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How do I tell my parents I'm atheist?
My parents are super religious, the kind of Christians who want to spread the word of God to the world, will willingly dedicate their whole life to God, believes in miracles and stuff like that.
The problem is I'm an atheist, so its pretty hard for me to cope with them because they'll be like "Why don't you just pray, you'll get through it" or "don't worry God is there for us"... It's really frustrating, and please don't verbally attack me about these things, I'm trying to get some advice..
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Maybe give some free advice about: Spirituality?
Do you need too? Is it necessary, or worth the price you will pay?
Also an atheist here (and yes, my parents do know) and I certainly appreciate how irritating it can be to have people suggest specific religious solutions to your problems when you don't share their beliefs. It is awkward and frustrating.
However, I don't think it needs to be as offensive as you are finding it, and it's something I've learned to take in the spirit it is offered. When people tell me they will pray for me, I thank them. It doesn't really matter that I think praying for me will be about as effective as doing a rain dance or wishing for a unicorn. They are expressing that they care and that they are thinking of me. It's not the moment to call their beliefs idiotic, even if I feel that way.
When someone tells me God is there for me or that I should pray for guidance, I generally shrug it off, much like they had just recommended I eat a handful of raspberries to cure my headache - Their suggestions are based on their own experience and beliefs and are well-meant. They might be absurd and lousy advice, but they are offering the best advice they have. It just happens to be bad advice.
There is a time and place to argue with the faithful, to point out the problems, both philosophical and practical, with their beliefs, and identifying those times can be difficult. But there is also a 'live and let live' balance that must be struck. When it comes to family, we can't always dictate everything about how they choose to express their love for us.
So cut your parents a bit of slack. If they are honest believers, then they are sincerely trying to help you. Their religious suggestions may be useless to you, but it's not evil.
But like Xenolan, I'd discourage you from 'coming out' as an atheist while you are dependent on your parents. You'll know best whether or not it's dangerous to do so, but do consider the risks before making those sorts of statements to them. Xenolan also make a very good point about exploring secular and humanist theories on ethics and morality. I know my parents where much less disturbed by my atheism because they knew I had spent a good deal of time studying ethics and was a bit obsessed with questions of 'how to be good to others'. I spoke of morality and ethics with them a lot without mentioning my atheism.
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I am an atheist myself. I was fortunate enough to be raised by very open-minded parents, but even so, they seemed a little surprised and disappointed when I revealed to them that I was an atheist - and this was when I was 37 years old! Unfortunately, Atheism has a much-undeserved stigma attached to it, and too many people still equate it with "sociopath". So, don't expect your parents to take it well if you tell them.
My first piece of advice would be to NOT tell them as long as you're living under their roof as a dependent. You don't say how old you are, but if you're still living at home, wait it out until you are not. I can virtually guarantee that when you reveal your atheism to them, they will see it as their mission in life to "save your soul" - and if you're still living with them, you will never, EVER be able to get away from it.` So, as hard as it may be, wait until you are a financially independent adult with your own living space and the means to support yourself, and then tell them.
When you do tell them, give them what assurance you can that this doesn't make you an immoral person. Human decency and a good moral code do not come from religion; they come from within us, born into us as instinct because it benefits humanity to have such instincts. Tell them that their ideas of what is right and wrong are not lost on you; you have simply absorbed these lessons without the religion.
It will be pointless to argue with them about why you find their religion to be unsatisfying to you. Try not to be drawn into discussions about absurdities in the Bible or contradictions in their beliefs. You will not win those arguments. Religion isn't based on logic, reason, or fact; and the more you argue the more firmly set in their own righteousness they will become. If you MUST argue about it, try to keep the discussion on generalities instead of specifics, and steer it towards what you DO believe in rather than what you don't. For instance, rather than saying that you DON'T believe that we will be judged by God in Heaven after we're dead, tell them that you DO believe that we must all deal with the consequences of our actions in this life, and that our loved ones will need to deal with them after we are gone, and that you don't need the additional incentive of punishment or reward in the afterlife in order to be a good and decent person.
It may help you to make your case if you can find a secular philosophy in which you can believe, not only so that you can show your parents that you aren't some kind of deviant anarchist just because you don't believe in God, but because they will ask you, "What DO you believe in?" and you'll want to have a better answer than "I dunno." Atheism is not a religion; it is a single, isolated lack of belief. If that's all you can bring to the table, then they will conclude that you lack a foundation for ethical judgement (and they may have a point). I suggest that you look into the principles of Humanism (read the Humanist Manifesto III first; the first two are rather outdated).
Another assurance that you can give to your parents is that "nonreligious" does not have to mean "anti-religious". In other words, you can point out that you have no problem with them believing as they choose, and ask only for the same in return.
But the sad truth is, you probably won't get it. Religion takes a deep hold on the mind, and no amount of reason or example is likely to show your parents that you can live very happily without it. They will probably be adamant about "fighting for your soul" and they likely won't ever give up for as long as you live. Hopefully, you can find a way to coexist. If not... well, don't look for encouragement in the Bible:
"He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me." (Matthew 10:37)
These were Christ's own words to his twelve disciples. Hopefully, your parents won't put too much stock in them.
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I wish you put your age in here. If they are SUPER religious, I'd say just keep going along with it until you go to college, move out, etc. and then in the future when your visit your parents and discuss about things, bring it up and tell them that you just don't beleive in God and that if there was really something that proved it, then you'd beleive in it 100%. I wouldn't suggest you telling them that you are ATHEIST or else they might give you the you're going to hell rant.
Personally, I'm of faith. But my boyfriend isn't. His parents are catholic but they don't even go to church anymore. One day the topic of religion came up and he just told them. Obviously they didn't like it but what could they do, they can't make you beleive in something. There's issues here and there such as when he refuses to sign before a meal but it'll ease up with time.
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