I'll give advice to anyone I think I can help in any way. Ask away.
Gender: Female
Location: England
Occupation: Student/ General Know-It-All
Age: 22
Member Since: August 17, 2005
Answers: 297
Last Update: January 22, 2011
Visitors: 23369
Favorite Columnists
Scribble
poa
comradestalin
hebe
mundokiir
|
| |
|
Ok, I was recently in a relationship, and I was dumped. So now i have my eye on this cute guy who i like and he likes me. But because im not dating someone i feel like im like gay, but i no im not cause i love this boy. and I DO NOT desire girls!!!eww. im just confused, and need good advice. Its kinda the past thats bugging me, and i know i cant change it. I kissed a girl, because she forced me, i never wanted to but i did:-(! and thats bugging me now, it was about 3 years ago! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 (link)
|
OK chick you need to Chill.Out. lol. If you don't think you're gay you're probably not. If you don't desire girls at all you are definately not. Just coz you're single does not make you a lesbian, just coz you kissed a girl does not mean you are a lesbian.
If you were a lesbian it would not matter anyway but since you have no feelings for the same sex I really don't know where you got the idea from.
Go for it with this boy if you want or just enjoy being single. And hell if you find yourself liking a girl go with it with her too.
Nowt to worry about here.
|
|
This guy that I used to want to date is showing some less than desirable qualities. Firstly, I found out he's a gay basher. He says that when queer eye for the straight guy comes on the television he wants to throw his boot through the screen. He's also sexist, and has said to me that men are smarter than woman, and that woman are stupid. He also said that anyone over 30 who isnt married must be gay, and that I'm a prude for saving myself for marriage. He's also made nasty comments about my weight, and I'm not fat, just average.The funny thing is he thinks he's hot but he's really not, he's about 20 pounds overweight and has an ugly hairstyle and outdated clothes. I would love to put him in his place one day but am too "nice". But it makes me mad when he constantly puts me and his other friends down. Should I say something to him? (link)
|
He's laughable. I suggest laughing at most of what he says-preferably to his face. If you can ignore him, do. Having a woman show complete disinterest in him will not sit well with him. If you have the misfortune to have to see himin class or something, again employ the laughing technique along with some well chosen comments indicating just how utterly insignificant his little opinions are.
If he gets personal assure him that if through some large and inexplicable error in judgement you desire his opinion you will request it/have it beaten out of him.
People like this are tiresome but can provide considerable amusement if toyed with in the right way. Enjoy.
|
|
Whenever i go shopping with my mom we always stumble across these REALLY cute jeans that I want her to try on. When she eventually does, she automatically says NO because they are too "trendy". My mom usually wear straight leg jeans which if you didn't know have absolutely no flare. My mom has a really big butt, so she looks ridiculous!! I told her nicely that these kinds of pants don't compliment her, but she just got mad at me. She's 41 and she thinks shes too old to look good in jeans. Can you give me some tips to convince my mom that she doesn't have to be young to look great?! Shes SOOO stubborn and sensitivE!!!!! (link)
|
Don't push it, she'll get more and more stubborn and insecure. The best thing you can do is wait until her birthday or some other occasion and buy her something flattering but that isn't too far away from her general style. Then when she wears it and looks nice compliment her and get your family to in the least obvious, over-the-top way possible.
Just say you saw it and thought she'd look great.
If you do this s bit she'll get the idea that people compliment her when she wears flattering clothes and so she must look good in what she's wearing.
Simple psychology
|
|
This guy that I really like in my senior class has been dating this girl who behind his back makes fun of him. He is so in love with her, he'll buy her a dozen roses for no occasion and bring them to school for her. I also heard he spent hundreds of dollars on a bracelet for her birthday. I know what she's been saying behind his back because she's in my french class. The other girls wanted to see her new bracelet and she just rolled her eyes and said "this is the THIRD one he's bought me"!. She is such a superficial bitch. She's also said she's only with him because his family has money. She's also a bigot, I've heard her making derogatory comments about homosexuals and african americans. I also heard she's cheating on him. I don't know what he sees in her. She is very popular and pretty, but has the personality and kindness of a dead squid. He would be heartbroken if he knew what she said about him and did behind his back. He is such a nice guy, I feel sorry for him. Should I tell him or just keep my mouth shut? Or, before I forget, HIS friends make fun of him behind his back for how hard he's fallen for her. (link)
|
I basically agree with WiseAl on this one. If this guy does eventually figure out for himself what she's doing and then realises you knew all along and didnt tell him you'll lose his friendship anyway.
Again, definately go with the proof if you can, then lay out the facts for him telling him that whatever he chooses to do about it you'll accept and still want to be there for him. Chances are if he's fallen hard for this chick he'll explain away any evidence you give him and stay with her anyway- love is blind, deaf and bloody stupid at times- and if you want to stay his friend you'll have to accept that without bitching and just wait for the inevitable, then pick up the pieces. At least you won't have appeared to have been yet another person conspiring behind his back.
|
Ok so this friend of mine is really rich and all kinds of girls try to get with him all the time. He's had it happen a few times that the chick he's been with uses him for his money.
He says he doesn't care that girls go after him for his money because it's just a way for them to connect and get to know each other better. I think if a girl is after your money, she's after your money and she isn't interested in getting to know you.
If I had that kind of money and I knew a girl I was seeing wasn't in it for the real me, it would be a MAJOR turn off.
What is your opinion on this? Wouldn't it bother anyone that people are after such a supreficial thing? (link)
|
Hell yeah that'd bother me. I have a friend a little like this and I always always make sure I pay my way so he doesn't think I'm using him. I'm guessing the kind of girls who go out with him for his money are far too shallow to have any concept of "getting to know" someone.
But hey it's his life. Just sounds like you're gona be the one picking up the pieces when these girls ditch him. Hopefully after a few heartbreaks he'll learn.
|
|
Popular guy, semi-nerdy girl. A year left in high school. Could we make this work or are we just fooling ourselves? (link)
|
Sure so long as neither of you places too much value on the concept of a "clique". Coz frankly it's all bull and won't last. You might even find you like each other's friends.
But hell so long as the two of you like each other and ask your groups to respect that even if they don't like it it shouldn't be a problem.
You'll never know until you try.
|
i'm a girl, and i'm 16 and i never used to masturbate but i recently discovered it.
however i feel that i'm the only girl that does it and i am embarassed by this fact. do a lot of girls do it? i know no-one will talk about it, and its probably not as common as with guys, but i'd like to think i'm not alone out there. :(
also -- i think i get close to orgasm, but i always stop myself because i'm afraid of making too much noise (i live with my parents) i start to shake and feel a bit "dizzy" does this mean i'm close? should i just go with the flow when this happens?
sorry for all the questions. thanks for all your help. (link)
|
an awful lot more girls do it than you'd think-like you say, they just dont talk about it much. Actually, compared to me and most of my friends you're a pretty late starter! It's all good, safe fun so no worries.
And yeah that sounds like you're pretty close. It is possible to keep quiet when you orgasm for most people but maybe just go try it out when you're parents aren't home one day so you're not worrying.
Enjoy!
|
|
I am a male, 15, and lately I've been wondering about something. There are many girls in our school and grade. I am a gentleman and open doors, get chairs, etc. for the girls. It is pretty much the same way with my friends, we are all like that. But the girls in our school keep saying they like "skaters" or "skaters are soo hot" and we really are wondering what is wrong with us. Not to boast, but all of us are good looking. The girls just keep talking about "skaters." So why is it like this, and do girls not like gentlemen or something? (link)
|
FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T CHANGE. I beg you on bended knee, stay the way you are and teach your sons and grandsons to be the same.
You will notice that a lot of guys on here have gone with the "girls don't like nice guys" line. this is bollocks. Yes there are girls who will always be into the guys who treat them like shit but guess what- most of those girls are either a)going through a phase b)treat people horribly themselves or c) have such low self esteem that dating them would pretty much be a huge uphill struggle anyway.
Sure, some girls will onyl ever like you as a friend- do not make the mistake of thinking this is necessarily because you are a gentleman. Contrary to popular belief not all girls strike you off the list as soon as you take their coat. Not all girls like to be treated like "bitches and hos" or even all the time as fiercly independent women. Sometimes it's nice to feel taken care of.
You have manners. This is nothing to be ashamed of.
You are a dying breed my friend but I for one wish you were not.
p.s. there are a whole GROUP of you wandering around...?All together in one place...?That blows my mind.
p.p.s. sorry this is so long but it amounts to a begging letter more than advice
|
I usually sleep really well, but last night I didn't fall asleep until 2 o clock in the morning. I don't know why. I think it might've been because I was talking to this one guy and I really didn't want ot sign off and go to bed but I had too. So i was thinking about him and stuff and I couldn't sleep.
Does anyone have anything that might help me sleep?
(link)
|
Ha welcome to my life. Try to do something really mind numbing before bed to slow down your mind- a repetative solitaire card game for example or have a hot bath.
As far as the fascinating guy goes, sadly loss of sleep go with the territory. If I'm not up having random conversations with one of my friends im worrying about them or unable to sleep for laughing/replaying memories.
Enjoy it, i'm willing to bet that by the time we get old and boring there'll be very few people who interest us in the same way!
|
OK i go to bed at 10 and get up at 6:20, which is the average ammt of sleep needed for a 14 year old girl. But somehow, i am always so tired and have huge bags under my eyes. What could that be from? I dont do any activity before i go to bed and i dont have caffeine/sugar. Any ideas?
(link)
|
The average for your age is around 9 hours but really that means jack. Everyone's different. I'm grouchy on less than 10 hours (12 if i can get it) and I'm 17. Some of my friends have to get only 6 or they get overtired from too much sleep and a few barely sleep at all and seem to function (somewhat) adequately as human beings.
Try increasing your sleep by and hour and if you still feel tired, another half hour/hour if you can. It's worth it.
|
Ok i know it sounds totally weird because im so young (15 very soon) but my boyfriend wants to propose to me for my bday. Hes 17 and i know wont be able to get married for ages and so does he. I think hes still going to propose though. What should I do? We've been going out for 10 months. thanks xx
(Im female by the way...) (link)
|
I say too young, too soon. 10 months isn't that long to be dating someone in the scheme of your life and 14 is very very young to agree to marry someone, not because you're stupid or immature but for the simple reason you have a lot to experience and a lot of changing to do. For that matter, 17 is very young to be engaged too.
Feeling tied down and constricted aint a lota fun. My boyfriend and I hit a pretty big rocky patch at a point when i made a lot of new friends (male lol) and I felt like I couldn't hang out with them without feeling guilty. And I wasn't even engaged.
The fact you're even asking this question shows you're not ready or sure about this yourself so if you still want to be with this guy just reassure him you're not going anywhere but you don't feel ready to make such a huge commitment right now. Give it a few years. If you're still together, think about it again.
If you're really going to be together all your lives a few more years without an engagement ring is not going to make the slightest difference.
|
The guy that I like is about 25 pounds overweight and isnt athetlic at all. I asked him if he wanted to play tennis with me because I have been taking lessons. The whole time we played he critized me, saying mean things like "your stamina is terrible", what kind of lessons have you been taking", and " I thought you would have been way better". He was really upsetting me so finally I said that I was still learning and to give me a break. The thing was that he was a lot worse than me, and I was trying to say nice things to encourage me.
A couple days later he told me that he thought I should lose 15 pounds. I am average, not fat. He is way more overweight than me and I have never said anything to him because I know it would just hurt him. My feelings were very hurt with all his negativity. Should I move on? (link)
|
Sounds like he's so insecure about himself he makes himself feel better by focusing on your bad points and criticising you. That would not be a fun relationship to be in.
If you like you can talk to him about the fact what he says upsets you and encouraging him to be a bit open about his own insecurities but in the case of people like this you generally find yourself bashing your head against a brick wall.
People like this piss me off far too much for me to make much of an effort but presumably there's something good about him for you to like him so perhaps it's worth a try. NOT at the expense, however, of your self-confidence.
|
|
i have a question about people and racism.. why do black people try to take advantage of it? like my school has way more white people than black and if you say someting bad about 1 of the black kids or dont like them just because you dont like them NOT because they are black they just go on saying you are racist. like this boy at my didnt make varsity basketball team because quit frankly he was really bad and his parents sued the school saying they were racist and then they had to take him on the team.i am from the north so normally its not an issue but i think black people try to take advantage of racism.. why? (link)
|
Frankly, because they can. Particularly in the case of parents- if you can do something to help your kids get ahead in life (e.g. through personal contacts or money) you will do it. As far as minorities- blacks, gays, even women (although not technically a minority) etc- go, the threat of accusing someone of being rascist/homophobic/misogynistic is pretty powerful and allows some people to get where they want to go. Being called rascist nowadays is like being called a witch in Salem in the 1690s.
Not to say that rascism doesn't exist and that in some cases the accusers have a point but another factor is the extent of media hype about it. The horror stories and the way they're latched onto seems to encourage minorities to think of themselves as constant potential victims and sometimes read racial offence into a situation when none was intended.
Just some thoughts.
|
|
I have been seeing this guy on and off for almost two years now. And I love him more then life itself, but when we are dating, I feel like I am supposed to be with him forever, kind of like being betrothed, where as I know I can never be with anyone else(torture). I want to be with him and only him, but I'm just not sure about my decisiion. I'm too young to be with him like this, I want to be able to explore and see the world before I settle down. I want to be free, I want to be able to live my life to the fullest before I become a 'house-wife.' And I feel like, if I screw up this chance now will he be around later?! I just don't know what to do. (link)
|
I know what you mean. It's a perfectly reasonable way to feel. Take it one day at a time- if you're still enjoying the relationship, stick with it. If you find one day that you're not, end it. In the meantime don't make him any promises of forever- stick to telling him you love him right now and hope you'll be together still in x years time but you've both still got a lot of growing up to do.
If you do break up he may not be around when you are ready to settle down, but he's not the only great guy out there- you will meet many more on your travels.
I'm a pretty firm believer that one ay or another things work out as they're meant to be. Either way, you'll be fine.
|
|
My boyfriend is I think kinda annoyed with me.. I mean I talked to his best friend and he said that every time I call my b.f says "Here we go again" and well I am not sure if I want to be with someone who does want to talk to me or even wants to be with me unless we are alone.. and well I truly like him and i don't want to end it but I sometimes think that is the only way... the past few days he's told me he didn't want to come over.. it kinda ticked me off at first and now I am more like miserable. I don't want nothing to happen but I mean htings have just changed... and he lied to me.. which kinda ticked me off but I cannot tell him I know he lied to me because it would make him mad at his best friend.. soo IdK HELP ME! (link)
|
He sounds like a bit o a jerk who's either lost interest or is taking you for granted.
I'd suggest you ask him why he's being so offhand, if there's anything wrong and tell him it's getting you down. If he doesn't come up with a decent response, lose him. You don't need someone who's supposed to be one of the closet people to you thinking they can treat you this way for no good reason.
|
i have a really close guy best friend but he's been kinda distant from me nowadays. we used to talk a lot online and on the phone. then we got really far from each other when i started going out with my bf. we hardly talk anymore now and he's been acting kinda depressed too. i asked him what's wrong, but he won't tell me anything. he would always have these depressing messages about love and how his life is messed up and etc.
what's up with him? is there anything i can do to get us to be as close as before again? (link)
|
Sounds like he's upset about not being the main man in your life anymore. That could be platonic or could indicate he has feelings for you. Either way seems like he feels pushed pushed out and if you want to make it right you're going to have to talk to him and show him that you having a boyfriend doesn't mean he can't talk to you like he used to and vice-versa.
Oh and maybe try to include your boyfriend a little in your friendship with this guy to reduce jealousy on both sides.
Good luck
|
I'm starting to like one my best friends... and likewise. We cuddle a lot and everything, but we've never done anything more ; not even kiss. He's not affectionate at all, and we talked about this. He said it's because whenever he shows affection, he always ends up getting treated like shit, and whenever he tells people secrets, they use them against him. This leads to the problem where... it's impossible for him to be serious. He's the worlds biggest goofball. He said he's like that because it's just easier when everyone thinks you're kidding... nobody can embarrass you ; nobody can make an idiot out of you. He hates how he is... and so do I. What can I do to help?
(link)
|
He's got a point but never trusting or opening up to anyone is a pretty crappy way to live. All you can do is be there for him, encourage him to talk about himself and over time prove to him that you are a) not going anywhere and b) not going to betray him.
Hopefully he'll realise this and start to trust you with more and more things. And once he's managed to trust one person it's pretty likely he'll blossom and his confidence will go way up (that's what I've found anyway). And likewise, start telling him things you maybe wouldn't tell many people (if you trust him). By making yourself a little vulnerable, you're showing him you don't have an ulterior motive.
The biggest thing you can do is just not be like the other people he's encountered in his life. It'll mean the world to him.
|
|
who are some of your favourite poets? (link)
|
Uh well the obviousbut not-to-be-over-looked is Shakespeare. If you read some of his stuff out of a school context it's pretty cool. Not a big fan of the Romantics (Keats, Shelley etc) except Lord Byron's We'll Go No More A-Roving (everyone seems to hate this except me. What you gona do?).
Larkin's another good one, bit depressing but not in the hideous fashion of the ever-present over-rated Sylvia Plath. On that note, Poe's definately worth a look. If you're imaginative and a bit morbid of just like a good rhythm you'll probably like him.
To be honest I'm not a huge fan of poetry purely because there's far more crap than good stuff out there and it takes a skilled writer not to come across as utterly poncy and a bit pathetic.
|
Hey. :]
Okay to start out with, I have this friend named Shannon. I wouldn't really consider her a friend, because in the past she's really pissed me off & she's just not someone whom I can relate to. But, I still hang out with her, I don't like getting on bad peoples' sides. I'm always so nice to her, but sometimes she'll take it over the edge and yell at me about something so ridiculous & I just snap, but that happens to everybody.
Well, basically today this kid named Gordon that we had just met yesterday went up to Shannon and started physically pushing her around, and stealing her backpack & "strangiling" her. In front of every body at school, he'd literally just throw her up against the wall & it really scared me. Yesterday when I first met him he kept touching me physically just like around my stomach & butt and I felt so uncomfortable. I told him that he should leave me alone because I hate whenever people do that crap. But he tried to do it again today!
I left Shannon while she was getting pushed around by Gordon, only because she was laughing about it, and I thought it was all a big joke. I came back like 5 minutes later and couldn't find Shannon anywhere! Or Gordon, so I started to get worried. I eventually found her 15 minutes later hanging out with some people that would like protect her from Gordon, and he left. She's never ever came to me for anything, or ever told me her feelings before. But, she seemed so worried about Gordon like touching her & stuff and started asking me, why I left her. & She was explaining all the things that had happened.
I'm really pissed now, because Gordons really made me mad. I've never seen Shannon so mentally disrupted in my entire life & she won't stop talking about it. Of course I care about her now because of all of this. Tomorrow I'm going to see Gordon & I just want to know what I should say. I don't want to be too mean but then I'm going to have my good guy friend there with me, so if anything goes wrong or if he starts touching us again he'll get his ass kicked.
Sorry it's so long. But I promise rating & feedback!! :) (link)
|
you need to be very firm and serious with him, tell him you do not ever want to be touched that way by him and neither does your friend and if he continues to do so you will report him. Seriously it's not wimping out getting some sort of authority of your school involved. Just have a quiet word with a teacher tellig her what's going on and take it from there if it doesn't stop.
Some people just have no sense of physical boundaries but since you already told him you dont like it he just sounds like a bit of a creep who needs to be kept under control.
|
|
My boyfriend and I are very close, but recently we've had some trouble. We don't argue, but it just seems like we lost interest. It hasn't necessarily been a big issue yet, but I feel like it will be. I love him and I don't want our relationship to get ruined. Should I break it off right now to avoid any trouble between us, or should I just see how it goes? If I do break up with him, he'll understand. (link)
|
"If I do break up with him, he'll understand.". Hmm that doesn't sound too good.
It's back to our old friend Mr.Talk. All you can do is bring up the subject with your guy, see if there's a reason for it (i.e.: you're both under stress right now) or if you've just come to the end of the line. Sounds like if you did break up it'd be pretty amicable so if you can't sort things out maybe try being just friends and see if that's better for both of you or if you realise you miss what you had. Good luck.x
|
|