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Hey everyone! My name is Kristen, I'm 20 and I'm a college junior studying pharmacy. I've been blessed with a really good life, and part of the reason for that is because I've learned to see GOOD in everything that happens to me. I love giving advice, and I've been told that I do a good job at it, but I'll let you decide! Feel free to ask me anything... don't be shy, that's why I'm here. I've been through a lot... moving from one country to another, leaving and finding new friends, break ups, boys, middle school, high school, college, self esteem issues... pretty much most things that people need help with.
I usually spend a good amount of time answering your questions, so I would really appreciate it if you leave me an honest rating along with some feedback (good or bad!) It really does help me improve my advice... and in the end, that's good for YOU! Talk to ya soon! :)
advice
Ok...Is it weird that i can only see myself havin sex with my ex...I mean i have other guy friends and all but i jus can't let myself get closer to them to build a relationship without gettin scared or thinking the same thing will happen to me again...givin my all to have my heartbroken again...But that doesn't stop me from talkin to my ex and still havin sex wit him...i really need advice... it's like i'm drawn to him and i know that we'll never be together again considering he still has a girlfriend...Please be real wit me...i can take it..i really need help...thanks in advance:)
hey!
aahhhhh!! ok so obviously your break up with your ex broke your heart... and you are now afraid of relationships because you don't want your heart broken again! right? well, everyone goes through feeling this way after a break up. eventually though, you get over the person, your broken heart heals, and you move on to bigger and better things.
so then why are you having problems? well, it's because your wounds haven't healed yet. you are still hurt by the break up, and that's why you can't let yourself get close to anyone else. you are afraid. but GUESS WHAT!!?? your heart will NEVER heal if you don't cut off all contact with your ex. there is no way you can get over someone if you are still seeing him and talking to him... and even worse having sex with him. you still like him and want him. having sex with him means a lot to you, but unfortunately it doesn't seem to mean a lot to him.
you are hurting yourself even more every time you sleep with him. you are disrespecting yourself, you are not letting your wounds heal, and you are allowing him to see you as a sexual object which he can just use for physical pleasure and then forget about in the morning. it's a win win situation for him. he has the relationship with his gf, and the sex life with you. if she dumps him, he has you. and if you stop having sex with him he still has his gf. it's all good for him. but it's horrible for you and your well being.
you need to get away from this guy right away and give yourself some time to heal. give yourself some alone time. you don't need to try and find a new boyfriend right away. go out, spend time with friends and enjoy the single life until you find the right boy for you. there is no need to rush. if you don't stop talking to your ex right away, you will be stuck in this terrible situation for a long time, you will be even more hurt in the long run, and you won't give yourself the chance to meet a guy who will love you and treat you like a queen.
trust me, as soon as you stop talking to your ex, things will get better and you will be able to get close to other guys. just give it some time. a few months and you will be good to go. good luck and let me know if you need more help!! :) sorry it's so long, i went off like always hahah.
I'm 17/f. I'm about 5'11". I've never been kissed, been on a date or had a boyfriend. Not to sound arrogant or anything but I am pretty. I have a great personality. I feel like I'm the only girl my age who hasn't been kissed, etc. I'm afraid I won't experience anything till college. Kinda like Felicity (old t.v. show). It makes me really sad, especially when watching romance movies. Any advice?
hey!
well ok first of all, there is this little quote that i really like, so i might as well share it with you: "a girl that is easily kissed, isn't worth kissing."
this is soo true. sure guys like to hang around easy girls just so that they can get some action without the commitment, but in the long run, no guy is going to look for an easy girl to be in a relationship with. you really have nothing to worry about. i didn't get my first kiss until i was 16, and my sister and 2 best friends didn't get theirs until they were 18! they are all very good looking, but they also have self respect for their own selves and don't throw themselves at the first guy they meet.
for some reason, it seems like everyone today is 13 and running around having sex with different boys every night. i'm sorry but that is soo ridiculous and unhealthy. 17 is young... don't let those little 13 year old, immature girls fool you and make you think otherwise. you have sooo much time left to live, and so many boys to kiss. when you finally find the right boy and kiss him, it will be a special kiss. the fact that it's something that you are WAITING for will make it that much better when you finally get it! and trust me, you will get it sooner or later... probably when you least expect it!
so don't stress over it, and don't pay attention to what people say. after all, if you don't kiss anyone people will talk about it, and if you kiss someone people will talk about it. basically, people will always have something bad to say about everything, so just learn to ignore it! it's your life, and whatever is supposed to happen will happen. it just takes time. so try not to overthink it too much and don't stress. :) you'll get your kiss before you know it! haha just enjoy yourself for now, because trust me... kisses lead to boyfriends, and boyfriends usually lead to problems! lol let me know if you need more help! :)
Ok so im trying to work things out with my bf. we have been together almost 2 years and i am now pregnant even though i was told i couldnt have kids. We have set a date for marriage but there is a problem. He will not save any money and we are stuck renting a basement apartment at a friends house and im not bringing a baby into a basement. So, i suggested that we move down south with family where we could afford the cost of living. He refuses because all of his friends are here. So since he doesnt want to come with me, should i just leave him and go by myself??? I have no family or friends here and both of our families are down south. I think he is being selfish to want me and our baby to stay in a basement just because of his friends.
hey!
i agree with you 100%! he is being selfish and you can't let that kind of behavior go on. whether he wants it or not, it's time for him to grow up and start a completely new kind of life. from now on, it's not about what's best for him, it's about what's best for the baby.
honestly, from now on, life will be different for both of you. it's going to revolve around work and the baby. it's not going to revolve around friends. so what if all his friends are at home? he won't have time to see them! he will either have to work over time if you are home watching the baby, or he will have to watch the baby while you are at work. he will barely see his friends, so they might as well not be there.
if you move down south where both of your families are, you will have more of a life. you guys can make new friends there, and you will actually be able to go out every once in a while and have fun because you will have plenty of babysitters around... ones that you don't have to pay!
sit down, talk to him, explain all of this to him, and then even suggest that you guys can go there for a year and see how things go. if both of you really hate it there, you can always move back. his friends won't forget him... a year is nothing! and since the cost of living in the south is cheaper or you may even be able to live with family until you get adjusted, you can save up most of the money you guys earn there, and use it to get a nicer place if you decide to move back!
good luck and i hope all of this helped. just don't fight with him... talk everything out. give him choices... make decisions together. hopefully he will soon realize that a child is big responsibility, and whatever is best for the baby is what's best for everyone! :) let me know if you need more help! GOOD LUCK!
15/f -- me and this guy ["jack"] have been friends for about 4 months and lately weve both started to "like" each other more and he's been wantin to ask me out for awhile [he told me so himself] but he knew that although i liked him too, i was really enjoying the single life and wasnt ready to be in another relationship. his brother was talkin to me a lil while back and said that if/when i decided i was ready to go out with jack, i could let him kno and then he'd tell jack he should ask me out. but i wanna put a spin on things and just ask him myself. the prob is, i dont kno how. ive never asked anyone out before. we only get to see each other about once a week cuz he works almost every day and stuff but we talk on the phone every night. so i was wondering should i ask him on the phone like tonight or wait till this weekend when i see him in person? and what would be a good way to do it? like when he says i love you, should i say something like .. i love you too, wanna make it official? or something like that? i wanna make it good but not complicated you kno? :]
hey!! omg i really like your idea... about saying it at the end of the phone conversation! it's deffinitely good and deffinitely not complicated... plus i think he will be surprised in a nice way. that way you guys can make it official and then spend the weekend together as an official couple and have fun, without you having to worry about how to ask him!! :) go for it, i really think he will love it if you ask him that way... it shows confidence and it's laid back, so he won't be freaked out by it! let me know how it goes if you want! :) good luck!
yesterday my boyfriend told me he was cheating on me which i was very upset about. i'm still with him and he is still cheating on me.he said he has been cheating on me for a year. i love him very much and he said he loved me too. but he said he wasn't going to leave the other girl and he said we could share him. i'm really thinking about breaking up with him. but i love him and i'm not sure what to do. should i break up with him or just keep our relationship still going? please help and thank you so much
:{ + ;]
hey!
omg, this is a terrible situation! first of all, i know you love him and i am sorry to say this, but this guy is a total jerk! he can say he loves you all he wants, but by deffinition, love means wanting to give your whole self to someone, and wanting all of them for yourself. if you truly love someone, they are all you need in this world to make you happy. do you want to be with someone that doesn't love you, lies and cheats and has no respect for you?
for a relationship to work, each person in the relationship needs to give... meaning each person has to put in the same amount of effort the other person is putting in. if you are the only one doing all the loving and caring, the relationship will never work. if you really do love him, will you really be ok with him beeing with another girl? if the answer is yes, then i don't think you truly LOVE him... if you loved him you would want him all to yourself!
it seems like he is walking all over you and you are letting him get away with too much. if you agree to this arrangement and allow him to have 2 girlfriends, he will believe that he has you completely whipped, and he will treat you badly in the future knowing that it won't make a difference because you will put up with it. if you want to be hurt really badly in the future and are willing to put up with more heart ache than you know what to do with, then i say go ahead and stay with him.
but remember that you can't have a relationship without trust... at this point you have no trust for him because of what he has been doing for the past year. so even if he agrees to only date you and forget the other girl, i still don't think you should get back with him. it seems that all he wants is the physical aspect of a relationship, and if he has no feelings but you do, then in the end he will win and you will lose.
if you have any respect for yourself and want to ensure that you are happy in the future, then you should run as far as you can from this guy and never talk to him again. staying in a "relationship" with him while he is running around with other girls will not only hurt you in the end, but it won't give you a chance to be single and go out and find a guy who will want to be ONLY with you! and trust me, i know you have a lot to offer, so any guy that has you should consider himself lucky and shouldn't feel the need to date anyone else! :)
sorry this is sooo long, but i got really heated haha. i hate seeing guys walk all over girls... it really does upset me, so i hope you really think about things before you make a decision! :) best of luck, and let me know if you need more help!
Hi, everyone. I'm a 15 year old male, and so is this girl I like. I honestly don't know why I am attracted to her. She is overweight, and that's just a turn off for me, like most other guys. But beside the few extra pounds (actually about 30), she's gorgeous. (or so I think) She had chestnut colored brown hair, and paleish skin in contrast. Her blue eyes are amazing. We sat next to eachother in biology all of last year, as the teacher never changed the seating arrangement. We talked a lot, and I'm very shy, so it was a change for me. She talked to me first, and from then on we became very good friends. She bought me a cake on my birthday & gave it to me in class. She laughs at everything, so I don't know if she thinks I'm funny, or not. But I love it. I love talking to her, I love her laugh, I love how random she is, how different, how uncaring of what people think. (dont get me wrong, shes not a geek or anything, shes in with all the right kids, shes just overweight). I couldn't tell if she liked me, but there's something about her that makes me want to be with her all the time. As I said, this would be awkward for me, because she is overweight, and my friends would definitely have fun teasing me/her over that. I don't know what to do, I asked her for her number & aim screename, so I have those now. Whenever I see her get online, I IM her. I told her when I was doing driving school so she could maybe sign up. I think I'm just confused on what to do. Why is it I'm so attracted to her? Should I tell her how I feel? What about my friends?
Hey!!
Wow, ok from the way you were talking about this girl in your question, you sound like you really liker her a lot!
When I was your age, what my friends thought and how other people looked was my number one concern too. But over the next few years, you will slowly realize that looks don't mean anything, and that other people's opinions are usually worthless.
You really like this girl... it's not all about looks. It's about her personality, it's about how she makes you feel when you are with her... and that's great! That's how great relationships are made. If you base a relationship solely on how the other person looks, the relationship will be over before you know it.
So what if she has a few extra pounds on her? Beautiful people come in all different sizes... I've seen some big girls that are much more beautiful than girls half their size. Say you start dating her... at some point down the road, maybe she will lose some weight. Or say you start dating a really skinny girl... at some point down the road she might gain weight. You never know with those things, and that is why they are not important. The way she looks will change, but who she is as a person and how she makes you feel will always be the same.
I know it's hard to put up with other people making fun of you for your choices, but you have to learn to do it or you will never be truly happy in life. Let people say what they want... they only do it to make themselves feel better anyway. Ignore them... after a while, they will grow up and stop doing it. They only do it to get a reaction out of you anyway... if you don't give them one, they won't have a reason to do it.
Today while I was at work I saw a midget... this woman was a little over 3 feel tall. Then I saw a man with both of his arms missing. Who cares though, they are people too. Sure they need a little extra care and attention so getting into a relationship with them might require a little more work and effort. Your girl... she a little overweight. So what? That won't make the relationship any harder, so why hesitate?
Sorry this is so long, but I hope it makes you realize a few things. If it doesn't, it will a few years down the road. But you asked for advice, so here it is: ask this girl out, or you might really regret it in the future. Don't let something superficial get in the way of something that will make you really happy! Let me know if you need more help! :)
My boyfriend and I (well, ex) dated for about 2 years until back in January when I started to feel that the relationship we getting to be too serious (I was only 17...now 18). We were talking one night and figured out that we started to drift because we weren't ready for such a strong relationship. We loved each other (real love, not kiddish love) but just weren't ready. So we broke up.
After the break up, I found out that he cheated on me while we started drifting. I, of course, was furious at him. Now it's been about 5 months since I found out and we've started talking again. Not only that, but we both want to get back together. Im over the cheating.
My question is, even though I do still love him and want to be with him, how do I know that it won't end up like last time? How do I know that I won't get freaked out by the seriousness of the relationship? I mean, this is a guy I want to marry someday, as in after I finish college (i'm starting in the fall), not any time soon. But then again, I don't want to loose him.
Did that make any sense? If it did to you, then I'd really like some advice because I'm so confused.
OMG!!!!!!!
I was reading this question and I was seriously so confused because it felt like I had written it! I went through pretty much the EXACT same thing with my boyfriend. We dated for two years, then I broke up with him because it got too serious and I got scared. I cheated on him once during the relationship, and about 7 months after we broke up, he was completely over it and we started talking again. Now we have been back together for the past 3 months and everything is great.
Over the 7 month period I met other guys and saw how much less they had to offer than my bf... I also got over the whole "single scene" and decided that I am now ready to settle down and stay with him forever. The only difference between my situation and yours is that I took my 7 month break with him during my sophmore year of college (last year)... and you haven't started college yet. That may make it a little harder because things do change in college... but then again, I'm in college, and although things changed a little I still decided to be with him because I love him and can see myself marrying him.
My advice to you is to decide if you are really ready to settle down with him. Can you see yourself with just one guy forever, or do you feel that you are too young? It's different with different people... I have friends who can't make it past 4 months with a guy because they think it's too serious, and I know people that have been together for 7 years and are fine with it. Do you really miss him? Were the past 5 months empty and different? Do you want him back? Does he make you happy? If yes, then go ahead and get back together with him and don't stress too much. Time ties together everything that is meant to be! :)
I really like him alot. And just the other day his friend Andrew asked me if I would have sex with him. I mean I kind of do but I feel like if I say no he wont like me as much but if I say yes I`ll seem like a slut. What should I do
hey!
ok i am going to answer this question a little differently:
if you say yes:
- he will think you are easy (aka a slut)
- he will assume that you would do this with any other guy
- he might think you are dirty
- he could use you for sex and leave you
if you say no:
- you will look like you have self respect
- you will come off as having morals
- you won't look easy, and give off the vibe that a guy can treat you like a piece of meat
- you will know if he really likes you or just wants to use you for sex. if he "doesn't like you as much" because of that, then he is a LOSER that just wants sex and has no real interest in you... forget about him and move on.
basically, the choice is yours. your actions and decisions are what make others aware of who you are. you have to respect yourself if you want to be respected by others. :) let me know if you need more help!
i'm fifteen yrs old. i'll be sixteen in 3 months. which isn't very far away. in november i met a guy and i really liked him. we talked for a whole day and then he asked me out. I said yes and i fell wayy hard. we had a relationship like no other. we deffently fell in love. he was 17. his birthday is in like two weeks. when we broke up i made an agreement with myself to get him back because i really did love him.. we were apart for a month and he dated people and so did i but we always found ourselves making out and holding hands every chance we got and talking on the phone everynight and still saying i love you. then he went out with my best friend and this completely killed me. one week later they broke up because she cheated on him and then he asked me back out. i didn't even hisitate to say yes. i had the love of my life back. this time we've been together for 4 months. it's been nothing short of amazing. we've seriously been through everything and we have an undying love for each other. last week my mom told me that she didn't want us dating any more being she thinks he's too old and she thinks he s a loser because he droped outa school. ive tried talking to her about this before and it worked. but she said this time her mind is final. this guy is really my everything but his friends don't like me. they think i cheat on him and stuff and are constinaly telling him he can do better. well we've been trying so hard to stay together and now he's ready to just give up. i think he got this idea from his friends but even tough we broke up last night.. nothing's changed.. i think he's coming over tomorrow to talk to me about it and i even wrote him a long email... if i dont get him back i swear i'll die. any advice for me...
i'm not goin gto move on so don't bother telling me that...
any questions about anything just ask.
hey! alright well i'm sorry all of this happened... it's a bit of a tough situation. obviously you must really like the guy if you forgave him for dating your best friend! on the other hand, im not sure why your best friend did such a thing to begin with?
anyway, there are two things you need to do to try and make the relationship work. as far as him and his friends go... you are absolutely right, he is starting to give up because his friends keep telling him bad things about you and the relationship. even though he might ignore their comments, some of them over time will get to him if they haven't already. let's face it... our friends have a big influence on our lives. he obviously isn't controlled by his friends, which is a good thing, but they do influence him a little bit which is normal. to solve that problem, talk to him about his friends. ask him what they say about you and why they say those things. don't yell or bad mouth them... they are his friends, and he will be upset if you do. talk about the whole situation, and be patient. tell him that you want to get to know them better so that they can like you and you can like them too. because friends have a big influence on people, once they like you, they will say good things about you to him and encourage the relationship, which will in turn encourage him to keep trying to make it work. you don't have to kiss their a**, but you should be nice to them and get to know them. they might try to resist at first, but eventually they should start to like you!
second problem is your mom. she thinks he is too old, even though he is only a year older than you? unless you mean that he is turning 18 in 2 weeks... which would mean he is 2 years older. but that's not a big deal either! i think she is just saying that to find more excuses to get you guys to break up. in reality, i think the reason she is upset about it is because he dropped out of high school. that is not something that parents see as a good thing... ever, so i can see why she is being this way about the whole situation. i think you should sit down and talk to her again. explain to her that it's not like you are getting married to this guy, so it doesn't really matter if he is a drop out. tell her that he won't influence you in any negative ways, and if anything, you might even be able to influence him to change and finish up school and maybe even go on to college. explain to her that he is a good person with good intentions, and that he cares about you and you care for him. tell her to put herself in your shoes and imagine if someone had told her who to date and not to date when she was young. reassure her that you are old and responsible enough to decide who to date, and that if you feel like the relationship is not right at any point, you can deal with the break up. it's hard enough dealing with a relationship to begin with, but having a parent stand in the way makes it nearly impossible. tell your mom you want her to get to know him better, and invite him over for dinner with the family so she can see he is a good guy!
let me know if you need more help, and i hope all of this helps. it might not all work out over night, but i think if you try to be on better terms with his friends and get him on better terms with your mom, things should go smoothly from there! :) good luck!
ok this may sound slutty, but im defiantly not slutty!
Ok so for some odd reason i bleed when my boyfriend fingers me... and then the other day we had sex for the first time and i barely bled.... so why do you think i bleed everytime he fingers me..?
any advice would help.
kthx. :)
hey! ok it doesn't sound slutty, it's your boyfriend ... it happens. haha anyway, you are right that is odd that it happens when he fingers you but not really during sex. does it hurt when he does it? maybe his nails are on the long side and are scratching you and hurting you? or maybe you were too tight before if you guys just started doing this stuff recently? regardless, it's normal to bleed a little bit at first, but if this continues to happen and/or it hurts, deffinitely go see a doctor and make sure everything is ok!
ijust broke up with ny girlfriend 1 month ago im aboutto be 20 and she took all my friends with her and even worse she goes out telling everyone that i was the worst that i took advantage of her that i never appreciated her when in the end ill do everything to keep her happy and all she would do is complain now she moved out of her parents house and is not doing anything with her life and i feel bad because this was the girl i wanted to maryry now im left with a brokenheart and regret i need someones help im really depressed i know every one says ill move on but it doesnt seem that way so far because i knew for sure that she was was my soulmate but in the end i turned to be wrong she was too high maintenece i though it was normal but well im hoping someone can help
hey! ok first of all, it's normal that you are still not over her... i tell everyone this, but it takes about 2 months of not talking to or seeing someone to completely get over them. it could take a little more time or a little less time, it depends. but it is important not to communicate with her so that you can get her off your mind and move on.
you are sad about what happened, but at the same time in your question it seems that you are a bit relieved. you say that she is too high maintainance... meaning you actually had to do a lot of work to keep her happy. that may be ok for some people, but the fact that you say she is ungrateful makes it NOT ok. she is going around bad mouthing you for 2 possible reasons: one is that she really doesn't appreciate anything you (or anyone else) has done for her, and two, she could be doing that to help herself get over you... because even though she broke up with you, there are still feelings there i'm sure. if you are doing all this work for someone to make them happy and they don't aknowledge it, then why even waste your time? when you do something nice for someone, they return the favor down the road... if she doesn't even realize that you are doing her favors, she will never give you anything in return... which is what a relationship is all about, give and take!
lastly, you say that she is going nowhere with her life. there is another thing to think about to help you get over her. do you have a life path planned out for yourself, and are you doing things to help achieve your goals? if you do, then that's great, and if you don't, take advantage of the fact that you are "free" to start working on your future. if she has nothing to bring to the table, why stress over the fact that it's over?
all you need to do... and really all you can do is change your attitude about the whole situation. you have to believe that you will get over this in order to start getting over it and move on. all it takes is time and faith... everyone goes through hard times, and now it's your time. just get it over with and it will make you a stronger person in the end. don't waste time sitting around being depressed. every minute you spend sad and lonely is a minute you will never get back. go out, enjoy life, see what the single life has to offer and find a new girl along the way that will appreciate everything you do for her! you deserve it! :)
lastly, she might come back soon and try to get back together with you, but if you are almost over her then i wouldn't reccomend getting back with her. it's normal that she might regret her decision, but if you go back to her she will feel in control and will treat you even worse knowing that you will forgive her. like i said, you don't sound too happy about her in your question, and if she broke up with you once there was a reason for it and she might do it again. then you will be hurt again and have to start all over trying to get over her. so avoid her at all costs, and one day soon you will wake up and won't even remember her name! :) let me know if you need more help, and sorry it was soo long!
I kinda want guys to answer this question, because they would know this kind of stuff. What makes a girl sexy?
hey! well i know i'm not a guy but since this website has a lot more girls than guys on it, i don't know if you'll get an answer. but i've had this conversation with many guys in the past and they all say the same thing... confidence makes a girl sexy. you can be the most gorgeous girl in the world, but if you are not comfortable with yourself, then that's not sexy. on the other hand, an average looking girl is sexy if she is confident in herself and what she has to offer! that attracts guys because let's face it... if you DON'T think you are good and have NO confidence, guys will think "why should i even give her a chance? what's good about her? there must be nothing special if she doesn't even like what she has to offer." hope that helps... you don't have to rate since i'm not a guy and that's what you wanted haha :)
well theres this guy i sorta like. but my friends really dont like him. and im embarrased to go out with him or what ever. i dunno what to do cus i cant stop likeing him!
yeah you totally should stay away from him... i mean your friends will play a big part in your relationship, so you need to have their approval about who to date!!
ok im totally kidding, of course it doesn't really matter what your friends think about the guy you are dating!! well... kind of! has he done something really mean to them? has he hurt them in any way? has he embarassed them, or does he have any intentions to hurt them in the future? if you answered no to all of these, then your friends have no reason not to like him. you don't tell your friends who to date, so why should they be telling you? you can listen to their opinion and see what they think, but in the end you have to listen to your heart and go after what YOU want. you are the one who will have to deal with this boy, so the decision is all yours. it's good to listen to what your friends think, but don't let it influence you to the point where you are living your life based on what they want and not what you want.
nowdays it's hard enough to find a good guy who you like and who likes you back... you should be happy that you have found that. not everyone will approve of any relationship you ever have... and if you listened to other people, you will be single for the rest of your life. don't be embarassed, follow your heart and do what you feel is right. you like the guy? go for it! unless he has hurt your friends or doesn't treat them right, then they have no good reason to tell you to forget about him... so don't!! :) let me know if you need more help and good luck!
alright so heres the deal. me and this guy used to go out. we went out like 6 times, and one time was almost for a year. He's always the one dumping ME, but somehow we end up back together again. Six months ago,he broke up with me so were not currently going out, but i still really like him, and i think he likes me again, too.Maybe he changed, but Im not sure if i should just keep giving him chances? but i really like him. Do you think its a good idea if we go out? Or should i just get over him? THANKS ALOT.
hey!! alright this is kind of a difficult question. i was once in a situation like that, and i kept breaking up with the guy because the relationship got pretty serious, and i got scared and decided i wanted to experience the single life before commiting to him. we broke up once, and then we kept talking and ended up getting back together (and then breaking up again) like 5 times. i would break up with him, and then decide that i wanted him back, but once i got him back i would want to be single again and so on. it's such a terrible situation but i was really confused and didn't know what i wanted. we eventually broke up and stopped talking for almost a year (9 months) and in that time i lived the single life. we just got back together and are trying to do it long distance because he is now in the army! :(
ok aaanyywaayy the reason i told that whole story is because it is difficult to tell why he wants to get back together with you. does he want to do it because he is actually ready to settle down for good now, or does he want to do it because no one better has come along in the time he was single and he wants to fill the void? if i was you, i would make him wait for it... tell him you need time to think about everything and stop talking to him and seeing him for the next 2 months. in that time, you should be able to see if you really want to be with him, and he should be able to decide what he wants as well. if he still wants to be with you, then he might have changed and he could be ready for the relationship. i think if you get back together with him right away every time he comes back to you, he will feel like he has all the power and he will break up with you whenever he wants, knowing that when he wants you back you will take him! that's bad and you don't want to make him feel that way... so make him wait. after that, if you feel like he is ready, then give him another chance, but be prepared to get hurt by him again. if you don't feel like you want to go through the pain of breaking up with him again, then don't give him another shot. it's all up to you.
you guys could be right for each other, but it could be that the timing is wrong. if things aren't working out now, you never know what could happen in the future if both of you still have feelings for one another. the point is, if he feels like he is not ready for a relationship yet, you won't be able to change him. he will have to stay single until he gets it all out of his system. otherwise, he will never be able to have a meaningful relationship, because he will never feel ready for it. so i say let him wait a little bit, and if you think he has changed and are willing to take the risk, then go for it. but if he hurts you again, deffinitely kick him to the curb and find a new guy! let me know if you need more help and good luck!! :)
Hi. I was new at my high school last year. I joined a group of people that I found things in common with and we're good friends now. Well, I know some of my friends better than others, and a guy that I barely knew within our group of friends started to take interest in me. I didn't like him, but I decided to give him a chance and we started going out on dates. Then, a few weeks later, we started going out. I don't like him as anything more than a friend and I don't know what caused me to make such a reckless and stupid decision. A week ago I tried to break up with him. I just told him that we didn't know each other well enough and should just get to know each other as friends. Well, the same night we ended up deciding not to break up, which was a really really bad move. Now I'm worrying about it every day and trying to think of what to say to him this time. He's going to be so disappointed and hurt. He takes any relationship he has (he's been in one other relationship) very seriously and now he's going to have to pay for my mistake. Last time he cried. Right now he's not aware that there's anything wrong. I think he's beginning to like me even more. I feel so guilty and so stupid. I think that I just wanted to be in a relationship and I didn't think clearly. Part of it was influence from all of our friends. It was like everyone wanted us to be together. I felt kind of pressured. Please help!
hey!! alright, i'm not going to tell you this is going to be easy, because it won't be at all. breaking up with someone is probably just as hard as having someone break up with you. when you see the other person in pain over something that you did, you can't help but stay with him because, let's face it, most people don't like to hurt others on purpose. but in this case, even though it seems that you are hurting him by breaking up with him, really you are just making things easier for him. how is that? well, first of all, you are breaking up with him now, and not in say 2 months because that would be a lot harder for him to handle. the longer you are with someone, the harder it is to deal with breaking up with them. so if he is crying now, imagine how he would take it in 2 months, when he has gotten even closer to you. second of all, you are making his life easier because you are letting him know you have no feelings for him. a relationship involves two people who truly care for one another, and they each give equally to make the relationship work. if he likes you, but you don't like him, he is giving you a lot more than you are giving him, and that's not fair to him. if you don't have feelings for him, you owe it to him to leave him and let him find a girl that will return those feelings.
basically, don't feel like you are doing something wrong. you never did anything wrong. you ended up with this guy, you grew and learned from it, and now you know how to read your own feelings... you know what you want, and that's a really, really good thing! as far as what to do when you break up with him... sit down and talk to him. tell him he really is a great person, but the feelings for him are just not there anymore. reassure him that he did nothing wrong, and tell him that you want what is best for him, and that is why you are leaving him. tell him he gives you more than you give him, and you want him to find a girl who feels the same for him as he feels for her because it is only fair. tell him that all break ups are hard, and even though he may think he will never get over it, he will eventually and he will become a stronger person because of it. reassure him that you are there for him if he needs anything during the healing process.
it won't be easy, and he probably will cry or try to talk you out of it... but hold your ground, and as hard as it may be, don't decide to stay with him. you won't suddenly have feelings for him and make the relationship work... if the feelings aren't there now, they're not going to be there in the future. if he tries to talk you into staying with him, listen to what he says, but use the things i said above to explain to him why it is not a good idea. after the break up, don't talk to him for a while... at least for a month! explain to him that it's the best choice because otherwise he will never get over you completely, and he will always be in pain about it when he sees you. it might be hard for you not to talk to him, and you might miss him at times and regret your decision... that comes with all break ups. but trust your feelings and don't talk to him for a while... he needs to heal, even if it means you suffering a bit in the process. when i broke up with my bf, he didn't want to break up, and we kept talking and ended up back together and breaking up like 5 times! it was terrible... you don't want to end up there, so just cut him out for a while. we did that eventually and didn't talk for 2 months, and now things are great between us! :) good luck and let me know if you need more help! sorry it's sooooooo long!
I work with this really great girl that I didn't initially have feelings for, but as I've come to know her, I can't stop thinking about her. I'm not good at picking up girl's signals, but it looks to me like she flirts with me a lot. Laughs at my jokes, smiles a lot, I'll catch her staring every now and again, but I've misread these signals before.
Plus she's got this boyfriend who's kind of clingy, emotional, neurotic and all this. They've been going out for awhile and live together, but they won't anymore starting this fall. He'll be in another city and she has said that they don't have near the chemistry they did earlier(I guess that can be said for everyone though) and that she hadn't broken up with him yet because of the way he might take it.
So I guess the question's pretty obvious. I don't want to be passive about this and let her get away, yet I feel like for some reason, now isn't the right time. What should I do? Thanks
heeyyy!!! alright this situation absolutely sucks, because i've been in it before! i'm not entirely positive about whether she likes you or not because you're not either, but i think she probably does. if she is giving you some signals and is telling you that she wants to break up with her bf and stuff, then she probably does have a crush on you. as far as what you should do right now... well let's face it, she still has a bf. and if they are living together, then it must be pretty serious. she says that she doesn't want to break up with him because of his feelings, but that probably only means that she also isn't sure if she WANTS to break up with him. she cares for him enough to the point where she doesn't want to do something to hurt him, so some of her feelings, if not all of them, are still there for him.
when i liked a guy that was in a relationship, he liked me too and he even told me. we always hung out and stuff, and eventually his gf got really mad and suspiscious about it. he didn't know what to do... whether to break up with her or not, and after a few months he told me that he decided to stay with her because he "thinks he loves her." basically, from that i learned that messing with someone in a relationship can only get you hurt in the end. this girl will end up with a guy either way... her current bf or you... but if she chooses her bf over you, then you end up with nothing and your hopes are all destroyed.
so as hard as it may be, the best thing for you to do is treat her like a friend and think of her as nothing more. so what if her bf is leaving soon and they might break up? it hasn't happened yet, so for all we know it might never happen. why get your hopes up about it and risk getting hurt? just forget about it now, see what other girls are out there, and if sometime down the road those 2 do break up, you can go ahead and see if you can persue a relationship with her! :) let me know if you need more help!
Okay so there's this boy:). blah blah blah. He's so cute & all. He sits behind me in 7th period and I have 1st & 8th with him as well. We flirt ALOT & alot of people think we should go out. We're always together except outside of school. I signed his yearbook & he got mad because I didn't write my number! He can't stand me to be mad at him & will give me this pity sort of thing. I'm 5'2 5'3ish so I'm not exactly Shaq. The thing is, he's a little shorter than me! It really bothers me with a guy being shorter. I like him and all but I'm afraid that if I went out with him it would be wierd. I don't know what to do please help! I'll rate for GOOD answers.
hahah! hey thats so funny! im like that too... the guy has to be older and taller than me! but no seriously, if he is just a tiny bit shorter than you i think you should get over it and give the kid a chance! i mean guys grow a lot slower than girls, so before you know it he will be taller than you. one of my guy friends grew like a foot in one summer! if you guys have a meaningful long term relationship, chances are he will grow taller than you! and even if he doesn't, you will eventually get over it because of all his other great qualities! don't let that get in the way of your happiness, after all it really isn't that big of a deal... and i'm sure he hates it too! guys feel insecure when they are shorter than a girl! but it's summer now anyway, so just wear flip flops and stay away from heels when you are around him! it will be fine don't worry about it, no one will even notice or care about the height difference and neither will you eventually! :)
alrighty here is my story...
theres this guy i like at school-he likes me back and has asked me to go out to see a movie friday night(and my friend wants to talk to him about asking me to my our 8th grade dance)--i hear though, that he is dating a freshman+hes got "in a relationship" on his myspace...what do i do..i really really like this guy?!?!?!
-doctorkay-
hey! ok first of all, IM him or call him and confront him about his status on myspace! ask him why it says "in a relationship"... if he denies it or makes up a stupid excuse and doesn't change his profile, then he is lying and he really does have a girlfriend. that happened to me with a guy... he claimed to be single and always tried to get me to go out with him, and when i asked him about his "in a relationship" status on facebook (it's like myspace, but for college students only) he would say he is too lazy to change it and that he is single... and i eventually found out he was lying all along! he had a gf and the whole thing turned into a big mess. what a liar... a quality you do NOT want in a bf, right?
if that is the case, then deffinitely forget about this boy right away! why? well two reasons... first of all, if he has a girlfriend, there is a good chance that you will get hurt in the end because he will decide to stay with her. once again, this happened to me with another boy (yes my life can be so dramatic haha)... he had a gf, he really liked me and i did too, we kind of had a "thing" and he ended up choosing her because they had been together for so long and he "thought" he loved her. this boy will win no matter what.. if he picks you he has a girl, and if he picks his gf he has a girl. however, for you, there is a 50% chance that you will get hurt! second of all, do you really want to be with a boy who does that to his gf? once i thought about it this way i got over this guy right away! if he is dating and talking to other girls behind his girlfriend's back, then what makes you think he won't do it to you if you become his gf?
sorry this is so long, but i would forget about him if he does have a gf... and deffinitely forget about him if he has a gf and tried to lie and say that he is single! if he really is single, changes his myspace profile and sounds sencere in his answer, then give the boy a chance! :) let me know if you need more help! good luck!
ok so my exboyfriend whent on a trip this weekend and he got drunk and went skinny dipping w/ his friend and her sister and ended up having sex w/ both of them cuz he liked both the girls. he told me because he has some feelings left for me but i cant trust him i know i cant ive been trying to get him to stop drinking for ever and its reasons like this that make me try to get him to stop so he doesnt do anything stupid which he already did. he feels bad about it but he already did it! what can he change now? and i had a really strong feeling the night that it happened that he had done something he would regret. lately ive been missing him and considering taking him back but what do i do now? i odviously cant trust him. please help!!
hey! you guys broke up for a reason, and the reason is pretty evident in your question. you can't trust him, so the relationship can't work out. if there is no trust, then what is there? nothing! it's normal to miss him and want him back, but deep down you really don't want that so don't let it fool you. trust me, been there done that. if you get back with him now, you will break up again soon for the same reasons that made you break up in the first place, and it will be even harder to get over him then. just STOP TALKING TO HIM completely, 100%! it will be hard at first, but it will make your life soo much easier! it seems impossible but it is not. once you get him out of your life, you will slowly stop thinking about him and you will get over him. this usually takes 2 months! after that, you guys can become friends if you want or maybe persue a relationship in the future when he is more mature and ready to settle down. but for now, the best thing is to forget him or he will cause you a lot of pain! hope this helped! :)
my girlfriend is graduating on saturday. i have NO idea wha to get her.I am going to get her a fitted for a birthday which is next wednesday. can someone pleasehelp me out on what to get her for her graduation. should i get her, her favorite drink, or just get her a basket of liquor??? idk please help
hey! since her birthday is so soon and you already have a present lined up, i think the best thing to do is just get her a nice bouquet of flowers and invite her out to a nice romantic dinner! after that you can take her back to your house and toast with some champagne or something cute like that! if you can't do it on the night of her graduation, then just include a card with the flowers and explain that you want to take her out as a graduation gift. i think spending some quality time with her would make her much happier than anything you can buy her at the store! :)