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December 15, 2008

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April 28, 2013

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Hi, I'm Courtney. I want to become a pre-school teacher :] and I've been though a whole heck of a lot, so feel free to ask me anything, i'll do my best to help ! xxo.
"i refuse to sink."

advice

I broke up with my current gf and I'm trying to get back with my ex. But.....the problem is I think my ex has a bf now but I know she'd get back with me because I know she still loves me even though I fucked things up...... Should I send her flowers? A letter? I feel like texting her just isn't the right way to win back her heart.....and my current ex is crazy attached... How can I get her to stop? It's my first year of college and we all go to the same school.. Help!!!!!!! Please!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry for answering a little late.. Well ! You can definitely try to get back in her life. It's probably going to take more than one try depending on what happened between the two of you.. But you never know what could happen ! You could text her.. But you're right, maybe a letter would be better and more sincere.. Girls love letters ! And I mean before you go sending her flowers, try the letter approach first.. You said she goes to your school ? Leave it on her car window with a flower or something.. That'd be nice ! If you really miss her, your going to have to work for it and apologize for whatever you did.. It'll probably take more than one time but let me know how your attempts go ! Good luck ! xxo

It's not that I don't like her, I do. It's just that I don't care what happens in the relationship. Is this relationship unhealthy or unfair to her? P.s. I'm a guy and 16

if you dont care what happens in the relationship, youre not really invested in it. youre only 16.. youre still so young and its normal to feel this way because youre not taking it too seriously yet.. like, its not as if youre thinking about marriage yet.
so if you just want to have fun, have fun and date.. but whatever you do, dont just lead her on. you like her, so you can either try it out or break it off if you really think it is going no where.. and be honest with her ! if you dont know what you really want right now let her know, gently.. maybe later on you could try it out again !
good luck ! xxo.

i like a boy and i know he likes me back should i make the first move or should he

make the first move !
if he likes you, he'll appreciate it! some guys get tired of always making the first move. be different :)
xxo.

So i danced with a guy who i am very close with and also like(alot). We slow danced for about an hour but my friends were constantly signaling him to kiss me. We laughed it off and talked singing the lyrics to the songs they were playing, he flirts with me constantly but he flirts with everyone else, guys and girls its just part of his personality. but a couple of times we would be faceing each other and our eyes would lock, but i am very shy so i ended up looking away everytime. Then after the dance he got really nervous around me and started avoiding me like crazy. Did he try to kiss me and did i blow it? Any suggestions on how to fix this?

I remember those days.. :)
but anyways, he probably did want to kiss you, but was just as shy and nervous about it as you were. he probably got even more nervous about it when your friends kept trying to get him to make the first move.. it puts a bit of pressure on him, yuh know ?
but no, i definitely dont think you blew it. if anything, you probably made him realize he has feelings for you.. which is why he was kind of avoiding you towards the end since he didnt kiss you.. after everyone was making a big deal about it.
it will all blow over, trust me. but you should definitely ask him about it! tell him how much of a good time you had with him and that you want to hang out again.. alone this time so that your friends dont make either one of you feel awkward again. maybe even apologize for what your friends were doing and just see how the conversation goes :) but communication is key!
good luck ! xxo.

well me and this guy are very close we`ve already seen each othe pretty much naked we grab each other all the time(and its veryserious) so yesterday i sucked his dick gave him a hand job & we humped IN THE DARK and my boobs were all in his face...we both want to go alltheway to the sexual level but we don` really know how to start off what should we do???

the very first thing you should do is get protection.. whether its condoms or birth control or both (even better) .. no glove, no love.
so, always be prepared.
and i dont know how old you both are, but you should probably make sure that this is something you both are very sure about and that you are being 100% safe and that youre old enough to handle the consequences like STDs and pregnancy.
once youre completely sure that this is what you want to do, and its not just a heat of the moment thing, get a condom on immediatley. no ifs, ands, or buts. then, youll have to figure it out on your own.. you need to just go with the flow and do what feels right for both of you.. youll probably need to also invest in some lubrication because the first time can hurt very badly for a girl, and this helps out GREAT amounts, you'd be surprised.
but sex is sex. use protection and explore each other.. but be 100% POSITIVE, SAFE, AND OLD ENOUGH, I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH.
good luck! xxo.

i have a girlfriend now but we just dont really get along. i honestly miss my ex gf and i dont know what to do because i know she hates me and would never even talk to me. what should i do? should i try and talk to her or apoligize? or just let my feelings go and forget about it?

sorry for getting back to you so late! I've been busy, but I hope i can still help you!
If you dont get along with your current gf, break up with her. theres no point in being unhappy with a person you dont really want to be with.
and if you honestly miss your ex gf talk to her. how do you know she hates you? maybe she doesnt. youll never know if you dont find out, right? like think about it this way, whats better: to not say anything at all to your ex and wonder for the rest of your life if that couldve changed anything and just keep wondering what would have happened if you did actually talk to her OR say something to her, talk to her, reach out and then you wont ever have to wonder about the "what ifs" ... but those are your only two options.
just keep in mind that apologizing is always a great start!
my inbox is always open, lemme know how it goes! good luck ! xxo.

I am 9 years old can I have sex

No.
Plain and simple.

So ive been meeting this lad for nearly a year nw. I really like him and ive asked him to go out with me but he says no because he isnt a happy person and doesnt want to hurt me. Ive tried to stop meeting him but I cant. What should I do?

I know that you like him but you can't force him to go out with you. Give him some time and maybe he'll come around, but for now you have to do what's best for him, and ultimately you, and leave him alone. He old you straight up that he doesn't want to be with you because he's an unhappy person.. All you can do is be there for him, tell him you'll wait for him (if you want to) for a little bit but not forever, that you could make him happy, but that you'll let him be until (if) he ever comes around to the idea of being with you.
Hope I helped ! Good luck, xxo

hello,
i have been dating my bf for 10 months now and when we were first together i fell for him very fast. without really getting to know each other we kind of jumped in a relationship. However, now i feel that everything he does kind of makes me mad, i dont think i made him work hard enough for me. he doesnt bring me flowers or take me out. things seem like theyve faded, im not as attracted to him and he gets on my nerves very easily. when i go out with the girls i love the fact that i can just forget about him and go have harmless flirtation with guys. i love my bfs family and friends, they mean so much to me and i really dont want to lose them. I still love him but the spark isnt there i feel and he has a full time job so in the nights he wants to hang out but im going to school and i need to do my home work and he doesnt understand. i think i am over thinking everything so i need someone elses help ! please!!!
thanks

You fell out of love.
You still love him but you are no longer IN love with him. There is a very big difference between the two terms.
Even though you still care about him and love him, you don't feel the Ashe way you used to. If you want what's best for the both of you, you should highly consider ending it and just remaining friends. I understand how you feel, this happens a lot. You're not alone.
All of the signs are there: he annoys you easily, gets on your nerves for doing like nothing wrong, you're not physically attracted to him like you used to be, you innocently flirt with guys but its still flirting which means your boyfriend is not on your mind, you want to forget about him when you're out with friends, being with him feels like a chore, the spark is gone, etc.
you know what you have to do because its what's fair to both of you. Right now, you probably just need to experience different people and who knows what can happen in the future. But yes, this relationship, right now is toxic. And I know you don't want to lose his family, so just keep things civil, don't let it get out of hand. But put yourself in his shoes, if this was turned around, wouldn't you want him to break up with you rather than string you along and be miserable ?
Good luck ! Hope I helped, xxo.

same guy lol. what would you do if you had an ex that things ended very badly and he tried reaching out to you again to apoligize?

Well, that's happened to me.. My most recent ex still tries to screw with me and my relationship, he's still very immature and I honestly don't ever think about him and I don't even hate him because hes nothing to me. But I guess it really would depend on the situation. I'm in an unbelievably great relationship with a fantastic guy and I love him :) so i guess i have my ex to thank for that one or id still be stuck with a psycho. but I guess if he ever did reach out to me, id hear what he had to say cause I'd be the bigger person but it doesn't mean I'd respond, he doesn't deserve my forgiveness. However, I don't know your situation, so I can't really say what your ex would do, every situation is different, I can help you if you explained more...

i was the guy about my ex and how i still miss her when i see her, we dated for 2 years and now we dont even talk, at all. i feel like if i try and reach out to her she will just tell me to leave her alone. i see her all the time driving around town but im afraid to call her or try and reach out to her. im not real sure what i should do, i have a girlfriend and for some reason i only think about my ex and she alwsys comes up in conversation and my friends say i get all happy when her name comes up, even if my new girlfriend is with me. i wish i could turn back time and fix what happened but im not sure what i should do. any help?

2 years is a long time.. Why do you feel like she will tell you to leave her alone if you ever try to reach out to her ? I think you should try.. You obviously feel strongly about this, and it will just bother you until you try.. Like, the not knowing what could have happened if you did.. You should ease your mind. Life is abbot taking risks.. What bad could come from just talking to her and apologizing for what happened ? Nothing. It will make you feel better. Let me know what you decide !

im so afraid to talk to my ex again, he ended it 3months ago after nearly a year and we didnt really end on good terms..
I just wish he knew what i feel for him, i ran back to him like 3 times and he rejected me he said that the best thing was for us to forget eachother even though its not easy.

I don't even know if i should? maybe its a bad idea, i dont want to humiliate myself again..

also i feel that i want to start dating but i dont know if im actually ready.

by the way im 18/female

It is not worth it.
youre still so young and you have your whole entire life ahead of you.. which includes the TONS of guys out there. hes not the only guy on the planet, and hes not the only guy you will ever like again, i promise you that, but you have to give yourself a chance to find someone else.
If hes saying that its best you both just stay away from eachother, than hes saying it for a reason. He doesnt want to be with you.. and thats not to say in the future at some point, you both wont cross paths again and reignite the flame you once had, but you cant hold your breath for that "maybe" moment either.
I know this isnt what you want to hear, but he isnt waiting around for you, and hes not coming back to you over and over again. hes also not trying to contact you, and he keeps, as you say, rejecting you.. than hes making himself very clear to you.. his feelings are no longer there. he even told you straight up that you need to forget him and that he needs to forget about you. and that doesnt mean you wont ever corss his mind, he cant just erase you, but he doesnt want to be with you.
you deserve to find someone who WANTS to be with you and makes a valiant effort to do so. dont keep going back to him, push yourself farther and farther away. talk to other guys. occupy your time with friends and family.. have fun. like i said, youre young and you will find someone else. i know right now you dont think youre ready, but give it time, and patience.. you will be ready in no time.
break the pattern, try for someone new and youll be much happier :) i promise, trust me. xxo.

I need you guys to help me.I have a boyfriend who I love very much;he's my baby and the reason I'm happy everyday. Then,why do I feel attracted to other men as well?Since me and my boyfriend have very good sex.Last week,I was at my best friend's house and when he approached me to hug me,I felt sexually aroused when he pressed his body against mine:( This isn't correct.I know it,but I just don't know how to make it stop.Help?Thanks!!

Just because you love your boyfriend, doesnt mean that being in a relationship right now with him is the best thing for you. If you're thinking about having sex with other guys, especially a friend of yours that you have physical contact with, than you need to re-evalutae what you want right now. I know that you WANT to want your boyfriend, but you cant force your feelings towards other guys to just go away. You might need to just go on a break for now, and test out the waters with other people, get it out of your system, really get to know yourself and explore other options or other feelings you are having. because lets put it this way, if your boyfriend was in your position and he had these feelings towards one of his female friends or any girl in general, you wouldnt be happy.. but you also wouldnt know, and i think thats the part that would hurt you the most. You need to be honest with him, because im sure thats how you expect him to be with you, right ? and if you love him, youll love him enough to do this for him.. maybe even love him enough to let him go. Putting yourself in his shoes, its probably in his best interest if you just break it off for now.. not saying that it has to be concrete, but wandering eyes and feelings are never a good thing in a relationship, especially keeping it a secret because sooner or later it will surface, and then everything will be a big mess. You definitely dont want that.
Maybe you could even talk to him about it, or talk about your feelings. maybe hes not pleasuring you in a physical way anymore.. so you could try different things in that respect (and talk to him about this)
there is no quick fix to this, you really have to sit down, take a deep breath, and think about why youre thinking these things about other guys. youre not a horrible person, and youre not TRYING to hurt him, because I can tell its hurting you that youre even thinking these thoughts. just dont act upon them unless youre single. you could wait a couple weeks to see if these feelings just go away and it was a temporary phase, but if not, I would definitely talk to your boyfriend about how youre feeling or just ask for a break. theres not much else you can do sweetie, i know its rough, but youve got to do whats right for not only you, but your boyfriend too.
good luck ! xxo.

14/f
I was wondering if guys like it when you kiss them very very softly .. I know if I was a guy it would tempt me to kiss harder

Also do they like it when your thumb rubs their hand while your holding hands?

yes and yes.

if hes attracted to you.. he'll like any sort of contact with you.

xxo.

me & my boyfriend been togather for almost a year , i realy love him . im suppr compfortable with him . he wants to hae sex. and im nervous about it .
idk why . maybe i feel to young(im not 13 or anything) ? or my parents will find out . or it will hurt . and im super scared of getting pregnate . but forsure we will use protection and hes not presuuring me ? i make the descison that i will do it , but thenwhen we r alone i chicken out . what should i do ?

I totally understand what you're going through.
Sometimes, you have to just conquer your fears and go for it. You've been with him for a while, so you know that he is dedicated and committed to you, so that's always a big relaxer, but what you need to do is sit down with your boyfriend and have a legit, serious, long talk about why you're afraid to have sex. Don't hold back. It'll make you feel 100 times better if you let him know about EVERYTHING. Tell him you're scared it will hurt, if you want to stop he will, you're scared of the consequences that could occur like pregnancy and your plan, god forbid, if it does happen. Talk to him about how you feel ready but you chicken out, and m sure he will ease your mind. Communication will definitely help you a lot. But also do some research on sex and people's first times ... Even though everyone is different, it's the unknown that scares us the most, so knowing other people's stories kinda helps. But talking to him will most def help :) even if you have, keep talking so you can reassure yourself and then you'll be more likely to go through with it.
Good luck ! xxo.

hi! I am 18/f years old and i was reading your column and you seem like a really level headed girl so i was wondering if you could answer some questions for me so i can compare it to my relationship (i dont know if im in the right one) thank you for your time!

1. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? if you do, how long have you known this person
2. do you think relationships have flaws?
3. do you get angry easily with people?
4. how do you know a relationship is the right one?
5. why do i feel like i cannot trust my boyfriend when he never gives me a reason not to trust him? can i fix this?
6. i want my boyfriend to treat me like a princess, and i want him to buy me lots of stuff and pay for everything.. is this wrong? how do i get him to do this?

THANK YOU!

sure ! :]

1. yes, i do have a boyfriend. uhm, I've known him for what feels like FOREVER haha, but its been like five months, give or take.
2. yes ! no relationship is perfect. NO RELATIONSHIP. flaws are aprt of life. we're all human, sooo itd be beyond abnormal if my relationship didnt have flaws. I mean, theres not even a lot, but everyone has baggage.
3. hmmmm, not really. i mean, i have a short temper with some things, but for the most part, im pretty chill.
4. you just know. like, after a while of being with the person, its not a question you ask yourself. it just comes naturally and easily and it just feels right. like, if it felt wrong, youd know. and if you have to constantly question how you feel, than its not the right relationship for you. (besides the factor of abuse and all of that if there is any, than GET OUT. its not right on any level.)
5. maybe you have trust issues. i can relate. were you hurt by someone before ? did anything significant happen before in your life that has affected you with trusting people ? if not, it can just be a fear you have. everyone has their "fears" and such. its pretty normal. some people are too trusting, others are not trusting enough. and yeah, you can fix it. communication is key. let your boyfriend know how you feel and that you have trust issues but that its not his fault and that youre working on it... and then actually work on it. FORCE yourself to trust him even when everything in you is telling you not to. he deserves your trust if he hasnt done anything. relationships are based alot on trust.. its basically the foundation. so push yourself.
6. uhm, well, this is not how i view relationships. like, at all. yeah, you both should treat eachother right, but it should be pretty equal with this stuff. in my oppinion, it is wrong. how would you feel if he wanted you to treat him like a king and do everything you just said..... ? yeah.. not so good. soooo uhm, im not going to tell you how to get him to do this.. sorrrrry !
hope i helped ! xxo.

Okay so me and this guy i have a thing with were on the couch and we cuddled madeout he even took my bra off and we touched each other and stuff but we didnt really do anything... he never got a boner through any of that amd i was womderinf if he should have. Is it bad that he didnt did i do something wrong and how can i make him get on next time?

Are you absolutely positive that he didn't have a boner ? If you are, than it is possible that he does not get aroused very quickly or easily. You didn't do anything wrong, you're perfectly fine. You can try to do what you did again, and if you notice that e doesn't get an erection for a second time, maybe ask him what e likes and dislikes and then try it out. (as long as you're being safe) let him tell you what turns him on. He might just be really nervous or self conscious which could e a reason why it won't go up. Be patient and talk it out.. Communication is key ! :) also another tip, try biting his neck gently.. A lot of guys enjoy that.
Hope I helped, xxo !

Ok so I met my boy friend when I was 15 just abot to turn 16 and anyways I fell inlove, I know it maybe puppy love but it didnt feel like it at the time, anyway about 5 months into our realation ship I had a "best friend" who came over everyday without fail and i use to ask him why he always sent me to like the shops or constantly saying oh go see your family, iv now been with him almost 3 years and it turns out that 6 months straight in our realationship he had been cheating and he always used to flirt with all my friends, now that hes scared of losing me he says he loves me, whats your honest oppinion?? What do I do it plays over in my mind 24/7 and always in my dreams :"( oh and im now 18

I understand how you feel. I've been cheated on numerous times and I made the mistake once of forgiving him, and then in my next relationship it happened again. Once a cheater, always a cheater. There is no excuse for cheating, and just because he says he loves you, doesn't really mean that he actually means it because if he loved you like he says he does and that he doesn't want to lose you, he wouldn't have been cheating on you in the first place and he wouldn't have been flirting with your friends. There are plenty of fish in the sea and I think it's about time you started fishing. It's going to be on your mind for a while, but in reality, you'll never be fully happy or able to trust him completely, if at all, ever again. It's better to move on, you're still young and you have your whole life ahead of you, don't waste it on someone who doesn't appreciate you. All you can do is let the pain come, talk to your friends, vent, maybe even seek out a therapist, cry, eat chocolate, go out and have fun... The dreams will eventually stop, and wanting him will fade too, trust me, know. Youre not alone and you dont need him, I just takes some time. Don't worry, :)
Hope I helped, xxo !

so i have a new girlfriend but i still miss my ex, we ended on really bad terms but everytime i see her in town i end up missing her more and more. im pretty sure she hates me with a passion, what should i do? try talking to my ex or just leave the feelings alone?

If you still have feelings for your ex and you guys ended on extremely bad terms, then maybe you should reach out and talk to her. It's never too late to make things better and if you can't get her off your mind, maybe she's supposed to be there. I could help you more if you told me what happened, so shoot me a message, my inbox is always open !
Hope I helped, xxo :)

i am nine and a girl
i want to have sex with someone who is nine as well but im not sure what to do i try not to think about him but i cat help it hes so cute and hot
i think he likes me and i want to get into a realashionship with him some one hel i just wanted to be i love with him but now im too far in love i just want to have sex with him and do all the other stuff please help wat should i do

I would highly, and I mean HIGHLY, suggest not having sex. If you really are nine years old, that is wrong on so any levels. It is dangerous and nine year olds are not supposed to be even thinking of having sex. Just don't act on your emotions right now, take a deep breath, and just go play on a playground or something... Enjoy your youth and do not have sex right now. Just don't.
Hope I helped ! xxo

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