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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Okay so my vagina doesnt have:
abnormal discharge, redness, swelling, odor, pain when peeing
my vagina does:
mild itch, but it only itches if i touch it first and it is only a little. it is also very dry.
this has been going on for a week. i noticed it after i slept in a thong but i have done that before and also around the time i shaved but i always shave my vagina. if it doesnt stop i will go to the doctor but any ideas on what it is?
The Answer
A yeast infection is the most likely culprit, but not the only one. Painful urination could be something else (or something else in addition too the yeast infection).
So you need to see a doctor. Just do it now. Book it, go wait in line. Just go now.
If it didn't get better in a week, it's not going to suddenly stop now, and many infections in the vagina and urinary tract left to their own devices can migrate deeper into your body and cause some serious damage.
It'll be easier, cheaper and less painful to nip it in the bud now, than it might be a week from now when it's in your uterus, kidneys or bloodstream. So go to a doctor.
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The Question
i am in a relationship for years.i hate going to the dentist so i take a tranquilizer.we went to a ball game and because i was having a great time because i do get excited with baseball all he said thru out the gave was please take the tranquilizer everyday. he did not laugh or join my excitement with the game. i am in florida and i am 47 yrs old
The Answer
Well, I think he told a bad joke.
It might have been meant to insult you, or it might have just been carelessness on his part.
You haven't given us enough to go on. You'll need to talk to him.
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The Question
I am 18/F and I'm still a virgin, I know now a days that's "something to be proud of" and I should want to wait forthat right person and blah blah but I don't want to wait, it's not because of society, or peer pressure or else I would've already done it by now, but I want to have sex, I'm ready I just don't know how to accomplish this goal. I've only had one boyfriend when I was 16 and I wasnt ready then. What should I do so I can finally have sex?
The Answer
Go a doctor, get a full check up, a clean bill of health, and some birth control.
Then find someone you'd like to sleep with.
That will get you laid, but if your goal is less 'getting laid' and more 'having fun sex and feeling good about it' it might not be that simple.
I'm all for casual sex, but having 'casual sex' is a skill, it's something we learn how to do with respect and pleasure. Sex opens up emotional issues you never really learn to deal with until you face them. Sex just isn't all the good with people you've recently met - until you've had a lot of sex with people you've recently met.
And that is why casual sex is just not a good idea for inexperienced people. You just don't have the emotional or relationship experience to protect yourself, or know how to respect or protect a sexual partner.
So just 'getting laid' is going to be a pretty high risk thing for you to do.
So DATE. Tell your friends you want to date. Make a profile online. Introduce yourself to be people in your classes you don't know. Join a club.
Meet a nice guy, have a connection and a level of friendship and respect. Then have sex.
It'll be better in the long run.
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The Question
Hello, 20/m
I'm applying for an internship with a charity: they then put you with a leading politician for 9 months. It's great, because I've always wanted to do this, but a lack of money has always prevented me from doing so. This is paid, and so I'm trying to make my application perfect.
The problem is, how easily should I tell the truth? During my school years, I did the bare minimum to keep me going. I was literaly a straight B student. I got 1 A, and that was because my teacher pushed me. Even in that subject, I was 7 marks away from an A+. I asked my teacher, "Should I re-do it, and try and get the higher grade?" he replied "I don't care: You've gotten higher than the C you were predicted, and so It's really up to you because at least now the principle won't be breathing down my neck". Bad teaching, I know, but I decided to stick with the A. My science teacher also told me that if I just worked a little harder, I could get an A. I didn't listen, and stuck with my B.
In high school, I came out with mostly Cs and and a D. Again, I didn't really work as hard as I knew that I could.
Obviously I need to put my grades down, but should the explanation be "I was lazy, but I've changed". Because I believe I have. I've re-discovered my passion for learning, and regularly read old history and mathematics text books for pleasure. I've not had many jobs, but during my last one, the employer said that she had been doing her job for 13 years, and has never had an assistant as good as me. So yes, I believe I have changed, and I really enjoy working.
But should I say that I was lazy, and that I've now changed? Or will it put them off? I really need to stand out, because last year they received 30,000 applicants, and only selected 10.
Should I give them another reason for my poor grades? Any ideas?
Thanks, and apologies for it being so long.
The Answer
Did they ask for your highschool grades? 'Cause unless they did, there is no reason to be defining yourself by grades you earned 3 or more years ago.
They aren't a reflection of you anymore. At all. I had frighteningly high GPAs and even I took them off my resume after 12-18 months. They are the kind of thing you put on if you don't have anything else. Once you have a job, or two, you take them off. They stop being relevant.
So if you are required to put in as part of the application, don't give a 'reason' for poor grades. Just talk about the passion for self directed learning you found when you entered the workforce. Don't actually speak to your grades, speak to to what you've done since high school.
If you aren't required to put them in as part of your application, just don't.
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The Question
My boyfriend is a US Marine, therefore i barely see him. He was here for the past week, and we had sex up to 5 times every single day, extremely rough sex too. He left 2 days ago, and i realized that i have a very bad cut on my inner labia, its a tear. When i looked down today with a mirror, i realized i had all these small, skin colored bumps that are sensitive to the touch. My vulva is also really swollen. I've also been shaving every single day since he's been here, and theres been a lot of rough grinding and whatnot. He told me he gets STD screens often, and he's clean. And i got a pap smear about a month ago, and the gyno said everything looked normal. I read online that it could be blisters from really rough sex, or could this be herpes? help please!!
The Answer
It could be herpes, HPV or any number of other infections, even just infections from the cut, not an STD.
It also could just be damage from rough sex.
Either way, you should see a doctor ASAP. If they can actually see the sores while they are still present, they might be able to make a quicker diagnosis for you.
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The Question
Hi, I'll try to make this as short as possible and get right to the point. My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months and we're completely in love with each other. He has a lot of friends that are girls, which is not a problem of course since we trust each other. But, lately, this girl has been really attached to my boyfriend. She keeps leaving him comments on his facebook that are paragraphs saying she loves him, he's her "bestie" and is always there for her, etc. The thing is that I've only met her twice and I'm always with my man since we live together, so when did she suddenly become best friends with him?
That's not what has me jealous, though. A few days ago my boyfriend told me that this girl wants to use him to make her estranged husband jealous. She's been tagging my bf in posts, saying she's at his house "as usual" and that my bf is giving her money and they're getting matching tattoos. We have a lot of mutual friends, so I have a lot of friends hitting me up asking me if my man is cheating with this girl. i think it's immature no matter who the man she's using for it is. I mean, come on, she's in her thirties and she's using Facebook to make her husband jealous?! Ugh. So my bf asks me two nights ago if it's okay for her to write his name on her ring finger with hearts, and for him to do the same on his ring finger with her name. Then they want to take a pic of it, post it on Facebook, and make her husband think they're tattoos. I said I didn't want him to do it, it's stupid and disrespectful to me as his girlfriend. I'm being humiliated with y friends thinking he's sleeping with her. Of course, though, i look like the big bad bitch for saying no. My bf said that I can't take a joke.
Sooo my question is.. Am i right to be jealous over this? I mean it may not seem like a big deal but I'm a laughingstock to my friends right now who think he's cheating on me with her. When i'm not with him and she puts up statuses saying that she's laying in bed with my boyfriend I can't help freaking out thinking is it true? I think she's being very disrespectful to me as his girlfriend, but am i right to think that? Should I confront this girl? She's very pretty, which also puts me on edge due to my own insecurities, bu she's also very obnoxious and cocky. She thinks she's the hottest thing on earth. I just don't know what to do! My bf says he doesn't like me getting jealous but i never get jealous over his friends.. It was only when this girl started texting/calling constantly, leaving those facebook messages (she constantly refers to him as baby and says i love you.. my family sees that), and now this STUPID ring thing. Am i right to be upset, or am I overreacting?
The Answer
You are right to be upset that your boyfriend, who you probably think it's a cool, smart and sensible guy, is not only letting this weirdo use him in some immature game against her ex, but seems to be encouraging it.
It's sucky behavoir on his part. It's dishonest to all your friends and family, embarrassing and highly inappropriate.
In your shoes, I wouldn't be 'jealous', I'd be disappointed in my boyfriend for this behavoir. I'd be royally pissed at his huge lack of judgement.
Don't confront the girl. This isn't about jealousy and she really isn't the problem. Your boyfriend is the problem, so keep at him. This is, at best, exceptionally rude and disrespectful to you, everyone else you two know. He's embarrassing you publicly for the sake a grade-school-level kind of joke, and that needs to stop. He has no business publicly shaming you, and lying to everyone he knows, for some lulz.
If he can't understand that, then this isn't a guy you stay with long-term. It's kind of pitiful that he can't figure that out on his own, so please feel free to tell him as much.
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The Question
Hi, I'm an 18 year-old female, fresh out of high school, and I've never dated anyone. Ever. Never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, never been on a date even. I've been asked to a couple dances, but that's about the extent of it. And that's sort of on purpose. See, I never wanted to date anyone, firstly because most of the guys at the schools I have gone to have been complete jerks, but mostly because I'm very serious about relationships. Most middle school relationships last about a month max. Plus at the time I wanted to focus on having fun with school and friends, and sports. High school relationships have a bit more potential than middle school ones of course, but they're so drama-filled, time consuming, and just plain stressful. Plus, there's a slim chance they'll actually succeed after high school. So, I made the decision not to date anyone until college, and that was probably one of the smartest decisions I've ever made. I could just focus on growing up, focus on MY issues, and I was free to do what I wanted, when I wanted with my friends (with my parents' permission, of course, haha).
Now that I'll be in college, I'm allowing myself to date. But... I'm EXTREMELY inexperienced. So I know basically nothing about relationships. The main problem is, I'm a Christian, so I really want to save myself, my virginity, until marriage. It's just... something that I've had a long time to ponder and pray about, and it just feels like something God wants me to do. And it's something I want too, for me and my future husband. But nowadays, ESPECIALLY nowadays, that's not an easy task. We're bombarded with sex on TV, in movies and media, it's just everywhere! Even a lot of my own friends are no longer virgins. And the majority of sex is featured with non-married couples. I know it's okay to go without sex in high school, (although it's becoming increasingly uncommon), but is it the same with adult relationships? I mean, premarital sex has just become a common thing.
Basically, I just want to know if I'll be able to go out into the relationship world and not be a laughing stock who'll end up dying alone (after all, that is a huge fear of mine). >>; I mean, sex seems to be this regular activity for couples, and I don't want to be laughed at by a boyfriend when he goes to take off my pants and I tell him no. I'm prepared for that, but I want to know if it's possible nowadays to even have a successful relationship without sex. Is it possible? Do couples HAVE to have sex? Thank you for your time. :]
The Answer
The vast majority of people you are going to meet in college will see sex as an integral part of a healthy, long-term, premarital relationship.
Let's be brutally honest here: Premarital sex was always a common thing. It's more prevalent now, more talked about, and more accepted, but it was always happening at staggering large rates. Especially for men. There was really no societal expectation throughout most of western history, that men remain virgins until they married. Once we stopped marrying people off at 13, premarital sex became an unspoken agreement in many cultures. Sure, the faith commanded it, but it was society didn't expect it and men were even often considered better off for having a few discrete flings before they married. And the expectation for women, was mostly placed on the upper class women - and even then - women who might be 'virgins' on their wedding night where not necessarily completely pure, if ya know what I mean.
None of this is to say there is anything wrong with what you want to do and how you want to live - but you do need to understand you aren't just up against the big bad modern world. You are actually taking a stand against the last 500 years or so of Western history.
The big trick for you is to make sure you've had the conversation about faith and sex WAY before any guy has his hands on your pants! This is the kind of thing you disclose on the first or second date. Or, even better, as adviceman said, the upside of this modern world is the invention of online dating - where you can put things like your values right up front - and not have the pressure to disclose later. You might even find a dating site that is entirely for people with values similar to your own.
Do all couples HAVE to have sex? Of course not!
Will most people you meet want to be in a couple that has sex? Yep!
Is the guy you want to date going to share your value and beliefs? Yes!
It's tough whenever you are in any minority position, but it's always doable. You just need to be honest and use the tools you have to connect with people who share and/or respect your values about sex.
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The Question
I'm uncomfortable with my.boyfriend taking to other girls. What should I talk to him about to let.him know I don't want to be controlling , but I would rather he didnt talk to other girls that he use to talk to?
The Answer
Asking your boyfriend not to speak to female friends IS controlling. It just is.
It's okay to be a bit uncomfortable - that's part of learning how to be in a relationship. But fundamentally, you have to trust your boyfriend to be loyal and respectful to you and his female friends.
If he flirts or misbehaves, call him on THAT. But don't jump the gun and get worried right away. He deserves the benefit of the doubt. He's also learning and you should be able to talk to him about boundaries, but those boundaries don't get to be "stop talking to girls".
Cheaters will cheat - whether you know they have conversations with other girls or not.
A guy who won't cheat, won't - no matter how many female friends they have.
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The Question
Nearly 20 years and then in a huge argument that turned physical he took out one of our (love) toys and proceeded to beat me with it, then switched to other vices such as putting his hand over my mouth (I was screaming - LOUDLY) while strong-arming me into another room.
I took the toy afterward and threw it away - two days later - still sorting out what happened and the fight and are we going to try and work things out and he noticed that this toy was missing so I told him why...now he's told me he's moving out, taking the kids (teens), and we're done.
I don't know how to fix this! Please help- my heart is shattered.
The Answer
You get a lawyer and sue your physically abusive husband for custody.
He attacked you. There is nothing left to fix.
This is the time you put your shattered heart to the side, and focus on defending yourself and your children from a man who doesn't know beating his wife is not acceptable.
Reach out to programs in your area that support battered or abused women. Help to support your kids and keep them safe.
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The Question
I am a 14 year old girl and my cousin is 18. I live about 1 1/2 hours away from him and we don't see each other very often. We aren't that close, but close enough to have a nice conversation. Last week, me and my sister had to stay at my cousins for the week.
On the 2nd or 3rd day we were there, my cousin starting to getting closer to me, liking hugging me closely and putting his hand on my thigh. He would touch me under the sheets/blankets and sometimes even when his brother or my sister would be in the room.
Later, it got to where he was massaging my breasts over my shirt. He was very subtle about it, and I was too afraid to do anything about it. I felt weird and awkward, but I also felt pleased. But then, I feel like that is wrong and I feel guilty too.
On the 5th day, while my cousin, my sister, and I were watching a movie. He and I were under the same blanket and he started to rub my breasts and he moved my hand over to his.. area. I tried to escape from his grip but I couldn't. I didn't want to cause panic to my sister by shouting or anything. So I just let him do it. I was kind of in shock and curious. I didn't know what I was doing and at the end of the movie, he didn't say much. I was shaking that night in my sleep and scared.
Now, I'm back home, but I'm afraid about what will happen the next time I see him, which probably won't be until Christmas or Thanksgiving. Should I tell an adult? I really feel embarrassed and I don't know how I would explain this to my parents if I did tell them.
The Answer
Don't talk to him. You don't owe him anything. He doesn't deserve a chance to explain or promise not to do it again.
He abused you. It's very, very unlikely, that he was confused about this. At 18, he knew exactly what he was doing. You don't need to put yourself in a situation with him to 'talk about'. You are a child and the victim. You get to turn to adults for help.
People rarely sexually assault only one person. You probably aren't the only girl he has done something like this too - and if you don't get adults involved - you definitely wont be.
I know it's extremely painful to tell anyone in your family this - you might to start with a teacher or another adult in your life who can support you - and then move on to telling your family.
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The Question
Does taking birth control pills effect you in the future when you want to have kids or anything?
I mean obviously if you're going to have sex you should be on birth control but I was just wondering what it does to your body.
The Answer
Almost nothing.
There are a few studies that link BC to a slightly higher rate of breast cancer, and even more studies that suggest taking hormonal birth control leads to lower chances of developing ovarian cancer...
Women who have taken BC for years can conceive just as easily as women who don't. Their pregnancies and babies are just as healthy.
Taking birth control in the long term does basically nothing to your body at all - as long as you are otherwise healthy. You should, of course, be getting regular check ups, because there are some other health problems (mostly cardiovascular issues or women who smoke) that birth control can interact badly with.
There are lots of dishonest people (and websites) out there that will try to scare women into not having sex and they've been trying, for decades now, to pretend that birth control is dangerous.
It's not.
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The Question
I'm completely out of answers with a current problem and I'll try to be brief yet give enough detail necessary.
I have been clean off of drugs for 10 months with the help of Narcotics Anonymous meetings. I met the man that I am currently involved with in the meetings and after a casual friendship we took it to the next level. At the beginning, we had what I would consider to be the perfect relationship; we loved each others company, never argued or had conflicting opinions, etc. He is the single most genuinely chivalrous man I've ever met.
After about a month together, he relapsed in his recovery for the first time and it was a stressful day, however, I mainly felt bad for him because of his struggle. We quickly got back to where we were and he restarted with his program. On the third time this happened, it really started to affect me. He has 2 children (whom adore me and I, them) from a previous marriage, an unsupporting ex-wife (who gives him the drugs in the first place), and a lot of pain from feelings of failure from having to give up the life he'd worked years for (the house, family, cars, etc.) and also from losing his father tragically a few years back.
I know these things bother him daily and I know that he desperately wants to get and stay clean but my feelings towards him and our relationship have completely changed. I've become very stressed and sometimes go as far as really just not wanting to spend as much time with him as I used to.... I truly love him very deeply, and so does my family, but when he gets himself into these moods of extremes self loathing, we fight like mad and have actually begun this chain of breaking up and getting back together withing a span of a few hours.
I told him that I never wanted to be in a relationship like this.. I need stability and I really expected it because of our mutual love but he just delves so deep into depression at times that he leaves me to "save me from him." It's just killing me inside.. I feel like my heart just breaks for him, just completely shatters and I have no idea what to do...
I love him so much but part of me wonders if this is a type of (and I hate to even say this) abuse.. It mentally wears me down. I truly think he may be bi-polar because of his EXTREME mood changes. One day everything is literally perfect, and the next, just absolutely awful.
I don't know what I need right now... I don't know if it's help, advice, suggestions... I just need someone to talk to about this.
I thank anyone that takes the time out of their day to help me by reading this and know that I truly appreciate it.
The Answer
I'm sure it's very hard on you, but it doesn't carry many signs of being mental abuse - something he is doing to you. You know what has happened here: He abused drugs - he's doing it to himself and you've chosen to come along for the ride.
If you don't want to continue like this, you need to break up and stay broken up. It's not rocket science. You know he can talk a good game, but you also know he hasn't been able to follow through on the talk.
If you do stay with him, you need to stop trying to diagnose him. You don't have all the information or expertise to do that, and more importantly that kind of behavoir is the death of respect and compassion in a relationship. Yes, he needs to see a mental health professional to talk about his experiences and issues, but he needs to do that with an open mind, not with the label his girlfriend has given his problems or a direct request for medication. Those are the kinds of choices he should be making with his doctor, not with you, and the vast majority of medications used to treat mood disorders are not narcotics, and it's unlikely that any doctor (if he is honest with them, and he should be) would give him a narcotic.
Encourage him to seek help because you both know he needs it. Leave your layman's diagnosis out of the equation.
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The Question
14/f
Saturday night I was at my younger cousin's birthday party and after most everybody had left, some of my family were sitting out on the back patio on a couch. One of my uncles was sitting next to me and all of a sudden while he was drinking, he put his legs in my lap. I moved away a little and he ended up just resting his feet against my leg. I didn't think too much of it until he started rubbing his foot against my leg and started to pull my dress back a little. But I couldn't tell if it was done subconsciously or not. And then later, more people came out so we all had to squeeze together on the couch. He had his hand out behind my neck and kind of stroked my neck a little. Is this normal? I mean, I'm not really close to any of my uncles and none of them are as "hands on" (like putting arm in a hug) like he is. I feel kinda uncomfortable around him sometimes, even though I know that he loves my aunt and wouldn't do anything stupid or inappropriate to me. But I still have that weird little feeling in the back of my head. I honestly can't tell if it's bad or if I'm just being paranoid.
The Answer
Trust your instincts and stay away from him.
MAYBE it was subconscious. Doesn't matter really: It's not okay. He DID do something stupid and inappropriate to you - it just wasn't stupid or inappropriate enough to get him called on it.
If he does anything like this again, tell him to stop. Call him on it and keep your distance. He might not mean to be a threat, but what he did was threatening and not okay.
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The Question
I am 17, f and am moving into college August 25th. My mom has been begging me to get a job for a while, I have tried to only be turned down every time because I am not 18. Well, she just filled out an application for a job in my hometown and expects me to travel home on weekends to work if I get the job. I told her I don't think I can handle getting used to college life that quick, get good grades, make new friends and travel to and fro to go to work on weekends and I even told her that I don't think I would be able to come home that much because I have to keep a 3.0 to be able to stay in my major, yet she still filled out the application.. herself. I can't come home to work on weekends, while trying to do reading work or writing a paper. . I even told her that I will look for a job sophomore year so I will at least be used to college life then or even wait til second semester at school to get a job on campus. Granted, I don't even know if I will get the job or not but she's so stuck on me getting a job that she went as far as filling out an application.. for ME. What do I do?
The Answer
Take a deep breath and let it go.
Frankly, that's what I'd do in your shoes.
It was rude of her to fill out the application, but that doesn't mean you aren't in control. In the unlikely case you get an interview, go for the practice. If you get the job, turn them down politely (even tell them you've found something nearer your college).
You are moving out in a month. You don't need to make this a battle royal. Your mom wants to be a bit nutty, that's fine. She can do that. That doesn't mean you have to take the job.
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The Question
Hey,
This looks too good to be true but the Quick Money App was on the news and they said he proved this works live on the news!
I don't want to get scammed again, can you help me make sure I don't get taken again? Here is the link http://quickmoneyapp.com/ would you please tell me if it seems real to you?
THANK YOU!
The Answer
Of course it's a scam.
A quick guide for any honest people reading this: Anything that says "Quick Money" and it isn't prostitution - is probably some sort of scam.
Any website that wont let you leave, and keeps spamming your computer with "Click okay to remain on the page." and "Act now!!!!" messages, is probably some sort of scam.
Quick Money App is an affiliate marketing system - and although affiliate marketing is a real thing (although a pretty dishonest thing regardless) and can make people money, quickmoneyapp.com is abusing that fact by charging an initial fee for the 'program' and then a bunch more up-sells after the fact. It actually looks like it's designed to promote itself, pyramid-scheme style, not to actually engage in real affiliate marketing anyways. Visit the details page here to see what I mean about up-selling and the pyramid scheme nature of it: http://www.quickmoneyapp.com/jv/
And for you, dear questioner:
Don't advertise scams on this website.
This carefully worded, perfectly punctuated question, clearly crafted for easy indexing by search engines and to touch on the emotions of those who have fallen for such bullshit before - is so transparent is makes me a bit sick.
We help people here. We don't abuse them. Go away.
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The Question
I'm 20 and my boyfriend is about 26, with a child who he never gets to see.
The thing is, I see myself with him for a long time, but from the pictures i've seen of the child I just don't think its his.
I feel guilty because I want him to prove it is, and I am hoping it will come back negative, but I do have a reason for that
1). the mother is horrible, she never lets him see the child even though he tries to be a part of his life in any way
2). I can't help but feel like I can't give him anything now, I feel like whoever you had a PLANNED first child with must be one of the most special people in your life, if I gave him a child as well it would always be second best
3). Also, on the subject of our family, I'd hate it if he had another child already, I'd want my children to get everything, not have him fighting to see some other kid...
I feel terrible and I havn't said anything to him because I know he'd get furious at me "insulting" his ex and his child, but I can't help but feel like this :/
Oh and no lectures about being too young for a family, I'm looking to the future and not stupid, I'll have a good job and be sorted in my own life before I plan on making a family, it's just something that bothers me :/
The Answer
If he has concerns about the child being his or not, then you can support him. You can certainly ASK him if he has concerns or has ever considered a paternity test.
If he doesn't, if he is confident that this child is his, then you need to back out and respect his belief and his choice. Whatever you think about it, you can ask once, but after that, it is insulting to continue to push.
Reason 1.) is an awful situation, but it doesn't mean the child isn't his, it only means she's a bitch. That isn't something you or he can control. If he wants to enforce visitation, he should seek that in court. He has a right to it.
Reason 2.) and 3.) are immature, irrational and petty. I'm not blaming you - they are normal fears to have, but you should honestly seek counseling if you plan to be with this guy in the long term. You are going to need to deal with those feelings or they will damage your relationship with him, and any future children. That kind of negativity and jealousy towards an innocent child isn't helpful or respectful of the child, or of your boyfriend.
It's good that you are considering what kind of life and family you want, but you are going to have to address some of this negativity towards your boyfriend's child. It's poison and it's a problem.
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The Question
Ok so I am a well known author and I will not tell you who I am obviously, but I need some amateur writers ideas. Im about to write a new novel and I need a good topic. Ive been thinking about writing about either a tragedy/ natural disaster or I could write about finding true love. I love either topic but Im at a loss for words. I do not know how to start or what should be my plot and setting and stuff like that. So, I would love some ideas from great amateur writers and in return if I like the ideas I will mention your name in my book so if you give me a reply please state your first name and your age. Thank you all alot and I will enjoy reading your suggestions.
The Answer
You'd probably get more advice if you didn't put the boast at the beginning of your question.
Personally, when I have writer's block I tend to go and research things that interest me. If I were in your shoes and interested about natural disasters I might look up survivors stories and the science around some of them.
There are also some great exercises and prompts for writers block online. Just Google "Writer's Block" or "Writer's Block Exercises".
Here are some I like to use:
Conjure someone you haven't seen or talked to in over ten years. Imagine you receive a phone call from this person today. Why are they calling? What do they want? Write a story about it.
Create a character with an odd phobia, then put your character in a situation where it arises. Show us how he/she handles it.
Write a page or two of a childhood memory, using all five senses.
You're in high school and your dad comes home to find his lawnmower destroyed. How did this happen?
Write a story in which the central relationship is between a human and a machine. The machine can be a common household item, such as a toaster, or something imagined and altogether more sinister.
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The Question
I am 19 years old, female, from a family background of muslims (surprise, surprise).
I'm pretty much not allowed to wear what I want because everything I want to wear is considered inappropriate.
For example, yesterday I wanted to wear a skirt that is PAST knee-length, and only shows the lower shin area... which is half way to the knees. No big deal, right? Wrong! My mom just looked at me with this shocked look in her eyes, and said that we're going on a family picnic and that it's just not nice or appropriate.
And then she started drilling me on how my clothing is not appropriate or "long enough". She wants me to find tops that are like up to my knees. Like seriously? seriously?
And then she continues to tell me how my cousins also think my clothing is inappropriate as well since one of them called her and told her that I was wearing inappropriate clothing and that she did not feel comfortable.
And this cousin of mine wears a burqa that covers her face so clearly we both have different ideas on what is appropriate.
Last time, I went to a sleepover at her house. And when I got dressed to go to the mall, she started yelling at me for my clothing. I was wearing chiffon top with a tank top underneath, but from the back I guess the tank was low that you could see my bra straps so she started freaking out, and yelling at me. And telling me that what I'm wearing is not appropriate, and I can't wear what I want to because it's not appropriate, and that I'm at her house. And when I told her I was wearing a tank top underneath, she called me liar. Until I ripped it out from underneath to show her. Which actually made her shut up with an "Oh..."
Anyways, I'm angry, frustrated and really annoyed. I'm 19 years old, I think I'm old enough to make decisions on what I want to wear without having people attack me or belittle me because it's not up to their standards.
I usually don't say anything or argue back to my cousin out of respect, and because we're really close. But honestly now, I don't think I'm interested in having to deal with her. She's a total bitch in general, and starts arguments for no reason.
Anyways, for the future. Would it be better for me to confront her and tell her to back off and mind her own business?
The Answer
Are you really close with this cousin?
Or have your grown apart and into very different adults?
This isn't so much about confronting her as it is about letting her know that if she can't be respectful, then you can't be friends anymore.
Calling your mother to 'tattle' is amazingly disrespectful and childish. That kind of behavoir SHOULD be beneath her.
She doesn't need to agree with you, but she needs to be civil and respect your opinions to dress the way you choose, the way you respect her choices.
If she can't manage that, then you can't be friends. Friendship wont survive that lack of respect.
It's different when it comes to your mother. Frankly, in your position I'd respect my mother's rules when it came to family events. Being part of a family means respecting the shared heritage and religious beliefs - even if you don't share them. Cover yourself when you attend family events - not because you have too - but because it's a way to show respect for the values you know your family has.
It's also an easy retort if your mother complains about your clothing in other cases. You can remind her that your clothing is your personal choice, and that you are happy to choose to dress in a way your family finds respectful at family events because you love and respect them. The more you remind her that all of this about your choice, not her rules, the less power she has.
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The Question
So I'm 17/F and the other night I was at a party on a college campus and it ended up ending a lot sooner than I thought. I was supposed to be spending the night with one of my friends but she went off with her boyfriend because they were in a big fight and basically ditched me... This guy that I kind of have been having a thing with that was there (we'll call him Matt: 19) was like "hey we can just chill in my car and figure it out" cause we were both too drunk to drive. So we're walking to his car and this dude starts yelling stuff at me and I don't really remember what he said lol but I think it was pretty sexual/rude cause it pissed Matt off and Matt was trying to start something with him cause he gets like that when he's drunk... anyway last thing I remember after that was sitting down on the sidewalk being really confused. I woke up in Matt's car but Matt wasn't there, neither were the keys, and the windows were down. I got pretty scared cause I didn't know where he was and I was just sitting in this open car in the middle of a college campus and Matt's phone was in the car so I didn't know what else to do but call one of my freinds Jake to come pick me up. He picks me up and since my friend ditched me and I couldn't go home I ended up having to spend the night at Jakes hous. Jake and I have a history of almost hooking up but never actually doing it and he has a girlfriend now so I knew we had to be extra careful and I was like, I'm not gonna hook up with him. But I was really drunk and so mad at Matt for just leaving me in his car (he ended up texting me saying he was fine and that he was just gonna spend the night in his car so I knew he was okay but I was pissed he had just left me like that). Anyway,I was upset and drunk and I didn't feel well so Jake layed me on his couch and started rubbing my back. He put my head in his lap (on a pillow) and kept going but started to go under my pants... he took my hand and held it for a little while then started moving it toward his penis. I don't know what I was thinking but when he pulled down his pants and put my head there I just started giving him a BJ... I had been going for a little bit and then I stopped and he was like "uh yeah, we prolly shouldn't finish that..." I was like "wtf Jake. why did I do that?" and he says "I don't know but it felt so good I couldn't stop you. If I were single we'd be up in my bed right now but damn..." he didn't even seem sorry, I felt worse than he did and he was comforting me. We agreed we could never tell anyone about it but I'm just freaking out. He wasn't even drunk and he initiated it but if anyone finds out, I'm gonna be the one that gets called a slut and what not. He's going to college in the fall and his gf is only gonna be a junior so he was gonna break up with her at the end of the summer anyway and I know everyone hates his girlfriend cause she's a total bitch but that doesn't make what I did any better and I just feel so awful... He doesn't even seem to feel bad but he doesn't want anyone to find out either. Im just so scared he's gonna tell her or something and he's gonna say my name and oh my gosh... please help!!!
The Answer
Jake took advantage of you.
You were drunk enough to pass out, by the sounds of it, and when you asked Jake for help, he took that as invitation to sexually assault you.
What he did was damn near criminal.
He probably wont tell anyone, 'cause he'll look like even more of an ass.
And if he does, you tell them the truth:
You were drunk, confused and abandoned by friends, you asked Jake for help and instead of helping you, he initiated oral sex. You barely knew what was going on and you are sorry and feel like crap about it.
Some people will still call you a slut - and they'll be dead wrong. But most people will hear the details and understand where the brunt of the blame belongs, and that's with Jake.
Also, you probably shouldn't drink that much, or trust Matt or your other friend to take care of you when you are drunk. They failed completely as friends. Not safe people to get wasted with.
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The Question
I was raised catholic as a child but as I grew into an adult I became Unitarian. ( one who believes all )
I would like to wear religious jewelry but my question would it be wrong to wear all jewelry? Example; If I wore a jewish necklace and a bracelet with a cross etc. Is that misleading? I need opinions. I would like something to express myself... I understand they make UU jewelry but I wanted to know if it would make such a difference that way as well.
The Answer
It would be misleading, but I think more importantly - it's also rude.
It's a form of cultural appropriation - the adoption of specific aspects of a culture that is not your own - and that is generally a bad thing.
It's lovely that you 'believe all', but that isn't the intent, purpose or context of those religious symbols. You are adopting them for your own purpose, much like wearing black-face, or dressing up in native American's religious garb - it's not respectful. It's not 'honoring' people or religions to do things like that. Adopting symbols of another culture and removing them from their proper contexts is how people end up with Chinese tattoos that are nothing but gibberish.
Although most Unitarianism remains deeply rooted in the Abrahamic monotheism of Christianity, Islam and Judaism, I still wouldn't consider it a respectful thing to do. Adopting the symbols of a particular religious traditions is certainly something you can do - it's not a crime - but it's almost always rude and even disrespectful, which is way worse than misleading.
Obviously, I feel really strongly about this. Most people wont. Most people probably wont even agree with me and will argue that it's not cultural appropriation if you believe in aspects of the religion - but since you asked for my opinion, I'll tell you I think that's bullshit. You can't re-define other cultures symbols to suit your beliefs, and you shouldn't.
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