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breaking up
Hi. I was new at my high school last year. I joined a group of people that I found things in common with and we're good friends now. Well, I know some of my friends better than others, and a guy that I barely knew within our group of friends started to take interest in me. I didn't like him, but I decided to give him a chance and we started going out on dates. Then, a few weeks later, we started going out. I don't like him as anything more than a friend and I don't know what caused me to make such a reckless and stupid decision. A week ago I tried to break up with him. I just told him that we didn't know each other well enough and should just get to know each other as friends. Well, the same night we ended up deciding not to break up, which was a really really bad move. Now I'm worrying about it every day and trying to think of what to say to him this time. He's going to be so disappointed and hurt. He takes any relationship he has (he's been in one other relationship) very seriously and now he's going to have to pay for my mistake. Last time he cried. Right now he's not aware that there's anything wrong. I think he's beginning to like me even more. I feel so guilty and so stupid. I think that I just wanted to be in a relationship and I didn't think clearly. Part of it was influence from all of our friends. It was like everyone wanted us to be together. I felt kind of pressured. Please help!
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hey!! alright, i'm not going to tell you this is going to be easy, because it won't be at all. breaking up with someone is probably just as hard as having someone break up with you. when you see the other person in pain over something that you did, you can't help but stay with him because, let's face it, most people don't like to hurt others on purpose. but in this case, even though it seems that you are hurting him by breaking up with him, really you are just making things easier for him. how is that? well, first of all, you are breaking up with him now, and not in say 2 months because that would be a lot harder for him to handle. the longer you are with someone, the harder it is to deal with breaking up with them. so if he is crying now, imagine how he would take it in 2 months, when he has gotten even closer to you. second of all, you are making his life easier because you are letting him know you have no feelings for him. a relationship involves two people who truly care for one another, and they each give equally to make the relationship work. if he likes you, but you don't like him, he is giving you a lot more than you are giving him, and that's not fair to him. if you don't have feelings for him, you owe it to him to leave him and let him find a girl that will return those feelings.
basically, don't feel like you are doing something wrong. you never did anything wrong. you ended up with this guy, you grew and learned from it, and now you know how to read your own feelings... you know what you want, and that's a really, really good thing! as far as what to do when you break up with him... sit down and talk to him. tell him he really is a great person, but the feelings for him are just not there anymore. reassure him that he did nothing wrong, and tell him that you want what is best for him, and that is why you are leaving him. tell him he gives you more than you give him, and you want him to find a girl who feels the same for him as he feels for her because it is only fair. tell him that all break ups are hard, and even though he may think he will never get over it, he will eventually and he will become a stronger person because of it. reassure him that you are there for him if he needs anything during the healing process.
it won't be easy, and he probably will cry or try to talk you out of it... but hold your ground, and as hard as it may be, don't decide to stay with him. you won't suddenly have feelings for him and make the relationship work... if the feelings aren't there now, they're not going to be there in the future. if he tries to talk you into staying with him, listen to what he says, but use the things i said above to explain to him why it is not a good idea. after the break up, don't talk to him for a while... at least for a month! explain to him that it's the best choice because otherwise he will never get over you completely, and he will always be in pain about it when he sees you. it might be hard for you not to talk to him, and you might miss him at times and regret your decision... that comes with all break ups. but trust your feelings and don't talk to him for a while... he needs to heal, even if it means you suffering a bit in the process. when i broke up with my bf, he didn't want to break up, and we kept talking and ended up back together and breaking up like 5 times! it was terrible... you don't want to end up there, so just cut him out for a while. we did that eventually and didn't talk for 2 months, and now things are great between us! :) good luck and let me know if you need more help! sorry it's sooooooo long!
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