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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
19/f and my brother is 7.
For Christmas my parents usually spend the same amount on both of us. My parents told me that as long as I'm living under their roof, I'll have a Christmas, which I appreciate greatly; even though Christmas isn't about gifts. It's still good to recieve stuff when you don't have the money to afford it for yourself.
Well anyways; my brother wants junk. Every year he askes for stuff and he either breaks it after a week, or doesn't play with it after a couple of days. They spent $560 dollars on him this Christmas.
Well, for my Christmas, I wanted a Yorkie, A laptop, a Camera, and a stocking (those are my favorite)
and my boyfriend and my parents split the yorkie (150 a piece) and my mom and dad said thats all I'm getting for Christmas. Which is cool, I love my puppy; but I don't see thats fair; or maybe I'm over reacting. I'm a college student, and I don't have my own computer; its my parents and I'm limited to 30 minutes a day; including when I have to do homework; so I'd really like a laptop to help me with school work; so I don't have to rush to write papers, ect. I told my mom, I'd be happy with a 320 dollar laptop from Walmart, and thats it for christmas; and the laptop along with the dog, doesn't even cost more than my brothers. This is something I could use for many years, not just a couple of weeks.
Any suggestions? If I'm over reacting, please let me know.
The Answer
I came from a family where there was a drastic different in age between the eldest and youngest siblings. My mother was fond of saying:
"It's perfectly Fair - it's just not The Same."
I think that applies quite well here. It's understandable that you are upset by this, but the expectation that a 7 year old and a 19 year old being treated 'the same' at Christmas time, has nothing to do with fairness. A 7 year olds needs, desires, wishes and expectations all year round, are completely different from a 19 year olds, and they are especially different at Christmas. Of course he wants disposable junk. He is seven. Of course your parents want to provide a different Christmas experience for him than you. He is seven. Fairness doesn’t always mean equal. You and he don’t get equal rights to drive the car, or to go out with friends, or to spend your own money, or probably even to basic privacy…
So, I think you are completely entitled to your hurt feelings, but that doesn’t mean your parents need to change their actions or are behaving unfairly, and you need to get past your unhappiness and accept that this decision really is theirs to make, even if you disagree with it.
However, you sound like you really could use a computer. It’s becoming a necessary tool for you.
So remove that from the ‘Christmas Gift’ discussion, and instead talk to your parents about needing the tool. Is there an arrangement they can come to with you to help you get this tool? Is there work around the house you could do to help earn this tool? Stop phrasing it as a ‘gift’ and start phrasing it as a “Of course you don’t want me hogging the family computer, but I need more freedom to do my school work. What can we figure out here?”
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The Question
Hello everyone,I love my boyfriend(well i just broke up with him yesterday) very much and i believe he loves me too.
I fight fair i don't say hurtful things,if i am the one at fault i apologize but i have never not even one said anything disrespectful to my boyfriend.Because i believe in respecting others and let them hold their dignity. My boyfriend on the other hand, he says mean things and does disrespectful things.For example he will answer me " what is it you wanted to say yesterday that was so important you cant repeat it now?" (If i ask him why i called him several times but he didnt pick up the day before), or "stop right there you are so annoying me right now,you can be mad all you want i dont care" or we having an important conversation on the phone,he puts me on hold five minutes later he texts me saying "call you right back" then like an hour later he tells me" my friends kidnapped me,i am out at the pub with them,what are you up too" ,which i find very disrespectful,if it was just a nonsense convo then yes but something important its wrong.The next day he says if he knew it was going to get me sad he wouldn't have done it.what i don't understand is , how he cant see that his kind of behaviour is just wrong before handy?I know its unfair for me to be putting things together but things have been happening like this a lot lately.Like girls posting pictures of him holding them on his lap on facebook and tagging him, or pretending to be sleeping on the couch with them,or him going to the movies with another girl and dinner without me knowing and yet i always make him know what am up too and make sure he is comfortable with it. At first he would say that he doesn't see anything wrong in what he does then he would come to me apologizing but how can someone not thing that taking pics with other girls on those kind of positions is plain wrong?I don't blame the girls i blame him,he should have refused ,or movies and dinner with another girl without their girlfriend being aware of it? the last fight we had, he posted my pic on his facebook for few hours on my birthday then took it off,i was upset that he did that since so far i've had 3 pictures of him and each has stayed for at least a week as my profile,thats when he said that i was too annoying and he did it to make it happy, that i was ungrateful,that i should be happy he put it there in the first place and i could get mad all i want he wouldn't care.But i have had his pictures for past year and it was his first time to have my picture. I am not saying he cant have female friends because thats just wrong i do have more male friends than female myself but i know where to draw the line and i guess he doesn't. I told him before that i dont like how he talks to me, and yesterday i repeated it again for the 3rd time and i asked him if i deserve to be talked to the way he did then he answered not everday but you got me mad i had the right to talk to you that way. Then i told him we were done,that i was ending the relationship,he just said " okay". Do you think that i overreacted?Ps we are attending different colleges right now.
The Answer
Dump him. Now.
This boy is emotionally manipulative, on the road to emotionally abusive.
He doesn't take ownership of his own reactions or behavoir. His mistakes will always be 'your fault' in some way. You can't reason with that, you only escape it.
He might love you, but he has proven beyond the shadow of a doubt that he cannot behave lovingly towards you.
It's a good thing - a great thing really - that you can see that what he is doing is completely wrong. You probably do have your own faults and struggles - but whatever your faults - they don't mean you deserve the shit he doles out.
End the relationship. It doesn't matter why he does it, or if he knows that he is doing it or not. You can't allow this to be done to you anymore. End the relationship and make peace with not knowing why he is this particular kind of fucked up.
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The Question
I have a cross breed between Rottweiler, Golden Retriever and Labrador puppy. She's 7 months old and i realize i made the big mistake of doting her last 3 days since i just got her making her thinking she's the boss. And i was eager to show her she's not, its been 3 days since I do everything i learn from a friend of my mine who has experience in dogs.But lately, when i look at her, she looks away but her ears were perch up like she's the alpha.And sometimes when I let her roam free of my yard because i live in rural area and there's no reason why i should leash her when i'm home, during this time she's all alpha but when I put a leash on her when i take her to the park, she's all submissive.
So in actuality, is she getting submissive or still dominant or she getting to be submissive?
The Answer
It's been three days and you've made some important progress. She's stil
It's a bit too soon though to be diagnosing her as 'still dominant'.
Give it a bit more time to for you both to figure yourselves out. If there are situations where she is taking charge and being disobedient, those are the areas you'll need to work on.
If she is not behaving when she is off leash in your yard, you could start by not letting her simply run free in your backyard, but by beginning and end these 'run free' times with some off leash obedience training. You don't want her to think she is off the hook just cause she is off the leash.
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The Question
My friends and I want to go to Montreal to celebrate New Years Eve, so it would probably only be a few day stay. Do I need to acquire a passport for this?
I am an 18 year old United States citizen living in Boston, Massachusetts.
The Answer
Yes. You need a passport to get into Canada, and back into the States. American citizens visiting Canada do not need a visa, a passport is sufficient.
You will not be let into Canada without one (and even if you could get into Canada without a passport, the US board guards would not be obliged to let you back into the US without proof of citizenship - i.e., a passport).
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The Question
Hi.. My ex-boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago which we have been in a relationship for 4 months. Before he broke up with me, he always tells me he loves me whenever we make out and I will stay over at his house every alternative weekends to pass our time being together since we are busy at work on the weekdays. Throughout our relationship, I was very indeed very happy to be able to be myself and felt very comfortable being with him.
We even went for a vacation outside of the city when we are just 3 months in a relationship, just the two of us. But things went downhill after the vacation where he started to feel that his love for me compared to his ex was not that great. He told me that he will fix this relationship up because it might be that the relationship was still new and it needs time to develop the feeling. I did not see that the problem will arise because all these while we were happy being together and two weeks later, he break the relationship off with me. The reason was he was unsure what he wants in a relationship and what he expects for his future wife to be. He even told me that he can't give his 100% love to anyone right now as he felt that relationship was a burden due to the commitment he needs to give in. I felt hurt because he gave up so easily on the relationship without fixing things with me and I stayed in no contact rules with him (no texting, no phone calls).
Within two weeks of our break up, I noticed that he was seeing someone new and updating his status on how great the outing was, he misses someone. On that weekend, he did find me to chat over the messenger and he even shared with me his good news on his work. I just kept my cool by replying him short replies. I do not know whether what I did was right or wrong? Another two weeks passed, with no mistake.. he changed his relationship status as "in a relationship" on his facebook and he even changed his profile picture with his current girlfriend now. I felt hurt and angry which leads me to delete him off as a friend on facebook.
Can anyone advise me what actually a rebound relationship is and does it usually happen on the dumpee or the dumper? will a rebound relationship happen even if our relationship being together was just for a short period of time? I am really confused and all the questions kept on popping on my head whether does he really mean it when he told me that he loves me? Does the break up affect him due to the level of intimacy we had in the past which leads him to jump into a new relationship after 2 weeks of our break up?
The Answer
Labels like 'rebound' aren't going to help you right now.
Relationships that begin as a 'rebounds' can turn into wonderful, long-term, relationships. It happens. There is no way at the beginning to know which is which. There is nothing to be gained by dwelling on questions that have no answers.
It's tough. I think it's the toughest things about a breakup: Learning to accept the 'not knowing'.
You can't know if he really meant it when he said he loved you.
You can't really know if your relationship with him was a 'rebound'.
You can't know what effect your relationship had on his choice to jump into a new relationship so quickly.
It's normal to be haunted by these sorts of questions after a breakup, but you'll never get reliable answers. Peace will come to you when you accept 'not knowing'.
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The Question
We are both older women. My friend was mildly angry with me, over a misunderstanding that sorely inconvencienced her. The same week, I had borrowed her computer. I forgot to log out, so she went and deleted my most recent 800 career-related E-mails. I asked her why she did it. She said, "Because you don't need so many". But, I think she did it out of anger. In 5 years, she has never hurt me before. She is manic-depressive. She says she is taking her meds. I told her I wished she hadn't done that. She said it would give me even more computer speed (false). Obviously I won't use her computer anymore, but should I file a police report, stop visiting her, or just forgive her? Does this mean she is a dangerous person?
The Answer
I feel like a great deal is missing from your question. It makes it very difficult to answer.
You've known her for years. She's manic-depressive. She's likely gone through ups and downs over those years. You are probably the best judge of whether or not she is dangerous.
Did she behave maliciously? Yes. But it's possible that with her mental illness she is able to recognize her own behavoir.
If she can't understand what she did and why it was wrong, there isn't much point in going on blaming her, and you are left to decide if you can still be friends with someone who gets that out of touch with reality.
Again, that is a decision only you can make.
The police are unlikely to do very much for you - What she did was illegal, but it is more difficult to make a case if you left the e-mail up on her computer.
In your position, depending on what I knew about her mental health and ability to comprehend what had happened, I'd probably cool down the friendship and back off a bit.
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The Question
so i'm a sophomore in high school. and i like a junior. i'ved liked this guy for 4 years. and he's known ever since i was in 7th grade and he was in 8th grade. him and all his friends stare at me all the time. but the only thing is, he's the hottest guy in the school and mad popular. i think i'm in love with him. is it possible to love someone you've never talked to before? i just don't know. do you think he might secretly like me? because when its just me and him in the hall i feel the tension and he constantly stares at me. and in school whenever i go to the bathroom he's always in the hall also. is it fate that brings us together? help please.
The Answer
No. This is not love, and it's not fate.
It's fantasy.
And this is fine and normal. It *could* even turn into a real loving relationship someday, but if that is what you want, you'll need to step it up, because right now it's just a fantasy in your head.
Give yourself a swift kick in the ass and start talking to him. Don't sit around and wait for 'fate' to do the hard work.
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The Question
Hi, I'm 14/f. (My birthday was yesterday!!!)
Which one of these options is the healthiest for a girl to take? I know to have sex at all is bad.
1: Not doing anything sexual at all, not even masturbating until youre married
2: Only masterbating until youre married
3: A mixture of masterbating and having sex with someone all your life
Any opinions will be appreciated. Thanks to all who answer (or comment) !!!
The Answer
Sex isn't bad or evil - it's just risky. At some points in our lives, the risks far outweigh the benefits, and we shouldn't be having sex.
Masturbation is perfectly normal and healthy, before you are married or after you are married, girl or guy. It makes no difference. Masturbation is harmless (as long as it doesn't become an obsession).
NOT masturbating isn't really harmful or unhealthy either. There have been a few small studies that suggest not masturbating might be a tiny bit unhealthy for men, but nothing similar for women.
Really, it's perfectly healthy to masturbate, and there are perfectly healthy and responsible ways to have sex outside of marriage too.
This isn't about what is good or bad, or healthy or unhealthy. This is about what you believe and how you choose to live your life. Whatever you believe and whatever you choose, there are healthy and unhealthy ways to follow through on those choices.
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The Question
I was at a church camp with my 1 friend. We were praying and suddenly a girl falls to the floor and speaks words no one could understand. And then my friend fel down and did the same. Some people were freacked out but so weren't it seemed normale. Al I want to know is...is it all true
The Answer
Since this much more an issue of spirituality and faith, not a matter of science and fact, you are going to get several answers. Fundamentally, how people choose to express and experience their faith is a matter of opinion, and people are entitled to believe whatever the want about ‘speaking in tongues’.
For some people, the idea of speaking in tongues is a part of their religious belief and practice. Its technical name is glossolalia - and it’s not just a Christian/Pentecostal thing (although it certainly does occur in the Bible at different times and in different ways) other religions have practiced glossolalia as well -Eastern and Pagan, and some New Age belief systems include it as well. It’s even been used in totally non-religious therapeutic practices. Just like punching a pillow or screaming at the top of your lungs, it can feel really freeing to just let go and vocalize without words.
Objectively speaking, there is really no evidence that speaking in tongues is anything but a perfectly natural thing (not supernatural, not spirits or demons). Most studies suggest really clearly that people learn to do it by watching others. Some people have appeared to do it spontaneously, but for most it's a learned behaviour based on mimicry and is an elective way to express your faith. Different faith groups even have different ‘styles’ of glossolalia that can be traced back to specific leaders in their groups showing their followers how to do it… People certainly do fake it. Many have admitted to faking it because others were doing it, or because it got them attention, or because they were taught they were supposed too... Others will swear on their lives that they really did experience the angels speaking through them - or whatever spiritual way they understand the phenomenon of speaking in tongues.
Of course, there is no reason to judge or question a person who chooses (or feels compelled) to speak in tongues as part of their religious observation. However, there is also no reason to accept any one religious explanation for the glossolalia over any other religion’s explanation - they are all equally about faith, not about evidence. The evidence says it’s straight-up imitation. Your faith can tell you something else if you’d like.
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The Question
My mother is dramatic and over exaggerates. I don't just say this because I am her daughter, she slams doors and has tantrums like a child and I have been trying really hard not to yell back and try to stay calm. Point is this Christmas my mother in law is spending in Texas my sister is spending with her mother in law, and I'm stuck alone with my mother. I personally don't want to spend it with her because the last time I spent Christmas just with her and my dad that left 4 years ago I was in my room and she fell asleep on the couch. We don't talk about stuff or have anything in common. How do I tell her I want to go out alone with my bf to dinner and have a romantic Christmas. She could spend it with my aunt, a close friend or my sister and her mother in laws family because they get along. But I know when and if I tell her, she is going to flip out and cry and tell me I don't care about her and I only care about my dad because he gives me money. Than she goes off to say all these horrible things about my dad. We are European and so if anyone can relate you know what I mean by the drama. What do I do?
The Answer
You just tell her.
And she is going to flip our and cry and being dramamtic and over exagerates.
You can't fix her. You don't get to fix her. You have to learn to stand up for yourself even if she is crazy. She's going to slam your dad and get huffy and punish you. 'Cause that is who she is.
You can live your life trying to manage her crazyness. Or you can face it and decide to live your life for yourself, and just let her have her craziness.
There is no solution to the problem, but it's a problem you can solve for yourself by not taking it on yourself.
(Although I will say, if you having Christmas with your boyfriend means your mother will be all by herself, you should reconsider. You don't want to be the reason she is alone on Christmas - that is too much to expect.)
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The Question
Can a college see your twitter profile if you have it set on private? And do colleges even check Twitter? I don't have have a Facebook (deactivated it months ago) but I'm always worried that colleges will find a way to check my tweets even though they are private. I don't have anything serious on twitter, but a lot of my tweets are basically complaining! If colleges can see that, I'm ready to deactivate that too.
The Answer
Not many colleges bother.
A few competitive graduate programs or scholarship applications might, and like AdviceMistress said, a good number of employers will, especially if you are looking at a field like marketing, communications, sales - anything were communications skills are central.
Of course, if they are private tweets they won’t be able to anyways. So you've done what you should do as far as maintaining that sort anonymity on twitter.
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The Question
I am a 31 year old female, about 12 years ago i was diagnosed with a sexual disorder ( cant remember the name of it) that basically was the female equivalent of blue balls, but it would not go away through masturbation i had to actually have sex with a man something about the combination of his hormones mixing with mine. About a year ago all that stopped ( i thought for good) but this week it has kind of come back with a vengeance. is this really normal or could it be that disorder again? masturbation is only making it way worse and i am getting off pretty good but 5 mins later seems like it is worse than before. please help, if you have any suggestions. Oh and before it gets said i do have a boyfriend, he works and is gone 4 days a week then is home 4 days and while he is home we prolly have sex an average of 4-6 times.
The Answer
Go back to a doctor.
Congestion of fluid in the genitals can absolutely cause pain before, during or after sex. It can be extremely painful for women, and it’s similar to what causes ‘blue balls’.
However, you need to go back to a doctor, because "something about the combination of his hormones mixing with mine..." is absurd. Really. It is. Completely un-medical, wishy-washy nonsense. Either you misunderstood the information you received from your doctor, or your old doctor was just pulling stuff out of the air to try and explain your pain.
It’s understandable that vaginal penetration might be more satisfying and offer greater relief from the pain - but the likelihood of it having anything to do with the hormones of your sex partner is ridiculously low.
So go back to a doctor - preferable a gynaecologist - and follow up on the changes. It could be nothing but sexual function trouble, it could even be just a bad cycle, or it could be something more serious. You want to make sure you double-check the more serious possibilities. Only a doctor can do that for you.
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The Question
Hello,
20/m.
I'm thinking of a career in journalism, and so have thought about writing articles for some big blogs. These blogs have like 500,000 readers each month, and are well established.
The only problem is, whenever I think of something to write, it seems that someone has already written it. Because I have a few things going on at the moment, I also find it hard to write as much as these blogs require (usually 3 articles a week).
So would it be best if I just started my own blog? The only problem with that is, that I don't have as big of an audience? And the reason I'm doing this is to get experience and get my work published.
So yeah, my question: start my own blog, or write for other, well established blogs?
Thanks in advance! :)
The Answer
Both.
Honestly, if you are serious about making a career of it, do both.
Crack down on yourself and write things quickly and pitch them to these blogs as one-offs if you aren’t ready to commit to 3x weekly AND start your own blog to work yourself into the habit of producing regularly.
It's a really easy answer: Yes.
It's just had to do.
So, slog through the first few months of having no audience. Jump on Twitter and get involved in conversations with established bloggers or organizations. Build your audience the hard way.
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The Question
alright well i am a female 18 years old. I recently found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me. twice. I left him for about two weeks and I found out I was pregnant and it is his. So we talked and we are trying to work things out. But during the time he was cheating on me he hid me from everyone. NO ONE knew we were together and it was a good few months that everything was going on. He never screwed anyone else that i know of. but he was dating this other girl for a few weeks behind my back and then attempting to screw this one girl but I caught him before he did. he had all these girls all over him and now that we are trying to work it out he has it known we are together and stuff, but I'm still having a lot of issues. I know everyone will tell me I need to leave him but he swore on his unborn kids he will stay faithful this time. I want to give him one more shot before I call it quits. Not just for me but for the baby too. I'm angry that he hid me and that he lied to everyone. Everyone thinks he's "back with me" now, no one knows we were dating the whole time and i'm having severe insecurity issues. I think I have a right too. Hes kept to his word so far but lately he has been hanging out with his friend cory. I spent three days over at my boyfriends house and maybe got two hours of his time because they were in their "studio" making music. He thinks that just because he swore on our child that he can just go back to how it was and not make me feel secure at all. I see it differently and I have tried to tell him that. anyways how can I help to get myself through this. I find myself being clingy and obsessive over things and I'm angry all the time. I still hurt and jealous. What is the best way to cope with this and how can I approach him to let him know I need attention to feel like he really is committing himself? I know he hasn't cheated anymore but that doesn't solve all the problems.
The Answer
Leave him.
You are having trouble coping, because it's not something you should be capable of coping with. He isn't committing, because he never wanted too in the first place.
You want to give it one more shot before calling it quits? Quits has already been called. There is nothing left to work out.
He betrayed you, maliciously, wilfully and systematically for months. He is STILL lying to those around him about what took place. He is still failing to address your real concerns and him swearing to be faithful is neither believable nor good enough.
When you get the point where someone completely disregards your happiness to the extent he has, over and over again, and when you are 'angry all the time' there is nothing left to work out. The relationship is dead, and it should be.
Break up now and stop pretending that there is love here. There isn't.
Your best bet is to cut ties with him romantically, and focus on being the best parent you can be, and give yourself leave lay into him hard to be the best dad he can be, because he can't manage to be a half way decent boyfriend right now.
Your baby doesn't benefit by you being miserable and angry all the time. Your baby doesn't benift by you given trust where it's flat out stupid to trust. Your baby benefits from knowing and having a relationship with their father. That can be managed without you pretending he is a good romantic partner for you - he isn't.
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The Question
Okay, I know I should have respected his privacy, I feel bad about it, but I was just so curious! My older brother (I'm 14, he's 19- almost 20) is my best friend. We are super close, I love him more than anyone else in the world, and we tell each other everything-- EXCEPT things that involve our love lives (kissing and sexual stuff.) We never talk about that kind of thing because it would be too awkward. My brother is the nicest person in the world, and I would never have expected him to do some of these things... even though I guess he's old enough.
Anyway, my mom instructed me to read his texts if I got the chance while he was home from college, because she said that she should know what he's doing. He left his phone downstairs today, and to my horror, he and his girlfriend had been texting about how he "made her underwear wet and sticky" and how much she loved his "crisp, hard dick." Ahhhhh!!! I was actually horrified. I did not mention these texts to my parents or brother, nor do I intend to, but I am honestly emotionally scarred. I can't look at my brother the same way. I mean, I know people his age do stuff like that, he doesn't know what I've done with my boyfriend ( nothing like that!) but still. I'm just having a hard time coping with this. He's the sweetest, most innocent kid. I don't exactly know what advice I want... just something that will hopefully make me feel less disgusted and traumatized. Haha. I don't know how far this means they've gone... Ugh.
The Answer
Your mother behaved horribly! The only part about this I find shocking is that she asked you, her daughter, to invade your brother's privacy like that!
If she ever asks you to spy on your siblings again, tell her no. The only time that is acceptable is if you have strong reasons to be are concerned for their physical safety. Even then, a parent should take on that burden themselves, not foist it is on to their other children...
Honestly, the best thing you can do now is let it go. It doesn't matter 'how far they've gone'. They are adults, and entitled to go as far as they like, without you ever finding out. It's normal to be disturbed and curious, but it's also normal to take a deep breath and let it go. You just found out, so you're shocked, but that will pass pretty quickly if you let it.
He IS a sweet and wonderful guy. He is also a young adult who sexually active. It'll take a little bit of time, but you'll realize soon enough that both those things can be true.
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The Question
i had this friend ever since freshman year. let's call her A. anyway. A and I are seniors but over the summer and this year our friendship has been fading into almost nothing. It was uncomfortable for me to be around her for some reason. She wanted me to go to Emporia with her so we could be roomates but i didn't really want to roomate with her. i told A I got into Emporia, but she hadn't heard anything from them yet (this is a good college for education, something we both wanted to do) and her reaction was exactly like this "WHAT! UGH!! WTF. i applied way before you did." I thought she'd be happy for me but I guess not. So recently I found out A had been talking to one of our mutual friends, emily, about me. She had told emily how i had gotten into Emporia before I did and how I had gotten into all these colleges and that I was indecisive about where I wanted to go and it made her mad about how indecisive i was. I had asked the Emily what she said and she confirmed that she talked about my indecisiveness about college, but then I came to find out A had told another Emily in our class the same thing. So that was at least two people she was complaining to me about. I'm a little offended that she talked about me behind my back. what should i do about A?
The Answer
Chill out, have some sympathy and be the bigger person.
She's scarred, hurt and worried about her applications to school. It's hard to talk about being scarred, so instead she is talking about your indecisiveness.
It's rude, but unless she makes a habit of that kind of nastiness, it should also be forgivable. She is under a lot of stress and her plans for the next several YEARS of her life, have not played out yet. That is really, really scary. It makes the best of people selfish and annoying.
Yes - it would be better if she could find a better way to deal with her anxiety and stress, but be the bigger person and have some empathy for her unhappiness. Don't pick a fight because she is complaining about you being indecisive, just find other people to talk about your choices with.
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The Question
I love my boyfriend, but he is such a bigot! He believes blood is blue if de-oxygenated, global warming is a government conspiracy, racism is totally ok, and that dinosaurs never existed. I am a very scientifically inclined person; and I am appalled by his lack of general knowledge. How can I convince him of the truth?!?
The Answer
I second Xenolan: You probably can't.
He got through basic schooling without being informed that some of these very basic ideas (blue blood, dinosaurs didn't exist...) being dislodged from his thick skull. It's very likely that he has many years, and many experiences, supported by other people in his life, that have supported these backwards beliefs.
You are asking to how to convince him that he, and many people he respects, have been wrong for years. He's not going to be receptive to that. No one likes to hear that.
I think you need to shift how you are phrasing the problem:
You don't 'disagree' with your boyfriend. You (and the rest of objective reality) are violently opposed to his some of his chosen myths. You mention not only harmless untruths, but also deeply dangerous areas of ignorance that could lead to completely immoral actions.
You can firmly and gently guide him closer to rational thought, but the sad truth is, you are unlikely to make much headway.
So do the best you can. You might offer him fun but interesting books like "Why People Believe Weird Things", which I've certainly given to more reasonable people before to help them see why those ideas are so attractive - and so wrong.
But in the end, although all your work might leave him better off than you found him, I also have to agree with Xenolan on his final point: This is probably not a good match for you in the long term. These beliefs don't change overnight, and sometimes they never change at all.
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The Question
I don't know what's wrong with me, but I ALWAYS seem to go after the guys who are either in a relationship, or in this case married. There's this married guy, only two years older than me, so it's not like he's old or anything, who has been giving me some pretty strong signals. We flirt all the time. And it's reached the point where I'm actually wanting to hook up with him due to all the sexual attraction. What do I do? I know it's wrong because he's married...but he's not making it easy on me to just forget about it. So what are some things that we can do to go beyond flirting but not full on cheating?
The Answer
Nothing.
There is nothing 'sexual' that isn't cheating.
Let's be totally fucking honest here:
Cheating is betrayal. It's the breaking of an agreement. It's lying. It's breaking the rules.
Do you think his wife knows he's flirting with you? Do you think thier marriage includes the agreement that lying and flirting with other women is okay?
Probably not. Which means he is ALREADY cheating on her. He is ALREADY betraying her trust and misleading her, and you're helping him do it.
Stop pretending that it's not 'full on cheating'. Stop trying to make excuses. What you are doing is not acceptable, so stop it.
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The Question
why can't a guy text a girl without being a total creep? Every guy that texts me either want to have phone sex with me or talks about sex in general and asks me personal questions about my sex life. I'm a virgin. I plan on waiting atleast until I find the right person. I don't want to have phone sex with some random. I know the guys that are texting me, like they go to my school but I never talk to them in person. Why can't a guy just be friends with a girl? I'm 17 btw if that matter. I know that's all guys think about at that age but seriously how can they expect to get any if they're that creepy? I want a guy best friend, why is that so hard to find?!?!
The Answer
Although it sounds a bit nasty, I'm convinced most men are well into their twenties before they learn how to have female friends.
I went to a really liberal school and grew up in very progressive community, but even still, it was late into my university years before most guys learned that they didn't have to be trying to sleep with every girl they have a decent conversation with. They were learning (and so were the girls) what an adult friendship actually looked like and behaved like. It's not something we are born knowing how to do, and there is a long time in our teens and young adulthood when sex colours every encounter we have. There is no escaping it - only learning to navigate it.
I think Ninja gave you fantastic advice - spot on. Join a club and approach the guys who seem like nice people. Guys who are not looking for sex don't have the same urgent need to approach every new girl they meet (especially since that girl is likely to misunderstand, or even resent, their approach). Being friends, means not sitting around and waiting for the ‘guy you like’ to pay attention to you. You wouldn’t start a friend with another girl that way, would you? Probably not. So be a friend, and be willing to approach guys for friendship.
Some guys might misunderstand your approaching them - but the one who get it, are the ones you can have a substantial friendship with.
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The Question
my grandma had twins, no one has had twins in that family yet, my boyfriends mom had twins and no one in that family had twins yet, whats my chances?
The Answer
Depends. Did they have fraternal twins or identical twins?
If they had identical twins, then you chances are about the same as everyone else's. Identical twins are 'almost' random. Having a history of identical twins in your family only makes you very, very slightly more likely to have twins than a person who doesn't have a family history. (It should be said, some ethnicities do seem to have a greater occurrence of idenitcal twins...)
Fraternal twins do have a genetic component. Fraternal twins "run in families" on the mother's side only, if she inherits the gene for hyper ovulation. So your boyfriend's family history doesn't matter. Only yours. And if you carry the gene for hyper ovulation. (And it doesn't 'skip a generation' it just 'skips the guys' and only affects females.)
Of course, you CAN have twins without carrying the gene for hyper ovulation, but in that cases the chances of twins are the same roll of the dice as anyone else.
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