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How do I tell my mom I want to go out alone with my bf to dinner and have a romantic Christmas?
My mother is dramatic and over exaggerates. I don't just say this because I am her daughter, she slams doors and has tantrums like a child and I have been trying really hard not to yell back and try to stay calm. Point is this Christmas my mother in law is spending in Texas my sister is spending with her mother in law, and I'm stuck alone with my mother. I personally don't want to spend it with her because the last time I spent Christmas just with her and my dad that left 4 years ago I was in my room and she fell asleep on the couch. We don't talk about stuff or have anything in common. How do I tell her I want to go out alone with my bf to dinner and have a romantic Christmas. She could spend it with my aunt, a close friend or my sister and her mother in laws family because they get along. But I know when and if I tell her, she is going to flip out and cry and tell me I don't care about her and I only care about my dad because he gives me money. Than she goes off to say all these horrible things about my dad. We are European and so if anyone can relate you know what I mean by the drama. What do I do?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I'm not sure if your writing from the U.S. or Europe. Where I live in the U.S., very close to the Nations Capital, many restaurants close Christmas eve around Eight O'clock. I've also lived in other major cities in the U.S. and the closing times for them differed some but most closed early on Christmas Eve.
If this is true were you live maybe there is a compromise that you can offer your mom. You can go out and have dinner with your boyfriend then come back have a drink with your mom and exchange present. After an hour or so you leave telling her you have to go to his parents house, I'm guessing they live near by, to exchange presents with them.
You could even enlist the help of the people you wrote about by asking them to invite mom over Christmas eve. Then foster the idea of her accepting the invitation thus freeing your evening to spend with your boyfriend.
Mom is probably lonely. Sure she may have fallen asleep on the couch but took comfort that you were there even if you were in your room. She was not alone on such an important holiday.
Holidays such as Christmas can be extremely lonesome when a person is by themselves. There is comfort when someone else is present even if you are in separate parts of the house.
You don't say how old you are or why you live at home with mom. If you are over 18 you are an adult you are entitled to your own life. If your over 21 your entitlement increases as your dependant status, at least in the U.S. on parents end. So think about the suggestions I have offered then do what you think best. But you have every right to have an enjoyable evening with your BF and if mom throws a fit, let her. Don't let her tantrums control you which is what she is doing. If you don't they will stop.
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I just had this talk with my mother actually. Christmas is really suppose to be spent with family and that's understandable. As a kid I'm sure you spent plenty of time with your family. I understand you want to spend it with your husband but you have to give a little to get a little. Why can't you go over for an hour or two exchange gifts and then go off for a romantic night with your husband? That way she can't say that you weren't there or that you don't care. I know you want to do what you want to do but she is your mother after all. Good luck and I hope you have a great Christmas!
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You just tell her.
And she is going to flip our and cry and being dramamtic and over exagerates.
You can't fix her. You don't get to fix her. You have to learn to stand up for yourself even if she is crazy. She's going to slam your dad and get huffy and punish you. 'Cause that is who she is.
You can live your life trying to manage her crazyness. Or you can face it and decide to live your life for yourself, and just let her have her craziness.
There is no solution to the problem, but it's a problem you can solve for yourself by not taking it on yourself.
(Although I will say, if you having Christmas with your boyfriend means your mother will be all by herself, you should reconsider. You don't want to be the reason she is alone on Christmas - that is too much to expect.)
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