|
Do couples HAVE to have sex?
Hi, I'm an 18 year-old female, fresh out of high school, and I've never dated anyone. Ever. Never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, never been on a date even. I've been asked to a couple dances, but that's about the extent of it. And that's sort of on purpose. See, I never wanted to date anyone, firstly because most of the guys at the schools I have gone to have been complete jerks, but mostly because I'm very serious about relationships. Most middle school relationships last about a month max. Plus at the time I wanted to focus on having fun with school and friends, and sports. High school relationships have a bit more potential than middle school ones of course, but they're so drama-filled, time consuming, and just plain stressful. Plus, there's a slim chance they'll actually succeed after high school. So, I made the decision not to date anyone until college, and that was probably one of the smartest decisions I've ever made. I could just focus on growing up, focus on MY issues, and I was free to do what I wanted, when I wanted with my friends (with my parents' permission, of course, haha).
Now that I'll be in college, I'm allowing myself to date. But... I'm EXTREMELY inexperienced. So I know basically nothing about relationships. The main problem is, I'm a Christian, so I really want to save myself, my virginity, until marriage. It's just... something that I've had a long time to ponder and pray about, and it just feels like something God wants me to do. And it's something I want too, for me and my future husband. But nowadays, ESPECIALLY nowadays, that's not an easy task. We're bombarded with sex on TV, in movies and media, it's just everywhere! Even a lot of my own friends are no longer virgins. And the majority of sex is featured with non-married couples. I know it's okay to go without sex in high school, (although it's becoming increasingly uncommon), but is it the same with adult relationships? I mean, premarital sex has just become a common thing.
Basically, I just want to know if I'll be able to go out into the relationship world and not be a laughing stock who'll end up dying alone (after all, that is a huge fear of mine). >>; I mean, sex seems to be this regular activity for couples, and I don't want to be laughed at by a boyfriend when he goes to take off my pants and I tell him no. I'm prepared for that, but I want to know if it's possible nowadays to even have a successful relationship without sex. Is it possible? Do couples HAVE to have sex? Thank you for your time. :]
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
No,couples shouldn't have sex coz if you found a guy that wants to have sex too fast that means he wants your body not you, yes sex have been every where movies,TV shows (etc..) but that doesn't make it possible for every one and when a guy grows up and want to get married he would always want a pure girl not a used one it might take a while but that's the thing about love it takes a while but that what makes it special it could happen any where any time it just pops in the right time so just coz your friends made a lot of things that shouldn't mean you should too, you should be proud that you focused on education coz this is what will help you in life and not boy friends and all of your friends kissed dated and made everything except for focusing on what will really help them in life and dont feel odd you should feel special picture it as a mountain of pearls all used except for one glowing one in the middle YOU! now this will attract a guy's attention when it comes to real life commitment
hope it helps
NW:)
]
First off let me say I like you! You were not worried about relationships until college. You are a smart girl! To answer your question, let me say that NO! When people are in a relationship, they do not have to have sex. They can you know cuddle, kiss, and just be intimate with each other, but who said they had to have sex? You are a grown women and should do things your way now that you are grown. But I honestly think that you should not have sex while you are in a relationship……………or if you are in college. The cost of college is approximately the amount of money to raise a baby! You should wait till you are married and you have the amount of money to take care if your baby. I hope I tried to answer your question! :)
]
The vast majority of people you are going to meet in college will see sex as an integral part of a healthy, long-term, premarital relationship.
Let's be brutally honest here: Premarital sex was always a common thing. It's more prevalent now, more talked about, and more accepted, but it was always happening at staggering large rates. Especially for men. There was really no societal expectation throughout most of western history, that men remain virgins until they married. Once we stopped marrying people off at 13, premarital sex became an unspoken agreement in many cultures. Sure, the faith commanded it, but it was society didn't expect it and men were even often considered better off for having a few discrete flings before they married. And the expectation for women, was mostly placed on the upper class women - and even then - women who might be 'virgins' on their wedding night where not necessarily completely pure, if ya know what I mean.
None of this is to say there is anything wrong with what you want to do and how you want to live - but you do need to understand you aren't just up against the big bad modern world. You are actually taking a stand against the last 500 years or so of Western history.
The big trick for you is to make sure you've had the conversation about faith and sex WAY before any guy has his hands on your pants! This is the kind of thing you disclose on the first or second date. Or, even better, as adviceman said, the upside of this modern world is the invention of online dating - where you can put things like your values right up front - and not have the pressure to disclose later. You might even find a dating site that is entirely for people with values similar to your own.
Do all couples HAVE to have sex? Of course not!
Will most people you meet want to be in a couple that has sex? Yep!
Is the guy you want to date going to share your value and beliefs? Yes!
It's tough whenever you are in any minority position, but it's always doable. You just need to be honest and use the tools you have to connect with people who share and/or respect your values about sex.
]
Short answer to your question: No; Couples do not have to have sex before marriage.
You sound very secure in what you want from life and how your plans for life are to be. Sex is important to a good marriage and it appears you are not apposed to sex. Just that sex is with your husband and not someone that may love you and leave you. That is an excellent outlook and their is nothing wrong with this outlook. Anyone that demeans you for it is just jealous because they gave theirs away to early.
One suggestion I have for dating. Christian fellowship and Christian dating sites are places were you will find men with the same religious principals you have. Having the same religious principles as a foundation takes the pressure off the premarital sex problem and supplies a great foundation to get to know one another.
To many marriages fail because the are based on sex and not on knowledge of basic values or basic wants and desires of their partners. To really get to know someone you have to get beneath the outer beauty or outer attraction which generally is a sexual attraction.
NO, there is nothing wrong with your plan. You will find the right man for yourself who will honor and cherish you. One who will truly appreciate the gift you give him on your wedding night.
]
You'll be fine.
I know plenty of people who are around our age who are saving themselves and are in college.
Don't let the whole world get to you, its your own choice and what people say don't matter.
Now with the boyfriend thing, if you start dating and he tries to go further than you want, you already know that you're going to say no. If he doesn't like it, you know he's not the right guy.
What you should do is get to know guys slowly and go slow with the kissing and everything too because eventually when you guys are talking, you can bring up the subject and make sure he is ok with the fact that you don't want to have sex.
But yeah, couples don't have to have sex. It's their own choice. No one should be pressured into doing it.
]
Hi :) don't worry about it, you don't have to have sex when you don't want it yet, or in your case before marriage. I'm almost 18 myself and have a bf for 8 months but we haven't done it either (i just finished high school) so its not weird when you are different from other girls. If its the right guy he will accept it if you say no when he wants it. Otherwise you should start thinking if he really is the guy that you want to go out with..
Hope this helps a bit, if you want to talk just message me on my profile ;)
~Carmen
]
More Questions: |