|
Best Friend - Cheating Husband
Okay I'll try to make this short.
My friend and I have been friends for about 2 years now. In late September of 2011 her husband, her and I engaged in a threesome, then another one a week later. I visit their house about 2-3 times a week. Ever since the threesome her husband has been really flirty with me (but never in front of her.)
He makes out with me in their house when my friend is in the other room, when she goes to the bathroom he takes his penis out and puts my hand on it. I've given him oral sex about 7 times since September, but never anything more.
Another thing he does is we chat on facebook and have pretty inappropriate conversations about sex and 'things we would like to do to each other.'
I want this to stop, after all, he is my Best Friends husband. I get that this isn't his fault, I am also involved. I'm just nervous to tell him that I want to stop, and I don't know how, so I guess that's what I'm looking for advice on. Also, I don't know whether or not I should tell her.
Has anybody ever been in a similar situation where they engaged in sexual activity with their friends partner? I get that what I have done is a VERY bad thing, now I'm just looking for advice on how to rectify the situation.
So... Do I tell her? and How do I tell him that I want to stop without messing up the friendship that he and I have?
Thank you.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Wow, sounds like you're telling me about my life from 5 years ago... Having the threesome was definitely the beginning of the end of your friendship. If you want to save your friendship you absolutely must end this 'affair'. You need to just tell him that it is over and your friendship is more important than a bit of excitement. I cant say whether or not you should tell your friend. Thats up to you and the man to decide together. It is likely to effect both their relationship and the one you have with her.
On the other hand, if you dont really want to save the friendship, or if you feel it is doomed because of this anyway, keep having fun with him, but make sure they end their relationship first.
My situation was almost exactly the same as yours but myself and the man had no desire to end the affair and it continued for a long time. We are now getting married and have almost 2 children together. We realised that the relationships we were both in (bad i know) were toxic, which is the only reason we turned to each other in the first place. We are now happier than we ever were with our ex partners.
]
This is some situation!
When you had the threesome thing, it was sort of an unwritten contract between you, everyone knew what was happening. Now, you and her husband have decided to do your own thing, apparently without his wife's knowledge. If I were her, I'd consider this a breach of the contract between yourwelf and her and also an abuse of trust between you all.
Whatever you do, you risk losing one or both of them as friend/lover and being very hurt yourself.
I'd get out now, as cleanly as possible, with as few people hurt as possible. If you decide to try this kind of relationship again, try to arrange it that everyone knows who's doing what, where and when to avoid a similar mess to the one you're in now.
Hope this helps, keep in touch and let me know how you get on? Best wishes.
]
I partly agree with Adviceman, The threesome was not wrong because all three of you consented.
You WERE wrong to let things get out of hand, You allowed it to become more then it was supposed to be. In this case, It is a lousy thing to do to a person you call a best friend.
Your friends husband is way out of line, You allowing him to do these things to you not only put his marriage at risk but is loosing your best friend over it really worth it? If the answer is yes, Again I'm going to have to say your a real lousy friend.
End it, That simple. You tell him straight up that things have got out of hand and you are not willing to be the person that comes between their marriage. If he is messaging you on facebook then you BLOCK him, Continuing to proceed a conversation is only feeding into the problem. Threesomes can be fun if everyone is on the same page, In this case her husband obviously was a bit off track. If you feel that it's necessarily to let your friend know then be prepared for her to have a huge fight with her husband....and say goodbye to your friendship.
]
You messed up the friendship the day you agreed to a threesome. Now pandora's box has been opened. The only way to end this mess is to back off for a little while. Take yourself out of the picture. Stop Facebooking with the husband and stop going to their house. If your friends asks why you've suddenly pulled away be honest and tell her you feel uncomfortable about things between the three of you since your threesome. I feel pretty sure she has an idea something more is going on with you and her husband. She may not care. If she does care, she'll let you go for a while in order to give everyone space and time to let this ill-advised threesome to fade into just a memory.
]
Having the threesome was not what you did that was wrong as that was consensual by all concerned. What is wrong here is the actions by her husband and receptiveness by you outside of the threesome.
I can think of three things you need to do here:
First: You have to tell friends husband that this relationship outside of your friendship with his wife ends now. It is just that simple. You tell him that the threesome was great and that the threesome was just that, a threesome. You are not and will not endanger your relationship with his wife by having any type of an affair with him.
Second: Facebook; these conversation also have to stop as they just fuel whatever desire or cause he has in pursuing you. You make this part of you discussion when talking to him about item first.
Three: No more threesomes, at least with this couple.
As for telling your friend about what is happening between you and her husband. She may already be aware of this and the reason behind her request for you to join them in their sexual relations. Then again she may not and the threesome nothing more than away to live out a fantasy. Not knowing why you where invited into their bedroom makes it hard to decide if you should tell her or not that his desire for you has extended beyond their mutual consent.
You certainly can tell him that if he doesn't stop you will tell her. That is definitely a threat he may want to take heed of. Telling her though could do irreparable harm to not only your relationship with her but to their marriage as well. This is why a threesomes outside of an organized swingers group can get complicated for all.
The question you are asking and the question I have been asked more than several times about should I or we try a threesome are the hardest questions to answer. They have no right answer. You have to decide what you feel is right based on circumstances at the time.
Talk with the husband. If he continues to try and engage you in sex talk and sex play then you have to make the decision as to whether you need to talk to your friend.
]
More Questions: |