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Im a married man that is in love with a younger woman what should I do
Im a pastor and I have been married 19years but I started an emotional relationship as well as a sexual relationship with a young lady that I have been knowing quite somtime shes younger shes a member of my church and she has bee so supportive of my ministry and I feel as if I need 2 make a decision because I would 2 be with this younglady I ask my wife was she happy and she didnt answer me me and my wife dont even have sex Im still in the marriage for my kids but the affair has been going on for a year next month I just really see this younglady not being apart of my life I depend on her so much.help me! Im a 42 yr.old male
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Hate to be that guy, but, WWJD?
this is going down as one of the most ironic things a buddhist has ever said to a christian pastor.
seriously though, cut the shit. come back to your senses, and look at what you're doing. you're pulling a Newt Gingerich level of hypocritical bullshit. Your wife still loves you. time for you to go back to her and rekindle.
-Gunner
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42.....well why should you leave your wifey for a younger lady that will hurt ..you would be hurt if she left you for a younger guy would you..you married her cause you love yopur wife not for ..strining her along for getting something better,,love is still there ..surprise your wifey flowers take her out danceing..a night out eating steaks chat once you look in them eyes agian and that smile you will see shes the same sweet sexy lady you married way back she didnt ask to be hurt..she wouldnt hurt you
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Proverbs says "Do not forsake the wife of your youth". That's Biblical. You are violating God's word and commandments (do not commit adultery). You need to end the affair, seek counseling with your wife and step down from your leadership position while you get right again. You and your wife can have a healthy, happy marriage again, but not without help and repentence. Forget the fantasy of this other woman being "the one" for you. She's supportive of your ministry but if you reveal to your congregation that you have been having sex with another woman and are divorcing your wife you won't HAVE a ministry. You need help. You are unable to think clearly about this situation. Imagine how this will devastate your children when they find out. You need to start thinking more about other people, and God, and less about your own feelings and wants.
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I find it a little odd that you did not include the younger lady's age or at least how much younger she is than you.
Be that as it may. You have a lot more at stake here then just your marriage. I would say your life's work is also at risk as a Pastor. How would the Ministry look upon you if you were to divorce your wife. Will this effect your standing within the Ministry?
I do agree with what Zane said which is no one should be forced to stay in a loveless marriage just for the sake of the children or anyone else for that matter. As far as the children are concerned I'm sure you are well aware children are far more aware of their parents marital situation then we give them credit for.
I don't think it is mine or anyone else's place to tell you what to do. In fact I believe you know what to do. My advice to you is to step back for a moment and ask yourself what advice would you give a parishioner who came to you with just such a problem? Then follow your own advise.
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The easy answer would be leave your wife and continue your relationship with this woman who makes you happy. However with your situation, your career as a pastor there's a lot of gray here.
I would also that you being a family man makes this even grayer, however growing up with parents who were unhappy together I think it would have been better for everyone involved if my parents had divorced.
Psychologically I think that most of us try to mimic our parents relationships, of course there are a few exceptions. I think that my relationship with my boyfriend is one of them, but my sister has a very low expectation of relationships due to her low self esteem and of course growing up in a household where our parents didn't really have much of a happy relationship.
I think that by leaving your wife and showing your kids what a happy relationship is like would be good for them. However if you do decide to leave your wife, depending on how close your kids are to her and how young they are, I would not bring the other woman around them for at least a few months.
But you also have to wonder about your career, going into the clergy means that you have a high expectation among your parish of staying together with your wife and making everyone think that the two of you are happy by putting on a false facade.
So I would think about this as well, what's more important to you, your career or this woman?
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You need to make a choice
However just to remind you, Nobody is entitled to stay in a marriage they are no longer happy in. The biggest mistake many people make nowadays is sacrificing their happiness in a marriage because their are children involved.
If there is no love in a marriage, Why are you in the marriage? The whole point in being a parent is to set an example for your children. What kind of example is it setting if you are no longer in love with your wife?....
You did not give the age of this young lady, Is this young lady in the age range 18-25?
Despite age, You need to keep in mind no matter the age of someone much younger than you, They will never be were you are in life while someone in their early 20's is not.
If you are not happy in your marriage then I would recommend giving marriage counseling a try as this is usually the last straw before filing for divorce. If your children are an issue then if you and your wife decide to split you can file for joint custody.
Having an affair is of course wrong, You need to decide whether your marriage is worth saving. If not then discuss with your wife the next route you two should take.
In the meantime it may be best if you didn't get your children involved in a new relationship for at least a 3 months or so, Children don't generally adjust well to these type of things. It wouldn't be fair to them to get attached to someone that may not work out....
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