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What's the best way to go about this plan?
My mom and I do NOT get along. She's very manipulative,mentally abusive and borderline bipolar She fights with me on everything and threatens me all the time and demands money out of me.
I just got out of school last Friday and I graduate on the 9th.
Every day she comes home and screams at me that I haven't started working yet (I've only been home 5 days). She claims Im just "effing around' at home and wasting her money and time (Even though she gets 1k in child support every month until I turn 18) and no matter how many times I tell her I've filled out over 40 applications already she never believes me and continues to call me an idiot and worthless. She refuses to pay for anything and never saved up any money for me at all yet she wants to take money away from me (she says she wants half of every paycheck when I get a job on top of the child support she already gets). I've always taken care of myself and I've done really good in school. I'm an Honors student with college level certifications and the presidential volunteer award before I've even graduated from HS.
Anyways. Today out of the blue an idea came into my head on how to get out of here.
I have an older brother (about 32) who lives in a fairly large city with a house right by the beach. He's having some trouble paying for things because his roommate totaled both his cars and she's unemployed with only minor social security/disability coming through. My brother is the only one working. She has a 10 year old son she loves dearly but she can't see him because she doesn't have a car to get to him to and from school so she lost custody of him.
I'm thinking if I start looking at jobs where they are now I could most likely find one there much easier than finding one here (I live in a small town) and if they let me take one of the rooms or half even of one of the rooms I could help them out with the bills and watch her son and even help put in money for a car for all of us to use and my brother could teach me to drive it. I can cook and clean as well so it would take a lot of responsibility off their shoulders and they could just relax. I'd be in a much better home and in a town with much more possibilities.
I would just need to find a way to get past my mom on it as I'm sure my brother (we get along very well) and his roommate would love any help they can get. I would also be closer to my dad so if I ever needed help from him or vice versa it would only be a 30min drive away vs the 4 hour drive I have right now living where I am.
I just need some ideas on how to get there without my mom trying to pull something insane over my head to trap me into staying with her.
Thank you so much for any advice. :)
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ok as far as job searching there goes i'd apply for a few jobs there and when you accually find one is when you could move there have your brother sit with you and your mom and help you talk to her about it.if she disaggrees then talk to your brother about fighting for custody in court i know it sounds horriable but its not really just try not to damage you and your moms relationship because if your brother wins you should still visit your mom and/or go to like a coffee shop or what have you so yeah -hope this helps :)
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Adviceman is (very usually for him and I mean no offense...) wrong about you not being able to live somewhere else at 17.
You can, but you need to meet a few basic criteria:
Your mother must know where you are, and be able to contact you. If she can't, you might be listed as a runaway and your older brother could conceivably be charged with kidnapping.
So you can't just sneak off. You must tell her where you are living.
The cops will generally not (and in most states, legally cannot) force you back into your mother's home at the age of 17. In most states, if you as a minor leave the home of the custodial parent to reside with a non-custodial relative, it is a matter for family court and police wont get involved.
Unfortunately, leaving will not mean your father can just stop paying your mother child support. Legally, he'd need to keep paying until a family court says he can stop or should be refunded.
The best thing you can probably do at this point, is talk to your brother and father, and speak to a family lawyer about what the exact laws are in your state. There are some programs that will offer free legal help to young people, and even if you call up your old high school, they might be able to point you in the right direction to make sure you have your ducks in the row.
But in the end, you are entitled to leave and live in a safe home with another relative, so long as your custodial parent knows where you are and is able to contact you. It's not a criminal act and the police are extremely unlikely to drag you back home. It's a civil case, and would be handled in a family court if you mother, father or brother took it to a court. Your mother could take it to court to try and get a judge's order to force you back home. Your father could take it to court to end or change his child support payments. And your brother could take it to court to become a legal guardian and even, perhaps, receive child support payments on your behalf.
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It sounds like a plan but here is the flaw. If your not 18 your and your mother has custody of you; even though you graduated from high school, you cannot leave her home without her permission. From what you have written I doubt you will get it.
Here is another idea to consider. Even though you are 17 you can join the military. Why am I suggesting this? For two reasons.
First: It will get you out from under your mom and you will learn how to be on your own with a proper support system to help you. You will also learn an important job of which is most likely transferrable to civillian life.
Second: You should be going to College not going out looking for a job to support your mother. While you are in the military they have a number of programs that will allow you to go to college or take college course while serving. When you get out you will have money to complete your college degree as well as pay for food and rent.
Speak to a recruiter, I would suggest the Army, Air Force or the Navy. Bring a transcript of your high school courses and College level certificates. Ask about having them pay for you to go to College. It will depend on what course you want to take and their need for that degreed individaul. If they agree you go to school, they pay you while in school, all expenses including living expenses. When you graduate you are commissioned as an officer and serve a number of years in return for their paying for college.
At 17 you might need a parents signature as you are too young to sign a contract but dad may be able to sign with you. This is not a bad deal. You get all your college paid for free and clear. You get to apply what you learn in the military and if you decide to leave you have experience to put on a resume that will be beneficial to your future employer.
My neighbor and her husband, both military doctors received their schooling this way. He went to West Point and to Harvard Medical School. She went to a state College and Tufts Medical School. They met at Walter Reed doing their residency. They plan to do 20 years and retire from the military. When they do they plan to open a practice together. Unlike their fellow classmates they will do so without the almost $350,000 in debt the others are carrying.
It is something to think about and you really should be going to college not supporting a family memebr.
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That's a great Idea!
I say go for it. But before you leave you should try and patch things up with your mom first. And since I'm guessing you're not 18 yet, she might make you stay with her. But when you turn 18, you should move in with your brother and look for colleges in his area.
As to the 1 car 3 people idea, it is kind of risky because you all have different scedules. So think about that one a little bit more. And if she already totaled two cares, would you let her drive the third car that ALL OF YOU needs?
You sound like an excellent daughter, sister, and student.
Good Luck!
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