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A key to his place.
Chris and I met on May 11th. We met on match.com. Our first date was a movie night at his house. We clicked instantly. We've spent every single day together since then, with the exception of one day that I drove out of state. He lives in a quaint little apartment in a nice part of the state with two cats.
I guess it started with our multiple trips to the beach. We'd go to the beach, part ways to go to our own home, shower, and reconvein. He asked one day why I didn't bring over my shower stuff and shower there. I forgot my shampoo and conditioner there that night.
I told him the next day, I'd come by and pick it up, but he told me not to worry about it. As time went on, he encouraged me to keep more stuff there like snacks, makeup, and a toothbrush. The other day, we went to Bed Bath and Beyond to go shopping for things that he wanted my input on to make his apartment more of a home.
Yesterday, he gave me a set of keys for his apartment. It came as a complete shock. He has class from 6-10, an hour away from here, so he told me I could go over whenever, get some homework done, and relax.
I am not moving here with him. I am going to be a senior in college and have a dorm on campus. I'm sure that once I have the freedom of living at school, and not under my parents roof, I will be sleeping at his place and vice versa. I do not want to fully move in, and he knows but doesn't quite comprehend why.
My question: As a girl who is VERY new to Chris' life, and already has a key to his place, what are my boundaries? He says he wants to see me everyday and whatnot, but I don't want to impede. Everytime we try to talk about it, he just says he wants me here whenever I want to be here. I don't know how to work with that.
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Well, I can see why you would be confused but i wouldn't sweat it. if you want to go over there and chill it is ok but if you are there constantly he might be a little annoyed (just a guess) dont wreck the place, dont leave it messy, and let him know you are not totally ready to move in but you still like seeing him everyday. wait till you like him a little bit more. Leave him spome gifts sometimes. Hope this helped!
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the guy seems to really like you enough where he is making it obvious he wants you and you only. but.. i saw in your additional info you've only known each other 20 days... now that's an issue. you're still newbies, the honeymooners to the real part of a relationship, you probably haven't even worked through any relationship obstacles yet. it is too new for you to be moving in and if you've made that clear already make it clear again. don't accompany him on anymore "trips", tell him you want to take it slow. because rushed relationships do end bad. there the ones where you wake up yours for now wondering how you got there.
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Well, how often to you want to be there?
In my opinion, you are making a very common mistake: You are concerning yourself with his comfort level and expectations instead of sitting down and really thinking about yours.
How much time do you need alone in your own space to feel comfortable and calm?
What boundaries do you need on this relationship for you to feel confident and secure?
When it comes to Chris, all you can really do is believe what he has told you, and he has told you that he wants in his space as much as possible. It's very sweet, it might even be true. The best approach for you to take now is to think about your life and how much you WANT to be there. Do you want to hang around his house when he's in class? Do you want to come and go as you please?
Sometimes, as much as talking is important, the best way for two people to figure out exactly what the other wants, is to live it. So focus on living the way you want too and feel comfortable living. Your behavoir and choices will help one another understand what it is you are saying.
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