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trying to work things out
alright well i am a female 18 years old. I recently found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me. twice. I left him for about two weeks and I found out I was pregnant and it is his. So we talked and we are trying to work things out. But during the time he was cheating on me he hid me from everyone. NO ONE knew we were together and it was a good few months that everything was going on. He never screwed anyone else that i know of. but he was dating this other girl for a few weeks behind my back and then attempting to screw this one girl but I caught him before he did. he had all these girls all over him and now that we are trying to work it out he has it known we are together and stuff, but I'm still having a lot of issues. I know everyone will tell me I need to leave him but he swore on his unborn kids he will stay faithful this time. I want to give him one more shot before I call it quits. Not just for me but for the baby too. I'm angry that he hid me and that he lied to everyone. Everyone thinks he's "back with me" now, no one knows we were dating the whole time and i'm having severe insecurity issues. I think I have a right too. Hes kept to his word so far but lately he has been hanging out with his friend cory. I spent three days over at my boyfriends house and maybe got two hours of his time because they were in their "studio" making music. He thinks that just because he swore on our child that he can just go back to how it was and not make me feel secure at all. I see it differently and I have tried to tell him that. anyways how can I help to get myself through this. I find myself being clingy and obsessive over things and I'm angry all the time. I still hurt and jealous. What is the best way to cope with this and how can I approach him to let him know I need attention to feel like he really is committing himself? I know he hasn't cheated anymore but that doesn't solve all the problems.
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This is tough, I'm sure its tough for you. But you can't stress. I know its hard, but stress isn't good for the baby. I understand completely that you want it to work because of your unborn child, and that is OKAY! Nothing wrong with that. If he has kept his promise so far, than I wouldn't leave him.
Sure you are going to have trust issues, and who would blame you? This guy took your trust, stomp on it, and didn't even think twice. Personally, baby or not, I wouldn't want him. I'd raise the baby on my own. He isn't worthy of his child.
BUT, thats me. We are talking about you.
So I'm going to break this down piece by piece.
You need to sit down and talk to him. Tell him after all the things he has done to you that you really need him to be there physically and support your emotional needs. Tell him you aren't trying to be clingy or obessive, and if he thinks you are, its not your fault. It's his. He's the reason why your scared for him to leave your side, and he's the reason why your becoming obessive. You need to tell him that you are proud of him for the progress he has made. If a guy believe he isn't getting noticed for the good he is doing, than chances are he will go back to his old ways. YOu need to let him know that you see the good he is doing, so he will have the motivation to keep on the right path.
Of course you are still hurt and jealous! I give you major props for even wanting to work things out with him. Congrats to you. Time heals all. Your giong to continue to be hurt and jealous until you honestly believe within your heart that he has changed for the good, and not just for the time being. That will also come in time.
Just try to take a few breathers and relax. Stress isn't good for the baby and it can cause some pregnancy delivery problems.
Good Luck.
If you need anything else, please do not heistate to inbox me!
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Leave him.
You are having trouble coping, because it's not something you should be capable of coping with. He isn't committing, because he never wanted too in the first place.
You want to give it one more shot before calling it quits? Quits has already been called. There is nothing left to work out.
He betrayed you, maliciously, wilfully and systematically for months. He is STILL lying to those around him about what took place. He is still failing to address your real concerns and him swearing to be faithful is neither believable nor good enough.
When you get the point where someone completely disregards your happiness to the extent he has, over and over again, and when you are 'angry all the time' there is nothing left to work out. The relationship is dead, and it should be.
Break up now and stop pretending that there is love here. There isn't.
Your best bet is to cut ties with him romantically, and focus on being the best parent you can be, and give yourself leave lay into him hard to be the best dad he can be, because he can't manage to be a half way decent boyfriend right now.
Your baby doesn't benefit by you being miserable and angry all the time. Your baby doesn't benift by you given trust where it's flat out stupid to trust. Your baby benefits from knowing and having a relationship with their father. That can be managed without you pretending he is a good romantic partner for you - he isn't.
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