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i want to go back
Hello thanks for your nice advice... My mum and my step dad fought quiet a lot because my stepdad is super strict, i mean, he doesn't want us to watch mtv, he only wants discovery channel and something like that... But hello??? I'm 18 and my sis is 15, ofcourse we need something that are for teenagers.. And he's really thrifty, he doesn't give my mum money, she still had no work when we were still in Holland because she was still learning Dutch.. I was studying in school as well as my sister.. We already learned Dutch.. No we're not yet Dutch citizen, it will take 5 years.. and we only stayed there for 1 year and 3 months.. My sister and he were not also in good terms, but my sis promised him that he would do everything and she'll try her best to be kind to him just to bring us back in Holland.. But he's just saying that we'll just go there for vacation, only that.. and he could only bring us back there if he's already a millionaire.. I don't know.. I think it's hopeless.. we really wanna go back there but I don't really know in which way, he's really a difficult man, it's really hard to convince him.. What should we do? Thanks in advance..
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I wish I could give the brilliant answer that would help you achieve your goal in an instant. You seem like such a sweet person who is deserving of the opportunity to go wherever you want to go. It sounds to me like he is just fed up with arguing. How he reacted is typical of how the males of our species react to arguing with women. They don't seem to understand that for us, what we are doing, is not arguing but discussing an issue. We (females) are usually very passionate and animate in our manner of expression. Males are matter of fact. He didn't want to hear any more discussion on the matters. Once a guy is done with the discussion he is done. There are certain things he wants done in his home, that he his paying for, and he doesn't want to discuss it anymore. If your not willing to comply with that then you can go someplace where you can do whatever you want and live. Yes, your right, you are 18 and of age to make decisions concerning what you watch or don't watch on TV. The problem here, again, is that he has the right to say what he wants on the TV's he is paying for. You see, for some reason he has been driven to a really ridged position. He felt cornnered. If you and your sister had been patient with him you could have ended up with everything you wanted. When he first brought you and your family back to Holland I'm sure it was a pretty scary thing for him. Here he is newly married with a ready-made family. People don't like change and this already was a lot for him to handle. Then, being the human beings that you and your sister are, you know, thinking and having ideas that conflicted his, it was just too much for him. What I suggest you and your sister do is take him up on the vacation idea. You may have to do this several times. You have to show him that you will change the way you say you will. People like to be shown. They don't want to hear about it. You have to be reeeeal patient for him now. It's going to be even slower than it would have been before, when you first moved there. Take baby steps with him. So that you can open up to what is going on for him a little I will touch on one reason he has to have such control over everything. He is filled with fear. It could be anything and everything such as the new family, his work, his family and friends. Any one of these, all of them combined or something else. He needs to feel comfortable with you in his world the way he is most comfortable first before he can merge your world into his. So, go on those vacations and show him how you can merge yourself into his world. Of course you can mention how you would love to stay, but don't make the trip theme be about that. Make the theme of the trip how much you respect him and his wishes. If he doesn't want to talk about something it should be respectfully dropped (to be brought up again at a better time). Timing is everything. You need to observe his manner. As with all people there are times that we are more open to discuss controversial issues. This is when we are in certain moods or states of mind. While in the other states of mind don't you can't come near us, but there is always one state or mood that we are more open. This is what you look for in him. When you see he is in one of these states/moods that is when you bring something up. Starting off with baby steps remember, basically just one thing at a time and give him time to think about it if he asks it. Drop it if he says he will think about it. Change the subject and talk about something else. Remember, baby steps. Also, while your visiting him you can also see your friends there and while you're in their home watch whatever you can't at home. I can see his point; television really doesn't have much worthwhile on it. But, I don't understand such a restriction though. That's really hard. Is he an easygoing guy on other levels? Well, I wish you the best of luck with this. I know this must be hard on you. Keep in mind...if all else fails, you can figure out a way to get yourself there all on your own. Be independent. I hope everything you wish for comes true.
Namaste,
LULABELLE
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