my head changes dramatically from my tense state to calmed relaxed state of mind. How I approach the problem is totally different from what it would have been had I responded immediately. Learn to do this and it will help you through many intense times.
Namaste,
LULABELLE
I have a friend who is still friends with this really awful woman. It was so bad between me and this woman that I had to put a block on my phone. She was abusive to me, she backstabbed me, she monopolized my time and tried to control me. She would break into my email account and delete things from my family. This is embarrasing to say but she even tried to seduce me a couple of times She is a real bitch and told me once that I didnt want to get on her bad side or she'd black mail me. I met her at a volunteer center when I was on welfare. My parents hated her and told me to drop her.
Well I finally did and was she ever mad!! I had to stop volunteering at the centre and stop going to the same places as her. She still badmouths me to any one who listens.
My other friend still likes me but is scared to get on this womans bad side. So she is friends with her but has to lie that we are not friends.
She even told me that i should bury the hatchet and phone her!! I said no way.
How can I get my friend to wake up and realize this woman is a complete bitch?
Your friend is aware of how this woman is. Her way of dealing with this type of person is to not let on. This is a completely valid approach to coping with someone like this. She just gives in and plays nice. This woman you are having problems with is irrational(very, very, incurably sick). You can't use reason to get something across to someone who is without reason. No matter what you do, no matter what you come up with as proof, no matter how many witnesses you have to a situation, you will always be wrong. These people waste no punches they start telling distorted versions of experiences with you to anyone who will listen. They have to proove their case before you do that..."you...bad...me...good". Thier distorded version of truths are based on stories of actual events to keep things "REAL". You can't rationalize with this type of reasoning. You will never win with these people. There are two lines of action you can take with someone like this. One is to do as your friend says. Suck it up and play friend (even though you are not) just to appease her. Then you can just fad out of the picture...calling her less and less, until you don't have any further contact. Y'all just lost interest, or so the story will go if you are ever asked. The second option is to take her on full force and that would mean going down to court and filing a restraining order out on this woman. If you feel you must maintan your distance at this point than you have to take more authoritative measures. It has been my experience that there is no happy medium with these people. They are all or nothing. I'm not an attorney, but it sounds to me like she may have broken a few laws already. She is being boldly abusive. You have to boldly counter her if this is your choice of action. I feel for you. This is an extremely difficult situation. There is no way you can come out of this unscathed. So, which line of action will bear the least amount of stress on you and your body is the choice that I'd make if it were me. I wish I had a "you win" scenerio to give you. But, any way you can get out of this with the least amount of scars is a success. Keep in mind...the more you argue with her the worse it will get. Good luck!
Namaste,
LULABELLE
My mother has been unemployed since... 2000 I'll guess. She has been trying to start a real estate company. Every night I hear her crying and when I ask her what's wrong, she says that she's not a good mother and she's sorry she can't provide for this family. Some guy ripped her off illegally and lawyers keep ignoring her about it, so she doesn't think she's going to get the money back, and it was a lot of money. She says we probably won't have enough money to live on. She's my mom and I love her and I need a way to help her. I can't get a job because I'm too young. My father is a lawyer but they have had a rocky relationship ever since the divorce and I highly doubt he will help her for free. We have nowhere to turn.
You don't have to be a lawyer to file suite. She can go to the courthouse and file a law suite against this guy who swindled her money out from under her all on her own. Also, in every major city there are services where you can get free legal advice. It is usually a law student that you will be seeing, but they look up all of the laws for you so you know what you can site in the complaint. A little footnote on lawyers, attorney's, esquires.... these guys don't do anything unless they can see a quick buck. If it's not fast and easy they aren't going to do it. So, it doesn't mean your mother doesn't have a case, it just means it may be a difficult one to prove which is why no one will take the case.
Your mother is probably suffering from clinical depression right now. This is something that comes upon people under times of stress and the fact that she is crying everynight is a clue that this may be what is going on. Your mother may not be making the best decisions right now. It's not because she isn't smart enough, it's because she is letting her emotions control what she does. She's not listening to her instincts. She's a bit lost since the divorce. In her mind there was security in a marrage. She's floundering because she is struggling to make it big because she doesn't want you to loose your standard of living because of her. She needs to start out slow. Take baby steps. Make each move a calculated risk. I'll bet if she thought about it the deal with that guy didn't feel right, but she went against her instincts. But, first things first, you need to get her out of her mental slump. Talk to a grandparent. There are usually free support groups for all kinds of problems. Check around in your area. You need to get her emotionally stable first before you can get anything done. This will be hard. I have included a few online support groups for her to choose from. It will be extremely hard to get her to do this. While people are suffering from depression they usually don't do what is best for them. It is also very hard to convince them to try anything. I do believe that her first step out of this is to get back to mental clarity. This can be done. You're a great son/daughter. Reaching out is your first step. Good luck. If there is anything further I can do to help feel free to contact me.
http://www.webmd.com/diseases_and_conditions/depression.htm?src=overture&placement=depression
http://depression.about.com/cs/chat/a/onlinesupport.htm
http://www.4therapy.com/consumer/resources/index.php?uniqueid=32&
http://www.crazymeds.org/supportDepression.htm
Namaste,
LULABELLE
I have a problem and I don't know how to go and fix it. My brother had a motorcycle accident in june 2005 and he lost his apartment because he couldn't work. He has healed and now he's working and he's been here for almost six months now. I have given him until then end of December to be out but he's not putting in any effert to look for a place. I some advice to get him out with out making him hate me. I am married and have three children to take care of. Plus since he's working he's not giving anything toward the rent and stuff like that. Hope someone can help.
This is a tough one. I'm afraid your brother is going to be mad no matter what. He's enjoying the free ride and doesn't want to have to get out there to pay for is own way. Or, it could be that he is afraid to get back out there. Whatever the reason what I'd do is get some apartment listings together from the paper and elsewhere. I'd sit down with him and show him the apartments I'd come up with. If he gets angry with you or avoids the issue I'd remind him how much you cared about him. You wouldn't have let him move in with you in during his time of crisis if you didn't. If he still refuses to act I'd contact your parents or maybe some close friends and see if I couldn't elicit their help in this matter. Sometimes family members don't listen to us, yet they will listen to others. It doesn't sound like it is going to go smoothly. Don't let that deter you. He may be mad at first, but he will get over it in the long run. You have to take care of you and your family first and foremost. Good luck!
Namaste,
LULABELLE