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need advice badly
Need advice
I just turned 22 years old very devoted Muslim girl. I am married with a wonderful husband. He works in IT and I am a stay at home mom who is on the internet much too often. I am pregnant now :) I was raised in Jordan. We went to a very good school and Quran school. I learned to memorize most of the Quran at a young age. This is the first time I am opening up about this and REALLY need your advice/
My parents sent me to this Quran boarding school for girls for 3 months out of the year every year since I was very little (I was the only one accepted out of my family. my brothers and sisters leaned from the Mosque). I learned a lot. You see I lost my father when I was young (12 years) and the man who headed and taught the school and his wife where very helpful in helping me heal in ways no one ever did!! I loved my father, he was the greatest man I ever knew. I have 2 brothersand 1 sister all younger than me.
But Abu, the school mater, that trained me—he and I were very close, even sexually in that school. It sounds strange but we kept it secret. He was a very kind man who really knew how to teach well –whatever. His wife was the one who gave me birth control pills to save my family and myself the shame. She said she did it for other girls to. I am very grateful to her for being a mentor and confidant. We kept our sexual relationship till until my family moved to the UK. But this is a shameful thing in my past I don’t talk to people about it but now I have to because it is killing me inside. If my parents found out I would be dead DEAD. I learned ALOT about my body and sex and i am grateful to have learned these things from Abu. it was an amazing sexual experiuence over all. When I got married I lied to my husband like many of the girls I know to say I was a virgin. Otherwise I would never get married. The strange thing is that it has not bothered me or haunted me like I hear on Oprah and others who had these experiences. I do not have ill feelings toward this man and his wife. They are people I still respect because of how ethical and kind they have treated my family through out the years. They paid for all my education and my brothers and sisters as well. They provided meals for us when my mother did not have enough, etc. When we see them as a family we just pretend this stuff never happened. I never bring it up and he or his wife never do. . I asked around if anyone else had my experience and no one would talk about it. It is a very shameful thing for a Muslim Arab girl to talk about these things!! But my aunt, who is about my age, opened up to me and told me she had similar experiences with this man. She is also married now with three children and wants to leave the past in the past. She begged me not to tell anyone about him and to just leave things as they are since we both went through it and we turned out “OK”.
Her daughter, Cameron, my niece she is now in Jordan with my family and they are sending her to the same school to learn the Quran. Abu is still teaching there. My sister said it is best to not talk about it and let her experiernece life and sex and everything else like we did. My friends tell me to expose this man. It would be devastating to our family to bring this news out about what he did with me and the other girls because of the shame factor. I would never bring that kind of shame on him, my family or my religion. I respect him. Am I weird and crazy?? But I don’t know what to do because now Cameron is there and my family did not think twice about sending her to that school because it has such a good reputation. My American friends tell me to make my sister take Cameron out of that school as soon as yestersay. I feel so mistrable because of what they tell me I am wicked. But my experience was good over all at that school. But they make me feel horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am depressed about this. I really want Cameron to learn from this very good school and Abu, but I don’t know what to do!! Please help me from going crazy…I don’t know what to do..i need help to think about this.
PLEASE respond to jjordan2011@mail.com
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
If you are not getting the answer you want to this question maybe you need to consider that the answer you want is not the right answer. If everyone keeps saying the same thing, you need to consider that your thinking on this issue is wrong. You need help - you need a third party who can help you work through this. Find a counselor. You'll never regret it, I promise.
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Well, I can't really give much advice on what you should do. Since that's up to you, personally I think life will take it's coarse on it's own. So if you calling Abu out about what he has done, will make you feel just as terrible and depressed as you already say you are, then I don't see the point in adding a feeling of disgrace as well. Here in America, and most other countries I'm aware of (central/south america, I'm hispanic.) Will see Abu's action as rape, because he is a adult having sexual relations with "children." But if many girls have gone through this and not spoken up, including you then I'm not sure what to say. I would simply advice you to form a good relationship with your niece and constantly remind her that, "if there is anything at all she wants/needs to talk about or is confused/having problems with, that she can talk to you." That way you can atleast have a chance of knowing if the same happens to your niece. If it does and she tells you, what ever you decide to do is up to you.
I will tell you personally, if something a person does has hurt me or caused me any bit of stress/depression/problem, even if it was from years ago. I have noticed I always tell them about it, later on. And when I do, I feel better about it simply because I get to hear why they did it in the first place. I'm not telling you to go and talk to Abu, because it seems it would be awkward and maybe even rude/out of line? I'm not sure. But I am telling you that, the most important thing in my point of view is, making sure you're as happy and stress free as you can be. So if you decide not to tell anyone else about this and it continues to bother you than I suggest writing about it. Just to get out the feelings that pester you. That's what I do when I can't bring myself to talk about something with people.
With that all said, I hope this was remotely helpful in anyway. So luck to you.
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Your question is very hard for people to comment on, becuse most of us aren't muslim.
You had a few people take time out of there day to help you, and you keep reposting it.
Quit.
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