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My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now and I'm having a few issues with the choices he's making. Now, I need really mature people to answer this. I have always not really liked certain type of guys such as with piercings and tattoos and mohawks and stuff. I fully understand that not ALL of those people are bad. But I have been brought up in a really good family with morals and I want a guy who doesn't look like that. My boyfriend has told me that he is wanting to get a few tattoos and it will be happening very soon. I'm really upset about this, I feel like it's going to change him because he's been changing a lot lately. He's going downhill and I've confronted him with these feelings and he got totally defensive and told me to stop acting like his mom. I admit that I did put my foot down and say that I'm not dealing with it when he told me, but then I tried to keep saying that I'm really worried because tattoos are permanant decisions!
Like I said, I need someone with morals to answer this. I don't want a speech stating that I should just accept him, I do accept him, but tattos are a decision, it doesn't define who he is.
I will rate and let you know what I think of your advice.
Thank you so much in advance
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Well, you're right. Tattoos are a decision. Ultimately, the only one who will decide how many tattoos he gets is your boyfriend.
If tattoos and piercings are outside of your usual experience, I can understand that they might seem unappealing, hallmarks of depravity, etc. But the simple fact is that they are a personal choice about personality, identity, and sometimes just vanity. Getting a tattoo will not change your boyfriend - after all, it's only a bit of ink on a small patch of skin.
If your boyfriend is changing, it's happening on his insides and far from his skin. This COULD be who 'he really is;' there is a huge growth spurt in personalities in the teens and twenties. Psychologists say that the personality doesn't really begin to 'set' until the mid-twenties.
So far from moving away from who he really is, he might be moving INTO who he really is.
Just as the tattoos are his choice, your reactions are yours. Arguing and putting your foot down will only distance him. Talking calmly about what your worries are might open things up a bit - instead of fixating on the outside, share your concerns about his insides.
Ultimately, of course, if you feel unable to deal with his changes or tattoos, you will want to think about ending the relationship. While this might be painful if you've been considering a future together, it will allow you both a chance to meet someone who you both are more suited to.
Best of luck.
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Personally, I think I have great morals. I'm not a big fan of alot of tattoo's either. But it is his decision to make about himself. It really shouldn't have anything to do with you, and if you're trying to make him choose between what he wants to do, and you, then that's being a little unfair. If he's getting a few tattoos in places that might not be seen regularly, like on his shoulder which could be covered up by a shirt, then I don't see what the problem is. However, if he's getting a naked chick tattooed on his forearm, then I would have a problem with it.
Like I said, I'm not normally a big fan of tattoos either, however, I do see that is it a form of art, and it is an expression of one's 'self'. Sure, he might not like the tattoo fifty years down the road, but that's the price he'll have to pay, not you.
My husband wants to get his tongue pierced. Or his eyebrown, and I don't want him to do that. Perhaps I don't because, I'm used to the way he is now, and I'm afraid that if he changes, I love him less. But the truth is, I wont love him less. And if your boyrfiend gets a tattoo, you might not like it at first, but you'll get used to it. I mean, honestly, can you tell me you'll love someone less just because they got ink permenantly placed on them? It's not going to change WHO he is... just his apperance. What is it you love more, him, or his looks?
-Tipsy Gypsy
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I am not going to say except him, because if you grew up not wanting to be around that kind of stuff and if he cares about you enough he wouldn't do that because he knows you don't like it. So in a way he is going against an kind of pushing your luck.
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