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Did I Do Wrong By My Son?
Long story short, my son, Mark is with his second wife and she doesn't like my family. It's because she wants her children (my step grandchildren) to be more important than my biological grandchildren, but they make NO effort with my the rest family. so they are not considered grandchildren at all. So his wife doesn't like him to come see us. Now, my daughter's been talking about getting my granddaughter a car, so Mark promised my her that she could have a Jeep he bought for her. He basically bought it as an excuse to HAVE to come see us, as well as to be a big hero to my granddaughter. She had her little heart set on it and when Mark told his wife, she forbade him to go. He kept the car and told his wife he'd have to bring it down here eventually, but she gave it to her son to drive until then and he is tearing it up. He kept getting my granddaughter's hopes up about getting it soon and for a few months, she always got real excited, then I could tell she was losing faith in him. A year and a half went by and my daughter wouldn't buy another car because she was afraid of hurting Mark's feelings and he knew it. Eventually, I got tired of my son keeping my granddaughter from getting a car, so I bought her a Jeep and fixed it up for her myself. Now my son's feelings are hurt because he thinks I stole his opportunity to be a hero. What do I say to him.
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Your son not you is the evil person in this story. You don't promise something and then don't deliver especially when you have the gift and let someone else use it.
You didn't steal any thunder here for there was no thunder to steal. If anything you taught your son a leason that blood is thicker than water and a promise needs to be kept.
You can't be a hero unless you are willing to fight for what is right. Your son surrendered rather than fighting for what was right. Your daughter also should have stepped in and notweorried about your sons feelings but about her daughters feelings.
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Tell him that he failed his daughter.
He promised her something - something that was both awesome AND something she needed to plan and live her life - and he failed to deliver, for over a year.
If his feelings are hurt - Good. The only person who can prevent him from feeling shitty in this way in the future is him. Not keeping your word should feel shitty. Failing your child for over a year should make you feel bad.
You don't need to attack him and it's probably better if you stay very calm - but he simply needs to be told he has no one to blame but himself for his daughter's disappointment and for loosing his chance to do something kind for her.
Don't drag his wife or step children into it. Their drama doesn't matter. Your anger with them doesn't apply in this case. No one else fucked up. It's all on him.
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