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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
So i have had braces for almost 2 years now and my gums are very swollen. In between some teeth the gum has "dropped" down very far. I have seen people for it but they haven't really done anything and say that the gums over grow or something some times..
Anyways, last night I drank a lot of pop, I know i'm not suppose to but oh well it already happened. but I woke up this morning and tons of plaque was on my front 6 bottom teeth, I did brush last night. I barely ever floss.. but this morning in between my front 2 teeth on the bottom.. my gum has come up about halfway of my teeth.. like something is stuck there.. well I flossed all of my teeth as soon I saw this hoping they will be okay and hoping this gum tissue will go back down soon.
Do you guys think it will? or what can I do?
It is very noticeable and looks terrible and it is already bad enough to have braces and have bad gums on the top of my mouth but now it seem that the bottom are getting worse after last night.
Thanks
The Answer
Go to your dentist and ask for help.
You might benefit from more frequent cleanings. You might benefit from a prescription anti-bacterial mouthwash.
In the meantime, an antibacterial mouthwash would likely help reduce any swelling, but in the end, you really need to ask these questions of a dentist.
You would definitely benefit from flossing more. I really hated flossing when I had my braces, so I definitely sympathize. (Okay, I still kind of hate it now...) It takes forever, it's painful and ugly looking. I've always had pretty lousy gums, so it's never been easy or fun. The way I dealt with it was to floss one half of my mouth in the morning and one half at night. That way I wasn't suffering through the whole thing all at once and giving up out of disgust.
Most of what is aggravating your gums is almost definitely stuck between your teeth. That's just biology.
So, get some mouthwash, see a dentist, and just suck it up and floss.
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The Question
What are your thoughts and opinions when you see someone "sagging" their pants or jeans?
I myself think its a nasty disgusting way to attract attention. I've seen guys walk around holding their pants with their pants hanging down to their knees, I'm not lying. I don't understand why they just don't wear a belt instead of having their pants to their knees and struggling to walk. How does it make you react? What should be the fines and punishment for sagging? Should all states have laws against sagging? Why do you think they do this?
The Answer
Why do they do this?
Because they see other people doing it, probably other people they like or want to be like, so they think it's the thing to do.
They might even be right! They might be right that wearing their pants like a moron is the right way to get respect from other people who wear their pants that way...
Should there be laws/fines or punishment for it?
Hell no. Maybe, maybe it should be an issue if say, it's impeding their ability to drive a car, but otherwise no. What you wear is no business of a law. You can dress like a moron if you want. You can dress like a fricking circus clown if you want. It's not a crime.
How does it make you react?
I think it's childish and silly. I haven't taken anyone who dressed like that very seriously since I was thirteen. I point these people out to my friends and we laugh at them for waddling like penguins. I would never date someone who dressed this way. I probably wouldn't hire someone who dresses this way to do very many jobs.
But I also don't waste too much time worrying about it. Lots of people dress in careless or silly ways. Today I saw a girl whose left butt cheek was hanging out of her shorts... I can't save her from this sort of thing any more than I can make guys stop wearing their jeans around their knees. What I can do is choose my friends and acquaintances based on whatever criteria I might like (the criteria 'Must not wear your pants down around your knees' is fine) and laugh at people I think look silly.
Most things like this are better approached with a sense of humor and an appreciation for the absurd, rather than with disgust and anger.
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The Question
My mom and I do NOT get along. She's very manipulative,mentally abusive and borderline bipolar She fights with me on everything and threatens me all the time and demands money out of me.
I just got out of school last Friday and I graduate on the 9th.
Every day she comes home and screams at me that I haven't started working yet (I've only been home 5 days). She claims Im just "effing around' at home and wasting her money and time (Even though she gets 1k in child support every month until I turn 18) and no matter how many times I tell her I've filled out over 40 applications already she never believes me and continues to call me an idiot and worthless. She refuses to pay for anything and never saved up any money for me at all yet she wants to take money away from me (she says she wants half of every paycheck when I get a job on top of the child support she already gets). I've always taken care of myself and I've done really good in school. I'm an Honors student with college level certifications and the presidential volunteer award before I've even graduated from HS.
Anyways. Today out of the blue an idea came into my head on how to get out of here.
I have an older brother (about 32) who lives in a fairly large city with a house right by the beach. He's having some trouble paying for things because his roommate totaled both his cars and she's unemployed with only minor social security/disability coming through. My brother is the only one working. She has a 10 year old son she loves dearly but she can't see him because she doesn't have a car to get to him to and from school so she lost custody of him.
I'm thinking if I start looking at jobs where they are now I could most likely find one there much easier than finding one here (I live in a small town) and if they let me take one of the rooms or half even of one of the rooms I could help them out with the bills and watch her son and even help put in money for a car for all of us to use and my brother could teach me to drive it. I can cook and clean as well so it would take a lot of responsibility off their shoulders and they could just relax. I'd be in a much better home and in a town with much more possibilities.
I would just need to find a way to get past my mom on it as I'm sure my brother (we get along very well) and his roommate would love any help they can get. I would also be closer to my dad so if I ever needed help from him or vice versa it would only be a 30min drive away vs the 4 hour drive I have right now living where I am.
I just need some ideas on how to get there without my mom trying to pull something insane over my head to trap me into staying with her.
Thank you so much for any advice. :)
The Answer
Adviceman is (very usually for him and I mean no offense...) wrong about you not being able to live somewhere else at 17.
You can, but you need to meet a few basic criteria:
Your mother must know where you are, and be able to contact you. If she can't, you might be listed as a runaway and your older brother could conceivably be charged with kidnapping.
So you can't just sneak off. You must tell her where you are living.
The cops will generally not (and in most states, legally cannot) force you back into your mother's home at the age of 17. In most states, if you as a minor leave the home of the custodial parent to reside with a non-custodial relative, it is a matter for family court and police wont get involved.
Unfortunately, leaving will not mean your father can just stop paying your mother child support. Legally, he'd need to keep paying until a family court says he can stop or should be refunded.
The best thing you can probably do at this point, is talk to your brother and father, and speak to a family lawyer about what the exact laws are in your state. There are some programs that will offer free legal help to young people, and even if you call up your old high school, they might be able to point you in the right direction to make sure you have your ducks in the row.
But in the end, you are entitled to leave and live in a safe home with another relative, so long as your custodial parent knows where you are and is able to contact you. It's not a criminal act and the police are extremely unlikely to drag you back home. It's a civil case, and would be handled in a family court if you mother, father or brother took it to a court. Your mother could take it to court to try and get a judge's order to force you back home. Your father could take it to court to end or change his child support payments. And your brother could take it to court to become a legal guardian and even, perhaps, receive child support payments on your behalf.
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The Question
Yeah that got your attention! haha, anyway I been watching a few dinosaur documentaries and I know its all computer animated but when a carnivore dies hunting for dinner, no other creature from that species seems to think "hey food."
So, moving to more modern times, I was wondering if, for example, A lion is walking around and getting hungry and see's a dead lion, is it going to eat it or will it continue on its path and get some zebra? lol
Just one of those thoughts that will bother me as it seems logical but I've never seen/heard of it being done!
The Answer
Actually, to use your example, lions do tend to chow down on their own dead.
Most carnivores will eat their dead in at least some cases. Many carnivores and omnivores will eat their own young - for example - still born babies or weak runts often become food for the adults around them, even healthy offspring can get eaten.
A lot of the larger carnivores out there are NOT scavengers though, so they tend to shy away from long-dead bodies. They know to protect themselves against bugs and spoiled food their bodies can't handle that way.
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The Question
Hello Advicenators! It's been an extremely long time since I've been on this website, I'm so glad it's still running. You guys are awesome.
I came here because I was unsure who to talk to about this. Before I moved away to college, I babysat for this little girl, we'll call her Lauren, for a year. I would drive her to her dance classes and take her home, cook her dinner, and just hang around with her. Right before I was suppose to leave for college, something happened with her family. Her parents got a divorce, and then a couple weeks later, her father went to jail. The mother told me not to mention it to Lauren so it wouldn't upset her. The father got out on bail. And then, I went off to college.
I've been back on summer break (I'm 19 years old) and today was my first time babysitting for Lauren again. When I picked her up from school, I felt like I was going to break her in half when I hugged her. She looks extremely skinny. I could see her knee bones through her legs, and her arms were so tiny. I immediately became worried. This girl is 10 years old. Her parents are in the middle of a custody battle according to her mother, and Lauren told me that her cat just ran away a couple weeks ago. Lauren now lives with her mother and her two older brothers. She also is an avid dancer. She has been dancing since she was 4 years old and takes dance classes every day.
I'm nervous for Lauren because there are a lot of things in her life that could influence an eating disorder, such as how intense of a dancer she is, her pet running away, and what her parents are going through. I feel like I'm in a position that could help her because a) I have known her for such a long time and b) am also a dancer. I really want to help her but I am unsure of what to do.
Thank you for reading this long story. I would love some help from you advicenators!
The Answer
You are making a bit too much of a leap here.
An eating disorder is certainly a possibility. She is under a lot of the kinds of pressure that could push her that way - but one hug isn't quite enough to make a call. Stress can absolutely effect diet and weight loss, even in children, and there are also common medications that can make weight gain very difficult for a young person her age.
The best thing you can do, especially if you are going to keep baby sitting for her, is pay attention and talk to her. You've got an easy in as a fellow dancer to talk to her about how important it is to eat healthy and get enough energy to fuel you. If her answers or her eating behaviors concern you have a few days with her, talk to her mother about your concerns.
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The Question
I am 39 and recently separated after a long marriage that was unhappy for many years. About a month ago I went on Plenty of Fish and met a man that I really liked. We met in person and it was wonderful. We had instant chemistry. For 2 weeks we texted or talked every day. We saw each other five times. We slept together. I asked him if he was seeing anyone else and he said no. Then I went to add him as a friend on Facebook... His profile did not have privacy settings so I was able to look at his pics. He had a recent picture posted in which he made a comment about coming back there with someone special. There was a comment on it (written that day) that said "can't wait. xoxo" from a woman. I texted him to inquire if he was in fact seeing someone else as well. He phoned me and told me it was a woman that he had been talking to online and that he hadn't met her in person. He then proceeded to tell me that he really likes me but that our relationship was getting too serious too fast. He said he wasn't ready for that as he had too much stress in his life right now. I was devastated. I tried to keep up the friendship with some texts for a few days, but it seemed one-sided. So, I waited... No word from him at all. Then I sent him a message on Facebook in which I poured out my heart. He hasn't replied. I can't stop thinking about him. I feel like I fell in love with this man. I keep thinking about the things he said, the way he acted while we were together. It felt so perfect. I just can't get over him. I am so depressed!
The Answer
Dating is tough.
You didn't get 'played'. You engaged in online dating with someone who had different goals than you did. It's always tough to know the rules, and if you have dated online before, you are going to learn some of the norms have changed.
This guy was talking to another women online. Frankly, when you are dating online, you need to assume that the person you are talking to or dating is at least talking/corresponding with other people. That's what most people do when you are online dating - they make contact with many people.
This guy didn't consider your relationship exclusive. He didn't see anything wrong with continuing conversations with others that began as part of his online dating.
In my experience, his definition of 'seeing someone' is a common one. He could have been more forthcoming with you about talking to others - but he didn't play you.
It always hurts when someone prefers the company of others to your exclusive company, but that is all that happened here. And it might happen it again. It's part of dating.
This guy doesn't seem to be looking for a friendship, and whatever he is looking for, he's told you that you aren't it.
It's sucks, but give him enough respect to accept it as the truth.
It is rude of him to ignore your message now - but that is all it is - rude. Let it go. Keep yourself busy and don't dwell. You'll get past it.
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The Question
Long story short, my son, Mark is with his second wife and she doesn't like my family. It's because she wants her children (my step grandchildren) to be more important than my biological grandchildren, but they make NO effort with my the rest family. so they are not considered grandchildren at all. So his wife doesn't like him to come see us. Now, my daughter's been talking about getting my granddaughter a car, so Mark promised my her that she could have a Jeep he bought for her. He basically bought it as an excuse to HAVE to come see us, as well as to be a big hero to my granddaughter. She had her little heart set on it and when Mark told his wife, she forbade him to go. He kept the car and told his wife he'd have to bring it down here eventually, but she gave it to her son to drive until then and he is tearing it up. He kept getting my granddaughter's hopes up about getting it soon and for a few months, she always got real excited, then I could tell she was losing faith in him. A year and a half went by and my daughter wouldn't buy another car because she was afraid of hurting Mark's feelings and he knew it. Eventually, I got tired of my son keeping my granddaughter from getting a car, so I bought her a Jeep and fixed it up for her myself. Now my son's feelings are hurt because he thinks I stole his opportunity to be a hero. What do I say to him.
The Answer
Tell him that he failed his daughter.
He promised her something - something that was both awesome AND something she needed to plan and live her life - and he failed to deliver, for over a year.
If his feelings are hurt - Good. The only person who can prevent him from feeling shitty in this way in the future is him. Not keeping your word should feel shitty. Failing your child for over a year should make you feel bad.
You don't need to attack him and it's probably better if you stay very calm - but he simply needs to be told he has no one to blame but himself for his daughter's disappointment and for loosing his chance to do something kind for her.
Don't drag his wife or step children into it. Their drama doesn't matter. Your anger with them doesn't apply in this case. No one else fucked up. It's all on him.
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The Question
I am 13 years old. I have a friend that is 27 years old. In a month or less I will be moving to California . My friend is supposed to be moving with us. BUT a few days ago he had told me he's good at making out and I should try it with him. And I'm like huh ? And then he told me how he liked me and stuff. But my mom had just asked 3 days before, if Dustin (the friend) was weird or if he made me feel uncomfortable,etc. (basically if he was a pervert). And I'm like no , because I didn't know yet and she's like okay . Because he claims to be gay also BTW. And he has this crappy job with crappy people and lives in a small crappy hotel too. And IDK if I should tell my mom 'cause I would be the reason his life sucks and I don't think I'm in the place to take away dreams just to feel more comfortable. Help me! Should I tell or not?
The Answer
You should tell your mom.
You wont be the reason his life sucks. His behavoir will lead to your mother (hopefully) not feeling okay with him in a home with her young daughter (something it sounds like she already suspects).
You aren't responsible for making his 'dreams come true'. You are responsible for keeping yourself safe and content in your own home.
Let your mom know what happened. She can't be the best mother she can be unless you are honest with her.
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The Question
I want to tell you what my dream job is in hopes that you can tell me a masters program that you find would fit this description. It is very similar to a psychologist or a speech pathologist. Basically, I want to work with kids who have learning disabilities. I want to help them with their homework and studying but from a psychological perspective, based off of cognitive skills and memory improvement skills that you learn in psychology, versus just basic tutoring. What would you say that this is?
I have looked up Educational Psychology, but it is more towards the path of school counseling, which isn't what I want to do. I want to have like my own practice, but focus on education, rather than just counseling. If counseling is needed, I can do that too. Like, for instance, if something is bothering you, and you can't focus, that's a problem and I could counsel them. However, their not there for that purpose alone.
What can you tell me this is?
The Answer
Well, as a child psychologist you would be able to specialize in working with children with cognitive disabilities or learning disabilities. That will take a great deal more than just a masters of course - that is a masters and PHD at the very least.
I'm not sure the perfect masters program exists for you. You have such a specific interest, than you might need to do something more general like educational psychology and carve your own path and specialization from there.
However, I'm wondering if you might find occupational therapy interesting. It generally requires a masters to become licensed as an OT in the states, and it sounds like it's more in tune with your interests. My mother is an OT - she worked for a school board predominantly and helped children with disabilities like autism or cerebral palsy function in their classrooms and helped teachers and parents to provide the right kind of instruction and tools for these children.
It's not 'counseling' per say. It's about tactics to help people achieve tasks when their abilities or physical and cognitive needs are different than the norm. It's very focused on practical solutions for day to day life - it's not about treating the mind the way psychology is. It's not 'talk therapy' either.
Occupational therapists do not generally work with people who have mild to moderate learning disabilities. They generally work with people who have disabilities that pose a much greater day to day problem. Wikipedia has a pretty good page about what OT do when the practice with small children: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Occupational_therapy#Children_.26_Youth
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The Question
I'm a 23 yrs old girl, I met someone online, and he was just the way I like.. I liked him & and he was so emotional, romantic, and caring. after a while, I fall in love with him, then I discovered that his real age about (37) and that he's already married and thereis noway for our relation to work. however, I continued with him and we had a cyber relation and met him only once in real.. now, we still talkin' to eachothers on the internet, and I we still like eachothers......... what is the expected future of this relation?
The Answer
Nothing. You can't expect anything from a cheater and a liar except more cheating and lying.
He doesn't want a relationship. He didn't go online looking for a relationship. He went online looking for an affair and he found you.
End it before you get hurt and damage your reputation. There is nothing dignified about being the other woman.
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The Question
I remember learning in high school that you don't bad-mouth your last job to your interviewer. But what about those job applications that include "Reason for leaving". What are all the acceptable things to put?
These are my reasons for leaving. Its not something I would put on paper or say directly to my interviewer but just to put it out:
My supervisor does not act like a supervisor
The management is awful
The workplace cared more about the quanitity than the quality (hired people with illegal pay)
And cheating employees of many other rights.
The Answer
The basic rules always apply to this question: Lead with your strength and don't bad mouth your last job.
Things like "I needed a new challenge/learning experience." is a good safe bet in your situation. If you can tailor that to the job you are applying for (ie "I wanted to find work related to my passions/education/career development.) that's even better.
If you know that your old boss wont give you a reference then you are a little more free to say in the interview something like "I wasn't feeling supported or valued in my old position." but if your old job will give you a good reference then you probably don't want to say even that.
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The Question
Chris and I met on May 11th. We met on match.com. Our first date was a movie night at his house. We clicked instantly. We've spent every single day together since then, with the exception of one day that I drove out of state. He lives in a quaint little apartment in a nice part of the state with two cats.
I guess it started with our multiple trips to the beach. We'd go to the beach, part ways to go to our own home, shower, and reconvein. He asked one day why I didn't bring over my shower stuff and shower there. I forgot my shampoo and conditioner there that night.
I told him the next day, I'd come by and pick it up, but he told me not to worry about it. As time went on, he encouraged me to keep more stuff there like snacks, makeup, and a toothbrush. The other day, we went to Bed Bath and Beyond to go shopping for things that he wanted my input on to make his apartment more of a home.
Yesterday, he gave me a set of keys for his apartment. It came as a complete shock. He has class from 6-10, an hour away from here, so he told me I could go over whenever, get some homework done, and relax.
I am not moving here with him. I am going to be a senior in college and have a dorm on campus. I'm sure that once I have the freedom of living at school, and not under my parents roof, I will be sleeping at his place and vice versa. I do not want to fully move in, and he knows but doesn't quite comprehend why.
My question: As a girl who is VERY new to Chris' life, and already has a key to his place, what are my boundaries? He says he wants to see me everyday and whatnot, but I don't want to impede. Everytime we try to talk about it, he just says he wants me here whenever I want to be here. I don't know how to work with that.
The Answer
Well, how often to you want to be there?
In my opinion, you are making a very common mistake: You are concerning yourself with his comfort level and expectations instead of sitting down and really thinking about yours.
How much time do you need alone in your own space to feel comfortable and calm?
What boundaries do you need on this relationship for you to feel confident and secure?
When it comes to Chris, all you can really do is believe what he has told you, and he has told you that he wants in his space as much as possible. It's very sweet, it might even be true. The best approach for you to take now is to think about your life and how much you WANT to be there. Do you want to hang around his house when he's in class? Do you want to come and go as you please?
Sometimes, as much as talking is important, the best way for two people to figure out exactly what the other wants, is to live it. So focus on living the way you want too and feel comfortable living. Your behavoir and choices will help one another understand what it is you are saying.
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The Question
In april my dad cheated on my mom with her bestfriend and they have had a relationship ever since. My parents divorced and my dad is still dating my moms bestfriend. When my mom was friends with her, she told my mom how she cheated on her husband with her boss and many other people. Her and her husband are divorced now andI have no doubt she's already cheating on my dad too. Anyways, my mom has 90% custody of me so my dad has me 2 days a week. During those 2 days he is constantly texting her, we barely talk. I refuse to be around my moms ex bestfriend because I hate her and everything she does. My dad can't stand that I'm being so stubborn and neither can she. I already told my dad I want nothing to do with her, yet he constantly asks me to come along with them. I've tried explaining how I feel to him but he just gets mad. I want to spend more time with him but shes always there. I can't even go to MY FAMILY events because shes there. I missed out on my grandmas birthday, my great grandmas birthday and I'm sure I'll be missing out on Thanksgiving and Christmas because of her. I just want her gone and I'm afraid soon my dad is going to make me choose between either accepting her or not seeing him. I really want my dad back. This has ruined our whole relationship.
The Answer
You need to stop refusing to see your family because of her.
Seriously. I understand your feelings completely. I've been in your shoes in more then a few ways in my life. And sure, it's important to put your foot down and refuse to be hang out with her and your dad like some big happy family - but it's even more important not to isolate yourself from your extended family because of your father's bad behavoir.
So go to your family events. Ignore her. If she approaches you or tries to engage you - be as polite as you would to any stranger - but remind her you aren't there is see her. Focus on members of your family that you want to see and be with.
Don't let her presence ruin your time with the people you love. When you do that, everyone else suffers, not her.
You can't make her gone. But you can and should ask your dad to spend time one on one with you, and to respect your pain and unhappiness with this situation.
You shouldn't be hateful or mean towards her - but you also shouldn't be expected to be her friend.
If he can't or wont spend time with you one on one, frankly, you sound like you are old enough to choose whether you want to go see him or not. If he is loosing you over this, you may as well be totally honest with him.
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The Question
Okay people,
I'm being serious when I ask this and no hateful comments because I'm really wondering.
Is it real? It's it beginning?
I mean, I know this sounds silly, but everytime I get on facebook someone is talking about it;
and than the guy from Miami that ate someones face and was only killed by a shot in the head; is that a start?
I know he was messed up on some type of salt; but still?
I'm curious to know. I never believed it until my friend showed me all these news clips saying it's about to begin.
The Answer
There is no Zombie apocalypse, just mentally ill people with no safety net.
There are also no unicorns, dragons or vampires.
Zombies are made-up. Exactly like unicorns, dragons and vampires. Even though some people will claim to have seen them, or even be them, they are fictional. Nothing can re-animate a corpse. It extremely unlikely that anything will ever, in the history of the universe, create actual, brain-craving, zombies.
The following things are true:
Drugs can be dangerous.
Mentally ill people who cannot access treatment or support can be dangerous.
Mentally ill and/or horribly drugged up people can do crazy-ass shit, like try to eat someone's face.
People say stupid shit online.
EDIT in response to feedback.
I didn't realize that telling someone the truth was hateful. I didn't call you an idiot. I don't think you are an idiot. I respect your desire to ask the question - I respect it enough to tell you the absolute truth - and the absolute truth is that zombies are no more real than unicorns, dragons or vampires, even though the news and movies do talk about zombies them as though they are more likely to exist.
I'm not entirely certain I'm the person here who is suffering from an anal blockage.
I would hope at least, since you took the time to take offense at my comments, you might take a minute and read Rena-Chan spectacularly thorough advice on the topic of zombies and try to give her a fair rating - rather than an abusive one.
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The Question
Hello my friend doesnt have any followers so please go and follow her @_rebika_ #teafollowback(:thanks!
The Answer
This is not an advice question. It's against the site rules to use questions to promote yourself.
If your friend wants more followers are twitter, the best thing she can do is follow people she is interested in, and respond and RT them. That'll get the attention of people who are actually interested in the kinds of things she likes, rather than just random people following her out of pity.
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The Question
i am being sincere i havent worked for like 2 1/2 years but the reason for that is because ive been at home taking care of my dayughter and im having a hard time with the employers cause it seems like it bothers them when i tell them i havent worked for that long should i lie to them
The Answer
No, you should not lie to them. You should tell them the truth: You left the workplace to care for your young child.
Many women (and some men) find themselves needing to re-enter the workplace after taking time off to care for young children. It's understood and expected. The thing that will make employees iffy about you is if you act like there was something wrong with what you did.
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The Question
Hi. so long story short, about a month ago a guy who had always been chasing after me convinced me to sleep with him (I was drunk, and it was a terrible mistake as he had his way with me and deleted me from his life) anyway, I pointed out I didn't want to do anything as he didn't have a condom and offered instead I'd give him a blowjob since he threatened to never speak to me again. That escalated to sex but I made him stop fairly soon. The same thing happened again about a week later unfortunately.
Anyway, I got told I had Chlamydia after getting checked about 2 weeks ago and I took the treatment for that so that SHOULD be gone now.
My concern is HIV, as I know he sleeps around and presumably he never uses a condom :/
So the question is:
How easy is it to get HIV?
He never actually came inside my vagina and I only swallowed once.
I plan on getting checked when the 3 months have passed, but I'd like to know if its as easy to catch as chlamydia??
The Answer
HIV isn't as common as Chlamydia. HIV also requires blood or semen from an infected party to come in contact with your blood stream in order to catch it. Chlamydia can be transfer from skin contact.
HIV can enter the blood stream through the vagina, or through the mouth. Both are possible.
So... there is no easy answer to to your question. We can't pull numbers out of the air. If he had HIV, the sexual activity you engaged in could have spread it to you. If he is HIV positive - the risk exists. If he doesn't have HIV, then there is no risk of you getting it from him.
The best thing you can do right now is try to relax. It's done. You can't change anything that happened. Get the HIV test at the 3 month mark and the 6 month mark to be certain you are clean.
I know it's scary to even have the risk exist - but the truth is the HIV is not death sentence anymore. It's a life changer but it's quite manageable. And in the end, it's still more likely that you don't have, then that you do.
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The Question
My parents are super religious, the kind of Christians who want to spread the word of God to the world, will willingly dedicate their whole life to God, believes in miracles and stuff like that.
The problem is I'm an atheist, so its pretty hard for me to cope with them because they'll be like "Why don't you just pray, you'll get through it" or "don't worry God is there for us"... It's really frustrating, and please don't verbally attack me about these things, I'm trying to get some advice..
The Answer
Do you need too? Is it necessary, or worth the price you will pay?
Also an atheist here (and yes, my parents do know) and I certainly appreciate how irritating it can be to have people suggest specific religious solutions to your problems when you don't share their beliefs. It is awkward and frustrating.
However, I don't think it needs to be as offensive as you are finding it, and it's something I've learned to take in the spirit it is offered. When people tell me they will pray for me, I thank them. It doesn't really matter that I think praying for me will be about as effective as doing a rain dance or wishing for a unicorn. They are expressing that they care and that they are thinking of me. It's not the moment to call their beliefs idiotic, even if I feel that way.
When someone tells me God is there for me or that I should pray for guidance, I generally shrug it off, much like they had just recommended I eat a handful of raspberries to cure my headache - Their suggestions are based on their own experience and beliefs and are well-meant. They might be absurd and lousy advice, but they are offering the best advice they have. It just happens to be bad advice.
There is a time and place to argue with the faithful, to point out the problems, both philosophical and practical, with their beliefs, and identifying those times can be difficult. But there is also a 'live and let live' balance that must be struck. When it comes to family, we can't always dictate everything about how they choose to express their love for us.
So cut your parents a bit of slack. If they are honest believers, then they are sincerely trying to help you. Their religious suggestions may be useless to you, but it's not evil.
But like Xenolan, I'd discourage you from 'coming out' as an atheist while you are dependent on your parents. You'll know best whether or not it's dangerous to do so, but do consider the risks before making those sorts of statements to them. Xenolan also make a very good point about exploring secular and humanist theories on ethics and morality. I know my parents where much less disturbed by my atheism because they knew I had spent a good deal of time studying ethics and was a bit obsessed with questions of 'how to be good to others'. I spoke of morality and ethics with them a lot without mentioning my atheism.
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The Question
How bad is it i really need to know!?
hello!
I know this is bad, but i need to know how bad it is!
is the start of this month I used a Emergency contraception pill. and before that in the previous month I used 2 of them. and a few months before that another one.
please tell me how bad this is.
also me and my boyfriend were dry humping with underwear on and I was wondering if spearm can go true underwear because he had a 0,5mm-1cm wet spot inside of his underpants after... i dont know if it could ever reach.
this is really embarrassing. please answer i really need to know.
The Answer
Well, the thing is that no one really knows 'how bad' that is. That isn't how ECPs were intended to be used, so they weren't tested that way.
So, it's really not a good thing (especially taking it twice within one cycle) but if it had really hurt you, you'd probably know by now. It is the kind of thing you should be honest with your doctor about the next time you get a physical - and you are getting annual physicals, right?
As for the sperm through clothes - nope. Sperm isn't smart. It can only move vaguely forward when there is liquid for it to move in. So getting pregnant through clothing is next to impossible.
But hun, really, you need to get a better contraception plan than this. See a doctor, make an appointment with Planned Parenthood, get some guidance from the health pros - that's what they are there for. To answer these questions and to help you avoid these situations.
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The Question
You know that stage where babies start to recognize people? Well what if an infant has a crush on someone at that early age? Does it even start that early? I highly doubt it, but I think that is what happened to me... I know it can't truly be named a crush, but something like that. I know that an infant is too small to even talk, let alone know what having a crush feels like. But at the same time I am not sure...
Please, no hate answers. I already know I will get some.
Thank you to the people who actually consider the question!
The Answer
I don't think you can talk about it as a crush at all if you were an infant. Infants brains are not capable of recognizing that other people are not just objects - they just haven't learned how to do that yet.
Sure, the recognize faces, and they certainly know that some people (like their family) help them when they are in pain and make them feel safe - but they don't know that other people have feelings or thoughts and have no concept of personality. Children are three or four years old before they even begin to recognize that other people have feelings and thoughts like they do, before then, other people don't really exist except as tools that makes them happy or not.
An infant might find a particular person more pleasant then others, either because they are familiar, or just because the infant really likes their voice or face, but I don't think can call something a crush when an infant doesn't understand that other people are more than bodies in space.
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