Question Posted Wednesday December 7 2005, 8:18 am
I have been with my boyfriend for 1 1/2 yrs. We moved in together about 4 months ago. And I asked him before I agreed to move in with him if he thought he loved me enough to ever marry. He said yes. But since we have moved in together I am scared he will never ask me. How do I know if he ever will or not?
iLiKEYOUx3 answered Thursday December 8 2005, 6:31 pm: you just have to wait and see. if he said he loves you enough to marry you,then he probaly will. just dont keep on bugging him about it!! if you do that will just make him mad and make the time longer for you. hope i helped!!
XoX♥ [ iLiKEYOUx3's advice column | Ask iLiKEYOUx3 A Question ]
margarita_luvs_ya answered Thursday December 8 2005, 6:09 pm: If he truely loves you then time will come. HE's probably just waiting for the right time. Look back on you times together...hasn't he shown you that he loved you. Don't doubt...think positive have faith and believe. What's the rush, why are you so anxious...you do love him don't you? Because true love waits for one another. [ margarita_luvs_ya's advice column | Ask margarita_luvs_ya A Question ]
Basketball3846 answered Wednesday December 7 2005, 7:50 pm: Well, you definatly cannot be sure with guys. The most likely reason is he is scared. It is an extremely large commitment and well, you can't really blame him. If he said he would though, he probably will. Just give him some time and let him pull up some courage. Hope everything turns out well!! [ Basketball3846's advice column | Ask Basketball3846 A Question ]
craazylau answered Wednesday December 7 2005, 1:02 pm: He will- because 1) he said he would before which he wouldn't have done if he didn't mean it and 2) he's still living with you! So it will happen at some point. You've only been living together 4 months and thats quite a short amount of time so i wouldn't say he was biding his time. It will happen eventually just be patient! [ craazylau's advice column | Ask craazylau A Question ]
sizzlinmandolin answered Wednesday December 7 2005, 12:38 pm: If you don't break up he'll ask eventually. I think what you should do is talk about marriage with him. Don't ask him if you're going to get married just talk about how things would be if and when you do get married. Talk about future plans, the wedding, anything like that. This will probably inspire him and you can slowly get into talking about when you want to get married and such. Take it slow, but talking about stuff like this is important. Don't expect him to do all the work. Let him know that you're ready to be engaged. It's not all up to him, you're as big a part in the relationship as he is. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you! :) [ sizzlinmandolin's advice column | Ask sizzlinmandolin A Question ]
DrMinkus answered Wednesday December 7 2005, 12:05 pm: Theres a couple possibilities. Of course career is a huge one. You'll obviuosly know better than I will. Does he have a steady job? Has he accomplished the things he wants to by now? Answer these to yourself. Alot of times, we have goals for our lives, and marriage would be a huge, step, and a hude goal. But if one of the previous has not been achived. He may be afraid to kinda jump over that goal if you will. He may just want to accomplish a few things before he's fianlly ready to settle down, and start a strong family. I don't know if this is the case. i could be totally off, but I hope it helps.
susana answered Wednesday December 7 2005, 11:20 am: I want to answer your question by first telling you a little story of my own. My now EX-husband told me that he wanted to marry me and I was the love of his life. We moved in together and stayed UNmarried for THREE years! That was not MY choice, but there was nothing I could do to make it any different than it was. I believe that he would have been very happy if we had just remained the way we were. In retrospect, I should have gotten out when he first brushed off the idea of marriage AFTER we were living together. But I was pretty young (not all that young, though - 24) and definitely naive. He was the first man I had ever lived with and I had thought that I'd never do that. Ah, but things change. Anyhow, there were many indicators while we were living together that a marriage wouldn't work. I did not follow my gut, but instead was determined to get married since I'd made the decision to live with him. Oh me or my. How ignorant was I?
Now in your case, you guys have only been living together for 4 months. I will not presume to think that your guy is or will be like my former husband. In fact, I don't think it's necessarily a bad idea for couples to live together before marrying. So, on that note, I'd be patient, but set a time limit for yourself as to how long you're willing to wait. And if you are waiting a good while and he seems to be happy just the way you are, then be very observant to his intentions. Decide when you will confront him on those intentions if the two of you are not having an open communication right now about what your future holds. That, my friend, is the key - communication. My former husband did not want to communicate anything other than, "Not now, let's wait." He drove me crazy with not wanting to discuss our situation and make definite plans with me. OK, so I was an idiot, but I sure learned from that experience.
I wouldn't obsess on whether or not he's going to ask you to marry him at this point. You guys have not lived together long enough...it is my feeling...for you to drive yourself nuts worrying. However, I would begin trying to discuss this whole thing with him and let him know your feelings. Again, give your relationship a chance, open a dialogue with him, and make a time limit for yourself. I don't mean give the guy an ultimatum. Oh man, those don't ever seem to work. They too often backfire. Just know what you will need to do for yourself if you guys don't come to some agreement in the near future.
I wish you luck. Try to relax and remember that communication is a key to a good marriage. If he's not willing to communicate openly now, how will he be once you guys are married? I sure should have asked myself that question... [ susana's advice column | Ask susana A Question ]
tipsy_gypsy answered Wednesday December 7 2005, 9:26 am: What's the rush? Getting married just for the sake of having a ring is self-destructive. You'll just end up divorced and bitter with a couple of kids and very little money to raise them with. Wait until you're a little more settled before playing house.
Enjoy your time together right now, as it is. Don't pressure him into marrying you, because for all you know, he might not be ready yet. If you push at the issue, you'll only be pushing him out the door.
karenR answered Wednesday December 7 2005, 9:19 am: You really can't know that for sure.
My suggestion if you are looking for marriage is for you to move out. I'm sure this isn't going to be the popular answer but, I would bet with you living together you will be waiting a long time for that proposal.
The time will never be right, why mess up a good thing etc.
If you are just looking for a good time, then okay. But, if you want more you move out.
If you want a family, you put a time limit on how long you will wait around for a proposal too. 1 1/2 years have been invested already. If he really isn't going to marry you and that is what you want, you may have to move on. A girl only has so much time to waste. :) [ karenR's advice column | Ask karenR A Question ]
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