ask dearcandore

I am an advice hound. I love to give advice, get advice, read advice columns. I love telling people what to do ; D
Truly, I have a love for people and an honest desire to see every individual excel and succeed in their personal lives, to shed themselves of as many burdens as possible and enjoy this strange and terrible and wonderful gift that is LIFE
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: advice guru and life coach
Member Since: June 9, 2009
Answers: 900
Last Update: February 5, 2012
Visitors: 32798

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Yep. preggers! thank you! wish they would tell you to wait a month! :(

Maybe you are right. I thank you!

Thanks man

Thank you, I think that you're right though. I am beginning to get the feeling that she knows something. Just today I went over to their house and she asked me what I chat with him on facebook about because he always clears his chat history in our conversations. I'm really nervous and dont know what I'm going to do yet, but either way, I appreciate your advice.

well I work at CBS Radio stations,live on my own and am by all means work in the real world.I guess this internship would be to much right now.thank you.

Thank you :)

Thank you I was thinking of talking to her but wasn't sure whether I should and I'm not the type of person who would pick a fight, so I think I can go into this trying to find answers for me to heal. Thanks yiu

thank you for taking time and making me realize!!! Its just hard getting over someone you THINK you loved!! Yup i know his relationships wont last! hahha ...this will make me tough!!! :) have a good day!

Thank you for your "tough love" to me! ;) I need to hear that sometimes. I did mention that it may come to that and my grandson (7) almost lost it at the thought of not being here, so that settled it for me. I will do what I can to intervene and encourage her to comply but I know for sure I will not be able to call her bluff at this time...maybe as he gets a little older. Thanks again!

Thank you, if I could rate a 100, this would be just the answer to do so!

Sorry for the late rating, I had some problems with my account. Thank you!

Thank you so much, this really meant a lot to me! (:

All good points. Thank you. :)

thank you so much for the time in reading and giving me a grounded advice. i will try to open up a conversation when we meet up..i feel i dont deserve the stress so am thinking of really letting this go and maybe be just good friends like we were in the first place. have a good day!

Thank you so much this has helped me a lot! :D

I know it doesnt work like that,i'm just without options,and if god cant even hear me how will a therapist?

Thank you so much for your input. My husband has tried many times over the years to get through to her to no avail. We both feel that mental health issues are preventing her from behaving correctly. I think he has just given up trying to deal with her because it only makes things worse. I tell the girls EXACTLY what you said I should, and thank you again, it's nice to know that I am doing the right thing!

Thank you so much! I appreciate your advice! :D

Thanks so much :)

I have considered weight watchers. I'm just a bit wary about trying them, because I don't want to be stuck on the points program for the rest of my life. I know someone like that. She did weight watchers and dropped her weight, but now, she always ALWAYS thinks in points, even though she is at a healthy weight. Anyway, thanks for the advice.

thanks

thanks (:

Thank you very much.

Thank you, I really needed that

you are so right. i should not let him paralyze my life. i was so afriaid to report him because the worst they could do is give him a fine or something. he didn't rape me, so their not going to take him to prison. and i thought his revenge might be worst. but, you are right. i must live my life and he does it again, i will not hesiate to report. thanks for your answer.. you were a great help! xoxo

thx so much for ur help...but we do go for walks and i do get him out of the house to go see friends. trust me i know thats good for him but most times he dont want to get out of the house. all he wants to do is play games.. but again thx for the help im very greatfull people are doing there best to help and give me info

Out of the 5 places I have posted and had answers, this is the most helpful, thankyou

We have been to counselors, one male and one female. Both where Christian counselors and both insisted that once she'd confessed to God what she'd done, my only choice was to totally forgive her and shut up about it.

Thank you for trying but that doesnt really help me out. I was looking for something more along the lines of somones experience with it. I hope you have a nice day.

Thank You Very Much this was very helpful I am looking into those groups as I am reading this.

Ok, I will try that, its what I've already been kind of doing, I just needed reassurance that I was doing the right thing. Thanks so much!

You are right. I have not been sticking to my guns, and a a psychology major, I should know that, my mom just knows my weaknesses. But, now that I am aware of it and conscious of it, I will make differences

We have been seeing each other for 9 months now and I sam almost 50 and he is 42. He just got divorced recentlty, but was seeing someone before we ever met. But we have been seeing each other since August. It worries me about the cheating and he knows it too. I have been cheated on before twice. He did cheat on his ex 11 yrs ago and it was a one time deal too. They were married almost 20 yrs before the divorce. Sorry but I would have too on her, she really was and still is a chapter in a half with a few pages missing. He has an appt on Monday and I am still trying to contact my Dr, they are having phone problems.

Thank you so much! It's so comforting to know I'm not the only one.

I'm kind of a scaredy cat but it's worth a shot, haha, thanks

thank you so much!

U r truly right i so understand where u coming from u r right thnx for ur opinion the.prob is im.not trying to.seperate noone it is.awful i don't mean no harm it is too much

Thanks for your advice but we were dating and he's someone I've been friends with for years, not just some random person I'd just met.

Thank you but i think im going to wait a little while a longer. I just cant bring myself to admit that i did that. I feel horrible about myself. Like im not good enough and i just somehow proved im not...

Thank you!!

Its just really hard to actually say goodbye :/

Thanks, I hadn't considered that there could be a more serious problem behind it. I'll definitely go to the doctor and get it checked out.

Common sense much.....?

*Rating changed by L2 moderator*

yeah he did say it's expensive because i went a little over my budget to get him something nice but thanks

thanks alot

Thank you. My mother inlaw wont h ave anything to so with a theripist or anything.

He wasn't and when I confronted him he said only cheaters think that way and I guess he is right cuz I been cheating on him for 6 months so I guess I just think he is too. Now he knows I been cheating so now I told him I going to be with the other guy now for real.

Thank you very much! Your advice really helped me!

thanks but i didn't sleep with him, that's my fault tho probably should have made that more clear. but i can't just ask someone on a date..idk

Thank you for your advice... I know your right, I shouldn't even sweat it anyway. I guess I just find it extremely hard to find someone remotely...what I'm looking for and the minute I think I do... I fuck it up lol. I appreciate your input, and about the blunt thing? i rather someone be blunt and honest with me than sugar coat it. So.. thank you!

Thank you - I hope I can get this resolved for myself through sessions with a counselor - that I shouldn't have to be doing. Thanks.

Maybe I do. Maybe we should get counseling?

I think you gave me very good advice. You really took the time to read the question and understand my concerns. Thank-you

thanks

there is no way I could afford to see a psychologist in this stage of my life. I have been in and out of therapy since I was a small child and it never did a single positive thing for me, anyways.

Thanks=) what you wrote helps a lot

yeah! i agree with you! im going to not call or text for a while and just see and screw him if he doesnt :) yeah we seem to be in the same place about the whole relationship thing but yes since i have been rather horny i have been the one making an effort haha but thank you again!

Thank you! I appreciate your advice. I have always been very mature for my age, that will work to my advantage. However, I understand it still may be an issue if just for the number. Thanks again!

Thanks for your feedback, I agree completely

The third party is not an option. I appreciate the suggestion but we're not religious (both agnostic) and other than an actual paid professional there is no third party either of us would be willing to see, and paid third parties are out of the question until such time as we're not eating spaghetti three nights a week because we have no money for anything else.

Thanks BB ;)

your advice is true thank you

ty!

im asking u guys because i dont want to go to a doctor about it, and because i dont wanna make it a big deal

haha thank you(: and ya your right(: I love all that stuff if I told my friends they'd think I'm wierd :P

thanks so much! you're so right. i've turned her down today to hangout with her. i know i can't change her but i am not going to let her control me. she asked me to hangout with her tomorrow since she's leaving early friday morning and i said i can't because i am busy. so yeah i've decided to stop hanging out with her because there's no point in hanging out with someone who is controlling and unpleasant. but thanks for the advice, you've helped me become stronger thanks so much! i am so grateful.

I actually have not asked this question before, the teacher I am asking about does not have a wife or children. This is the first time I am asking a question about a relationship.. but, thanks

thanks.

Thank you so much!

I told her exactly what you told me and she accepted things a little better. Thanks. Your choice of words was perfect :) God bless

Thank you. Your advice made me cry because it hit home. Thanks again!

Thanks, I will try that :)

Hm, you maybe right about that...and I might. Thanks.

ah thank you! i do have one best friend who i tell EVERYTHING to.. but he doesn't live in the same state as me, so we mainly just talk on the phone or email. is that ok too? or should i find someone to talk to in person?

I'm sorry, but you couldn't be more off the mark here. She's certainly been welcomed with open arms into the family. I can truly and honestly say we have treated her like a sister. And, yes, there are people in this world who are just plain mean.

totally agree

Thank you so much, you were very helpful.

thanks so much :)

Thank you, you gave me some insight on the situation and were kind and understanding. I appreciate it very much.

Very informative. I appreciate your advice. Just so I can get a bit of more opinion, he wants to tell her that she should add me and talk to me, but he says he knows I would get mad, and he's right. I don't want her to, after all the drama and her not accepting my proposal as a friend. So it's not that he hasn't encouraged a friendship between her and I, it's just we tried and it didn't work out. Her personality clashes with mine. Anywho, if this changes anything, do you mind writing back to me on bgm2191@gmail.com? Thank you! Or just inbox me: Uniq_The_Geek

Thanks for the answer is a lot helpful, although i am not a needy person,i do everything by myself in life, i was not trying to get comfort on my tutor, family and friends are miles away and also i do ask from him to explain to me because English is not my mother language, i have been in here only a year and 4 months, excludind christmas, easter and all summer and i still can say that my english is bad, not enough good to understand lectures entirely. I actually send him an email just now, saying what you adviced me. Honestly, an email for the explanation of some essays or project is not enough, and i never had one to one tutorial with him although we are entitled to,as i didnt want to ask for help,but this year is very hard and the language is difficult, is phylosophy, it is hard even for people that know english perfectly to understand. I am not explaining myself in here, just making you understand better who i am. xx

thank you. i appreciate the help :).

You didn't give an answer to my question at all?

Thanks :)

thank you so much

I sure hope you're right :) I guess I am terrified that it won't happen, if that makes sense? I want children so badly, and deep down I know it's best to wait, however the idea of it never happening terrifies me because I do want it so bad. But thanks. Your advice made a lot of sense & I appreciate your help!

thank you! and btw, im practicly done growing. but THANK YOU!

thank you so much :)

Yeah, and I was saying to her like he's going to want sex soon and howdo you know he doesn't have STDs when he dated a stripper. & who knows what other girls he's hooked up, he just seems shady.

thanks

Thank you so much! I really needed to hear that. and that is definitely a good idea. I really appreciate your help

I'm not sure if he does have a porn addiction, but thanks for trying to help anyway!:)

thank you for the warning. i m going to start looking for a new job immediatly!!!!

Thanks

I appreciate your constructive criticism. However, I am not in a conservatory or an acting school. This is a beginner's course where it clearly states on the syllabus that you are graded upon being able to follow instructions. I can understand that acting is subjective and not studying. I have studied music for many years in high school and done multiple public performances. Not everyone is going to like you. I did not mean to offend anyone in that acting is not subjective. I have had to put on my big girl panties in my life and I do know what real problems are. I have been through different health issues, among myself and my family. I also recently found out I was adopted, and met my birth parents less than a year ago. I also have issues at home. I have had a year full of worst problems than grades. I finished my senior year with a 2.9 gpa. I'm not OBSESSED with grades... but as I mentioned, I am on scholarship. My parents cannot afford college if it weren't for my scholarship, that's why I need to keep my grades up. I can also only reappy for my scholarship one more time. That's why I was asking for advice. However, I have decided to stay in the class. I was just giving as much information as I possibly could to make it easier for the person answering

thanks. your right.

Yes, that is so true... thak you for your advice and for your time on my behalf...nice person.

Thanks you, I'll try that... Yea I dont want to mommy him, I'm just concerned

um no. this isnt my fourth time posting this cuz this is diffrent advice and this wasnt really what I was looking for and you seem kind of rude so I give you a one.

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