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He cant stop running his mouth when im talking
how do i keep my husband focused on things that we NEED to talk about to resolve the continuous and serious marital issues? he cannot face truth or facts. he always finds a way to divert the subjects either by acting out, anger or changing the subject. if i say something he doesnt want to hear, he 'acts out'.
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Marriage counseling, unfortunately, is just the last stage before the divorce papers are filed.
Men are not raised to talk about deep emotional issues as women are. We are rewarded for what we do (especially how much money we make). When we are with our buddies we do not talk about our feelings unless it involves expressions of aggression, who we want to screw or about some hobby we have in common. Consequently, men are very uncomfortable talking about the issues you are no doubt bringing up since they feel cornered and defensive, which causes the evasion and lashing out you are seeing. So if you want to stop talking past each other, you're going to have to learn to discuss things on his terms. Leave the typical female emotional blackmail out of it. Decouple the emotion from this and try to be rational and not overthink things. Bullet point your argument instead of giving him the War and Peace version. This is your only shot because your usual way is only causing him to tune you out.
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One suggestion would be marriage counseling. You could start the counseling separately as in you attending first and learning from the therapist how to approach your husband on joining you in counseling and how to communicate better on the problems in your marriage.
I have found that at times the best way for me to approach my wife on, a subject where I need her to stay focused and calm,is to do so in a public space. Such as coffee at the mall or even at dinner in a family style restaurant where the noise level assures us that my voice does not travel to the next table. while it is possible for my wife or your husband to just get up and walk away this has never happened in my conversations with my wife.
As for him changing the subject; you have to keep him focused. You say; "husband I am talking about this and I need to get this resolved." "We can talk about that next if you want to." Say that as many times as you need to, to keep him focused.
If you feel you marriage is in serious jeopardy then I feel marriage counseling is the best course of action.
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i totaly know what your talking about my mans the same it like0a merry go round "its your fault you..."all i can say is try be calm use "i" statements let him know how serious youare with out confrontin...
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Therapy. Go to therapy together.
If he wont go, go yourself.
The death of healthy communication has happened on both sides.
Get some professional help.
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You need a third party. Seek counseling. It is an expense, but a divorce is even more expensive, and worse on the family. Or seek help through your church or religious institution. Many faiths offer marital counseling through their church, synagoge, etc. If your husband refuses to go, go alone. You'll need help deciding how to deal with it all. Good luck.
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