dwarp's advice column | dwarp's Advice About Love Life

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Q: what are some things i can do to make my guy hard without acting like a slut...we make out alot and everything but what gets a guy hard? thanks

Do you touch his penis? I mean...that's really the best way to get him hard is physical contact. Especially if it's not specifically ON the penis but around that area. Like, kiss his hip bones and swirl your tongue around it. Also try whispering things in his ear, kissing his neck, use your tongue wherever you feel comfortable. He'll like it.

Q: My boyfriend and I are constantly getting into debates about everything, especially religion and politics. We usually don't get that worked up, but I'm afraid it's going to do our relationship damage in the long-run. Is debating normal? Or should we avoid doing it in case we start fighting and potentially ruin our relationship? Do other people have experience with this...?

16/f

I think this is actually a good thing, although maybe not to the extreme it seems you are getting to. It seems to me that perhaps you are being slightly too wary about this, you shouldn't avoid having an intelligent discussion in case you start fighting! That's just dumbing your relationship down! It's a good thing that the two of you are able to carry on conversations with differing opinions, but if you or your boyfriend start to get a little aggressive, you should just "agree to disagree". Tell him exactly how you are feeling, that these talks are interesting, but you are scared of them getting over the top. Overall, I think it is wise that you continue these conversations, but if they start to get a little more argumentative than sharing of opinions, quickly end the discussion and move on to something less controversial.

Q: my boyfriend and i have been together for a year nnow, i love him so much. but my problem is i have had dreams that ive been making out[and more] with guys (that i know like me) and in my dreams i feel happy when i cheat, but when i wake up i feel horribl. anyone know what is going on?
15/f

You're probably just enjoying the attention that the other guys give you. Most likely, they are on your mind a lot because having somebody like you can actually be a stressful thing. Also, subconciously you are wondering what it would be like to date another guy. A year is a long time to be dating somebody when you're fifteen, so your mind is thinking about change. I'm not saying you should break up with your boyfriend though, not at all! I'm saying it's more...human nature..for you to dream about other guys that like you if you've been going out with the same guy for a year. It's the guilt you feel when you wake up that's important, because that shows that you truly want to be with your boyfriend!

Q: Hey. Okey so i tried typing this into a online translator but the sentence gets all screwed up..and it's not like its a homework or anything..i want to let this guy i like know that i like him. And you said you know french soo.. Anyway i thought it would be cute to do it in french since that's how we met..he was tutoring me :) anyway this is hwta i'd like translated : Iäm writing to let you know that i can't stop thinking about you. You are constantly on my mind. You are a unforgettable person with an amazing personality. I'd never be able to describe what i like about you..because that would take me forever.
Can you translate that?
THANK YOU soo sooo sooo incredibly much.

Here's my translation of it. I changed it a little bit so that it would make sense in French, but here you go. (I'll write it literally underneath)

Je l'écris pour te dire que je ne peux pas arrêter penser de toi. Je te pense toujours. Tu es un garçon inoubliable avec une personnalité incroyable. Je ne pourrais jamais te décrire... parce que cela prendrait une vie.

I'm writing you this to tell you that I can't stop thinking of you. I think of you always. You are an unforgettable boy with an incredible personality. I will never be able to describe you.... because that would take a lifetime.

Write back if you have any more questions!

Q: I'm in a long distance relationship and am only 18. I believe deep in my heart that this person is my future husband, but how do I keep it strong with being so far apart? We really love eachother however, things are just getting difficult between work and school. Any suggestions?

Set a time every few nights or so to call each other, that way you know you'll be able to reach the other person. Visit as much as possible, and if things get tough, take a break from your relationship. It may make him realize how much that phone call from you means to him. If you really love each other, not seeing each other for a period of time won't make a dent in your relationship. Sure, it might drive you crazy, but that shows you two are still in love.

Q: I need to know if my husband is cheating.I am 23 and he is 20. We have a 4 month old son and have been married almost a year. He is working out of state( In Florida and I'm in Texas) and living with a bunch of his single friends. We had been having problems even before he left, but since he got there we have been fighting constatntly over the phone.If he decides he's done talking he will hang up and either turn his phone off or just ignore my calls and text messages. He always seems to be busy (working, eating, showering, going to the gym,ect.) There are times when I can't get a hold of him and he tells me he left his phone in the other room. We had an argument and he truned his phone off all night. I recieved a text message to my phone the next morning that read" sorry about last night. My baby's mom was calling all night so I turned my phone off." He claims it was his friends playing a joke and that they did teh same thing to another guy too. However, He was not even angery about it. He seemed to not care at all. Of course he denied cheating. That same day I discovered pictures of naked girls dancing on a bar on his phone while online. He says his brother took them because he didn't have a camera phone. What should I think? Is he cheating? How can I catch him when he's so far away? Your advice would be greatly appreciated.

I don't think cheating is the problem, it may or may not be a factor in your relationship, but the main problem here is that you aren't really communicating. Find a time to call him and have a talk about how you feel like he could be cheating on you and how you never see him anymore. Most problems can be solved with better communication skills and I think this is probably one of them. Don't make it sound accusatory, he will only get angry if you make it sound like everything is his fault, tell him it's probably just a miscommunication, but you feel like there is something wrong. If he gets angry over a simple discussion about your problems then it makes me wonder why you two got married in the first place if you can't communicate at all.

Q: okay. i like this really hot guy. and we flirt everyday. and i think he likes me. And i DEFIENTLY like him!!!! should i tell him???
and if i should HOW??

Well, if you don't tell him, you're never going to get anywhere. If you aren't afraid of losing a friendship with him, tell him how you feel. If you only like him because he's hot then chances are your relationship isn't going to last very long. So I suggest thinking about this carefully, do you really want a relationship, or do you just want a hot guy to show off to all your friends? If you answered the last one, think about whether or not he is superficial enough to care about how you really feel.

Q: 15 F

My problem is I'm not sure how to act around guys that like me. I have had only 2 guys that have told me they like me and both times I've kissed those guys.
Like I'll meet them at a dance, and we slow dance I have no problem talking and being with the guys but after the song ends I don't know how to act. If I see the guy later and he is around me I will just look up and smile and nod my head...I had a guy thinking that I was some exchange student because thats all I did. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally outgoing and friendly. I love to be around guys but I never know how to act with guys that like me because 1. I don't have much experience and 2. I'm nervous.
Normally I only crush on guys and never even think that there is a guy watching me, so when that happens I'm at lost.
What would be some good ways for me act NORMAL around guys that like me?

Just think of this, if they like you, then you must have something all the other girls don't. Show confidence in yourself because that's probably what they liked about you in the first place.If you're confident and know that you are better than all of those other girls, they will see that in you and it will also give you the courage to walk up to them and strike up a conversation. If you talk to them more, you'll start to be friends with them and maybe decide if you like them or not.

As for the experience thing, the only way to get more experience is to have more experiences. So take every chance you get to get to know the guys that like you, because it may lead to a relationship! If they're walking in the hall, ask them how their weekend went, or talk about something that has to do with the way he knows you. (ie: if he met you in band, talk to him about band and eventually lead to other topics)

Hope I could help!

(Remember, Flaunt it if you got it!)

Q: hey i don't like kissing...i mean i hate it the last time i made out with a guy was a long time ago and i had been with him for 2 years so i was really comfortable with him.. now i feel like i'm gonna have forgotton how to do it and make a fool of myself..i really like my boyfriend and he asked me why i wont make out with him...idont' know what to do ..please help

Kissing is like riding a bike. Once you do it, you can't forget how. The only way to get better at it is to practice, and if, by some freak-out, your boyfriend tells you that you are a bad kisser just say, "Yeah, but I'm practicing." or something to that effect. Practice makes perfect, so it'll make him want to kiss you more.

Q: A friend of mine likes my boyfriend. But she is going out with his best friend(we can call him Lee) She says she loves Lee but then tells other people she Loves my boyfriend and just likes Lee.. shes ubsessed with my boyfriend and flirts with him constantly in front of me.. how do i make her realize shes dating Lee not my boyfriend

State it bluntly. She's lying to both of them either way. If she really cares about your boyfriend (and who knows, it's entirely possible that she does!) then it's recommended that she break up with Lee because otherwise she's just lying to him about her feelings and being a jerk. And if Lee and your boyfriend are best friends, he'll be pretty mad at her for leading him on. Don't take it from the perspective of his boyfriend, but as her friend. Tell her the same thing you would tell anyone in that situation, 'if you don't have feelings for him, don't go out with him'.

If jealousy is another component, realize that your boyfriend chose YOU not her. Talk to her about how uncomfortable it makes you feel to have her flirting with him right in front of you and ask her nicely if she will stop because he's your boyfriend and you don't appreciate that in your friendship.

Q: my b/f and i have been together for a month and last weekend he already had plans (he really did) then he felt guilty for not being with me then when i asked him what he was doing that day. then yesterday, i asked him what him what he was doing tomorrow (today) and he already had plans to spent the night at friends house. the excuse is legit but i really want to spend time with him. today, we would be going to see a movie with a bunch of friends so should i invite his friend too? (i know him and im alright with him going) or should i just let him go and not do anything with him? i need to know soon! thanks in advanced!

Invite his friend if you feel that it will stop your boyfriend from going. The key to every relationship is communication, and if you stop hanging out you are never going to go anywhere in your relationship. Trust me, I know this from past experience. You'll start making friends with other people and see less and less of your boyfriend. So every chance you get to do something that you think he might like, invite him. Remember, you're dating him because you want to spend MORE time with him, right?

Q: What do you do if you find yourself more and more each day, liking a guy who does not believe in God? I am a christian and I have my morals, standards and beliefs and he doesn't meet my number one standard which is believeing in God and having a relationship with him but, on the other hand, I am so drawn to him I can't help it.He's a really great guy but should we just stay friends and nothing more?

Use it as a project. Try and teach him about God while having a fun relationship. He may try and pull you down with him, but if you are strong in your faith it will give him a good impression of you. Do you have a youth group at your church? If so, bring it to him sometime and maybe he'll be able to learn about Christ in a fun atmosphere. Don't give up on him just because he's not a Christian yet. He may come around in time with your help. Who knows? God may be leading you to him for that reason!

Q: well im 15 and i dated this guy about a year ago and we broke up cuz he cheated on me. well not physically but he talked to sum girl over the phone told her he loved her and mad panns to hook up with her..while we were going out.(which never actually happened)..well its been about a year...we stayed friends but not very close..and he wants to go bac out...should i try again or let him go?..he broke my heart once do u think he wll do it again? is he telling th truth that he really care...or does he just want sex? why did he wit so long?...theres so much that i dont understand..help plez

Why don't you tell him you'd rather get to know him more as a friend. The problem with your previous relationship was probably that you didn't know each other very well, so things were awkward between the two of you. That way you can judge his personality more. If he truly likes you, he'll be willing to try and get to know you more first. If he doesn't then, sorry, but he's just trying to get in your pants. Getting to know him as a close friend will help you answer all of the questions you have right now. He's the only one who knows the real answers.

Q: My boyfriend and I started dating after an internet freindship of about 3 and a half years. This isn't the problem per se, but I think it has something to do with it.

The family is very close, so they knew quite a bit about me, including my somewhat dysfunctional family (My father's an alcoholic). Add in the major class differences (we're low working class, his parents are filthy rich corporate lawyers) and you have a huge problem on your hands.

Apparently I remind his father of his ex wife, his mother thinks my boyfriend is in too deep and I'm going to get pregnant (Considering we both practice abstinence, highly doubtful), and his sister thinks I'm an idiot because of the writing style in my journal (Apparently I'm not New York enough or something?).

Especially after my family and I sat down with them, his mom (who was basically in total control) was a completely polite ice queen. It was very uncomfortable for everyone involved because they kept talking to my father and being very lawyer-ish about everything.

I feel like they've unjustly made an opinion of me from that one failed meeting, and I have no idea how to fix things, because they want nothing to do with me. I feel really rejected and this is gnawing at me like crazy. What should I do?

Be as nice as you can to them. No matter how they act toward you, be friendly and cheerful. If they're throwing insults at your or something, commpliment her on her sweater. Be as nice as possible and eventually they'll be baffled into liking you. Bring over some flowers every time you come, or try to bond with his sister,(despite what she has come to think about you). I'm sure this will work!

Q: I have a friend that is a boy. His name is Marco and he is really nice. We e-mail each other, and I sit in back of him in language arts and social studies. I really would like to hang out with him, but I don't want to tell him that. WHAT SHOULD I DO?????

desprate 4 help

What do you mean by hanging out with him? If you want him to be a friend, just invite him to go with a bunch of your friends to a movie or arcade or something. If you honestly don't want him to know you consider him a friend...I don't really see the problem there.

If you seriously like him, I suggest doing the same thing as wanting him to be a friend. Get to know the person he is outside of school and hang out with him as a friend more if you're afraid of telling him. After awhile, you'll become more comfortable around him and be able to talk to him about your feelings.

Q: okay, this guy likes me (im pretty sure) and i want him to ask me out, but hes too shy, obviously, so how do i get him to ask me out soon?

Ask him out yourself. Obviously, if he's really shy, you won't get him to ask you out soon. Perhaps you have to be the daring one in this situation and be the first to make a move. This shows that you like him too, and you are committed to the relationship. Why not ask him if he wants to go see a movie over the weekend? That way you won't make him feel awkward if he doesn't like you, because you could go as friends, but since you think he does like you, he'll definitly accept and then maybe he'll work up the nerve to ask you to be his girlfriend. (I'm not sure what "going out" means to you, but I think it's a little different than dating sometimes)

Q: Hola. I was the one complaining about the immaturity of people (teenagers) when it comes to dating. Ah, yes. Looking at it now, I realize I was not asking for advice. But, more of people's opinions. Which, when people give advice they use their own opinions, right? I think it fits. Hmmph. I don't know. Bye bye.

Yes, it does fit. I completly agree with your opinion as well! It's more of a rant than anything, but it's a good topic.

Q: Ok, I'm only 16, and maybe I'm just being stupid. And maybe some of you will think I'm just bitter because I'm single. But, it's not that I'm bitter or jealous. I just don't understand why people my age so immature about relationships? I mean, they post everywhere on the internet about how "hot" their boyfriend/girlfriend's are. And it's like, if they're going to post something about them, then why not post about the things that REALLY matter? Like, for instance, how: funny, brilliant, and/or talented they are. I just don't get it. I mean, one day, they're going to be old and wrinkly, and def. not hot. But, they will be more funny, brilliant, and/or talented. And, I'm not saying a physical attraction isn't needed, because it is. But, why is it that most people are so pathetically consumed with the things that are the least important in relationships? Ahhhh. Some days, I wish I weren't 16.

I agree with you completely. I'm afraid I don't see the advice you're asking for here, but I must say I agree. We live in a world where people throw around the word "love" and go out with each other just because they fit into the same social class. Kids are starting to date earlier and earlier, just so they can be popular. And this gives them a sense of immaturity toward relationships. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't grow out of this phase. I've always prefered personality over looks, however, I've only had a few boyfriends. Perhaps we just aren't seeing it the way the rest of the world is. *rolls eyes*

Q: how can i tell a boy i like him (he is my neighbor)with out anyone finding out like his mom cuz she doesnt liek him having any girlfriends or stuff like that and she doesnt want me ot tel him that i like him cuz she says that we are"good friends right now"

Maybe she's right. If she thinks he's not ready for a girlfriend, he might not be. Just ask yourself if you think losing a friendship is worth telling him you like him.

If you think that telling him is the best thing to do, I suggest you just be blunt about it. Tell him when his mom's not around. Just say, "Hey..I sort of like you.." and see how he reacts. That's the only thing I would suggest doing. Writing notes or having your friends tell him makes things really complicated and it seems childish, which is definitely something you don't want.

Q: okay. one of my best guy firends...yeah...i think im falling for him. ive been thinking about this for the past 3 months. we're really close and i really love spending time with him. my school's semi formal is coming up and id really REALLY like to ask him.
but i have some issues.
a) i dont want to ruin a quality friendship by throwing "love" into the mix
b) I dont know how to "ask" guys out. im just not really "into" the whole guy thing...WHTA THE HELL DO I DO????
c) how do i even know if he likes me? what are some hints that he would drop? because my friends are pretty sure that he feels the same way about me as i do about him. but im just not sure!!

HELP!

My friend did this one thing to ask a girl he likes to homecoming. He left a note in her locker saying "Come to Starbucks after school" and he was waiting for her there with a red rose and a yellow rose. Being the romantic person he was, he gave her this mini-speech about how the yellow rose symbolizes friendship, while the red symbolizes romance. Then he asked her if she'd like to go to homecoming with him as a friend or a girlfriend by picking a rose. She picked the red! Try something cute like that. That way it's a desicion both you make. You're always going to have the risk of losing a friend through a stronger relationship, but if you feel that's a risk you're willing to take, I'd say, "Go for it, sista!"

bio

Hiya! I'm dwarp. A crazy 19 year old from Chicago with too much time on her hands.I started this column when I was about 14, I think and I keep coming back. My friends tend to come to me for advice, so I've gotten pretty good at answering most problems. I'm a crazy Greek vegetarian, and yes, I have seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding. It's exactly like my family, so I am really great at answering questions about insane families. I study political science and international studies and I like to learn languages. I speak English, French, German, a bit of Greek, and I'm learning Italian next semester. I've had lots of weirdo love/sex-life experiences, so I'm pretty knowledgeable in that area. Ummm.....ask me anything!
Peace!