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Infidelity
I need to know if my husband is cheating.I am 23 and he is 20. We have a 4 month old son and have been married almost a year. He is working out of state( In Florida and I'm in Texas) and living with a bunch of his single friends. We had been having problems even before he left, but since he got there we have been fighting constatntly over the phone.If he decides he's done talking he will hang up and either turn his phone off or just ignore my calls and text messages. He always seems to be busy (working, eating, showering, going to the gym,ect.) There are times when I can't get a hold of him and he tells me he left his phone in the other room. We had an argument and he truned his phone off all night. I recieved a text message to my phone the next morning that read" sorry about last night. My baby's mom was calling all night so I turned my phone off." He claims it was his friends playing a joke and that they did teh same thing to another guy too. However, He was not even angery about it. He seemed to not care at all. Of course he denied cheating. That same day I discovered pictures of naked girls dancing on a bar on his phone while online. He says his brother took them because he didn't have a camera phone. What should I think? Is he cheating? How can I catch him when he's so far away? Your advice would be greatly appreciated.
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I thinkyou should try whatever you can tosolve your problems with him and go to counsiling TOGETHER.whatever you do try not to split up for your sake and your son's!!!
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I feel pain just trying to answer this question. Here's the deal, you guys aren't going to make it together living so far away. I'm not saying that long-distance relationships don't work, but you two need to be together during this very tumultuous time of your lives. Don't worry about the cheating for the moment. I'm serious, don't even worry about it, because saving the marriage is far more important at this time for your sake, for his sake, and for the sake of that baby. Tell him you two need to be together. If that means he comes back to Texas or that you go to Florida, it doesn't matter so long as you two are together. You two need to go to couples counseling as well, whether through a church or some other service it needs to be done. Whatever you do, don't pressure him or you might lose him from the sound of it. Just do what it takes to get you two together and your marriage back on track, I don't think you want to lose him now. Good luck, you will be in my thoughts. I really feel for you.
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I don't think cheating is the problem, it may or may not be a factor in your relationship, but the main problem here is that you aren't really communicating. Find a time to call him and have a talk about how you feel like he could be cheating on you and how you never see him anymore. Most problems can be solved with better communication skills and I think this is probably one of them. Don't make it sound accusatory, he will only get angry if you make it sound like everything is his fault, tell him it's probably just a miscommunication, but you feel like there is something wrong. If he gets angry over a simple discussion about your problems then it makes me wonder why you two got married in the first place if you can't communicate at all.
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anonymous -
I don't think there's a definite way to "catch him". I'm unsure of your relationship history so I'm not sure if my advice will be of much assistance.
Ask yourself these questions:
-why did he marry you?
-has he had a shady past of being a flirt?
-what kind of signs (other than the ones you provided) has he given that has pointed in the direction of cheating?
-is he a party guy?
I'm not sure how well you know him, so I can't really say. But from the information you provided, his behavior is indeed unacceptable. My opinion is that if he has been good to you 99% of the time you've been together with him, then I would trust him for the most part. But if he's been behaving like this for awhile, then yes, I would assume that he's cheating.
The only thing that lingers in my mind is if your husband is smart or not. Lol it sounds funny, but if a guy were to cheat on you, he'd be secretive about it. Why would he "accidentally" spill the beans to you repeatedly by leaving you suspicious text messages, having pictures of girls on his phone, basically leaving breadcrumbs for you to follow to bust him? If he were cheating, I'd say he would be the stupidest cheater out there.
Since he's acting immature, my advice would be to try (as hard as it will be) to "appear" not to care. Like a previous columnist said, turn the tables on him. Not like in a revenge sort of sense, but make him start to worry about you. Like if you don't pick up the phone or talk to him days at a time he'd realize sooner or later something is wrong. If he were a good husband, he'd either keep calling to see if you're alright or at least leave a voicemail to check up on your well being. And if he were cheating, or just didn't care, he wouldn't bother. That's the only way to find out for sure not if he's cheating, but if he's a good husband.
Good luck hun.
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I won't convict the guy but it doesn't look really good. I'd say he needs to do some growing up. If he was mine he would be quitting the road job and finding something closer to home where he could share the everyday responsibilities of raising a son. If he didn't want to grow up and do that...he would be history, screwing around or not.
Regardless of what he's up to on the road, your relationship sounds pretty shakey.I think your instincts are right.I don't think I'd even bother trying to figure it out for sure. This isn't much help I'm afraid. sorry.
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(sigh) you dont have to catch him, he is."my baby's mother"<- thats how he reffers to you? this is what I call a jerk and i really think you should let him go. you are both young and still have lives ahead of you. he might not be ready for commitment and thats why he is running around and cheating. he has plenty of oppurtunities with you out of state. Please dont wait to catch him in the act to leave him! you deserve better and you should look for someone willing to stay with you and only you.<3
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Based on what you know has happened, I don't think you have to catch him. I think it is obvious. He has many opportunities. How well do you know him. Why did you get married? Why is he working so far away. If your marriage were solid and he loved you he would find work close to home. He would never leave you and the baby. That is what a good husband and father would do. After all, you are vulnerable, and at the very least, may turn to someone else for companionship and comfort because you are lonely, why isn't he worried about that? I think it is because he only thinks of himself. He is very young and very immature. And sorry to say, he wasn't ready to get married and start a family. But now you have one. If there is any hope that your marriage can be saved, and your sanity.....you need to stop calling him altogether. Let him start to wonder. After all, if he is hell bent on cheating, or taking the opportinity whenever it comes, your frequent phone calls won't stop him. I don't believe his stories, I think you are right he would have been mad at his friends about putting him in an awkward position with you, instead he just explained it away with some lame excuse. Listen you KNOW how men act when they are in love......is he acting that way?????!?!?!?!
Not from what you tell me he is not. If you start to ignore him, he is going to start wondering what you are doing. It will be nice to have the tables turned on him. Don't be around when he calls either, and turn off your cell phone. And then have a friend send a sexy text message, to his phone "by mistake". and then give him the same lame excuse. Turn the tables on him honey. it will feel a lot better later, than feeling like a fool, which is what he is making of you.
I am sorry, but you AND the baby deserve better. He is not the only man in the world. Look for someone who adors you. Even if he is not the cutest guy in the world. AFter all, you can't even tell how cute your husband is, all the way in Florida, but of course the other girls can.
I hope this helps. Sorry for your troubles, Men suck honey,
Michele
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Why do you want to catch him cheating? If you think he's cheating, believe me he is! As a cheater and the wife of a big time cheater, I can tell you that the #1 rule of all cheaters is "deny, deny, deny". Ask yourself, do I truly love this man? Am I willing to put up with his infidelity? Does he really love me and yet is heartless enough to hurt me like this?
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Dear Reader,
Just go over to Florida and find out were he is without him knowing and if he is with someone else then He will be with her that night/day. Sorted!
Agony Aunt
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