tipsy_gypsy's

advice column

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Welcome to my advice column. My name is Dawn. First, I assure you I am not like other young people at all. There is nothing about me that is overly special. I have an extreme fear of going back in time, getting stuck there then contracting a disease that's curable now but not curable then, and of being drowned by peacocks. o.0 I have little respect for what hasn't earned it, most of the world is little more than my plaything or a joke to me but what makes it inside my walls is there forever. I was probably tampered with as a child by aliens. Godspeed.

This is an advice column. I have little patients for idiots...

Q: Can I ask you a question?


A: You just did, now I'm all out of answers for today, try again never.

Q: What's the song that goes like this ... ?


A: How is this asking for advice?

Q: I had unprotected sex 23,086,165 times, am I pregnant?


A: Take a damn test and stop being such a whore.

Q: Does he like me?


A: If you have to ask stupid questions like this, to complete strangers who know neither of you, then I highly doubt it. And if he does, then he's an idiot.

Q: Ok, I have to write this essay on (fill in the blank), what should I write?


A: Try growing a brain to think for yourself. You'll never amount to anything if you try to get others to do your homework for you.

Q: Rate this picture, am I ugly?


A: Once again, how is this asking for advice. Stop trying to get self-confirmation through strangers online. You have real self-issues and should probably see a therapist.

Q: Lyk how do u no if u r a lez?


A: You should really learn proper spelling and grammar. It's beyond me how anyone can understand a thing you said.

If you have a serious question, I can be one of the most helpful people you know. I may be only 22, but I have experienced a lot in my life. If I don't know the answer to your delema, I wont pretend to know it and give some random answer that sounded good at the time, I will simply let you know that I don't have the answer, and reffer you to some place that you can find the answer.

advice

i'm 15. almost 16. my special someone is 17. almost 18. our birthday are in the next two months. where I live it's ilegal for a 18 yr. old to date anyone under the age of 16 and i'm not quite there yet. but we've agreed we're not going to let that stop us. my mom doesn't let me go out with him because last week she decided that he's a loser because he droped out of school. and she thinks he's too old for me. my someone and i have been together for 8 months and i would do anything for him and we have a undying love for each other. but it's getting so hard and now he's listening to peoples opinions and wants to break up with me because he doesn't want to try anymore. i know i could have tried more instead of trying to find someone else. but now i regreat it. i know that if i convence him that we can do this then we can make it.. i just have to get him to see that we're supposed to be together any suggestions?

feel free to ask me any questions about this

I know what it's like to find love at a young age, and have everyone think it's not going to work out. My guy was the same age as me, however. We were together for three years, and he eventually just didn't want to try anymore. It hurt, and I tried everything. I was completely miserable during the next 6 months, trying so very hard, and getting nothing in return because he didn't want to try anymore.

The truth is, if he doesn't want to try anymore, there is nothing you can do to change that. Only he can make the decision to change. It would be easy for me to say,"I wish he would have tried." But the truth is, I'm better off. Sure, when I was with him, I loved him, and that was all I could see. But months after our break-up, I could see all the red-flags.

The same goes in your relationship. You love him, yes. But he doesn't want to try anymore. It's going to be hard, and you will be sad. But eventually, you'll move on. You'll find another person, and you'll grow from this relationship to make your next stronger and better.

I know this isn't want you want to hear. I didn't want to hear it when I was going through my breakup... but just remember, everything happens for a reason. You can't make him decide to try. Only he can. If he doesn't, then cry about it, get over it, and move on. If he does decide he wants to keep working on it, and he does have faith in your love, then great. This trial will only make your relationship stronger. Don't push him into trying, it will only push him further away. This is something he alone has to decide. You'll just have to accept it.

- Tipsy Gypsy

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alright so my boyfriend comes over here like everyday and i love it because i get to see him everyyyy dayy and thats just fine with me but sometimes when hes over here and im in the shower i get out come to my room and hes on myspace writing someone or reading someones message to him but once i really get in the room he closes out of it really quick and this has happen twice. idk what to do because if hes hiding something i need to know but im scared to ask him because i dont want us to start an arguement. what should i do?????

This is a sticky situation. If you do ask him what's going on, and he is hiding something, he might lie about it to save himself, or spare you any pain. A lot of guys will do that. Sometimes you have to be sneaky when you think he's doing something wrong, because the chances are high, he wont cop to it.

You could always make your own myspace account. They are free. Look up his profile, check out his buddies.

At the top of your internet browser, you'll see a back, forward, home, search buttons. There's also one that looks like a little clock. That's the history. If you click on that, you'll be able to see all the site's he's been to while you were in the shower.

If you see anything suspicious, like him chatting with a really pretty girl, asking her where she lives, and what size cups she has, etc. I would definatly confront him. If he lies about it, you can pull up the proof. Then it's up to you wether he's worth staying with or not.

Hopefully there's nothing to worry about though, and hopefully he's just chatting with friends about stupid things, like cars or something. Just remember to stay strong, no matter what. If he is lying, don't let him walk all over you, otherwise he'll realize he can do it again and again.

Hope I helped.

- Tipsy Gypsy

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My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now and I'm having a few issues with the choices he's making. Now, I need really mature people to answer this. I have always not really liked certain type of guys such as with piercings and tattoos and mohawks and stuff. I fully understand that not ALL of those people are bad. But I have been brought up in a really good family with morals and I want a guy who doesn't look like that. My boyfriend has told me that he is wanting to get a few tattoos and it will be happening very soon. I'm really upset about this, I feel like it's going to change him because he's been changing a lot lately. He's going downhill and I've confronted him with these feelings and he got totally defensive and told me to stop acting like his mom. I admit that I did put my foot down and say that I'm not dealing with it when he told me, but then I tried to keep saying that I'm really worried because tattoos are permanant decisions!

Like I said, I need someone with morals to answer this. I don't want a speech stating that I should just accept him, I do accept him, but tattos are a decision, it doesn't define who he is.
I will rate and let you know what I think of your advice.
Thank you so much in advance

Personally, I think I have great morals. I'm not a big fan of alot of tattoo's either. But it is his decision to make about himself. It really shouldn't have anything to do with you, and if you're trying to make him choose between what he wants to do, and you, then that's being a little unfair. If he's getting a few tattoos in places that might not be seen regularly, like on his shoulder which could be covered up by a shirt, then I don't see what the problem is. However, if he's getting a naked chick tattooed on his forearm, then I would have a problem with it.

Like I said, I'm not normally a big fan of tattoos either, however, I do see that is it a form of art, and it is an expression of one's 'self'. Sure, he might not like the tattoo fifty years down the road, but that's the price he'll have to pay, not you.

My husband wants to get his tongue pierced. Or his eyebrown, and I don't want him to do that. Perhaps I don't because, I'm used to the way he is now, and I'm afraid that if he changes, I love him less. But the truth is, I wont love him less. And if your boyrfiend gets a tattoo, you might not like it at first, but you'll get used to it. I mean, honestly, can you tell me you'll love someone less just because they got ink permenantly placed on them? It's not going to change WHO he is... just his apperance. What is it you love more, him, or his looks?

-Tipsy Gypsy

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Okay, I have a boyfriend and I love him more then anything. Only theres this little problem. I haven't gotten over my ex boyfriend. Me and him have been goin on and off for the past year or 2. He's moving at the end of the year and he now has a new girlfriend. He told me that once he could drive he would come back for me. (We're both 13) Only he told me that a few months ago before we went out again. I sort of flirt with him alot and don't realize it. My question is, am I cheating on my current boyfriend in anyway by flirting with my ex? He doesn't flirt back or anything because im pretty sure he doesnt like me like that anymore. I dont want to cheat on my boyfriend, and if I did i didnt mean to. Please help
I'll rate high im desparate for help =[

You're not cheating on your boyfriend... but you're walking on the line. The question is, if your flirting with him were to make him want you back, would you go further with him? It's one thing to flirt with people for self-esteem, and flirt with them knowing it's just harmless flirting, that nothing will come from it, nor would you want anything more... but it's another to flirt with someone you want, while you're in a relationship.

You're only thirteen. You'll go through several more boyfriends during highschool, and you'll think you love them all. It's teenaged drama, it happens to everyone. If you're 'in love' with your current boyfriend, then you should be over your ex-boyfriend. If you still have feelings for your ex-boyfriend, and you 'cant get over him', then why are you with your current boyfriend? Isn't that unfair to your current boyfriend?

You need to give up the ideals and fantasies of your ex-boyfriend, and focus solely on your current boyfriend, if you really do love him. That's not to say you can't still be friends with your ex-boyfriend... but only that. Nothing more... not even flirting. Turn the tables around for a minute. If your current boyfriend couldn't get over their ex-girlfriend, and flirted with her, how would that make you feel?

I hope everything works out. I know teenaged draman and angst is difficult... but like I said, everyone goes through it.

- Tipsy Gypsy

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I have been with my boyfriend for 1 1/2 yrs. We moved in together about 4 months ago. And I asked him before I agreed to move in with him if he thought he loved me enough to ever marry. He said yes. But since we have moved in together I am scared he will never ask me. How do I know if he ever will or not?

What's the rush? Getting married just for the sake of having a ring is self-destructive. You'll just end up divorced and bitter with a couple of kids and very little money to raise them with. Wait until you're a little more settled before playing house.

Enjoy your time together right now, as it is. Don't pressure him into marrying you, because for all you know, he might not be ready yet. If you push at the issue, you'll only be pushing him out the door.

Sincerely Yours,
Tipsy Gypsy

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I've been trying to figure this out since I've been with my boyfriend for the past 2 months. It's a new relationship but we feel like we've known each other all our lives. He is the greatest guy I've ever met - handsome, funny, smart, sweet, loving, sexy, treats me like queen. But the thing, before we got together, I NEVER would have thought I was his type. I'm a regular girl, take care of myself, care about people, not a hot babe or anything but I'm alright. So anyhow, I feel insecure to be with him because with how hot and great he is, he's bound to find a hot and great girl. Therefore, I find myself very very skeptical about this relationship lasting. I've talked to him and believe me, he reassures me like crazy that he wants to be with me and feels like he can love me forever. He really does have a good head on his shoulders. But what does add to it, is that he has a lot of female friends as well - all are just long time friends, but these girls are great as well, and I feel like he's bound to fall for one of them soon. It's so frustrating to be with such a great guy and not feel like you're the centre of his world (even when he treats you like it). What can I do?

You sound like a brilliant, loving, and kind girl. And you sound like you need some self-confidence as well. Just relax and enjoy the here and now rather than worrying about the fact that he might dump you in the future. If it lasts a forever, great. If it lasts for five months, then you have a brilliant 5 months of romance. There's no sense in going crazy waiting for this guy to dump you, because if that's all you worry about, that's what will eventually happen. Self confidence is sexy and attractive and a lack of self confidence is, well... not. It doesn't matter what these other girls look like... they are his friends, and you are the one he chose as a girlfriend. He probably wouldn't care if you grew a giant zit, and shaved your head, and lost all your teeth... he likes you for you, not your looks. There is some consolation in that, isn't there?

Love,
Tipsy Gypsy

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for one and a half years. He still has his exgirlfriend's engagement ring in his drawer. When I ask him what he is going to do with it he just tells me he don't know. He says, "what should I do with it?" I am sick of looking at it. She has caused so many problems for us. I just want the ring to be gone. He says he doesn't want to just give it away because it cost too much money. At this point I am ready to throw the piece of metal in the dump. What would you suggest to do with it.

This has nothing to do with the ring. You're feeling hurt and insecure about the past relationship he had with this girl, and your current relationship with him. Fix those problems and the ring wont matter. Or you can tell him to pawn or sell the ring so you guys have a little extra money. Or you can ask him to marry you(and no, in this day and age it's not wrong for a woman to ask).

Tipsy Gypsy

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I am a married man who a few months ago was asked to go to lunch by a female coworker. She's 23 and I am 36 and she has a boyfriend and if it means anything we are both considered very attractive. I initially didn't take her up on her offer, but then agreed after she asked me a few other times. We went to lunch and we talked about work and stuff and she paid. Well this is now a regular occurrence and she now brings up things besides work, like sex with her boyfriend and when and how they do it. She also just recently asked me to go play tennis with her after work. Needless to say, I think we're becoming close friends. I'm just not sure what her intentions are if any. What's even more confusing is that a bunch of us went out to the bar the other night and she didn't even talk to me, spending most of her time talking to another male coworker. I would think that if we were friends she's act normal around me and talk to me in an outside work setting. But it's almost like she was afraid something may happen. I guess my question to you is am I just a victim of different generations? Is it normal for a twenty something female to hang out with a coworker, talk about sex, ask him to do extracurricular activities, and not want to be with him on a more intimate level? I'm thinking I should nip this in the bud before we do something we both will regret.

Clearly, you are attracted to her. She's been playing games with you, so you're asking me to confirm she likes you in order to feel more confident making a move if and when the occasion arises. Right? Don't lie to me - I know I'm right. (I'm not going to help you with that.) Then you go on to ask, feebly, I might add - if you should end things. You have no intention of 'ending' things with her. You're only asking to make yourself feel better about what you secretly hope to eventually be doing, namely her. Good luck cheating on your wife! I hope I've cleared a few things up.

Tipsy Gypsy

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What I'm dealing with here is an 8-month relationship with a girl 6 years younger than me. I'm 26, she's 20... I treat her with a lot of respect and am always there when she needs me, and she is always there for me, too, up until this point. Prior to what happened, our relationship really seemed 50/50. Her mother, who is in bad health, has decided that I'm "controlling, possessive, insensitive, lacking all social manners" and has told this girl that if she ever thinks about marrying me, she will not approve, and if she gets pregnant by me, she'll be disowned.
I feel this is totally wrong. My parents would not do this to me, and I am at a loss to understand it. She and I are happy with each other, at least that's what she tells me. She says she loves me "more than you know," but cannot be torn anymore. She says she wants to be friends, and "maybe someday" things can be different. She says she doesn't want her mother to die resenting me, because that would make her resent me. She also says she "cannot function" without her family relationship and needs "space and time."

What's strange is her mother doesn't have a problem (or so she says) with us being friends and going to a movie now and then. I'm totally confused. What are your thoughts on the matter?

I'm sorry to say, but it sounds like your lady-friend has made up her mind: her mother over you. I know, it's wrong of her mother to make her choose, but the truth is, she honestly didn't have to choose, but she did. I agree with you that choosing a mate shouldn't be one's family's decision; but have you considered that she may have actually have changed her mind about you?

In any case, when a woman says she needs time and space, then you should give it to her. And plenty of it. So, get on with your life, as hard as it may be, date other women, and leave her alone except for a brief, friendly call every month or two. She's still quite young and may truly need some time to make up her mind about you.

Forget the "movie or two". You want to avoid any limbo status that might crop up between you two(as that will make situations harder for the both of you). And don't spend your time pinning away for her and devising some way to win her back. When she's ready, if she's ready, she'll come back.

Sincerly,
Tipsy Gypsy

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I have been involved with a guy for over 2 years. We have a near perfect relationship. He is my best friend and the person I know God sent to me to spend the rest of my life with. My boyfriend says he feels the same way. We recently graduated from college and were lucky enough to have found jobs in the same city. We have been living together for over eight months and especially the last three months, we couldn't be happier. I now find myself constantly thinking about marriage and looking at dresses and engagement rings. Is that normal?
He says that he is ready to marry me but he doesn't want to spend the money it cost to buy me an engagement ring. The ring that I have chosen cost $3000 and he claims that is too much to spend on a ring. I told him that I don't care how much he pays for a ring as long as he puts a lot of thought in the ring he chooses. Lately, he constantly reminds me of the $3000 ring and makes me feel as if it is my fault that engagement rings are so expensive. What should I do or say to him to convince him that I just want a nice ring? Also, what can I do to convince him that this is not a time to be a cheap-skate and that a decent ring will cost over $1000?

It's completely normal to want to marry the man you love and have loved for two years. But you don't have to spend your life's savings to do it.

If he's ready to marry, but not with a $3000 ring, when accept a $500 ring. There are some really nice rings out there that are under $1000. Who says you need an expensive ring? Kay Jewlers? Zales? DeBeers diamonds? Lots of women get married with $200 rings and stay happily married. Maybe they get a more expensive ring for their anniversary, or when they are more financially stable? Or maybe they don't get one? A lifetime of love is worth more than the most expensive ring anyways.

If you want to be get married, stop pining for an expensive ring and keep your eye on the ball. Know your objective. What is it you want? A ring? Or a wedding?

If it's a wedding, get an inexpensive ring. Buy a synthetic diamond; nobody but a jeweler can tell the difference. Find a ring on Ebay or at a pawn shop. Make getting a cheap ring a fun thing that you and your guy do together.

Don't make him feel like a cheapskate, it'll only push him away from the idea.

Hope that helped,
Tipsy Gypsy

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I do not understand the double standard that a guy cannot say, "No" to sex with out the being deemed as having problems.

In my last three relationships the women have left me because I have wanted to take the relationship slowly. Each time it has centered around the fact that I have said, "No" to intercourse.

In the last two relationships I explained before it went anywhere that I would not engage in intercourse until I felt our relationship was solid and committed. Each of the women said they thought this was wonderful and understood. I made it clear up front because the first woman I said no to was hurt and rejected. We talked about it and she said she was ready and that she had never had anyone say no to her. This is why I explained to the next two, up front, front how I felt. I do not want to hurt anyone.

When the foreplay began and it went no further than oral sex they become upset and angry with me. In the second and third relationship this has happened after only two months. I do not want to have intercourse until I am sure that we know each other well enough and that the possibility of a future exists. One that might lead to marriage. I am at that point in my life where I would like to settle down and have a wife and family. It seems as though they do not believe I am serious because they attempt to take it further each time we are together. I have to keep saying, "NO". They have asked me if I was gay, impotent, or just didn't like sex. Each time I am made to feel as though I have a problem or something is wrong with me. None of these things are true. After this happens a wall builds between us until no communication takes place and then the relationship ends.

Please help me understand why it is wrong for me wanting to wait just because I am a guy.

You issue isn't the double standards. If a woman doesn't want to have sex, then she shouldn't be a tease. Same thing goes for men. If you mean "no" then don't take it any further than a good-night kiss.

It's good that you are telling women up front now that you want to take things slow, and that you don't want to have sex until you are sure the relationship is going to last, that it might even have to be a marriage-matieral long-lasting relationship before you'll have sex. Everyone needs to place those thoughts and criteria on the table at the beginning of any relationship.

However, you really shouldn't let the relationship get to the point of oral sex(especially so quickly) if you're not planning on having sex with them. Oral sex is still sex, even though there is no intercourse involved. You're letting these women get turned on to the point where they want to have sex, and where they think you want to have sex. And after they are turned on, you stop.

It's not fair to them, and it's not fair to you. There's nothing wrong with wanting to wait. But just make sure you don't send them the wrong signals.

Sincerly Yours,
Tipsy Gypsy

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