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21-year-old brother getting "grounded"
Do you guys think it's weird that my parents grounded my brother who's 21(I actually think it's funny)?
He's staying with us for a few weeks and he got a $300 citation for punching a guy on the beach yesterday. My dad didn't actually say the words "you are grounded" but he won't let him do anything. I mean he is an adult and everything haha.
My dad and brother have been arguing all morning because of it and I don't think my dad is right because my brother would have paid for it on his own. I want to say something but I just wanted a few opinions before I do so.
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I don't think it's weird at all. 21 years old is legally an adult yes, but unless the person is living on their own & paying for everything they are not really a grown up just yet. If your brother is still under your Dad's roof, then Dad has a right to set some expectations. Staying out of trouble with the law is a reasonable expectation. So as far as the "adult" part that is probably up for debate.
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Yes, it is ridiculous, because your brother is an adult and can handle his own problems. Conversely, he should be able to stand up to your Dad for himself-because he is an adult and needs to handle his own problems. If he can not do this, he'll be pushed around in this manner. He needs to learn how to stand up to your father on his own.
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Who did you want to say something to? If it's your Dad - "hey Dad he's a big boy now who's acted like a jerk!". Or your brother - "you stupid idiot".
Seriously though, there's not a lot that can be said. Your brother got a fine, he has to pay up and your dad is mad at him. Your brother can obviously stand up for himself as proven on the beach and perhaps your dad just wants him to think about the consequences of his actions. It is not a really good role model for you is it? As long as the person he punched was not seriously hurt then I think it should all be put down to experience. I would be pretty mad at my 21-year-old son if he got a fine for punching someone and although I wouldn't (couldn't!) ground him I would be very angry.
In my personal opinion it would be best to say nothing at all.
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Hey,
It is pretty dumb that ur parents are grounding your brother even though he is 21 but alot of parents think that as long as they live in their house they can control them. which is probably the situation you are in well yeah hope i helped bye.
*~Sharifa~*
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That's funny. I remember when I was 23 and home for a visit. I went out w/my girlfriends partying. We were out past bar closing so we went someplace to have breakfast. I didn't get home until 4:00 am. My mother tried to take my car keys away from me. I was the one making the car payments and made the down payment. I wasn't living at home anymore, just home for a visit. I simply walked out of the house and drove away. I stayed w/a friend for the rest of my visit. She wasn't too pleased, but she had no control of me at this point. The funny thing was, while I lived at home I never had a curfew, but now all of a sudden when I live on my own and I come for a visit I do? Parents can be funny sometimes. I wish your brother luck!
Namaste!
LULABELLE
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Your brother was going to have to pay for that citation on his own whether he was 21 or 12. Your dad doesn't sound like the kind of fool who would pick up the bill cause his son had a testosterone fit.
I am a firm believer in: Their House = Their Rules.
I am 21 and in my home I eat things I'm allergic too, I loose the remote control, I have soda by the computer, and I have noisy sex with my boyfriend. In my parent's home I am not allowed to do anything of those things, and that's just the way it is.
If your brother misbehaved while at your parents home I say they are well within their rights to say he can't use their car, or have friends over, or be out terribly late. He isn't a tenant, he doesn't have 'rights' to their things or their kindness. He is their son and he did something that has proven he isn't responsible enough to handle that kind of freedom.
While I agree telling a twenty-one year old he can't walk to the corner store or go out for dinner is a little laughable, refusing to facilitate his bad behavior is a responsibility of parents no matter what the age of their child is. If your kid screws up, you try to make it so they can't screw up more!
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It is kind of funny. Your dad has rules your brother needs to respect but I doubt at his age grounding is the answer.
The answer would be tell him to move out. But since he is only there a few weeks I assume that is already in the works.
Dad can tell him when to be home if he doesn't want locked out. He can say you can't use my car.
Those kinds of things. Oh and he can of course say I'm not paying the fine, which isn't a problem anyway. But, that's about it.
Go tell dad happy fathers day. :)
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