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My boyfriend's family hates me for no reason?
My boyfriend and I started dating after an internet freindship of about 3 and a half years. This isn't the problem per se, but I think it has something to do with it.
The family is very close, so they knew quite a bit about me, including my somewhat dysfunctional family (My father's an alcoholic). Add in the major class differences (we're low working class, his parents are filthy rich corporate lawyers) and you have a huge problem on your hands.
Apparently I remind his father of his ex wife, his mother thinks my boyfriend is in too deep and I'm going to get pregnant (Considering we both practice abstinence, highly doubtful), and his sister thinks I'm an idiot because of the writing style in my journal (Apparently I'm not New York enough or something?).
Especially after my family and I sat down with them, his mom (who was basically in total control) was a completely polite ice queen. It was very uncomfortable for everyone involved because they kept talking to my father and being very lawyer-ish about everything.
I feel like they've unjustly made an opinion of me from that one failed meeting, and I have no idea how to fix things, because they want nothing to do with me. I feel really rejected and this is gnawing at me like crazy. What should I do?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Er...do you know him in real life?
Anyway, he is the one that likes/loves you. They can't do anything about it. So ha? Be happy your with him while you can. Be polite to his family, no matter how nasty things get. Just like Anne Frank...
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If you havent talked to your boyfriend yet you better. Just confront his parents just come out and ask them. If they wont the best for there son they will learn to deal with you.
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Its called an internet dating, not to many parents are even fond of the idea.
Cspinoza1
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Be as nice as you can to them. No matter how they act toward you, be friendly and cheerful. If they're throwing insults at your or something, commpliment her on her sweater. Be as nice as possible and eventually they'll be baffled into liking you. Bring over some flowers every time you come, or try to bond with his sister,(despite what she has come to think about you). I'm sure this will work!
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Well the class issue shouldn't be one. An issue, I mean. and Do they know your father's an alcoholic? If not, they don't have to.
If you really feel like it could go better if reattempted (is that even a word?), then do try it again. His mother might have been having a bad day. It happens.
Did they actually say they want nothing to do with you? If they didn't you may be making assumptions, which is never good.
Maybe you should try going there without your parents once, and see if the situation improves.
This has never happened to me, so I'm not sure if this was helpful at all. I tried! Good luck with the whole thing. I hope it works out.
-Siren
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If you love him then that is what matters and try to explain what you feel to your family and his so at least they can tolerate each other
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Oh, ouch. This must be especially difficult for you because his family is so close -- if they weren't such a major part of his life, he could just tell them where to stick it. Well, I guess he could still do that, but you want to avoid a rift if at all possible -- in the end, families are important, and if you two see yourselves together long-term, you'll all have to find a way to get along.
How long have the two of you actually been dating? And how long has it been since you had that meeting? Because probably the only thing that's really going to bring them around is time: after you and your boyfriend have been together successfully for a while, they'll have a lot more incentive to accept you.
For the time being, I would keep it fairly low-key. Don't insist on another meeting right away. In the meantime, your boyfriend can quietly lay some groundwork: he might talk one-on-one to his father or mother or sister about the situation, he can occasionally drop nice statements about you into their conversations (for example, cool things you're doing now, ways in which you've showed strength in dealing with your dysfunctional family), etc. Right now, his family is expecting the worst from you -- but when the only thing that ever happens is that their son is, gasp, HAPPY, they may start to see things differently.
As things calm down, you guys can try another meeting, although I'd recommend that you keep it as small as possible -- don't bring your family, and, if you can manage it, meet with one of them at a time (maybe start with his sister?). It's probably going to be a fairly slow process, truthfully, before they're fully comfortable with you, but if they really love their son, they're going to respect you for treating him well.
(I'm assuming that you've talked all this over at length with your boyfriend, of course. If not, that's where you should start. He probably has more ideas about how to deal with them than you do -- they're his parents, after all, and this is even more his problem to deal with than it is yours.)
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