I am an advice hound. I love to give advice, get advice, read advice columns. I love telling people what to do ; D
Truly, I have a love for people and an honest desire to see every individual excel and succeed in their personal lives, to shed themselves of as many burdens as possible and enjoy this strange and terrible and wonderful gift that is LIFE
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: advice guru and life coach
Member Since: June 9, 2009
Answers: 900
Last Update: February 5, 2012
Visitors: 32791
Main Categories:
Love Life
Families
Spirituality
View All
|
| |
|
I am a 20 year old female I have a 1 year old daughter with my boyfriend who is 22. We have been together 4 years. He now lives in another city where he is working 2 hours away. He has came to town twice & drinks partys with friends & misses his chance to see us. Then he goes back to work & starts telling me if I'm going to go out and/or cheat on him. He feels guilty & says he does love & miss us. I do not go out. When I am not working or at a class I am with my adorable smart baby girl. We are not on the same page at all. . Oh and ps. We want to move in together when my job ends in April (link)
|
Ok, let's break down what you've said:
1. He lives 2 hours away but rarely visits
2.When he does come he chooses partying and drinking over seeing his own daughter
3. Accuses you of doing awful things that just aren't true
4. Apologizes over and over but never does anything to change.
And you want to move in with him? what would you tell your best friend if she gave you the list you just wrote here?
|
Need advice
I just turned 22 years old very devoted Muslim girl. I am married with a wonderful husband. He works in IT and I am a stay at home mom who is on the internet much too often. I am pregnant now :) I was raised in Jordan. We went to a very good school and Quran school. I learned to memorize most of the Quran at a young age. This is the first time I am opening up about this and REALLY need your advice/
My parents sent me to this Quran boarding school for girls for 3 months out of the year every year since I was very little (I was the only one accepted out of my family. my brothers and sisters leaned from the Mosque). I learned a lot. You see I lost my father when I was young (12 years) and the man who headed and taught the school and his wife where very helpful in helping me heal in ways no one ever did!! I loved my father, he was the greatest man I ever knew. I have 2 brothersand 1 sister all younger than me.
But Abu, the school mater, that trained me—he and I were very close, even sexually in that school. It sounds strange but we kept it secret. He was a very kind man who really knew how to teach well –whatever. His wife was the one who gave me birth control pills to save my family and myself the shame. She said she did it for other girls to. I am very grateful to her for being a mentor and confidant. We kept our sexual relationship till until my family moved to the UK. But this is a shameful thing in my past I don’t talk to people about it but now I have to because it is killing me inside. If my parents found out I would be dead DEAD. I learned ALOT about my body and sex and i am grateful to have learned these things from Abu. it was an amazing sexual experiuence over all. When I got married I lied to my husband like many of the girls I know to say I was a virgin. Otherwise I would never get married. The strange thing is that it has not bothered me or haunted me like I hear on Oprah and others who had these experiences. I do not have ill feelings toward this man and his wife. They are people I still respect because of how ethical and kind they have treated my family through out the years. They paid for all my education and my brothers and sisters as well. They provided meals for us when my mother did not have enough, etc. When we see them as a family we just pretend this stuff never happened. I never bring it up and he or his wife never do. . I asked around if anyone else had my experience and no one would talk about it. It is a very shameful thing for a Muslim Arab girl to talk about these things!! But my aunt, who is about my age, opened up to me and told me she had similar experiences with this man. She is also married now with three children and wants to leave the past in the past. She begged me not to tell anyone about him and to just leave things as they are since we both went through it and we turned out “OK”.
Her daughter, Cameron, my niece she is now in Jordan with my family and they are sending her to the same school to learn the Quran. Abu is still teaching there. My sister said it is best to not talk about it and let her experiernece life and sex and everything else like we did. My friends tell me to expose this man. It would be devastating to our family to bring this news out about what he did with me and the other girls because of the shame factor. I would never bring that kind of shame on him, my family or my religion. I respect him. Am I weird and crazy?? But I don’t know what to do because now Cameron is there and my family did not think twice about sending her to that school because it has such a good reputation. My American friends tell me to make my sister take Cameron out of that school as soon as yestersay. I feel so mistrable because of what they tell me I am wicked. But my experience was good over all at that school. But they make me feel horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am depressed about this. I really want Cameron to learn from this very good school and Abu, but I don’t know what to do!! Please help me from going crazy…I don’t know what to do..i need help to think about this.
PLEASE respond to jjordan2011@mail.com
(link)
| |
If you are not getting the answer you want to this question maybe you need to consider that the answer you want is not the right answer. If everyone keeps saying the same thing, you need to consider that your thinking on this issue is wrong. You need help - you need a third party who can help you work through this. Find a counselor. You'll never regret it, I promise.
|
|
How do I have sex with a girl without my parents finding out ? (link)
| |
You wait until you're old enough to live in your own place apart from your parents...then you never have to worry about it.
|
I just turned 22 years old very devoted Muslim. I am married with a wonderful husband. He works in IT and I am a stay at home mom who is on the internet much too often. I was raised in Jordan. We went to a very good school and Quran school. I learned to memorize most of the Quran at a young age. This is the first time I am opening up about this and REALLY need your advice/
My parents sent me to this Quran boarding school for girls for 3 months out of the year every year since I was very little (I was the only one accepted out of my family. my brothers and sisters leaned from the Mosque). I learned a lot. You see I lost my father when I was young (12 years) and the man who headed and taught the school and his wife where very helpful in helping me heal in ways no one ever did!! I loved my father, he was the greatest man I ever knew. I have 2 brothers and 1 sister all younger than me.
But Abu, the school mater, that trained me—he and I were very close, even sexually in that school. It sounds strange but we kept it secret. He was a very kind man who really knew how to teach well –whatever. His wife was the one who gave me birth control pills to save my family and myself the shame. She said she did it for other girls to. I am very grateful to her for being a mentor and confidant. We kept our sexual relationship till until my family moved to the UK. But this is a shameful thing in my past I don’t talk to people about it but now I have to because it is killing me inside. If my parents found out I would be dead DEAD. I learned ALOT about my body and sex and i am grateful to have learned these things from Abu. it was an amazing sexual experiuence over all. When I got married I lied to my husband like many of the girls I know to say I was a virgin. Otherwise I would never get married. The strange thing is that it has not bothered me or haunted me like I hear on Oprah and others who had these experiences. I do not have ill feelings toward this man and his wife. They are people I still respect because of how ethical and kind they have treated my family through out the years. They paid for all my education and my brothers and sisters as well. They provided meals for us when my mother did not have enough, etc. When we see them as a family we just pretend this stuff never happened. I never bring it up and he or his wife never do. . I asked around if anyone else had my experience and no one would talk about it. It is a very shameful thing for a Muslim Arab girl to talk about these things!! But my aunt, who is about my age, opened up to me and told me she had similar experiences with this man. She is also married now with three children and wants to leave the past in the past. She begged me not to tell anyone about him and to just leave things as they are since we both went through it and we turned out “OK”.
Her daughter, Cameron, my niece she is now in Jordan with my family and they are sending her to the same school to learn the Quran. Abu is still teaching there. My sister said it is best to not talk about it and let her experiernece life and sex and everything else like we did. My friends tell me to expose this man. It would be devastating to our family to bring this news out about what he did with me and the other girls because of the shame factor. I would never bring that kind of shame on him, my family or my religion. I respect him. Am I weird and crazy?? But I don’t know what to do because now Cameron is there and my family did not think twice about sending her to that school because it has such a good reputation. My American friends tell me to make my sister take Cameron out of that school as soon as yestersay. I feel so mistrable because of what they tell me I am wicked. But my experience was good over all at that school. But they make me feel horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am depressed about this. I really want Cameron to learn from this very good school and Abu, but I don’t know what to do!! Please help me from going crazy…I don’t know what to do..i need help to think about this.
PLEASE respond to jjordan2011@mail.com
(link)
|
YOu are experiencing what we call here Stockholm Syndrome. You identify with your abuser. Heres a website to read up on it. You may recognize some things about yourself in there.
http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=167
But make no mistake, this man crossed a line, and broke the rule of any civilized society. A man does not have sex with a child. If it was not wrong, why do he and his wife go to such great lenghths to keep it a secret? The fact that she is aware he molests young girls is very disturbing as well. You think you were a willing partner for him, but in reality you weren't. You were young and impressionable. He took advantage. His treatment of your family sounds more like a bribe than true caring. He'll care for you and your family as long as you keep quiet. What do you think would have happened to him and his wife if you had become frightened and told someone? They wanted you to be quiet. It was part of the plan. Your niece is in danger there. She may not be so "pleased" to be this man's sexual partner as you were. But given the cultural issues you've described, she'll have no one to turn to for help. You are her only help. You are not wicked, but you are feeling bad because of what HE did, not because your friends don't understand. They do understand. you don't seem to understand. I strongly recommend you seek some private counseling so you can talk to someone openly and privately about this. It may help you think more clearly about the situation. You do need help. And so does your niece.
|
Okay I'll try to make this short.
My friend and I have been friends for about 2 years now. In late September of 2011 her husband, her and I engaged in a threesome, then another one a week later. I visit their house about 2-3 times a week. Ever since the threesome her husband has been really flirty with me (but never in front of her.)
He makes out with me in their house when my friend is in the other room, when she goes to the bathroom he takes his penis out and puts my hand on it. I've given him oral sex about 7 times since September, but never anything more.
Another thing he does is we chat on facebook and have pretty inappropriate conversations about sex and 'things we would like to do to each other.'
I want this to stop, after all, he is my Best Friends husband. I get that this isn't his fault, I am also involved. I'm just nervous to tell him that I want to stop, and I don't know how, so I guess that's what I'm looking for advice on. Also, I don't know whether or not I should tell her.
Has anybody ever been in a similar situation where they engaged in sexual activity with their friends partner? I get that what I have done is a VERY bad thing, now I'm just looking for advice on how to rectify the situation.
So... Do I tell her? and How do I tell him that I want to stop without messing up the friendship that he and I have?
Thank you.
(link)
| |
You messed up the friendship the day you agreed to a threesome. Now pandora's box has been opened. The only way to end this mess is to back off for a little while. Take yourself out of the picture. Stop Facebooking with the husband and stop going to their house. If your friends asks why you've suddenly pulled away be honest and tell her you feel uncomfortable about things between the three of you since your threesome. I feel pretty sure she has an idea something more is going on with you and her husband. She may not care. If she does care, she'll let you go for a while in order to give everyone space and time to let this ill-advised threesome to fade into just a memory.
|
|
I am a mature, single lady who is attracted to the man who owns the building where I have lived for almost two years. There is a bldg. manager so I never have to deal with him. We have said hello from time to time and I always felt the feeling was mutual. He is very successful and has four grown sons. He has always seemed to fight off any urge to get to know me. I have never seen him with any wife. Something is stopping him from seeing me. Perhaps his sons, or the fact that he is very wealthy might enter into it. I am very lonely and like him a lot. How can I get him to ask me for a luncheon date? (link)
| |
Next time you see him strike up a conversation. Don't linger too long. Just a few minutes. End the conversation before he does (always leave them wanting more!). Try something like "It was really great talking to you. I wish I had time to talk longer but I have to run. You should stop by for coffee later this week or next time you're in the building. It would be fun!" Casual, cheery and to the point. Remember, don't linger. You don't want him to sense that you are lonely. While its just the truth about your life right now, men can be turned off by women who seem too lonely...they may fear getting involved with someone who seems needy or desperate. Let him come to you. If he doesn't respond, then perhaps he just isn't interested, through no fault of your own. Sometimes the chemistry just isn't there, sometimes it is. I hope that it is for your sake, but if its not, consider joining some clubs/groups in your area that appeal to your interests. Its a great way to meet people who share your interests and get out more often. Good luck!
|
20/f
I was dating my now ex for almost a year but he ended up breaking up with me and breaking my heart. He was
the very first person i have ever really loved. He broke up with me and I ended up moving away cause things
just didnt work out to well for me. We talked and deciced that no matter what happened we would still be
best friends and always be there for each other. So my problem is we have been apart for a few months now but
i still really love him and would do anything to get him back and for a while he still really cared about me
but it seems like he is starting to care less and less about me and the last couple of weeks (i hate to say it)
he has been being a really big dick and huge jerk to me. he has made me cry every night for the last 2 3 weeks
and cause of it i have been getting very depressed so i dont know what to do any more. Should i stop talking
to him and try to move on with my life with out him, should i just give it some time and see how things go?
what should i do? i really love him and dont want to lose him and he is still my best friend and the only
person i can really talk to and trust but im afraid that im going to lose him. please help me. (link)
| |
Cut your ties and move on. You haven't been able to heal because you've had no distance from this situation. He's moving on and it is clear to him that you are not. That is causing strain in how he deals with you. Do yourself a favor and stop relating to him at all. This will be hard, but trust me..as time goes by it will get easier. You'll be able to heal and maybe you will be able to be friends one day in the future but not now. Pull away right now before things get any uglier. Let your heart heal. You deserve that.
|
|
Im a pastor and I have been married 19years but I started an emotional relationship as well as a sexual relationship with a young lady that I have been knowing quite somtime shes younger shes a member of my church and she has bee so supportive of my ministry and I feel as if I need 2 make a decision because I would 2 be with this younglady I ask my wife was she happy and she didnt answer me me and my wife dont even have sex Im still in the marriage for my kids but the affair has been going on for a year next month I just really see this younglady not being apart of my life I depend on her so much.help me! Im a 42 yr.old male (link)
| |
Proverbs says "Do not forsake the wife of your youth". That's Biblical. You are violating God's word and commandments (do not commit adultery). You need to end the affair, seek counseling with your wife and step down from your leadership position while you get right again. You and your wife can have a healthy, happy marriage again, but not without help and repentence. Forget the fantasy of this other woman being "the one" for you. She's supportive of your ministry but if you reveal to your congregation that you have been having sex with another woman and are divorcing your wife you won't HAVE a ministry. You need help. You are unable to think clearly about this situation. Imagine how this will devastate your children when they find out. You need to start thinking more about other people, and God, and less about your own feelings and wants.
|
|
Yeah, yeah, yeah another relationship problem but please read on... I really need some advice. Recently I've gotten back with my first boyfriend from when I was fifteen, I am now twenty-one. When I was fifteen it just didn't work because we were young, and so and so wanted to date someone else, the typical fifteen year old reasons. He was however my first childhood sweetheart and we shared our first kiss, first date, and a great six months together. Then we went our separate ways and didn't talk for about six years. Recently, a friend of mine set me up with him, why I agreed to it I don't know.... I guess because you always think of what could have been. I had just got out of a three-and a half year relationship six months prior to then, and kept being pressured from my friends it was time to move on, so I decided to give my first childhood sweetheart a chance. Now it has been six months, and I see things going downhill like they were then. We fight it seems just about everyday. We both work hard, and are college students. We never get time to see each other. On top of that, he works over nights, while I work days. Although I try to be considerate of this because I've worked overnights, he is always tired and never tries to make time for me like he did the first few months we started dating again. He says, "it's catching up to him..." Although I know he just sleeping, I think he should make time for me. Even if it is just a couple hours every few days. We live in the same town, only about 10 miles from each other. He insists that I should drive to see him if I miss him so much, but I've done that the past 3 times and now I think it's his turn to see me.... Ugh, I'll stop now. I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's not what I thought it would be. I'm not sure how to go about solving this problem. I've talked it over with him numerous times and it doesn't seem to sink into his head. I've already thought about ending it, but just can't bring myself to it. What I'm asking is, should I try to talk to him some more and if so, how should I broach the subject? If I should end it, what are steps to take to actually go through with it? Any input on this subject matter would be greatly appreciated... Thanks. (link)
|
Its always hard to realize that you're moving in a different the direction from someone you care about deeply. This is not odd at your age. You both have so much going on in your lives - school, work, other relationships. Its a lot to handle. Its completely understandable that you both are experiencing a lot of stress right now and aren't getting along. A relationship should be something that strengthens you and empowers you. It should be something that gives you rest, but you two are only stressing each other out. It sounds to me like its time for you guys to take a break.You tried..it just didn't work out. That doesn't mean that you will never find your way to each other again in the future, but for now this is much too stressful for you to be so young. It takes a mature person to realize that they are in a situation that isn't working for them. I think what's best for both of you is to move on for now. There are just too many obstacles right now for you guys to have a healthy relationship. And that's not bad..its just life. As to going through with it?..well, its never easy to end a relationship. I'm afraid there's no easy way out of this. But prolonging it will only make it harder, so the sooner you have an honest talk with your bf the better. Feelings will be hurt, that's only natural, but eventually you both will begin to feel better knowing that this was just not the time for the two of you.
Good luck.
|
|
My boyfriend and I were in a 6 year relationship before he passed away. A couple weeks after his passing I found out he was cheating on me with another women. I don't know much of what went on between them because he's not here to ask him. I don't know how long they had the relationship but it seemed from the messages I read it was pretty serious. I'm confused and I feel stupid because I thought we were perfect and nothing was wrong. What am I supposed to do? I'm grieving and the same time I hate him. I look at all the pictures of us and all I think of is him being a liar; I'm disgusted and disappointed in him. What do I do? How should I go about this? How should I feel? Female, 24 (link)
| |
This is a tough one. Not only are you grieving for a loss of a person but also for the loss of a relationship at the same time. I think you need to be able to move on, but you need a few answers to do that properly. Can you contact the other woman to ask her some questions? Or what about a friend of his that may have more information about the affair? The point is not to go picking fights but to find a way to get some closure. Think about this for a second. If you could contact the other woman what would you ask her? What could she say that would make you feel better? Can she make you feel better at all? Will you be better off after talking to her, or worse? Answer those questions to yourself before you take any action. If you conclude you would be better off contacting her, send a message and explain who you are and what you want. Don't get angry or defensive..you are trying to heal and your boyfriend was the cause of this pain, not the other woman. Sadly, he's not here to take your anger out on, but that doesn't mean you'll never have peace. You may not get all the answers you want but there may be something that can bring you some peace, so go to her with that attitude. I hope you find something that can help move you forward in all of this. If its an option at all, see about seeing a therapist for a little bit to help you sort through all these conflicting feelings. It will help. Good luck.
|
Hi I am a 33 year old man, and I'm currently long distance dating a 21 year old.
We have been dating for over a year. And we text all day an mainly text during the night...
I love her she been there for me threw thick and thin... We have so much in common, we can talk for hours an never get bored...
An a while ago I found out she been talking to her ex via- email, im chat and phone convos... An she was still telling him she loves him, she wants too be with him... etc etc...
So when I confronting her, she told me the truth that she had been talking too him, and having sex with her other ex...
I forgave her...
And 5 months roll by...
And her other ex from Texas came by...
She lied and told me she was seeing the Twlight movie, and she met up with him, and went mia all night...
I found out confronted her...
And she told me she did, and she just kiss him and that was it, but she was gone all night...
I forgave her because I didn't have proof that she went beyond kissing... An 2day she sent a strange text too me like it was meant really for someone else, saying that she could be at some place in twenty minutes, an i asked her who was that text to, an she said her little cousin...
i need help... please give me the best advice about this siuation, im confused. and I don't know if i can continue to trust her...
Ps: I cheated on her, but way in the beginning an i've changed drastic for her...
(link)
| |
You already know he answer to your question.YOu only asked it here hoping someone would confirm what you already know in your heart. Well let me add to the chorus. She's cheating. Leave. You may be missing someone really great by spending all of your energy on this cheating chick.
|
|
so my fiance paul is in a band and he said i cant go to any of his shows cuz of this girl emily. apparently paul reminds emily of her ex and seeing him happy with another girl will male emily sad. but paul said emily is gay ans she is married to a women but i found her bra on his floor. what do i do? i love paul so much and i dont want to lose him but i dont know if he is cheating (link)
| |
Paul is cheating on you. You already know that. You can stay and be used or go and spend some time figuring out why you are attracted to guys that put your feelings last.
|
|
i was friends with this guy, we had to separate countries, but still kept in touch with e mail. he visited me and then he invited me over so i went. He was really sweet in his e mails... until when i visited, i found out he has a girlfriend. He kept on denying it. Well there was something between them he kept on sending her messages and erasing them... he was so annoyed that i was there. i never felt special the whole time, he was super busy and just denied everything. i was so irritated and cant control my emotions sometimes and he said it didnt work out bec i was always asking him about the girl and i never believed his stories.. and so i went home. but i feel so stupid for falling for him, why is he lying to me? why cant he be at least honest? we were friends anyway... i feel so terrible. i hate him so much...what will i do to get him off my mind or for him to tell the truth or what do i just do about it all? i dont deserve this at all.... thanks to you all who can help me..am 33 he is 38 the girl is 21 and she stinks. serious. he is divorced, i shouldnt have entertained him in the first place. (link)
| |
Now you know why he's divorced. It sounds like you were just entertainment for him. Walk away from this one and move on. He is not right for you, or anyone else for that matter. You deserve better than a liar.
|
Hi!
I am an 18 year old female.
I've had a few relationships, not a lot, but all lasted nearly a year and here's my ordeal. Well I dated a guy for about ten months last year, my best friend of 4 years, he dumped me in probably one of the worst ways possible and really broke my heart. I realized maybe I was a bit too young anyway. Well I gave myself a few months and mostly just dated around nothing serious until I met this guy, I fell head over heals for him, tall, sweet, handsome. Well It took a lot for me to trust someone again, I contemplated several weeks before taking it to the next level with him. I really liked his family and spent a lot of nights with him and we became very close. I met him through a mutual friend. Well one day out of the blue, I found out he was sleeping with someone that wasn't me. Well I ended it, and now those walls are back up twice as sturdy as before. I was really hurt, well now I am deciding to stay single until I can figure myself out and get everything I need in order. I work at a day care and I ref soccer. That's basically all I have going for me. I really want to pursue my dreams, I want to be an artist, I am really good, I've been told I am I have won awards and I am happy about that. I really want to pursue this however, I also would love to get more experience with kids and maybe become the head of a daycare instead of an assistant.
Here's my problem though. I really love being with someone, I want to go out and find someone but I know it will get in the way of my plans and maybe even stall them. I want to do my own thing but part of me wants someone. I am not really sure what to do. I have my whole life to find someone, but I could miss my career opportunities at any minute. I don't want to get married until I am at least 28. I know if I find someone now the odds of them dating me for ten years are pretty slim, and I don't want to fail and fail and fail at relationships again. I am just torn and confused. Stay single, do my own thing and advance in my personal life, or find someone special and try and not let that get in the way of my own personal journey.
Someone please help :/ (link)
| |
True love does not make you feel tied down, it elevates you. If you are in a relationship that makes you feel tied down, then get out and live your life. That's the mature thing to do, instead of wasting a guy's time when he could be with someone who wants to be in a relationship. If you are feeling tied down it means this isn't the one for you. Its ok to feel like that. I promise, when its right, you'll feel freer than you've ever felt in your life. Don't waste time with anything less.
|
|
..But is it a bad thing to like my sister in law's step brother? (link)
| |
No. You're not related at all. Its fine.
|
I want to break up with my girlfriend but she is still very much in love with me. We have had a conversation and are currently on a no contact break for a few days. She thinks i'll regret it and don't fully appreciate what we have (She's my first girlfriend but she's had a couple before). I do really care about her and hate hurting her. When she tells me how much she loves me, and how she doesn't want to lose me, I really struggle as it makes me love her (how many people are we going to have love us in such a way in our lives?!) and so I really doubt whether I am doing the right thing.
Our relationship isn't helped by me being away at university and when we're together, it is great. However, I really struggle when we keep going for weeks without seeing each other. I find I forget why I love her and find it frustrating.
I'm pretty sure I want to break up due to the way I have these doubts and how when we're apart, I start to become distant from her and not that interested. I just really don't want to hurt her or regret what i'm doing. Advice would be hugely appreciated. (link)
| |
You just have to suck it up and be blunt. Sometimes in life you end up hurting people. It can't always be helped. Tell her everything you said here. Tell her its been great but its time for both of you to move on. It will hurt her for a while. She may say mean things and keep trying to contact you for a while. But eventually she'll move on too, and even thank you for it. No one wants to waste time with someone who doesn't feel the same way about them.Good luck.
|
|
how do i keep my husband focused on things that we NEED to talk about to resolve the continuous and serious marital issues? he cannot face truth or facts. he always finds a way to divert the subjects either by acting out, anger or changing the subject. if i say something he doesnt want to hear, he 'acts out'. (link)
| |
You need a third party. Seek counseling. It is an expense, but a divorce is even more expensive, and worse on the family. Or seek help through your church or religious institution. Many faiths offer marital counseling through their church, synagoge, etc. If your husband refuses to go, go alone. You'll need help deciding how to deal with it all. Good luck.
|
|
So im talking to a few different guys, and none of them know each other at all. One of them is divorced and has kids but is only 25, just turned actually less than a month ago, I even asked him to come over and I gave him birthday sex. He usually comes over when me and him can which is REALLY LATE AT NIGHT. I dont mind that but when he comes we talk for hours and we really click, he can tell me anything & i feel the same with him, until he starts staring into my eyes with his beautiful big green eyes and starts kissing me and every once in a while it leads to sex, sometimes oral, not always tho. He told me before that since he is recently divorced he's not looking for a relationship but i am dieing to call him my own. I KNOW im ready but it seems like he will never be because of the scars left by his ex. What do I do?? And the only reason I talk to the other guys is to keep my options open but he is the one I want to be with. (link)
|
If you want to be with him, stop sleeping with him. Ever hear the expression "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" It sounds offensive, but its true. If you give the prize away at the beginning of the race, why run the race at all?
Take some time to be by yourself. Don't date. Hang with friends and family, fill your time with hobbies. Spend some time thinking about why it is you are so afraid to be alone that you are willing to let a man use you for sex, just in the hopes it will turn into something else. You may be missing the man of your dreams because you are wasting your energy on a man that clearly doesn't care enough about you to make you his girlfriend.
|
Hi, I'm 19 and female. I've seemingly got myself in a big mess. There is this guy. Let's call him Jack. Jack is 26 and we have been good friends for 3 years. How would I describe him? Tough guy with an extremely sensitive side. Very responsible, reliable, trust worthy, honest and caring. Best guy I know by far. He can also he ill-tempered. Random spurts of anger are quite common although he would never so anything to hurt a woman. A man on the other hand would be completely done if he ever angered him.
Jack's last girlfriend and him were together for 5 years. He thought they were going to get married and live the fantasy life. That did not work out and he is still very tormented and bothered by it. He basically refuses to open up his feelings to any girl unless he is sure she is the one.
I have a boyfriend but lost my virginity to Jack about two months ago. Yes, I cheated on my boyfriend and beat myself up for it.
Whenever him and I are together, something just seems to click. We laugh, joke around and we're just extremely comfortable around each other. The morning after we first slept together, he had my favorite coffee waiting for me when I woke up. Last night, we had sex and I stayed nude because I was comfortable. He ended up falling asleep on top of me (more of a military sort of position) and I also fell asleep. I woke him up this morning for work and he kissed my forehead and said "you and my ex are the only people I have ever fallen asleep on. Something about you drives me crazy."
He then dropped me off and went to work shortly after.
My thing is, I believe I'm falling for him but I'm telling myself I'm not because I'm afraid of getting hurt. We agreed to be strictly friends (I guess with benefits). He's not looking for a relationship and he did recently say that he doesn't know anyone he would be interested in dating.
I don't know what to think. Advice? (link)
|
Friends with benefit is just a nice way of saying "Guy uses girl for sex until he gets bored, without having to bother with the whole commitment problem"
If you are cool just being someone he sees for sex, that's fine. But you don't build a lasting relationship with someone who has ALREADY SAID he doesn't want a relationship. Doesn't work like that. You are understandably taken with him - you gave him something you've never given to anyone else. I can't predict your future but I can tell you that if you continue with this FWB deal, you WILL get hurt. Listen to your gut. If you stay, you'll get hurt. Just remember you have a choice now. Walk away, or stay and accept that he doesn't consider you as special enough to make a commitment to. I know that's harsh, but its reality.
|
|
how do i stand my ground? well me and my guy have been off and on for about five years now. but i let him hurt me emotionally. like we fight so much because he thinks i sleep around, of course i don't but he is so hard headed also he wont actually ask me out to be boyfriend and girl friend because he "doesn't do relationships" i don't want to be just a hook up anymore. but i also don't want to lose him...what do i do to save whatever we are? (link)
| |
You don't even know what you are, so how can you save it. You've asked him. He's already told you that he doesn't want a relationship. Why? He can have you by his side whenever he feels like it and still do what he wants. Why would he feel inclined to change that. The ball is in your court. You can be a hook-up or you can show him you demand respect yourself by demanding a relationship or nothing. You might be surprised at how he responds when you get a backbone and stand up for yourself and leave. But you are going to have to either surrender your dignity for good or take a risk and find some some respect for yourself. The choice is yours, because he has already made his, and he's been honest about it.
|
|