|
I Just Found out my Boyfriend Was Cheating... after he died.
My boyfriend and I were in a 6 year relationship before he passed away. A couple weeks after his passing I found out he was cheating on me with another women. I don't know much of what went on between them because he's not here to ask him. I don't know how long they had the relationship but it seemed from the messages I read it was pretty serious. I'm confused and I feel stupid because I thought we were perfect and nothing was wrong. What am I supposed to do? I'm grieving and the same time I hate him. I look at all the pictures of us and all I think of is him being a liar; I'm disgusted and disappointed in him. What do I do? How should I go about this? How should I feel? Female, 24
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
This is so familiar to me. My first bf cheated on me and the relationship was really rocky. I met my last bf during that time. My first bf died in 2009; just a few months after i started dating my second bf. I went through a terrible time coping. Now my second bf died in a car accident august 5th. We had terrible times as well based on his lack of stability and lying. I never once cheated on any of them. Only after his death i found out he cheated on me and was lying to me about his whereabouts and told me he actually working and giving me a roster; when he was not employed. IT hurts like crazy knowing i was honest and true in my two relationships as a 28-year-old and i ended up like this. There is nothing that could take this pain away!
]
I'm sorry for your loss.
You have asked a tough question. One that I do not believe any of us are truly qualified to help with in a professional manner. It is tough enough to grieve over the loss of a loved one. To find out that you were also betrayed by that person is definitely hurtful and confusing.
I don't think confronting the other women is going to be helpful. In fact I feel if anything it will only add to your grief and hurt. To sit and suffer through this yourself is also wrong as you will not find answers that will help you.
I believe that the best thing you can do to help yourself through all this is professional grief counseling. There are two ways to find a counselor. One is to ask your doctor. The other is to call your insurance company's help line and ask for several names of psychologists in your area who specialize in grief counseling. These PHDs have to register with the insurance companies the types of practices they have. So this would be the quickest way to find a counselor you are comfortable talking with. If you feel you would prefer talking with a female tell them so.
Losing a loved one at such a young age is always hard. Then to find out you were betrayed as well is almost intolerable. Professional guidance here will help you get past this. Just be open with the counselor and have an open mid as to what she or he may offer.
]
This is a tough one. Not only are you grieving for a loss of a person but also for the loss of a relationship at the same time. I think you need to be able to move on, but you need a few answers to do that properly. Can you contact the other woman to ask her some questions? Or what about a friend of his that may have more information about the affair? The point is not to go picking fights but to find a way to get some closure. Think about this for a second. If you could contact the other woman what would you ask her? What could she say that would make you feel better? Can she make you feel better at all? Will you be better off after talking to her, or worse? Answer those questions to yourself before you take any action. If you conclude you would be better off contacting her, send a message and explain who you are and what you want. Don't get angry or defensive..you are trying to heal and your boyfriend was the cause of this pain, not the other woman. Sadly, he's not here to take your anger out on, but that doesn't mean you'll never have peace. You may not get all the answers you want but there may be something that can bring you some peace, so go to her with that attitude. I hope you find something that can help move you forward in all of this. If its an option at all, see about seeing a therapist for a little bit to help you sort through all these conflicting feelings. It will help. Good luck.
]
Being cheated on is never cool and I can understand your anger but you need to move on and learn to let it go. The guy is no longer with us, It won't benefit you to hold anger against the situation. Sometimes it's best to learn to accept and try and move on from it. If he were still around it'd be different and you would have every right to be angry and confront him about the situation. Sometimes there are certain things in life that are just better off not knowing the full story.
]
More Questions: |