NinjaNeer's advice column

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Q: Ok if i go to the health clinic and tell them that i had sex and the condom fell off what do you think they will do?

Well, they'll probably get you Plan B (the emergency contraceptive) if you can get it where you are. It all depends on the doctor... some won't prescribe it because of personal beliefs.

You should also be tested for STDs.

Q: i have a moterola phone with a digital music player on it. i made a playlist that i would like to put on my phone, but i don't know how. i have the usb to connect the phone to the computer, but i don't know what to do now. does anyone know what to do to get the music on my phone?

You actually need to buy a memory card to put in your phone... on its own, it doesn't have enough memory to store songs. So when they tell you there's a media player on it, it's a little misleading, because it isn't useable at first.

Bring your phone to an electronics store, and tell them you need a memory card to fit it.

ADDITION:

Yes, you do need a memory card, no matter how much memory your phone has on it. The phone cannot store music on the phone's built in memory card. That memory is reserved for phone functions.

Trust me on this, I have a Motorola phone too, and I've been through the same thing.

If you already have a memory card...
-Go to settings
-Connection
-USB Settings
-Set Default Connection to Memory Card, not
Data/Fax connection.

But this ONLY works if you have a memory card in your phone.

It's all in the manual.

Q: Ok i had sex with my boyfriend we used a condom but when he pulled out it wasnt on anymore it was inside of me. What are the possibilties of my getting pregnat? I'm really scared.

It is quite possible that you could be pregnant.

If you can get Plan B (the emergency contraceptive pill) where you live, then go tomorrow and get it. That will decrease your chances by 89% if taken within 72 hours of sex, or even more if taken within 24 hours.

Q: {Sorry this is so long}

I have been at college for three months now, and I can't seem to make friends. I'm friendly enough and get along well with people in my classes and my roommate, people I see every day. But I haven't made any close friends. I'm very unhappy here. This was my second-choice school to begin with, I only came here because my parents told me that it was too expensive for me to go to my first-choice school. I'm getting top grades in all of my classes, but when I'm not in class or doing work (I also have a job) I feel like there's nothing to do. I'm scared to go out and talk to people - it's so awkward. I don't know how to get people's numbers or make friends. Everyone said that making friends in college would be easy and come naturally, but they're so wrong.

I've gone home almost every weekend to see my boyfriend. (One weekend we went out with my highschool friends, and I plan to meet up with them over Thanksgiving break as well.) I love him dearly and he's my best friend. I could see how this might affect my relationships with people but I also don't think that it's it. For one thing, the reason I'm going home is because I'm so unhappy at college! There's nothing to do here. I missed an audition for a group I wanted to join because I was sick, and I can't pledge to a sorority first semester (though I plan to next semester.) My boyfriend makes friends very easily and though he (like me) puts a lot of time into our relationship - we text constantly, talk online, usually talk on the phone an hour or more a day (though it's been less lately as he's been busy and I've been sick). Mark is just a naturally friendly guy, everyone likes him (hah, except for my parents). I'm naturally very quiet and shy, until I get to know people - I'm not that way with my close friends. And when I'm with people I know, I relax and am more open and friendly. I made friends in high school... why can't I do it now?

I'm starting to wonder if there's something wrong with me. I have clinical depression, which usually doesn't affect me unless I have my period - I'm on antidepressants and they work well. However I remember one of my friends who also has depression telling me that she has SAD - Social Anxiety Disorder. I wonder if I have that, or something similar - or am I just being stupid? Why can't I seem to handle college? Everyone else can do it, everyone else has at least one friend, SOME friends.

Actually, at the beginning of school, I had a couple friends I'd met at orientation, we hung out a lot and it seemed like they were going to be my core group of friends here at college. After I went home for a weekend, we got together once, maybe a couple times. And then they just stopped calling me. I called, left voicemails, but finally gave up - there was no sense in looking desparate. I had also made a friend in my building, but after an awkward night where he thought I wanted to get together with him - and I, having a boyfriend, said no - we've talked less and less. When I see these people around, they're friendly, but they never call, and I don't want to seem pushy. The one guy friend has extended an open invitation to join him whenever, but they go out to bars and clubs - not really an environment I want (or my boyfriend wants me) to partake in. The town my school is in is very skeazy, dangerous, and bad, so that's not just me.

What's wrong with me that I just get abandoned like this, or just can't seem to handle this whole college scene? I don't understand, I'm really lost and confused and a little depressed. I'm not completely unhappy - I've been working well, I have my boyfriend and our wonderful weekends together, and the hopes of transferring next year. But when I'm stuck here on the weekends - as I am now - it's just awful. Does anyone have any advice to help me?? Please?! I'm miserable!

Okay... here's what you do.

Stop going home. I hate to say it, but limit yourself to once a month. Your high school friends will mean less and less as you go through university. You're shutting yourself off from being close to new people, because you want to stick to the past. I saw it happen a lot, and you're really limiting yourself.

This is nothing to do with any mental disorders, since I have bipolar disorder and managed to make tons of friends in my first few weeks at university last year.

Go out with the guy friend who keeps inviting you out! I know your town might seem really skeezy and gross, but so is the city I go to school in, and it's actually a lot of fun when you're a student. This is a chance to experience new things and a new way of living.

Try joining clubs. There are tons of clubs out there to suit every interest. Does your faculty have a club? Get involved!

Here's a tactic I used to meet lots of people last year. Next time you go to class, sit next to someone who's sitting alone. Strike up a conversation with them about anything... schoolwork, whatever. It sounds really awkward, but it works. Chances are if they're sitting alone, they could use a friend too!

Also, don't make the mistake that a lot of people make. Remember that even that dorky person in your class is a person too, and could be a lot of fun. Everyone's fair game when it comes to friendship, so be indiscriminate!

Hope I helped, even if I was a little harsh :)

Q: 15/f

My school requires me to fulfill 24 community hours. I have only 3 and the hours are due by the end of January, but I don't know what to do for them. I got the three hours from camp, but it was from pulling weeds. PS it needs to be supervised like I can't go to the beach myself without anyone and clean it up and put that, it has to be through some function or organization

so basically what is a way to get more communtiy serivice hours I was thinking of an animal shelter but I'm too young for that.
PS. don't say babysitting please
thanks so much and I would love you if you could help.

We had to do 40 hours, so I know what it's like.

Do you do any after school activities? I volunteered teaching childrens' karate classes at the club I studied at, and my little sister does scorekeeping for her bowling league. That's always a good way to do your volunteer hours, because you're giving back to an organization you're benefiting from.

Try a food bank, homeless shelter or womens' shelter, or even an old age home. They always need help!

Remember that volunteer work is an important part of life, and keep at it, even after your hours are done! I logged over 100 hours in 4 years of high school, and I still volunteer regularly.

Q: when do you get a boyfriend?!?

Well, you go to the boyfriend store, give them a brief description of the man of your dreams, and...

No, seriously... you get a boyfriend when you feel like you're ready. You have to be emotionally ready, and also be able to spare the time out of your schedule (because it takes a LOT of time to have a good relationship!).

Don't start dating just because everyone else is. If you're 13 and it seems like everyone else is dating but you, you're wrong. Because either a) they're not or b) they are and they're just wasting energy on a pre-teen relationship.

I personally didn't start really dating until I was nearly 18. So trust me, you can live a happy fulfilling teenaged life without dating.

Q: I have to tell you guys something. It's really frigging important. If you see a guy around and think he's hot (or even hott, whatever the fuck that means), you don't love him. If you talk to a girl and think shes way pretty and you had fleeting thoughts of marrying her, you don't love her. Even if you want to date her. Trust me on this. And if you've been going out with a boy for a month, unless you know him in and out, acknowledge his faults (that means accept them and know that they're faults and love him anyway, not saying "well gee, he's so cute that they aren't faults lol"), would willingly and happily die for them, you are not in love. If you'd rather fall asleep in his arms than have sex. If you want the absolute best for them, even if that best doesn't include you. If you'd rather get a soft, innocent peck on the lips than full frontal snogging, partially naked, and if you'd rather slow dance than screw, you're getting there. Lots of other crap too.

The word love is far too overused these days. Back in my day (seriously!), "I love you" was something to be cherished, not something you say three days into the relationship.

For example, I love Nevada. I would gladly die for it. In Heaven (or Hell, wherever I go) I would have no regrets. The faults I acknowledge are some of the residents and the city of Las Vegas. (I'm only half kidding) I'd battle for it and show the scars proudly. (I would also rather sleep with it than have sex with it, but that's because, well, you know. cactus. sharp rocks. mountains. coyotes.) If for some reason, Nevada would be better off without short fat chicks, I'd move to Wyoming or some Nevada-like state in a heartbeat. I'd even move to Maine if I had to.

But anyway. Crush =/= love. Like =/=love. Infatuation =/= love.

Anyone else irritated by this?

Oh yes. I also am irritated by the plague of 13 year old girls going "OMG!!1! I'm in LOVE with this guy, we've been dating for lyke a month now, and I love him so much!!!111!!"

However, it takes people some time to learn this for themselves. Infatuation can feel like love for the first time, so a lot of people make that mistake.

Q: I went to watch some bands play tonight - and I made the mistake of attending the after party.

It ended up being between 15-20 people in one side of this duplex. When we originally decided to go, no one had alcohol and it was getting too late to buy anything. However, when I got there they had a few mostly empty bottles, but they were nearly empty from before. I don't think a single person there got drunk.

There was a noise complaint~

The police showed up, someone answered the door - then slammed it in the officers face. The person then proceeded to lock the doors, turn all the lights off, close the curtains and get everyone upstairs.

A 15 year old girl had to leave due to curfew, and since neither she or I drank, I decided to walk her out and see what the cop situation was outside. The police came up to us and the three officers asked us a few questions. They asked if we had been drinking in there - we said "no", they asked if we had been smoking pot in there - we said "no", they asked who owned the house, we gave them as much of an answer as we could - since they were already running the address trying to find the owner.

Then they asked how many people were in there, we said we didn't know most of the people in there, and we hadn't been there long. But we thought 7 or 8 people were still in there.

They ran the plates of all the cars parked outside, and they claimed to have seen a person holding a beer while they were looking through the windows. They took our word for it that we didn't drink, and they let us go without a breathalizer or a search. They just ran our ID's.

The cops eventually got inside of the house by contacting the owner of the house and getting permission to enter.

After that semi-long story, we get to the question:

Since kids were drinking inside (some/all of which were minors by a year or two.) but I wasn't. I left and gave the police all the compliance they asked for. Since i'm 18, and I was there - even though I didn't drink at all - Is there anything the police can do to me at this point?

Well, usually the cops don't arrest anyone for underage drinking. For the most part, they just scare you a bit.

If they let you go, they probably won't pursue it any further.

Q: i have smoked pot a couple of time....and cigerettes. my mom and dad know about the cigerettes...but not the pot. do i need to talk to someone about my problem....or should it phase?

Actually, I hate to do this but I'm disagreeing.

Pot smoking is only really a problem if it's taking a lot of time out of other things. A little pot every once in a while doesn't constitute a problem. Here are some signs of it becoming a problem:

* More frequent use
* Needing more and more to get the same effect
* Spending time thinking about using marijuana
* Spending more money than you have on it
* Missing class or failing to finish assignments because of marijuana
* Making new friends who do it and neglecting old friends who don't
* Finding it's hard to be happy without it

Also, marijuana is not even close to as addictive as alcohol. If used infrequently, it's not addictive at all.

Long story short, I'd say not to tell your parents, because what they don't know won't kill them.

That said, marijuana is illegal in most places, so you shouldn't be doing it if it is. (that was my disclaimer :D)

Q: theres a guy who sits at my table, and i really liek him.Im usually a energetic, and loud person, but when i get in front of him, i shut down and look like a boring quiet person. Im really weak and i suddenly become clueless, and nervous inside. How should i open up and make him notice me more? Thank you so much.

Remember that this guy is a human being just like you... there's nothing threatening about just another person!

Also, it's ALWAYS better for the person to see who you usually are. That way they'll like you for yourself, not for what you seem to be. So if you (even subconsciously) think that he'll be scared off by you being loud and energetic, then maybe you aren't well suited for one another.

Q: Hi
Im 13
im 5foot 6 inch
and 160lbs

My friend says it doesnt matter i way that much coz i tallish
but i want a 2nd opinon .Am i overweight?

Well, it all depends upon your body composition. Do you work out a lot? Are you a large-boned person? Are you a stocky build?

I personally am a really muscular person, and I'm 5'7 and weigh 190 lbs. So really, 160 isn't a problem. Go more by how you feel and what you look like to judge your healthy weight, rather than what the so-called 'norm' is.

Q: Okay i was taught that anyhting with seeds are fruits: examples: apples, oranges, kiwi, tomato(it is a fruit!) etc. and the foods without seeds are vegetables: brocolli, celery, zuchinni..etc. Is this right?

So then is a pickle a fruit?\IDK!

Well, a pickle is neither in the strictest sense.

A pickle is just a cucumber soaked in a brine solution.

Whether or not it's a vegetable depends upon your definition. So if you define a cucumber to be a vegetable, then so is a pickle!

Q: I underestimated the amount of time it would take for me to cover ten chapters so my only option right now, aside from failing the midterm, is to pull an all-nigher! However, I can't seem to stop falling asleep at periods of time...

I need something that will keep me awake!

Energy drinks won't work. Caffeine has the opposite effect on me.

Any suggestions?

Okay, don't take pep pills. They're terrible for you. So is overdosing on caffeine.

What I suggest (and what got me through tons of all-nighters) is a 20 minute nap. No longer, no shorter. It refreshes you pretty much instantly, and it doesn't take too much time out of studying.

Q: Ok so I have this biology project and i'm totally stressing out and can't find any information. I really need to know what happens if a sperm or egg cell has too many or too few chromosomes? If anyone can help or recomment any websites that'd be great!!
Thanks

Well, I do know that if there is an extra chromosome, Down's Syndrome can occur. Other than that, none come to mind.

Q: Hi,

I have the most amazing fiance in the world. I love him with all of my heart and we are going to get married in a few months. Hes 100% Italian which i love and im not italian but i love italians and we want to name out children with italian names. unfortuanltey, his little sister is named Chiara which i LOVE so we cant really name out baby that. here are some italian names that i like:

GIRLS-
gianna
bianca
lia
terra
cara
mea
isabella
gia
roma
sienna
natalia
katarina

BOYS-
gianni
trey
luca
nico
giovanni
gino
matteo
leone

any more italian names that are cute?
thanks

It's only one name, but it's my favourite girls' name... if I ever have a little girl it's what I'm going to name her.

My grandmother on my father's sides's name was Rosina, and I think it's beautiful!

Q: I really like fruits. I make LIME-enade (like lemonade but with lime)every day and drink it.

For the first time this month my dad noticed and yelled at me because he said drinking one glass using a whole lime a day is bad and that it's just like drinking vinegar, it'll like shrink your organisms and then you'll have trouble eating and digesting food, something like that.

I thought it was good for you though because of the "you should have atleast 3-4 servings of fruit a day".

Sometimes my friends have those drinking contests and who and drinks the most wins. I like to make it healthy by making them drink PURE LIME juice without any sugar or water at all.

But after what my dad told me, I'm not sure no more: is it good for you or bad? By the way, this is what and how much I use for my one glass of LIMEenade a day: One whole lime, SQUEEZED, water filled to the top, and sugar.

Well, it is like drinking vinegar in that it's highly acidic. Vinegar has a pH of 2.4 , and pure lime juice has a pH of 2.1, so it's actually more acidic. Also, it's a stronger solution than vinegar, which is usually very dilute.

The lime juice could be bad for you in one sense... because of the high acid content, it could cause ulcers in your stomach or esophagus if you drink it every day in large amounts.

It won't "shrink your organisms" (whatever that means!)

You should have 3-4 servings of fruit a day, but there are less acidic options. How about making a few glasses using a whole lime? It won't be as strong, but it'll be easier on your system.

Q: i have been feeling very fluish and had some mono symtoms and i am very tierd to...i got tested for mono twice and both have come back negative...is it possible that i have it still and its not showing up? could it perhaps be lupus?

It all depends on how long this has been going for.

If it's been a short period of time, then it's likely just the flu.

If it has been an ongoing problem, have you had your blood iron tested? A lot of teenagers (especially girls) have low blood iron, which leads to a lack of energy.

Don't self-diagnose... your doctor always knows better. Remember, they went to school for at least 8 years for it.

Q: Ok: 20 yr old guy, kinda likes 19 yr old girl. what is the best way to ask out if said guy is shy for the following reasons: 1-He has not had much luck in this area ever. 2-Unsure of how girl will react(Will she laugh, think i am dumb etc...).
This is slightly confusing, some outside opinions would be appreciated.
Thanks.

Don't worry! I'm 19, my boyfriend is 20, and we were in the same situation pretty much.

Do you know the girl well? Is she a friend? Or even just an acquaintance? Try hanging out with her more often, and incorporate special things into it. For instance, I was just hanging out as friends with the guy I'm now dating, and he started inviting me over for dinners that he cooked himself, and when we watched movies, he started putting his arm around me. Asking a girl out doesn't necessarily mean you have to flat-out ask her... if she seems uncomfortable with the attention, then back off a little.

Q: so today, this kid told me he went to the bathroom and got stoned..and its true he did cause he was acting really weird and his face was all messed up when he got back. But i just don't understand how he could do that and not get caught or how he was able to do that in the bathroom, or like what he was getting stonned on?

If the smoke detectors in the bathroom don't go off, then it's quite possible to get stoned. I wouldn't recommend it, but it's possible.

It's hard to tell exactly what he got stoned on, but it was likely marijuana, because that's the most easily accessible and most commonly done drug.

Q: Talk about bad hair days...I suffer with at least 3-4 a week. It's not that I use cheap shampoo or don't buy stuff for my hair...it' really wild...(sorry bout this) but my hair is like hagrid's from HP. Yeah and it looks awful.

Now I know I'll never have Jessica Simpson or Jessica Alba hair, but I want to get a hair cut on Friday. Something new. Something that can work with any mood; loose; ponied; straightened; curled...anything! I'm thinkin something short(shoulder length or about 1-2 inches below), layered and neat.

Does anyone know if this will work with my rounded face...and if anyother suggestions arrise please advise me on what to do

thanks,
bad hair day's everyday!

The best way to get the haircut you're looking for is to work with the hairdresser. Just tell them exactly what you said on here... how your hair behaves normally, how you want it to work, and they'll work in your face shape.

These people have been cutting hair for a long time, so they know their stuff!

bio

My Personal Forum

My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

In my last 8 years with Advicenators, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.

Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier. I credit Advicenators with saving my life back when I was a teenager, which is a big part of why I'm still here.

I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.